Jimin blinked, and they were there.

Who? The pastel boy and him.

When? 4:45 P.M. Or thereabout.

Where? The Golden Spoon.

Why? Yoongi asked him to, that's why. And Jimin, in his hopeless state, couldn't tell him 'no'. So he tentatively followed Yoongi all the way from school to the coffeeshop, soon finding himself seated and waiting anxiously at a small corner table while Yoongi waited by the counter for their drinks. Taehyung wasn't working today. And thank goodness for that, Jimin thought. He didn't need that boy's input right now. Doubted he would have been able to handle it, either. So he lucked out this time.

A few minutes later and Yoongi returned to Jimin with two coffees in hand. Without a word, he set one of them down in front of Jimin, lowering himself to the seat across from the boy who he had never seen so despondent--who no one had ever seen so despondent.

For a short while there was only silence. Yoongi sipped quietly at his drink but Jimin didn't even touch his.

"...why did you sound so confident?"

"Hm?"

Yoongi made a glance at Jimin, whose eyes were fixed on the untouched beverage in front of him.

"When you said you knew I was gay. How on earth could you sound so sure of yourself?" Jimin held his breath for a moment. "There's no way...that I made it obvious. There's no way..."

"It's obvious to someone who's been where you are."

Yoongi raised his coffee to his mouth again. A thoughtful sigh passed through his lips.

"I've had the suspicion you were gay for a long time now...because you reminded me of exactly how I used to act before I came out."

Jimin was speechless. And now, the roles were reversed, as he was staring at Yoongi while Yoongi stared down at his coffee. He couldn't imagine it at all. The pastel boy behaving even remotely close to how Jimin, himself, behaved, coldly, unpleasantly, he couldn't imagine the pastel boy dressing in anything other than his cute sweaters and glasses, he couldn't imagine being anything like him. But Yoongi was admitting to him now. Honesty, out in the open.

"...you don't believe me, do you?"

"No, I do," Jimin replied absentmindedly. "I don't get why I do...but I do."

"Want photo proof?"

Jimin's eyes opened a bit wider at the sound of this, but nervously he turned his gaze away upon making accidental eye contact with Yoongi. Next thing Jimin knew, the pastel boy was sliding his phone over to him, on which displayed the 'photo proof' he had spoken of.

It looked like an entirely different person.

It didn't even look like Yoongi.

At least not to Jimin.

The dark hair, the dark attire, the lack of glasses, the ridiculous chains, but perhaps most of all, the look held within those russet eyes of his.

The misery. The deep-set misery which struck a cord in Jimin's chest. And he couldn't help but wonder to himself: is this how I look?

"I wanted to delete it," Yoongi said, drawing the other boy from his thoughts. "I still do, to be honest with you. But I keep it as a reminder. A painful reminder, mind you, but a relieving one at the same time. Hardly recognizable, ain't it?"

"Yeah..."

He couldn't tear his eyes away from the picture. It was just so...shocking. Even knowing it was true and seeing the proof before him, a sliver of disbelief still clung to Jimin for some strange reason. Or maybe it was some other emotion. He didn't know. And he was too tired to really think about it.

"I wish I could be like you."

He spoke without thinking--again, because he was much too tired to think. But even upon realizing what he'd said, Jimin didn't try to reel it back, or pretend as though he hadn't meant to say those words. It was the truth, and Jimin knew it. The reason for his targeting Yoongi, the bullying, the cruel teasing and harassment. It was all because of that jealousy. That desire.

He wanted to be like the pastel boy.

Behind his eyelids, Jimin could sense another wave of tears threatening to show up. He drew a deep breath and let it out shakily.

"You can, ya know."

"It's not that easy."

"I never said it was. Do you think it was easy for me? Do you think it's easy for anyone?"

Speechless again, Jimin bit his tongue, unable to counter the fair point Yoongi made. He wished he could. He wished he didn't have to admit to defeat so easy. But maybe it was about time he did.

"I spent four years hiding under a mask. How long have you been under yours?"

"Lost count," Jimin muttered. He bit his tongue again to stop himself from saying any more. He was scared to open up. Especially to this person.

Yoongi watched Jimin's face for a moment. Examining the boy's expression, sensing the anxiety, the severe absence of temerity, his gaze washed over Jimin, then fell on the phone from which Jimin had not yet looked away. Even with the tears Jimin had already shed, Yoongi could still see that the dam in the boy's head had not yet broken. At least not fully.

"...tell me what you're most afraid of, Jimin," Yoongi boldly said. Wrapping his fingers around his coffee, he made a slight head tilt and trained his eyes on Jimin's, even though Jimin still was looking down. "People looking at you like you're an alien?" He took his phone back and put it in his pocket. "Being judged? Picked on? Or is it something worse than that?"

Jimin's hands tensed. "Why would I tell you?"

"I don't know, maybe because sharing thoughts and feelings with someone who can actually understand you might make for a nice change." Yoongi shrugged and took another sip of his drink. He sighed. "I mean, c'mon, Jimin, you gotta start somewhere, or else you'll never be able to open up-"

"I don't want to open up."

"Yes, you do. You know you do."

Confidence. And it wasn't foolish confidence, either, because at this point, Yoongi and Jimin were just two opposite ends of the same mirror.

Jimin was the boy Yoongi left behind and Yoongi was the boy Jimin wanted to catch up to.

The background noise of the coffeeshop and the world outside it faded in Jimin's mind. His brain shut down. His heart took over.

"My older brother was best friends with this one boy," he began in a voice almost too soft to hear. "They were almost always together...I remember my brother used to invite him over our house all the time, and he'd have dinner with us sometimes, and...I don't know, he always just seemed like such a nice guy and I couldn't imagine anyone ever hating him. But then one day he-"

Something got caught in Jimin's throat. A bubble of emotion, which he tried to push down, but it fought back.

"He came out to my brother and got punched in the face for it. They were at our house at the time, and I came downstairs because I heard a loud noise. And my brother...just started screaming at him. I couldn't believe it..." Jimin's lip started to quiver as the memory resurfaced even more vividly. "It...it scarred me. If that scene alone wasn't enough, the fact that my brother completely broke off contact with his friend really drove it home. How do you think he'd react to his little brother, his family, someone he trusts more than 99% of the human race, confessing to the same lie his 'best friend' did?? I can't do it. I've been hiding it more and more since then because I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm so freaking scared."

And Yoongi could hear that.

He could hear it, and practically feel it, that anxiety and dread that gripped Jimin's heart, that had been gripping Jimin's heart for quite a long time now. Too long, evidently. It was just as he had said. Jimin had clearly been scarred by that scene, and the fear of being looked down upon, the mere thought of becoming the victim, of being seen by his brother as someone who betrayed his trust...

It was piloting his life. And he was absolutely miserable because of it.

"Jimin."

From behind the shield of his hands Jimin sniffled quietly.

"Jimin, will you let me help you?"

Jimin furrowed his brow, parting his fingers so that he could peer through them at Yoongi's face. "Help me with what?" He mumbled.

Yoongi gave a soft smile.

"I wanna teach you how to show your colors."

*

*

a/n:
decided to post three times in one day cuz i've just been excited to share this story with u guys idk 🤷‍♀️💜