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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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I inhaled deeply and let the air out in a longdrawn manner. I repeated this until I felt my anger ebbing away gradually and my rational side returned.

My phone rang again and saw that it was Yuzuru calling. I gripped my phone tightly before I pressed the accept button.

"Era? Are you ok? I kept on calling and leaving messages but you weren't answering." Yuzuru's concerned voice sounded against the stillness of the room.

I closed my eyes as I felt his concern wash over me. Instead of answering, I said, "About Javier, those things aren't true."

"I know, Era," Yuzuru replied, firmly. "I know."

"Yuzuru..."

"Now tell me, are you ok?" Yuzuru asked again.

"I... I'd be lying if I said I am..."

"Don't let those things get to you, Erana," Yuzuru gently soothed me. "Tabloids and gossips sensationalize anything and everything as long as they get some views. Era, know that anyone who knows you personally will never believe those garbage."

"... I know. Thank you." I smiled weakly. "Sometimes, I really need to be reminded about these things. It's just..."

"Era...?"

"It's just... it makes me so mad." I clenched my fist and bit my lip. "What gave them the right to spread lies about someone else? Those tabloids are just... they're the worst! And those people, they just went ahead and believed those stories. They don't even know the full story, Yuzuru! This makes me so mad!"

There was silence on both sides. Yuzuru let me air out my grievances. He knew that this was the only way I could express and let go of my emotions that was bottled up in my chest. I took comfort on the quiet sound of his breathing on the other side of the line.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry. What's there to be sorry for? Those people should've been the one saying sorry to you..." Yuzuru sighed tiredly, there's something weighing in his mind. "Actually, I should be the one saying sorry, Era. Those people, some of them are my fans..."

"No, Yuzuru."

"It is true, Era-"

"And I said, no. Your fans have their own lives to live on, meaning they have their own mouths and minds. You shouldn't be sorry about what your fans do, Yuzuru." I said, being the firm one this time. "You know what? The two of us? We shouldn't be the one who's sorry. You shouldn't apologize and yes, you're right, I shouldn't apologize as well. We did nothing wrong here. We aren't at fault."

Yuzuru chuckled gently at the other side of the line. "Now there's the Era that I've fallen for. So decisive."

"Yuzu...! Is this really the time?" I admonished him but it couldn't keep the blush on my face.

"I think it is," came Yuzuru's unexpected reply. "When I read the comments... I was afraid that you'll return back to your shell. If you did, then... we'll be back to square one."

I grasped what Yuzuru's pertaining to. His concern regarding this topic was valid.

"What those people were saying... I hope you don't take this in the wrong way." Yuzuru halted before continuing, "Era, don't close those doors."

"I..."

"I know it's selfish. Let me be selfish," Yuzuru said, hesitation clear in his voice combined with a sense of urgency. "Wait for me... wait for us... and give me a chance when that time comes."

"... Yuzu."

I couldn't say anything more. This topic crossed my mind multiple times especially during the last hour. Even when I kept on telling myself not to be affected by the verbal assaults, I couldn't help but get hurt whenever Yuzuru was mentioned. I was the one negatively affecting Yuzuru's reputation. What those fans said regarding Yuzuru and I were all valid points.

They attacked my weakness and Yuzuru knew this.

We didn't continue the conversation any further. I knew Yuzuru was afraid on what I would eventually decide. I think he was already expecting it. We said our goodbyes and hung up shortly after.

During the duration of the night, Eric called me again and guided me on how to do damage control. He could handle the Philippine press and straighten things out with them. The name Elana Ferrer had some weight in major brands. If my name was hit negatively, it could affect my endorsements on those brands. It was time to do some PR stunts.

After Eric reassured me that he'll handle everything back at home, he told me that it was a necessity to distance myself from the main targets, meaning Yuzuru and Javier. At least, until the topic cooled off. A part of me was inclined to follow Eric's suggestion. However, a much bigger part of me couldn't stomach the mere notion of avoiding Yuzuru. I was debating within myself on what to do.

Eric raised the topic of my short program. I immediately rejected the idea of not continuing the Dirty Diana short program. I was invested in this program and no matter how I was bashed and how the ISU judges hated it, I will go through with this program. Besides, even if I decided to change it, it was too late, the competition starts tomorrow.

Coach Brian called me once he read my reply and concernedly asked about how I was feeling. Coach Tracy visited me an hour later and she was just there, letting me vent out about this unfair situation that I found myself in. This helped me stabilize my emotions. They were such big help. It was at that point that I realized how grateful I was that they were my coaches. They were there every step of the way, helping me with my skating career and also my personal conflicts when I needed help.

Javier contacted me and profusely apologized. I stopped him in the middle and repeated what I said to Yuzuru. We were not to blame. We weren't at fault. It was the media and those antagonistic people who made up those vicious stories when all they had were pictures.

*****

November 25, 2011

There was a noticable diminished number of cheers compared to my previous competitions. I didn't let it get to me. I stepped on the ice and faced the banister. I did my customary rituals as Coach Brian pepped talk me.

"You can do this. You've worked hard for this. Don't think about external factors. Just focus on the ice. Focus on your dance," Coach Brian adviced.

I nodded at Coach Brian. I inhaled deeply and let it out then patted the banister twice, squatted, then pushed backwards heading towards center ice.

I circled around the center, stretching my body and did my rituals yet again. Strands of auburn escaped my neat updo which was carefully tied in a french twist.

Imperfection begets perfection.

My costume consisted of a long-sleeved black top that hugged and highlighted my figure. It was open on the back and plunged down near my waist in a 'V' shape. The skirt was a folded leather one which ended on the middle of my thighs.

The sound of my blades were the only ones I heard in an otherwise silent stadium.

https://youtu.be/KaySAilKIVw

(SP - Michael Jackson's Dirty Diana Instrumental)

I got in my starting position with my stance standing strong and my hands wrapped around my body. I stared intensely at the judging panel.

Want to give me those unforgiving scores?

Then go at it. Come at me.

Let us see if you can.

Then the music began.

It all melted away from there. The stress, the scandal, the unfair criticisms. All of it melted away. 

Dirty Elana? Fine, I'll use that to embody myself into this program. I danced with the beat of the drums. I moved in a hypnotizingly enchanting way. Every twist and turn I made were sharp and precise, not a minute movement was wasted.

Triple Toe, Triple Flip

Do you hear that? I can make the crowd go wild.

I taunted the judging panel with my upturned gaze and seductive smile. I gestured my hand as if reaching out to an estranged lover.

Ice flecks rose up as my swift movements sped up into beguiling transitions when the electric guitar resounded through the stadium. I portrayed the unattainable woman that could mesmerize an apathetic crowd. A crowd that forgot that they were supposed to dislike the mere sight of this woman.

With the drop of the drums, my arms went to the sides and I pivoted in a wide arc as if to slam the inivisible barrier between the audience and I. I rebelled against the injustice that I was subjected to.

Triple Axel

As I landed the Axel perfectly, I gracefully arced my hand downwards. I was lost in the music that the loud roars of the crowd were but secondary to me. Entering my combination spins with a flying sit spin followed by a series of difficult spins then completed it with a haircutter spin. I felt myself let loose from that point on.

Triple Lutz

My movements became even more uninhibited. I burned with passion and determination. When the cries of the electric guitar reached its climax, I did a hydroblade with my body dangerously close to the ice.

Come at me!

I challenged them in my mind as I entered my last combination spin which consisted of a well-timed death drop followed by a cannonball spin then a broken-leg sit spin that gradually evolved into a pearl spin and finished with a stunning Biellmann spin.

The sharp beat of the drum was the signal that the program came to an end. I had my hand outstretched to the side for my ending pose as I stared ahead confidently with my head held up high.

Thunderous applause filled every inch of the stadium.

My chest heaved in exhaustion as sweat covered my entire form. I bowed to every side of the stadium to be met with enthusiastic applause by the same crowd whom was silent earlier on. Exhiliration filled me and I couldn't help but give a wide relieved smile to all the people I've faced.

The plushies that rained down were startlingly fewer than what I've usually been bombarded with. That was alright. I was kind of surprised that someone remembered to gift me plushies given the major scandal I was involved in. Again, I bowed low in respect to all the audience who supported me in rough times.

"Thank you. Thank you."

I skated around the rink before finally going towards Coach Brian whom I could see was already beaming in excitement. I grabbed a small red plushy and hugged it within my arms.

"Elana! Superb! Simply superb!" Coach Brian gave me a bear hug and I couldn't contain my exhilarated laugh. "Very well done!"

"Thank you, Coach." I smiled gratefully at him. Really, if it wasn't for my supportive team, I didn't know what state I would be in right now. I was truly, deeply, grateful for their support.

We headed to the Kiss & Cry and waited nervously for my result.

"I'm not kidding," Coach Brian said, handing me my tumbler which I promptly drank. I was so damn thirsty. "You've greatly improved. Those transitions were amazing. The landing of the Lutz was a little bit low but it's clean and fully rotated, that's the most important thing. We'll work on that later."

"Yes, Coach." I gasped and wiped the water that dripped down my jaw. "I'm shocked that I landed that. I was exhausted."

"The scores please."

Coach Brian and I stiffened in suspense. It was no secret that the ISU hated my Dirty Diana short program. I was even more nervous than before because I think I taunted the judges too much during my performance. Were they offended by my gutsy and rebellious appearance?

"Elana Ferrer from the Philippines has earned from the short program, 71.54 points which is the new seasons best. She is currently in 1st place."

The crowd let out ecstatic screams as my score was announced.

"Nooo," I involuntarily let out, unable to believe what happened. Coach Brian barked out in laughter at my reaction.

"What do you mean 'No'?"

"I mean, no way! Really? I'm not dreaming?"

Coach Brian laughed even harder as he draped an arm around my shoulders and ruffled my hair. I was in a state of disbelief for a long time. "I'm proud of you, Elana."

What came after was a series of post-game conferences and interviews to various sports columns. Some of them tried to ask about the scandal that I was in but I wasn't in the mood to answer them, nor would I ever. I discreetly diverted them from those questions and if they were persistent then I ended the interviews politely.

I was in a hurry. By the time I was let go from the clutches of the journalists, there was only an hour left before the next event. I quickly headed to the locker rooms and grabbed the paperbag. I strode confidently towards the training rooms where I knew the other athletes were practicing.

Not to be a narcicisst or anything, I knew that majority of the personnel, coaches, and athletes were aware of the scandal I was currently in. I knew because of the way they silently stared at me as I passed by. Some were simply curious about what exactly went on, others had a hint of interest before it faded away as they had more important issues to focus on, a few had judgement on their eyes as they looked down on me whenever possible.

I steeled my nerves and stayed true to my goal.

I wouldn't be deterred. Sometimes, all it takes was facing thousands of doubting and judging gazes to decide if it was enough to build or crumble the resolve of a person.

It was simply up to that person if they would act like any rational person would do and back away to temporarily retreat until things calmed down or if they would go crazy and wear a skin as thick as titanium alloy to guard against the barrage of abuse thrown against them.

I preferred to choose the latter option.

I seldom acted rationally anyway.

Turning around the last corner, I reached the massive training hall where athletes and coaches of different divisions were currently busy doing their own thing. I gripped the paperbag and raised my chin as I felt dozens of eyes rest upon my form.

He never gave me an option.

What a selfish kid.

I closed my eyes and felt the corner of my lips tilt upwards. The moment I regained my sight, I saw him standing in the farside corner of the training venue. He seemed surprised by my appearance if his slightly widened eyes and parted lips were any indication.

The sound of my footsteps neared towards him. Countless gazes which would've normally weighed me down were thrown carelessly out of my mind. I stopped in front of him and gave an amused smile in response to his shocked expression. I reached inside the paperbag and gave back what I accidentally stolen.

"I think..." I slowly said hand outstretched to hand over his precious tissue box, "this belongs to you."

Yuzuru remained unresponsive for a few moments before his eyes softened then gradually  narrowed as his lips spread in a relieved smile. A soft huff of laughter escaped him as we stood there, smiling at each other, seemingly in a place of our own, not minding our surroundings for once.

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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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(If anyone's curious about Elana's Dirty Diana costume. The image is up there at the beginning of the chapter. Damn! I forgot how hard it was to write skating scenes! Never again! Never!)

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(If you like this chapter, I shamelessly ask for you to vote and/or comment! See ya!~)