I wasn't ready for this.

I couldn't even look up as I entered the beautiful building. The large doors were open, but I sensed nothing around me. Even as someone handed me a program, I couldn't stop to look at who gave it to me. My lungs were starting to hyperventilate and my hands were clutching around the rose, nearly breaking the stem.

I wasn't ready for this.

My eyes stayed on the floor and somehow, my body knew just where to go. It wasn't my first time, after all. The aisles were so narrow, I had always detested that. No personal space to brace yourself for what happened in here. No room to breathe, no quick and easy get-outs if you needed to run. If you couldn't take one more minute of it.

I found a seat way in the back and leaned back, closing my eyes.

I wasn't ready for this. It had been a year since I was last in a concert hall like this and if it were up to me it would be another year until I was back.

But I had to be here today, for James. He had been there for me every time I needed him, and what message would I send if I didn't come today?

This is important to him, and so it's important to me too. But no matter how much I told myself everything was going to be okay, that I'll hide away until after the performance a part of me reminded myself of what had happened last time I was at a concert.

My eyes slowly lifted, and with my breath in my throat, I finally looked up and around the beautiful ornate space and then looked towards the front. Up in a room just like the one where it happened. But this time would be different, I would be in the crowd and he would be there. Center stage, at the Weill Recital Hall.

People were pouring in around me. Men and women in tuxes and dresses all made up for the evening concert. They all carried the same pamphlet as me, the program for the symphony. It would be about 45 minutes long. 45 minutes to behold and listen to the magic this stage was about to be swathed in.

The grand debut of the violinist I had fallen in love with, James.

Just thinking of his name brought a smile to my face. I looked around and took in the large stage up front. A large red theater curtain hid it thus far, but in a short moment it would rise and reveal the face of the man that had been there for me many times before. A man that needed me now as much as I needed him. I took a deep breath and lowered my eyes to my hands. They were shaking in my lap and fiddling with the program. I can't... handle this. Being here I just..

I took in a deep breath.

"S'cuse me," A man with a slight accent maneuvered past me and took a seat a few seats from mine.

I moved my feet so he could step by, but then the light blinked twice. It was about to start. A compulsion inside me wanted to jump up and run. I couldn't do this. The rose in my hand shook, and for a second, I wondered if the petals would fall off. But then... the room suddenly settled.

Conversation stopped and the last guests took their seats as the light dimmed. The doors were closed and the spotlights centered on the red velvet curtain.

My breath choked in my throat and all the air in the concert hall evaporated. The curtain rose... And so did my heart. An applause broke out, but I heard none of it. The lights focused on James as he took the stage and stood there, waiting for the audience to settle.

It wasn't until the vibrations around me stopped and the blurriness from my eyes cleared and I was able to look up at James. He stood calm and still and took in the applause, a smile dusting his features. His back was straight and his hands were folded behind him, head bowing in respect as the applause finally settled.

Then, his eyes looked up. Even from my seat in the back, I saw them scan the audience; searching. I watched his Saphire eyes sparkle in the spotlight. Then they landed on me, softening slightly.

With a gesture, he turned and extended his arm towards the stage behind him. Five people with stringent instruments walked out, and a new applause arose. They settled on chairs behind him, one coming up with a suitcase to him and handing it over. He knelt down on the stage as he opened the suitcase and pulled a new violin out.

The crowd held their breath like me. I didn't realize I had leaned forward until my chair almost disappeared beneath me. He stood tall again and then... he lifted the slender instrument to his chin. The chin that was still scuffed with a trimmed beard, contouring his entire bottom face.

He pressed the bow to the strings. I held my breath, and so did the world as it waited for his next moves, waited for the unexpected. Eternities managed to pass by in just seconds, but then, with a long, slow exhale, it happened.

He let the bow glide across the violin, and like that, every sensation evaded my body; Just one, long note from the strings, but I was nailed to my spot, unable to move. The second note then came, and then the next, and the next.

The gentle, blithe notes filled the theater. The string quartet started playing behind him, beautiful harmonies flowing from the instruments in a steady stream. It poured over me in a wave as I saw him weave his music, so calm, so collected... He was at peace.

I recognized the song they were playing instantly, letting it whisk me away. It was Winter, by Vivaldi. The song he had been playing when I first met him.

His fingers wielded the strings with care, like he was greeting an old friend. The way he played with such care, such passion...such beauty was outstanding.

My heart thudded hard in my chest as he played the string. Like a fragile soul, he held it close, soothing it with his caring touch.

I watched James carefully, his forehead was shining with a light sheen of sweat. This is where he belonged, under the spotlights with everyone's attention. He grasped his bow one last time and looked towards the audience, towards me, before coming to a slow stop.

People arose from their chairs to applaud the genius however I stayed sunken in my seat, holding on to my heart with my mere weak hand. It was trying to escape through my fingers, trying to deafen the uproar of the hands clasping together in awe and amazement.

People eventually started to file out after the last curtain had fallen. There were no encores, no speeches. The people gathered their things and their emotions, talking lively about the beautiful melodies, while I stayed put, trying to piece together what was left of my heart. Throughout his entire symphony, one thing had sung higher than the notes of the instrument in his hands.

My eyes lifted, and through blurry vision, I realized the theater had emptied completely. The curtain had opened again and a single person stepped out. He knew.

Without word, and without his calling, I arose from my chair voluntarily and walked towards the stage. He followed me with his eyes and his body, turning as I walked to the side of the stage and shakily ascended the stairs. My hand clutched the rose tightly. I walked across the stage, but fastened when he came towards me.

Then, my voice broke the silence of the theater.

"You played so beautifully. Congratulations," I said, pulling him into a hug. Inching my nose a little nearer to his neck, I breathed in his scent which was nothing like his usual aroma, which was of varnish and pine trees. In fact, his scent was so much more exotic; I could recognize the brand of cologne he used – one of my favorites.

 It calmed me, and for the first time that night I out a breath. Pulling back James met my gaze, reaching down and caressing my rosy cheek, "Thank you."

I nodded, moving up so I was on my tippy toes and pressed my lips against his, savoring the warmth he held, and the glow of the spotlight. With him, it felt like it was going to be okay. We pulled back smiling. I looked down at the red rose in my hand.

"I've never seen you play like that before."

"Well I have been practicing more," James admitted sheepishly as the two of us stood under the spotlight, "I don't have you to carry me through anymore."

A giggle escaped me as I looked up at him, "Carry? Oh please."

"Hey, your Juniper Augustine! You're known everywhere ad I'm-"

"Your James Fletcher, the best persons I know. Not to mention best violinist, and the person I love," I cut him off.

James laughed this time, looking at me and smiling, "You really are something June."

"I could say the same thing to you," As I said that the spotlight turned off, along with some of the lights in the back.

"Wanna get a cup of coffee or something?" I asked quickly, not wanting the night to end.

James nodded, "yeah we should probably get out of here before they lock us in."

I looked to him, the red rose slipped out from my fingers, forgotten, and onto the stage where the spotlight once was. And then, hand in hand, we walked off the stage.