The cigarettes died down and none of them had spoken a word, admiring the silence and the night view in front of their eyes on the balcony.

"I love how I can enjoy silence with you." Jungkook said lastly, smiling at his friend who crushed the buds under his feet, humming.

"That's the best I can give someone." Saying this he faced the sky again and Jungkook chuckled.

"You're seriously one of your own." Jungkook shook his head as he said with a smile.

"Anyway I'm relieved that the night is over."

"Relieved?" Dowoo asked ironically.

"Yeah, for now at least. I wanna be busy as hell man, my mind is killing me." Jungkook groaned, turning around to put his back against the wall of the balcony and elbows on either side.

"I miss us all four together." Jungkook whispered hopefully and Dowoo just looked away at the city sky.

"What's there to miss? You haven't even known us for that long." As V whispered Jungkook chuckled.

"That's the only difference between us two I guess. One misses out on things and one doesn't even know what he misses."

V had no reply to that.

"I miss us four having a good time." Jungkook added and looked at his friend for a clue.

"What's wrong between you and Jimin?" Jungkook then asked and V looked down at the ground and then up, sighing.

"Wow, that tells a lot." Jungkook commented.

"Come on man, you know we can share things with each other." Jungkook insisted and V moved his hand through his hair.

"What do you wanna know?"

"Anything, everything that can be shared, first being what went wrong? You two were pretty close."

"Nothing was ever fine. It's just the weight of his feelings that I had to carry all my life. He fell for the wrong guy." That's all the elder twin whispered when he faced his friend who had nothing much to know. It was enough to come from a man of few words.

"You're not a wrong guy nor is he, maybe the time was wrong or everything else around you two. I wish you two never lose what you have and that's a beautiful bond." Jungkook whispered and V just looked down, fiddling his hands in his pocket to take out another cigarette but Jungkook held his hand to resist him.

"You should talk more often, this won't help much." Jungkook whispered and V just looked at his face blankly.

"Maybe the day you will start talking out loud V, it won't be that tough. You endure a lot, you just go through it all on your own. Sharing won't make you look weaker, well in my case not at all. So if you think of me as a friend. I'm also here to hear it all." As Jungkook spoke V literally lost himself in the trance.

He barely gets people reminding him about his vulnerability which he thought didn't exist but it does and Jungkook too knew everyone had that and it's no shame to show it or let it out. At least with your own people.

"It's late, I should be leaving. Love you mate, don't drain yourself too much." Jungkook said casually and stepped in to pull his friend in a hug, tapping his back several times.

"See you tomorrow, consider coming over for a drink." He lastly said after pulling away and V nodded.

"Sleep well."

Jungkook then gave him a slight tap before walking away to the door and V was still processing his words.

"Tell your brother to call me once he wakes up." Jungkook said lastly before closing the door and V simply gave him a thumbs up.

And once Jungkook left V was there to stand and contemplate his life.

He looked down at that cigarette in his hands and put that back in the box before turning around to walk into his room.

He was welcomed by the same darkness and the same smell still lingering in the air.

He couldn't get rid of that shrug. Like Jimin himself, from his belongings to his memories, he can't get rid of it even after no matter how hard he tries.

He was remembering what went into his mind when he kissed her because when he closed his eyes she was not the one that he saw. What he saw instead was that night and in that night it was Jimin beneath him.

For him the load of being loved is heavier than the load of loving.

He sat on the edge of his bed and the shrug was comfortably lying on the nightstand. He should have gotten rid of it he thinks but he can't and that's what he knows too.

"Dowoo…. Stay."

As if he could ever leave.

Every single second of Jimin's performance was recorded in his mind. Everything. His dance and every single word of the song, it was all personal to him.

They used to share songs together, randomly sharing links of the songs they find interesting and every song by Jimin had been personal and now even this.

Dowoo has known it all the way through even when they started all over again as friends but he hated to admit nothing stays like before, knowing how Jimin was never shy enough to admit his feelings for him grew his load more and more.

The elder twin simply inhaled and exhaled as he ran his hands through his hair frustratedly, that intoxication of the perfume was only reminding him of Jimin and just Jimin.

From his adorable smile with crooked teeth to his soft hair always under his hands to be ruffled, the cheeks like squishy mellow his long fingers were obsessed with squeezing and a heart of gold nothing can ever replace.

He was losing onto life itself and that ingrown frustration suddenly turned into shiny droplets in his eyes as he looked upfront at the wall in the dark room.

Why does he suck at this so much?

His hand furiously hit that lamp against the nightstand causing it to fall and break and he held his head in his hands as he hung it low.

He hated to cry but he couldn't help when those tears accompanied him in his solitude.

It was not the first for him to cry over this little guy he couldn't understand his bond with.

~♡~

Tears have been on Jimin's side throughout this mistake of him loving someone who can never love him back but it fucks him more everytime he cries again.

He should have known better, what else did he even expect if not this to happen one day. It was always clear, his intentions about him and the girl.

But he just hated to admit it so he was lost in his own made up delusion where he had just a sober hope. Some hope of being loved back one day.

He doesn't understand why he fell for him this hard, why he never had his heart to detach himself away. His protectiveness or his care, even though they had been through a bittersweet relationship but it hurts to know that Dowoo has known about his feelings yet acted as cool as his face most of the time.

He knows that he can shake Jimin's world with this fact, he knows his power over the other and Jimin has always let him take advantage of it but who's the fool in the end?

Of course, Jimin.

He felt so pathetic throughout the car ride as he sat on the passenger's seat next to Yoongi who was continuously checking on him. A sobbing mess with attempts of stopping himself but he would burst again.

Yoongi respected his choice of not revealing the reason until he feels alright so after a while he decided to put his free hand on Jimin's knee to show a gesture of care, that he's here for him.

But Jimin's sorrow that night was unmatchable.

"I-... I'm so sorry." The broken whisper fell from Jimin's mouth when Yoongi dropped him home, both standing at the porch of the house.

"Just be alright, whenever you feel like, call me." Yoongi replied with concern as he looked at the other with a gentle gaze.

"Fuck, I messed up real bad." Jimin chuckled ironically as he wiped his tears again with an attempt of smiling but his red face could tell he was really messed up.

Yoongi stepped closer again to give him another hug and Jimin leaned into it.

"Youth sucks. Embrace yourself." That's all he could whisper before detaching and Jimin nodded.

"Thanks for tonight… you saved me." Jimin whispered with a gentle smile through his tears and Yoongi just shook his head gently.

"It's fine. Pull yourself up together first, we'll talk about it later." He then gave a tap on his arm and Jimin nodded.

"Bye." And the elder stepped back.

"Bye."

He waved at Jimin once before getting into his car and Jimin waved at him, continuously sniffling to pull himself together and then the car was soon gone from his sight.

Jimin sighed.

Yoongi is way too good even though he initially seemed cold and tough but deep inside he has such a gentle core.

Just like someone else.

Jimin decided to go back in and as he clicked the door open he found his aunt in her robe and messy bun, drinking some tea on the couch in a semi lightened living area and she put her cup down as soon as she spotted Jimin.

"Oh, Jimin-ah, you're back way too early." She exclaimed to see him and Jimin just breathed out while looking down, playing with the hem of shirt.

"Are you alright?" She asked as she decided to stand and look and Jimin nodded.

"Where are your friends, Taehyung and Dowoo?" She questioned as she spotted something unusual with him but she couldn't see his face clearly in the dim lights.

"I'm drunk. I'm going to my room and will freshen myself up." He simply said and started walking towards the stair to climb on.

"You're always welcome to share, don't bury yourself too much in your room okay? I might be busy but I always have time for my nephew." As she said Jimin sighed as he looked into her direction.

"And I'm thankful for that."

With this he climbed upstairs to get into his room and as soon as he closed the door emptiness welcomed him.

He lazily took off his shoes, proceeding to take off his shirt and then pants as he made his way to his bathroom to fill the bathtub and submerge himself in it with only head up.

The thoughts occupied his head and he couldn't cry anymore. That scene was heavy against his chest like a bullet pierced right across his heart but he didn't understand why. Why is he stuck to the same person?

Thinking back to his day he realized he has so many amazing people in his life, his best friend Taehyung he can never take for granted, his loving friend like aunt, his parents back home, his new friends around the university and Yoongi. Then why is he so engrossed in crying for love when he has it all around him.

That's exactly what he couldn't understand as he stayed there like that for a while.

Maybe he should take it as a sign, a sign to not keep waiting for love.

And with this he let his head under water for a while, it seemed so calming when no sound could reach his ears, no weight of his body felt and no such pressure other than water's.

"Jimin! Jimin!"

Jimin has been afraid of water and depth of it and his bullies had known it better.

And on a school trip they were already planning on messing with this little boy who acted a bit girly.

Jimin was just near the river bank, busy taking pictures of the scenery in front of him when he walked a little further away from his friend circle to lose himself a bit into bad company of people.

He was engrossed in his own job until all of a sudden he was pushed, the poor guy falling directly into the cold river even in the month of December.

The bullies began to laugh together, taking his attempts of breathing and coming up the water as a joke, not taking his need of help seriously. He threw his limbs around to stay on the surface but he knew he wouldn't be able to do it for longer and slowly he was being engulfed by the depth of the water.

The bullies left him there, thinking it was just his drama but least to their knowledge he was suddenly going deeper and deeper into it until Dowoo reached to the site as he was looking for him and he soon realized how a camera was falling on the bank of the river and it belonged to Jimin and soon a plushie keyring attached to his bag came on surface and he knew, Jimin was there.

Dowoo without wasting any second jumped into the water despite it being freezing cold outside, swimming deep down to look for Jimin.

The water was unclear but he swam back to finally find his helpless figure beneath the water, limbs moving here and there as an attempt to swim up and lungs on the verge of being filled.

Jimin spotted a figure above him, approaching him and to his surprise it was Dowoo, pulling him all closer by his arm, there to save him.

Jimin held him tightly with all his limbs all around his body and Dowoo did around his waist as he swam them up to the surface

Jimin was pulled back to the river bank and thrown on it. He began to cough uncountably, puking out water and struggling to breathe.

"Jimin! Jimin!" Dowoo kept hitting his back, soon a worried Taehyung falling right next to him who walked to the site in search of the two to only find them drenched in water.

Jimin struggled and laid back on the ground, still coughing uncontrollably until his eyes began to get heavy, lack of oxygen had his brain falling and he was losing his consciousness.

"Jimin! Jimin?" His friends kept yelling his name and he could see them blurring out in his sight.

A worried Dowoo soon disappeared in his sight until he woke up in a hospital the next day.

Jimin brought his head back on the surface and sat correctly, pushing his wet hair back from his face as he inhaled deeply.

How can he not love him?

How can he not think about him?

How can he forget what he has done for him?

How?

He sat there quietly until he was accompanied by the tears again. As much as he tries, he keeps coming back to the same thing and that one being this guy he loves so much with all his heart.

But he needs to realize not to lose himself in an attempt to love someone else and he was not going to risk it. Not this time.

~♡~

"I thought we were good friends, Taehyung. I loved your company a lot and we were happy. But you ruined everything. Why?"

"Kookie…"

"Don't-, you have no right to call me that. I can't believe I'll hate you one day. I do a lot now. Because you ruined it all, you ruined everything, you ruined our friendship, you ruined it-"

Taehyung sat up all of sudden, breaking out of his nightmare as he struggled to breathe properly.

For a moment he couldn't even understand what just happened until he looked around himself and realized how he just saw a nightmare and he was still there in his room which was brightened up in the morning.

It was just the dawn but his head was throbbing a lot, there's no way he could lay back and try to sleep again with the same pain.

On top of that his breathing became unstable, anxious and thunderstruck by his dream he also began to sweat and his throat ran dry.

He pressed his fingers into his forehead after checking the clock. Six in the morning.

He decided to leave his bed, slowly getting out of it and walking towards the door as he kept processing his dream in his mind.

What he doesn't understand is if the dream was just a vivid game of his mind or it was a flashback of the night.

He was drunk and all he remembers is that Jungkook was with him, what happened after it is a mystery. And he has no idea what to do if not feel like shit.

His face was worn out, disheveled hair as he walked out of the room just to only find his brother in the kitchen, boiling some noodles.

He didn't wake up early, he couldn't sleep at all.

The elder twin then spotted his brother lost in trance, adorable morning face fucked up with so much going on in his head as he walked towards the refrigerator to take out a bottle of water and chug down hastily, not caring how it even messed his shirt.

"Woah, careful." The elder said as he looked into his direction and soon the younger proceeded to chug the entire bottle down in a single go.

"Woah…" The elder then walked closer and looked at him with concern.

The younger one put the empty bottle back into it. He then walked into the living room and sprawled on the couch, lost in his own world.

"Why is this bitch suddenly acting like a dried fish? What got in you?'

The younger remained silent until he suddenly burst into fat tears and V frowned to see.

"Why are you crying now?" He asked from the kitchen and the younger proceeded to cry, turning himself around to hide his face into the backrest and the elder of course grew worried.

"What happened?" V walked out of the kitchen to walk towards him, sitting on the edge of the couch.

"Taehyung…" He called out but the younger proceeded to cry louder until V held his shoulder to turn him around, a pretty puffy face messed up with tears.

"Hey…"

"Who was it? Who did it?" And that's all that the elder asked with a strong frown on his face.

"Was it the Wooshik guy?" The elder asked in an irritated manner and the younger sat up angrily.

"Do you expect anyone else to hurt me? Do you expect anyone to hurt a clown?" The younger yelled frustratedly and the elder's frown disappeared.

"You're not a clown." The elder whispered.

"Oh of course I am, all the damn fucking time." The younger cried more and burst into sobs which the elder couldn't see, reaching for his hand to pull his head to put on his own shoulder and Taehyung couldn't fight back.

He let his head be against his brother's big shoulder to cry on until he could let all out, everything that was summing up in him.

"I feel pathetic." He whispered in a broken tone after a while.

"Are you telling me the real thing or I find this out myself?" Soon the elder broke the hug to ask the younger who looked up at him with a cute frown.

"What will you do then? What will you do?"

"Beat that shit out of that person who brought you into tears like that. Look at yourself you ugly raccoon."

"Then go on, beat me up, it's me. I'm that person." And as soon as the younger one finished saying he burst into fat sobs again, his brother couldn't see but reached his hands up to wipe them away.

"Stop crying, tell me what it is, what's bothering you?." Dowoo asked gently, the rare type of voice of him coming out just for his brother.

"I'm fucked up brother. I'm fucked up real big. And again. I fell in love and I fucked up." The younger cried and the elder's tensed expressions got blank.

Why does he kinda know this?

"I wish I could be like other people, loving anyone without stereotypical injustice, without any inner fear of being rejected, to have the confidence to be loved back. But all I'm doing is just- just fucking myself up." The younger one cried and the elder stared at his brother blankly.

"It's easier to fall in love but never easy to be loved back. Never." He kept crying and Dowoo inhaled sharply.

"It just fucking hurts me, I don't know whom to blame other than me. I'm the one who started this, I'm the one who wanted this yet not getting this back is breaking me like this. Why can't I bring myself together? Why?" The younger pleaded in cries, looking at his brother with shiny teary eyes who was at the loss of words.

He doesn't know it either. He doesn't know anything about it.

All he could see was his brother in the same situation he brought Jimin in but again even after knowing he sat there in silence, unarmed and helpless.

"I have ruined this bond we had, we were so close but I bet he won't even face me anymore." Taehyung cried more and held his face into his hands and V looked away into space.

Whatever his brother said pierced right into him, so fucking sharply.

He wanted to help his brother so badly, he hated to see him in tears but how could he when all his brother was going through is something he has been pulling someone else into indeliberately.

And this hits more now.

~♡~

Least to Jungkook's knowledge everything was messed up on the other page of the story while he was waiting for the sun to rise so he could bring himself together to talk to him.

His mind was in a mess but one thing for him was crystal clear and that's how he knows why Taehyung was running away and it kinda made him feel bad inside.

Out of everything, he doesn't want to lose him no matter what because he hasn't seen someone as cute as him, as genuine and adorable as him. So pure unlike many people he has met.

He has seen his friend in a fucked up situation but luckily he knows himself better and he does whatever he wants to do instead of dwelling upon things.

If he doesn't want it, he will never give two fucks and if he does want it, he won't ever let it go.

And for now, he knows how much he wants Taehyung.

Even though it's all new for him, he wants to love Taehyung just as much, he wants to cherish and protect him and make him feel like the angel he is.

He wants to be the one for him.

───♡───

Well, here I am. Back on another emotionally complex chapter but don't you worry, one couple will sort things out and you all know whom.

Keep commenting!

Hope you guys enjoyed it!