Izuku Midoriya

(Angst)

It had been over two weeks since Katsuki's 18th birthday; I had my calendar marked to track the days. Although it slowly turned mocking the more I saw the days pass with no contact from him.

Part of me wondered if his parents lied and never told him as we discussed - but it didn't make sense for them to lie this whole time. It had been four years of them sending me items with Katsuki's scent. They had spent years keeping me in the loop - at least enough to know that my mate was safe and happy.

Why would they go back on their word now and break our deal? I stayed away all these years, I made good on my side of the deal.

As the days ticked by and I found myself sinking back into that dark place in the back of my mind. It had been showing its ugly face more over the years; as my mental and physical health declines, it became easier to fall into the depression.

However, this time, it was because the monster in my head kept taunting me and telling me that Katsuki won't come for me. The monster had always told me that.

However, I tried to reason with it. My pathetic attempts to calm my own anxiety always managed to work. Nevertheless, the more days that passed with no word from Katsuki or his family, the more I began to think the worse.

I have yet to feel our bond break, meaning that he hasn't rejected me. I comfort myself with that small piece of knowledge; things can't be that bad if he hasn't rejected me yet.

I had told him in a letter before left for school that I would be waiting for him. In that letter, I apologized a handful of times and explained my side of the situation. But I know that a measly letter won't suffice.

Sitting in my living room, I have been on house arrest for the past month. My body was not bouncing back from my last heat. I had remained in a frail state. Most nights I spent fighting with myself to keep food down or even fall asleep at a decent time.

I was forced to come off my heat suppressants - I knew they were only making things worse and now that Katsuki was 18 I had to have faith that he would come for me. He may not want to be fully mated to me for a long time, but I was hoping that his presence in my life would at least bring my body back to normal.

I was slowly dying, I knew this; my doctors know this. Yet I chose this life to protect my mate.

Sipping on a mug of hot tea and honey, it soothed the dry burn in my throat. My skin was pale, and I have lost weight. I was tired all the time and barely managed to get my work done before crashing and sleeping for hours on end.

Thankfully, I have been able to work from home the majority of the time since I got hired after graduation. I only was required to come into the office once a month and for meetings with clients or my bosses.

Today was no different. I had been sitting on the couch for the past few hours trying to distract myself from my fatigue and sickness by working on a project. I only managed to shower today and slip into a pair of grey joggers, draping a fuzzy blanket over my bare shoulders, before flopping down with my laptop to work.

My stomach had been in knots all day - a new feeling - on top of my usual nausea from coming off the pills. Now that Katsuki had turned 18, it had hit me like a truck; my body was rejecting the fact that I was so far away from him now. He was of age and could feel the pull. He knew he had a mate and my biology was fighting me for being away from him. I was used to this thought. I had to be patient.

The damn moon goddess did this to ensure that mates found each other. It was unnatural what I had been doing to myself. However, I made my deal with the devil when I fucked everything up four years ago.

Slamming my laptop shut, I set it on the coffee table and leaned back against the sofa, gently rubbing the exposed panes of my stomach. It had been sore now for a few hours, slowly progressing and making me more and more worried.

Ever since the school nurse had brought up the fact that I could be infertile already - back before graduation - I began to worry even more about that. The closer Katsuki got to turning 18, the more I worried about his reaction if I couldn't have his children someday.

I had been too scared to go get checked out, and now with this stomach pain, my fears were bubbling back at the surface. If I fucked my body up, it would only be another thing I had to apologize to my mate for.

My sulking around doesn't last long as I am snapped out of my sad thought with a sharp knock on my front door.

I was not expecting any visitors today and the pounding on my apartment door had me sitting up and tugging the small duvet around my shoulders tighter before shuffling over to the door.

Another knock had me walking faster and muttering under my breath. I really just wanted to be left alone today. I have been avoiding Mina, Uraraka, and Shinso like the plague since graduation. They did not need to know how bad I have gotten over the past few months.

"Goddess, hold on..." Muttering, I fixed the blanket to cover my chest and shoulders and I fumbled with the locks. I wrinkle my nose at an odd scent that was making its way through the crack in my front door.

I yanked the last deadbolt open as the banging picked back up again, making me grumble and pull open the door, only to be hit in the face with the most intense scent I had ever smelt.

Stumbling back, I managed to grab hold of the door frame. My eyes and nostrils flared at the sensory overload before me. Choking on the sweet fumes, the sunlight blazing through the open doorway had me squinting my eyes.

The figure standing there was cast in a silhouette of sunshine. The figure walked forward and I stumbled back into my house. It was a man, yet there was nothing in that screamed danger. The man followed my retreat into my house. I wasn't afraid. If anything, I was confused. The scent was bringing back memories of piercing red eyes and ash-blond hair.

My body seemed to have forgotten how to function as my mate's scent wafted into my apartment. As my front door slammed shut, I blinked a few times to adjust from the harsh lighting to the now dimmer lights of my living room. Once adjusted, my gaze shifted over the man in front of me.

Katsuki.

Katsuki was standing in my living room. His body was barely recognizable from my last memories of him. He had obviously grown. Taller now, he stood almost a foot larger than me. I had to tilt my head back some just to see his face properly.

His blond hair was still wild as ever, yet trimmed and styled with a nice undercut that somehow made him seem older than he had to be. Four years had brought much change and long gone was that thin and lanky teenager.

Here he stood, an adult Alpha male. His back was straight and stiff as I trailed my eyes over his frame. His body tensed under my gaze as I locked eyes with him. My head was still tilted back some to meet his stare and his eyes are narrowed. A scowl was plastered on his face.

Suddenly I became self-conscious. Here I was standing in sweatpants, no shirt, and wrapped in a blanket. My curls were a mess from lack of combing and conditioner. My body had thinned out from everything I have been going through. I could only imagine what a mess I must look like.

Adverting my eyes, I looked away and to the side, unable to hold his gaze any longer.

Guilt, shame, fear, happiness, nerves, and admiration all flooded my system as I mulled over this new image of my mate. He was a man now. I had to remind myself that he was no longer a child. My brain still scolded me for feeling the instant attraction and pull I had towards him. I want to speak, to start my begging and groveling for forgiveness, yet my body refused to open up.

My heart hammered wildly in my chest from close proximity. The pain on my skin seemed to dull as his scent invades my home and my nose. I wanted him closer, maybe then the pain in my chest would fade as well.

However, before I could step closer to him, his voice broke the quiet and tense atmosphere.

"You look like shit."

Stunned, I blinked a few times at the floor before slowly bringing my eyes back up to meet his scornful stare. I flinched when his eyes held nothing but seriousness and disgust. I knew I didn't look great; my body had been deteriorating over these last few months. I couldn't help it. Even after coming off the heat suppressants my body still was crumbling.

I couldn't hold back the hurt from stinging in my chest at his words and tears pricked in my eyes. It was irrational to have this reaction from him. I had no real feelings for him other than hope and adoration. I was not in love with him and I did not know him anymore. How could I love someone I did not know?

Nonetheless, his words had me trembling. My brain told me I was not good enough to be with this beautiful Alpha that stood before me.

And goddess, he was beautiful.

Opening my mouth, I tried to speak. I needed to explain everything and beg him to hear me out. Since he showed up at my door, the constant itch had faded from my skin. The coldness that I felt along my limbs had dulled, replaced by a warmth that had my knees shaking.

I opened and closed my mouth, fighting for words. However, Katsuki beat me to it again. His eyes never wavering; his gaze was hard and cold - fixated on me.

"Pathetic. I wanted to get one last look at the person I was cursed with as a mate before I reject you. I'm disappointed." His words cut like knives, stabbing and twisting in both my gut and my heart. I knew my eyes must have been wide as they burned with dryness. The tears were gone, my body seemed too shocked to even produce the liquid that should have been running down my face by now.

Cursed? My mind was stuck and focused on his words. Reject?

Inhaling sharply, I hadn't realized that I stopped breathing. The pain that was rolling in my chest and stomach had my words stuck in my throat. I needed to speak but all I could do was stare, stupified by his presence - shocked by his words.

Part of me knew this would happen - he hated me. I had been mulling over the idea that he could hate me enough to reject me, but I ignorantly pushed it away. I had been naive to think he would show up willing to listen to me and even accept my apology.

I had been even more so daft to think he would accept me as his mate.

My ears were ringing as I stood, stunned to silence by my own fear of what was to come. Katsuki was going to reject me. I knew that the words are coming. The sacred words that would break our bond and surly kill me. My body was already too weak to handle this type of pain.

I thought I was willing to shatter at his feet if he wanted it that way, but I was wrong.

I did not want to lose him again. I wanted to fight for him to see me as something more than a monster that hurt him. It was selfish and I didn't deserve his attention or mercy after all the pain we both suffered from my actions.

Whether it be self-preservation or dedication to the Alpha before me - I did not know.

My body reacted on pure instinct. My knees gave out and I stagger to the carpet flooring of my living room. My legs parted slightly and my head bowed, tilted to the side in submission. My body forced itself to submission in front of my Alpha before my mind could catch up.

Katsuki's hitched breath was my only indicator that he had not left yet, and before he could think about leaving me, my mouth was opening and spewing pleas to the ash-blond.

"Please - Please don't reject me... I'm so sorry, I will spend my life m-making it up to you!" My eyes were wide as I stared at the carpet, my neck exposed still, showing my submission. I would spend my life as his subordinate if that meant he would stay. If he would forgive me. My body and soul would belong to him and I would do whatever he wanted just to get him to forgive me.

"What the fuck?" Katsuki growled and stepped forward. He reached down and grabbed my arm before hauling me to my feet. I did not flinch as my mind has gone blank to block out any oncoming pain from the rejection pending overhead.

I was roughly jerked to my feet, my head staying tilted and my eyes adverted. However, they were now filled with tears and leaking down my cold cheeks. My breathing had become shallow as my hands shook by my side.

"I - I am so s-sorry! I - Please - let me explain, d-don't reject me, Katsuki!" I stammered again as my body tried to crumble again to the floor - where I belonged. I needed to submit, to grovel for forgiveness. I needed to get my Alpha to stay with me.

The loud growl that erupted from the Alpha's chest had my body slumping back to my knees and rolling my head to the side again. A whimper escaped my lips as he sneered above me.

"Do not call me that! You lost the right to say my name! I am not 'Katsuki' to you, you will address me as Bakugou. Only friends and family get to use my name, and you are neither of those things!" The pure venom in his voice had me shaking on the ground. He hated me, there was no doubt about it anymore. He had changed over the years; I no longer recognize the person in front of me.

The last memories I had of him - before the incident - had been when he was calm and affectionate. He never yelled at me like this unless we were having a petty argument that normally ended in us both on the couch watching a movie with his head in my lap.

Fear radiated from my body; this Alpha was pissed, and it was directed towards me. This was the person I thought I knew; it seemed I killed that boy a long time ago.

Now stood an Alpha with anger rolling off him in waves. The scent was thick, choking me along with my own fear. My heart nearly stopped as his next words only begin to seal my fate.

A rejection that would surely kill me.

"I, Katsuki Bakugou, son of Mitsuki and Masaru Bakugou," Wailing, I threw myself at his feet and clutched his leg, desperately trying to pull myself up to stop him from continuing. My heart already stuttered in my chest as his words began the severing of our bond.

He only grunted and hissed, reaching down to shove me away from him. I dug my fingers into his jeans and shook my head, panting as my breath already seemed to be fading. I won't survive this - I thought I was prepared for this.

I knew this was coming. I knew I would shatter. However, I was blinded by my own dedication to him. My dedication had only run me to an early grave. Nonetheless, I needed to fight for him.

"P-Please, s-stop! I... I..." My stuttering only worsened as I fought for air. My lungs screamed in protest as the ash-blond Alpha growled and spoke up, continuing the ritualistic words.

"...Officially reject Izuku Midor-" I screamed.

"NO! P-PLEASE! It h-hurts! Y-you're h-hurting me! I d-don't w-want to d-die! P-Please!" My screams cut him off as I panted and shook, clinging to his leg as if I were a pup. My body trembled as my vision began to blur. My heart fluttered desperately, trying to keep my system in check.

I was barely able to look up and see two red eyes staring down at me before my body sagged to the floor, my vision going black as my head smacked the floor. It was quiet and cold for a moment before I felt my body begin to float away, swaying into the darkness.

It was warm, and the pain had gone.