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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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November 14, 2010

Skate America

Lost in thought, my finger ghosted over my lips whilst I gazed blankly ahead. The sound of a horn brought me back to the present. I sat back and leaned on the glass window.

It's been a few weeks since I admitted to myself that, yes, I did find Yuzuru attractive. It's also been a few weeks since my life turned into chaos. Was it an exaggeration? Might be.

It was perfectly plausible to find someone beautiful or handsome, physically pleasing, in an absolutely innocent manner. Does finding someone attractive already constitutes to falling in love on said person?

Heck no.

Flustered, I smiled awkwardly and combed the tresses of my hair back with my fingers. Even if I did have the slightest, teeny tiny bit of crush, it was just that, a slight admiration of sorts.

My face felt hot at the mere thought of it.

It's just an appreciation of Yuzuru's... admittedly superb boy-next-door features.

The bus stopped and my team disembarked. We were surrounded by dozens of cameras as soon as our feet touched solid ground. Coach Brian was beside me as we headed towards the stadium.

The whole competition passed by in a blur. I was able to distract myself by focusing on my free skate preparation. Afterward, and in no time at all, my turn came up.

During my skate, fatigue came upon me again. I was able to do a better run this time but I needed to downgrade some ingoing and outgoing transitions just to have a clean program.

On a hindthought, if I paid better attention to this competition, I would've gotten a better score and probably beaten my personal best. The shiny gold medal hanging around my neck when I stood on the podium was a massive relief to my otherwise absentminded state.

"You ok? You look a little out of it."

"Mm... sorry, what?"

Coach Brian was amused.

"Gala? Banquet? After party? Ring any bells?"

"Oh..." I was sluggish. "Can I not go?"

"Nope," Coach Brian refused.

"Harsh."

"Connections are part of the process. The sport is an individual one but mingling, socializing, better yet getting photographed and building fame-"

"More like infamy."

"What-?"

I gave him a blank stare while lazily waving my phone. "My enthusiasm may be dead but my battery - sadly - is not."

"That... fine, you got me."

Coach Brian was the one who sighed downtrodden this time. I mean, he looked so defeated that I was slightly caught off-guard. I awkwardly patted him on the back.

Look at us, this weird pair of student and coach. One minute, he's comforting me, the next, I'm comforting him. The reversal was too sudden that it's like a badly written slapstick comedy.

The reason for our momentary weirdness? I was being bashed heavily online.

By whom? Majority of it came from Kim Yuna's fans.

It all started when various news outlets decided to hype me up, showing me off as the next big thing in ladies figure skating. Mao-san was currently in a slump this season and Yuna left to take a break. The ISU, or better yet, the media needed a new shining star that's why they decided to target the current leader of the season... moi.

I held the season's best score in the SP, FS, and Combined Total. I also won gold in both of my Grand Prix events, securing my spot in the GPF. As I said, the ISU and the media needed a temporary face, a new golden pelican, for this season to get the drama going. My reputation rose to new heights in their eyes. Some articles hyping me even got me tilting my head.

Wonder what reaction those hardcore fans would take? Bash the newcomer to oblivion.

It didn't help that Coach Brian was, well, my coach. Not that I blame Coach Brian or anything. I love the guy.

But he had a bad rep with the Yuna fans. I was unfortunately dragged into the mess.

In those comment sections that every article had at the end, I was bashed. In various uploaded videos of me skating this season, I was bashed. In multiple figure skating forums? Bashed, bashed, and bashed.

The comments ranged from how I was a wannabe, how I would never get to Yuna's level, how my technical skills were overhyped because one of my triple flip last NHK was a tad bit low in height, how my scores were obviously inflated especially in the PCS because I supposedly suck in the artistic department, why else will my exhibition program be a repeat from my previous programs, that must mean I suck, right?

Some even doubted my credibility, saying I never choreographed my own programs in the first place. Why would I repeat my previous SP as an Ex? If I choreograph my programs, why wouldn't I have an Ex ready? The true choreographer must be on vacation!

I never thought that repeating my past SP in a gala would come to bite me in the ass. What's worse, I was going to skate that same SP in the upcoming gala in a few hours. As much as I would like to create a new program, I didn't have enough time. No music, no costume, and no choreo. It was impossible.

I sighed heavily.

"Just skate." Coach Brian shrugged helplessly. "Get through the gala, have dinner in the banquet, and down a couple Piña coladas in the after party."

...

"Chance of skipping all of it?"

"Nada."

*****

Several months had passed.

In the face of criticism from many antis, it emboldened me to do my best. I won the GPF with a new personal best score, nearly beating the world record by 1.04 points. This may be petty but it filled me with an odd sense of satisfaction when I saw many of those certain fans scrambling around due to my high scores.

It was only a matter of time until I surpassed the supposed best, the world records.

I had the technical skills that far surpassed every ladies in the field. With the triple Axels and successive Triple-Triple combinations that I have under my belt, it gave me a large advantage. It came down if the judges would decide to give me the appropriate PCS. It was general knowledge that judges had their own biases. Never mind my skating, sometimes when I watched other skaters, I knew for sure that this skater deserved a higher PCS than that other skater. Unfortunately, some judges decided to support their own biases by boosting their player's PCS while downgrading others.

In the end, it was a great season for me.

Not so much for a certain guy, however...

"I'm sorry..."

"What? Yuzu-..."

"I made a promise to go to the GPF with you." Yuzuru sighed, his voice becoming warbled across the phone.

"Hey, cheer up, Mr. Yuzuru Quad Toe Hanyu," I teased him.

He chuckled. "Look where that got me..."

"It's a start."

"I know, and... thanks, Erana. I don't know, my mind's kinda messed up, disorganized..."

I listened to him. Really listened. He felt so weak and down, but I knew somewhere in there, in that voice, a new strength had been born.

"Era..."

"Hm?"

"I promise, in the next one... I'll be there. Wait for me."

I smiled and leaned my head on my pillow.

In the next months, I returned to the Philippines to focus on college. It was a well-known prestigious university in the Philippines that offered flexible time schedules for athletes and celebrity students.

Before the Vancouver Olympics, I promised my parents that I wouldn't neglect my education, and I didn't. Thankfully, even with the added workload and training times with Coach Orser, I was getting by and passing my subjects at a comfortable pace.

Whenever I was in the Philippines, I didn't forget to visit my old rink and chill out with my old friends, especially Coach Edmund. Even though he's not my official coach anymore, he still guided me whenever possible.

I opted to sit out the other tournaments in the coming months. Instead, I streamed the events from my laptop with a bottle of diet coke and potato chips at my side.

But boy, did I regret not watching the Four Continents live.

Mr. Yuzuru Quad Toe Hanyu rose like a phoenix submerged from the ashes when he grabbed that shiny silver medal.

I won the GPF and Yuzuru got his silver at Four Continents. One would think it would only go up from there. I really did think it would.

Until that happened.

*****

May 24, 2011

I would remember that time till the end of my days. It was a mix of disbelief, fear, and rejection. It was a lot of things that made me stop in my tracks. I couldn't believe what was happening.

I saw it on the telly even before I heard from him weeks later. A couple of weeks more until I saw him again.

That was the answer to my prayers, to see him still here beside me. His frustrated form filled my view as he fell from his Salchow. He slapped the ice and rashly got up, sending flecks everywhere around him.

The power was still out in this part of Japan.

The only illumination that this place got was through the narrow windows across the hall, aside from that, it was a shadowed place that belied the tragedy it had to overcome.

The streets outside were clean. No rubbles left behind from the aftermath. The only indication was the cracked pavements that sometimes slightly rose with water in it. It morbidly bewitched me from the moment I saw this odd phenomenon.

I felt a heavy gaze directed at me. I saw him gazing at me with such intensity. It was a hunger of sorts. It didn't faze me.

I walked over at the edge of the rink, not daring to drop my gaze from him. The rink itself was like those rinks used in ice shows. There was no ledge separating the skaters from the audience. We were the only people inside the stadium. Just the two of us.

Yuzuru skated over, the difference in our heights became even more pronounced. He clearly grew taller a couple more inches, add that with the skates... my head reached just below his jaw. It was comfortable, I noted, this height disparity, when we embraced and I was able to tuck my face on the crook of his shoulder and against his neck.

He bent over and molded his body against mine as he embraced me closer and closer to him until not a single inch was left between us. I could feel his lips against my neck, just below my ear, lingering a few seconds before grazing his lips across my skin to settle at the side of my cheek.

He sensed no struggle and so deepened his touch at my waist, and kissed the side of my mouth, at the edge of my lips. My hazily lidded eyes narrowed then slowly closed at the comforting sensation that settled between us.

I felt him move away slightly while still encasing me within his embrace. I could feel his hot breath ghosting over my lips as he neared me. A few seconds passed, I could sense his struggle. Eventually, a side won within him as he settled to rest his forehead against mine.

It was at that moment that I knew he liked me. More than a friend, and even more than a sister that I once joked about. No wonder he was weirded out by it.

Did I like him? I did.

But I didn't know if I loved him enough to be with him.

Some may say it was unfair of me to lead Yuzuru around like this if I knew within myself that I wasn't ready to be with him. Some may even find me cruel.

Nevertheless, at this moment, I needed him...

... and he needed me.

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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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(Hope you enjoyed the chapter!)