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❝ but he was my dad ❞
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𝘚𝘺𝘭𝘷𝘪𝘦'𝘴 𝘗𝘖𝘝

"A great man once said that if you're born poor, that's not your fault, but if you die poor, well, that's on you" Dad's voice fills the room as I watch the video he left for us from my seat between Sarah and Rose "I think, in the end, it was my fear of going back, of losing everything I have that made me lose sight of everything I am...everything I wanted to be"

"I killed Big John Routledge. I murdered Sheriff Peterkin. I shot Gavin Barnstead" Dad admits with a guilt stricken expression and Rafe shakes his head with tears in his eyes, backing away from where he was stood next to me.

I freeze up at his sudden movement and Rose seems to notice it, gently resting her hand on my shoulder with a simple reassuring nod.

"I know there's nothing I can do to ease the pain I've caused" Dad states "Many will say I took the easy way out. But I leave this world with the terrible pain of knowing that I leave behind my family, shattered by grief, broken by my sins"

"I don't expect you to forgive me for leaving you this way. I just pray you understand that...I can't go on ruining your lives anymore. This had to end" He declares.

"To all of you, I leave my estate, uh, to be divided equally, and I leave a love deeper than I could ever express" He explains with a sigh "Take care of each other"

The video ends and Rafe almost immediately grabs his glass of whiskey off the table and walks away, disappearing into the yard. Wheezie gets up from her seat, sniffling sadly and exits the room without a word. Sarah then angrily slams the laptop closed and I glance at Rose who just stares at the table with a dazed look, clouded with sadness.

My twin sister jumps up from her seat with a scowl and storms out of the room, slamming the door on her way out. I lean back in my seat, willing myself to go after my sisters or even just run away to the Pogues like I've always done in times of crisis. No matter how much or how loud my head screams at me, I don't move from the spot I'm in.

"What did Rafe do to you?" Rose's quiet voice brings me back from my thoughts and I'm too exhausted to lie, too dazed to argue.

"He tried to drown me" I admit, turning my head to look at my step mother.

"Oh my God" She mutters out with a horrified expression but I don't react, just looking back at the closed laptop "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know" I mumble truthfully.

"Sylvie, you know that I'm here for you. Right, sweetheart?" Rose asks me for than tells me and I nod numbly.

"I think I'm broken" I tell the woman.

"You're not broken" She counters.

"How would you know?" I unintentionally snap, my head whipping around to look at her and when I notice her freeze up, I take a deep breath "I'm sorry"

"No, that's fair. You're allowed to be angry with me. I haven't been a good parent" She assures me "I'm not your mother, but I was supposed to protect you and I didn't do that"

"There's nothing you could've done" I say, remembering the way JJ told me those words.

"Why do you think you're broken?" The blonde woman asks me, changing the subject and my gaze falls down to my lap.

"I get theses voices in my head and they sound like me, but they're not me. They're so angry all the time and I'm exhausted. I keep hurting people and I'm afraid they'll leave me because of it" I explain, my voice breaking as I try to stop myself from crying.

"If someone loves you then they won't leave you" Rose advises me and I nod.

"I know that, but sometimes I wish they would just leave me alone" I counter, looking at her and she frowns.

"Why do you want people to leave you?" She questions.

"I have this darkness inside of me that lurks around in the corners of my mind. I think I'm capable of really bad things, Rose, and it terrifies me" I answer and she leans back slightly in response, eyeing me in concern.

"You're not a bad person, Sylvie" Rose declares.

"Not yet" I correct without hesitation "People do horrible things all the time"

Rose sits forward in her seat and grabs my seat, turning it to face her before taking a hold of my hands and looking me in the eyes.

"You listen to me, Sylvie Jane Cameron. You are not your father and you are certainly not your brother, you hear me? You are a good girl, a good person" She states sternly and I listen intently "I don't care what those voices tell you because that's not who you are. Sometimes we're just born with illnesses that we can't control and that's okay. You're going to be okay"

I look at the woman in awe and my heart swells at her words, the determined look on her face causing me to smile through the tears that roll down my cheeks.

"I didn't think you knew my middle name" I joke and she rolls her eyes with a small smile, patting my knee.

"Do you think maybe you'd feel better if you spoke to someone about how you feel? A doctor, maybe?" Rose asks me curiously.

"I don't need another shrink. I'm not going to kill myself" I scoff, although I do appreciate her asking me.

"You said that last time" She counters with a knowing look and my stomach turns, making me feel physically sick.

"That was a long time ago" I argue.

"It's been three years" Rose argues back and a lump forms in my throat "You might not remember it because you were practically catatonic for weeks, but I do. I remember the way Sarah screamed when she found you, I remember the pool of blood I found her in as she tried to wake you up and I remember having to beg her to leave your side in the hospital to take care of herself"

"I can't remember that" I admit shakily.

"I didn't think you did" Rose sighs, stroking my hands with her thumbs.

"Sarah found me?" I ask in surprise, choking on a cry.

"Yeah, she did" Rose nods.

I leap out of my seat and Rose merely watches as I sprint out of the room, searching high and low for my sister. I catch sight of her in the front yard and I dart out of the house, racing towards her as she reaches her bike. She gasps in surprise as I bulldoze into her, wrapping my arms around her tightly and not letting go.

"You scared me, brat" Sarah breathes out, hugging me back.

"I'm sorry" I cry out "I'm so sorry, Sarah"

"It's okay. I'm okay" She assures me, rubbing my back.

"I'm glad" I mumble, sniffling as I calm myself down.

The girl pulls away and smiles at me warmly, brightening my mood like the sun on a rainy day. My sister is just that, the epitome of sunshine and when she beams that smile at you, it makes you feel like everything is going to be okay. Sarah is the sun to my moon and I couldn't be more grateful to have her by my side.

"I'm going to see John B. Will you be okay?" She asks me in concern.

"Yeah, I'll be good" I assure her.

✯¸.•'*¨'*•༻❁༺•*'¨*'•.¸✯

I'm awoken from my sleep by the feeling of warm arms wrapped around me and I turn in the hold sleepily, looking at JJ who peels his eyes open.

"When did you get here?" I ask in a raspy voice.

"A while ago" He admits with a small smile, kissing my forehead.

"You have school tomorrow, J" I remind him, knowing it's inconvenient for him to sleep here on a school night.

"No, I don't" He argues and I frown in confusion so he elaborates "If my girl is feeling down then I'm staying with her"

"You're going to get in trouble" I counter.

"All that matters to me right now is you" He retorts and I can't help but smile, snuggling closer to him.

The boy rolls onto his back and pulls my leg up over his waist as I lay my head on his bare chest.

"Sarah broke up with JB" JJ informs me.

"I thought she would" I sigh with a nod, drawing on the Maybank boy's shoulder with my finger "How did he take it?"

"Not well. He's pretty bummed out" JJ answers.

"You can't really blame her. He was a real dick" I declare, still not fully forgiven the Routledge boy for the way he treated my sister.

"The guy killed his dad" JJ defends his friend but in a soft voice as not to upset me and I appreciate it more than he'll ever know.

"The guy has a name, JJ. He was a shitty person and he probably doesn't deserve to have tears shed for him, but he was my dad. He was Sarah's dad and John B couldn't even tear his greedy eyes away from that explosion to see that my sister was breaking" I explain to my boyfriend.

"I understand, Vie. Just take it easy on him, yeah? He's not doing well" JJ pokes my ribs teasingly and I smile, slapping his hands away.

"Okay, fine. I won't beat him up" I assure the boy jokingly before taking a deep breath "I'll forgive him eventually, but I'll never forget it"

"You wouldn't be you if you did" JJ hums, kissing my head and running his fingers through my hair.

I let out a small yawn and my boyfriend holds me closer, pulling the covers up over us.

"Go back to sleep, angel" He tells me.

"You go back to sleep" I argue sleepily even though my eyes fall shut.

"Yes, ma'am" He chuckles.