"𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕, 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅."

♛

Ariadne and Dahlia were in Dahlia's apartment. It was a small flat a bit away from her and Matthew's house. Ariadne had come to drop off some maternity clothes for when Dahlia's bump started to show along with some baby clothes.

Charlotte had just left a few hours ago after tea. Dahlia had just had a glass of lemonade instead; tea increased her morning sickness, which she did not appreciate. Now, she ran a hand over the delicate, silk, fabric and smiled up at her sister.

"It is truly wonderful, didi. I love it," she said. Ariadne smiled softly. "I am glad, my love. Get some sleep tonight, okay? Father sent word of Tatiana's escape, it won't be too long till they return with Matthew and Cordelia. Then you truly shall not have any sleep."

Dahlia laughed, though there was no life in her laughter. Her laugh which once lit up a whole room, now sounded like nothing but an empty echo—a whisper of what it once used to be.

She rarely smiled lately, and Ariadne worried for the health of the baby due to this. She was no fool, she recognized the mental health of the mother contributed heavily to the health of the child. There was not a day that went by where Ariadne did not curse Matthew for leaving her sister in shambles in this state. If the rest of the conclave found out about her situation, she would be ruined.

Thankfully, she, Evan, Eugenia, Christopher and Alastair had kept it under wraps the best they could. Tessa had found out because when she invited Dahlia for tea a few days ago, she had promptly rushed to vomit. Dahlia adored tea.

Then Tessa had prompted Dahlia to tell Charlotte since she was becoming a grandmother. Essentially, only Ariadne, Evan, Eugenia, Alastair, Christopher, Tessa, Charlotte and Anna knew of the pregnancy. It was to stay that way until Matthew returned. They all understood the severity of the situation, which Dahlia greatly appreciated.

It was hard these days for Dahlia to not resent Cordelia. Of course, none of this was her fault, but Dahlia wished she had put more consideration into Dahlia and the fact that Matthew had a wife, even if it was just for pretence, and leaving with him was wrong. Let alone the fact that he was her husband's best friend as well.

Her head hurt once more and she felt her eyes welling up. One thing she hated about her pregnancy was that she was overly emotional for the past week. Despite being only pregnant for four weeks now, she had an overwhelming craving for cinnamon buns lately.

She blessed anyone's soul who sent her cinnamon buns.

"I think I am going to take a nap. You can stay if you'd like, but if you want to depart, please lock the door on your way out." Dahlia said, gathering her items and trudging to her bedroom.

Ariadne watched her sister go, concern written all over her face, but she stayed. She stayed until sunset, cleaning the house and organizing her dishes. She made sure to put a blanket on her sister and leave a glass of water near her bedside before leaving the flat.

She was worried about what seeing Matthew again would do to her sister. She hoped Matthew fell face flat in a mud puddle.

♛

Dahlia sat with Lucie and Jesse in the ballroom, completely unbothered by their playful banter, sitting by the window with a book. There was a blanket near her incase a draft passed over. Tessa had been overprotective of Dahlia since she found out about the news. In fact, everyone had been treating her like delicate glass. She appreciated their concern but did not find it necessary to treat her so gently. She wasn't going to shatter suddenly if given too much pressure.

Lucie was laughing and there were footsteps approaching the room. Dahlia assumed it was Tessa and ignored it.

Lucie glanced over at Dahlia. "Well, do you have any names for the child?"

Dahlia laughed. "Not quite yet. Anna has been quite convincing with Anna The Second. Although I find it a bit heavy on the tongue."

"Anna The Second sounds like a name I would bestow upon my pet cat." Jesse interrupted. Lucie smiled brightly. Dahlia could not remember the last time she was this happy.

Dahlia was starting to take a liking to the former ghost. "Precisely what I said."

Lucie returned to quizzing Jesse on his new identity. It would be quite a hassle to explain accidental necromancy to the conclave, Dahlia had concluded.

The ballroom door creaked open, and nothing in the world could have prepared Dahlia for what she saw.

James walked in first, Dahlia's heartbeat started to pick up, her hands sweating. Then Cordelia and Matthew trailed in.

Dahlia had been wrong. She was sure she had just shattered into a million pieces. She was sure she'd stopped breathing. This must be a dream. A horrible, cruel dream. She wanted nothing but to wake up.

"I was quite young," Jesse was saying, tapping out a quick flight of high notes on the piano. "Seven, perhaps. So that would have been—1893."

"And what happened to your parents?"

"A circus tent collapsed on them," said Jesse immediately. "It is why I am afraid of stripes."

Lucie smacked him lightly on the shoulder. He sounded a low note of protest on the piano. "You must take this seriously," she said, but she was laughing. "You'll be asked all sorts of questions, you know. A new addition to the Clave—that's unusual."

To Dahlia, it sounded like piercing fabric with a sharp knife.

Matthew had not noticed her yet, though it was probably because Jesse was hiding her figure. She was right beside the piano stool, so it would make the most sense. She planned it keep it that way until there was a need to reveal herself.

"Jeremy Blackthorn," said Jesse, in a portentous tone. "Who is the prettiest girl in the Enclave? It's a very important question...."

Cordelia loudly cleared her throat.

"The ballroom looks lovely!" she exclaimed. "Is it to be decorated for the Christmas party?"

Dahlia felt nausea crawling up her throat, a familiar feeling, but at such inconvenient timing. She wanted to cry.

Lucie started and glanced at Dahlia quickly. Dahlia shook her head frantically, and Lucie nodded ever so slightly. Dahlia, at that moment, was so grateful to Lucie Herondale that she was prepared to give her all her cinnamon buns.

"Very subtle," said Matthew, with a quirk at the corner of his mouth. At the sound of his voice, Dahlia knew she was done for. She suppressed the urge to stand up and run out of the room, but that would be a horrible idea.

Both Jesse and Lucie turned around. Lucie beamed. "James, you're back! Cordelia and Matthew, come and meet Jesse!"

Dahlia cringed. "Jesse," she whispered. Jesse leaned towards her. "Yes?"

"It would be very kind of you if you could not expose my hiding spot and current condition to James, Matthew or Cordelia. And if you could tell Lucie the same?"

Jesse only nodded, understanding gleaming in her eyes. Dahlia really liked his boy.

As they exchanged introductions and greetings, Dahlia saw Lucie glance back and forth between Matthew and James, and frown.

Matthew was as beautiful as Dahlia remembered. Though it had only been a fortnight, it had felt like months.

His beauty, which had once made Dahlia was to dance for days, now made cold icicles grow in her stomach.

It was Matthew who said, "What is this Jeremy business, then?"

"Oh, right," Lucie said. "After we got back from Cornwall, we had a meeting with Charlotte and all the aunts and uncles, and decided—we will introduce Jesse as Jeremy Blackthorn, distant cousin of the Blackthorns, part of the branch that broke off and went to America a hundred years ago."

Cordelia frowned. "Don't the Silent Brothers have records of who belongs to what family?"

"They tend not to keep particularly accurate ones for those who have left the Clave," said Jesse. "As my grandfather Ezekiel did. And besides, a very helpful fellow called Brother Zachariah was also at the meeting."

"I ought to have seen his hand in all this," said Matthew. "Well, never let it be said we are not, as a group, up for deception. Does the Inquisitor know?"

Lucie shuddered. "Gracious, no. Can you imagine? Especially after he apparently just encountered Belial out in the wilds near the Adamant Citadel. He can't be feeling kindly toward Blackthorns, or, well, Shadowhunters doing magic of any sort."

"It's rather too bad we can't tell the truth," said Matthew, "as it's quite an exciting tale. Having someone who returned from the dead among our number seems a feather in the cap for the Enclave, if you ask me."

"I wouldn't mind for me," said Jesse. He had altogether a calm, mild manner, though Cordelia guessed there were deeper currents running beneath it. "But I would hate for Lucie to be punished for all that she did for me, or Grace, either. Without the two of them, I wouldn't be here now."

"Grace?" said Cordelia, in confusion.

Lucie flushed and held her hands out to Cordelia. "I ought to have told you. I was afraid you'd be upset with me—"

"You worked with Grace?" James said sharply. "And didn't tell any of us?"

Jesse looked back and forth between them—at James's ashen face, and Cordelia, who had still not taken Lucie's hands. At Matthew, whose smile had vanished. "Something's wrong," he said. "Something about my sister —?"

"She did not entirely endear herself to the Enclave when she was among us. For example, she broke up my brother Charles's engagement to Ariadne, seemed to wish to marry him, then dropped Charles in a letter from the Silent City with no explanation," said Matthew.

It was a small part of the story. But Jesse's eyes darkened with worry. "I cannot apologize for what my sister has done," he said. "She will have to do that herself. I do know that it was at my mother's insistence that she pursued Charles. My mother has always seen Grace as a path to power. And I believe that in turning herself over to the Silent Brothers, my sister has shown that she no longer wishes to be my mother's tool. I hope that will count for something when she returns to the Enclave."

"I am happy for you, Lucie," Cordelia said. "And for you, Jesse. But I find I am very tired and must return home to see my mother. She is not entirely well, and I have left her for too long."

She turned to leave.

"Cordelia," Lucie said. "Surely we could at least have time for a moment alone together—just to talk—"

"Not now," Cordelia said as she walked away from the group of them. "It seems there is much I did not know. Forgive me, if I require some time to consider the nature of my own ignorance."

Dahlia fought hard to not roll her eyes. It was an act of great resistance that ought to be rewarded.

Lucie seemed to shrink like a wilting rose. James rushed outside after her, but Matthew lingered with Lucie and I bothered Dahlia. The sooner he left, the sooner she could.

"How is Dahlia?" Matthew asked, he spoke as though walking on a tightrope: one wrong step and he falls.

"I visited her in her apartment earlier. She seems to be well. Pay her a visit when you can, Math."

"Her apartment?" Matthew sounded like someone had pierced him with a sword.

Lucie gave him a sad smile. "Your actions are not going to be easily forgiven if forgiven. Matthew, you must realise, you left her in shambles without a single thought of how she might survive. I do not think she is too keen on seeing you or Cordelia anytime soon. But do visit her, it might ease her mind."

Matthew nodded, clearly having been ridden by guilt for the past two weeks, but some cold part of Dahlia couldn't seem to pity him. Instead, all she felt was cold indifference. It scared her.

"I shall pay her a visit this afternoon," he concluded.

As soon as he left the room, Dahlia stood up, tears flowing. "Thank you, Lucie, Jesse. Feel free to come over whenever you please." she told them and walked out the ballroom hastily. She really hoped Matthew didn't visit her. She didn't know what she would do.

♛

Alastair Carstairs was waiting in Dahlia's flat when she arrived. "Shouldn't you be with your sister?" Dahlia asked.

"I am to pick her up in five minutes, yes, but she can wait. How are you?" he asked. Dahlia wiped her eyes once more. "Much better than yesterday. My headache has lessened. How is Sona?"

"Mother is overjoyed that Cordelia is back. " His answer was short. Dahlia nodded, understanding he had come here for a distraction.

"Did you bring me cinnamon buns?" Dahlia inquired. "Of course. Do you take me as an insolent fool?"

"At the occasion, yes," Dahlia replied, turning to the kitchen counter and finding a box of cinnamon buns.

Alastair rolled his eyes. "Have you seen Layla yet?"

"Oh yes. She is quite well, at war with herself in her mind no doubt, but well. Glowing, in fact." Dahlia replied, biting into a cinnamon bun viciously.

Alastair grumbled something Dahlia couldn't quite hear.

"I shall see you soon, azizam," he said, rising from Dahlia's futon. She smiled at him and waved her goodbye, her mouth full.

He smiled softly at the sight and left the flat, leaving Dahlia alone with cinnamon buns and deadly silence.

She went to her bedroom where dresses from everyone lay at her bedside. There was an equal amount of children's clothing both for a boy and a girl. Dahlia did not have a preference all she wished for was a healthy baby.

There were times when Dahlia did not know why she was so persistent to have this child but then she would remember that this child would be hers. Truly hers. Hers and Matthews. And if she couldn't have all of him, she would keep this part of him and love it with her soul.

A soft knock on the door shook Dahlia. She worried it was Matthew and when she edged to look through the keyhole, her worries were validated.

She could pretend like she wasn't home, but the only issue was her lights were on and he would be able to see. She opened the door, tentatively.

She was wearing a light blue dress with an empire waist and pearls encrusted into them. Her hair was undone as she was home. Matthew was wearing a pair of emerald green trousers and a matching blazer. His shirt was a deep gold that was a shade darker than his hair. He looked at her like he was a starving man finally being given a hot meal.

"Matthew," she breathed. She believed something broke in him, she could see it in his eyes.

"Would you like to-"

"Yes," he replied before she could even finish her sentence. She nodded, opening the door wider, allowing him in.

Dahlia went into the kitchen plated a few biscuits and and poured tea for the two fo them. She placed them on the table near the futon and sat a few feet away from Matthew.

He looked at the distance with such abhorrence it scared Dahlia. "I do not know how to start. No amount of apologies can fix what I have done, I am aware of that. There has not been a day since I left that I haven't been soaked in self hatred. But I shall start small, I am truly, from the bottom of my heart, sorry for all the pain I have caused you. You deserved none of it. You have always deserved better, my diamond, but I have failed time and time again to be that for you. I shall try now Dahlia, though it may be too late, I shall try for you. For any hope left of us."

Dahlia had started crying half way through his apology, she blamed it on pregnancy hormones. Her bottom lip started wobbling so she sucked it in and took a deep breathe.

"Then why did you leave Math?" Her voice broke at the end of the sentence. Matthew flinched as if he'd been punched.

"I was a fool. I saw in Cordelia what I thought was a chance, a shot, at a love I had had months ago. It was horrible of me to ruin what we had to chase an olden dream that has extinguished long ago. It is entirely my fault, there is no one to blame but me." Matthew said. Dahlia was looking at his eyes. His eyes were an impossible shade of green. They were rare too, according to Christopher. They were the kind of green that changed color and had black edging their irises. His eyes were rare. He was rare.

She knew she oughtn't hold feelings for him after all he's done, but the thing about love was once it planted its roots, there was nothing one could do to stop its growth. Like Ivy.

She couldn't stop Matthew from putting roots in her dreamland, and some desperate part of her didn't want to stop him.

"I know that, Math. I want you to know I can not accept your apology just yet. I can not forgive you, not yet, but hopefully soon my mind will have eased. For both our sakes," And for our child's sake, but she did not say it aloud. She didn't dare, not now.

"I would like to try and amend our love, Angel. Tell me how and it shall be done. Anything you want, I shall give you."

"I want you, Matthew. Meri jaan, that has been the only thing I have ever asked of you, and when it came to choosing between me and her, you chose her. All I want is you, jaan, if you can give me you, purely and wholeheartedly, I shall be appeased." Dahlia said. She was surprised with herself and the strength with which she held herself. A few weeks ago she would have forgiven him this instant. But she was realizing, if she didn't respect herself then who would?

Matthew swallowed. "I do not know how to do that."

"First, love yourself, Matthew. Then worry about me, or Cordelia if that is who you wish for." It hurt Dahlia's soul to say those words.

Matthew shook his head violently. "You. I have always wanted you. I shall become better, for you."

"No. Do it for you Matthew. I do not want you to do it for me, you owe to yourself to start loving yourself." Dahlia said softly. "Stop blaming yourself. Stop drinking. Then worry about me."

Matthew only nodded slowly.

"Do not be a fool and quit drinking immediately. In your flasks add water and keep increasing the amount by day. It is a method I have seen other...people use. It must be helpful." Dahlia advised, though how correct she was she was unsure.

Matthew didn't seem to be listening though. "Thank you for the tea," he said, rising. "Should I expect you to be at the Devil's later this afternoon?"

Dahlia did not know there was to be a meeting but nodded nonetheless, "Yes, Matthew. I shall be there."

Matthew nodded to himself and offered her a smile before leaving her flat.

Dahlia curled into a ball on her futon. She wanted to sleep and cry a lot. What she needed the most of all was her parabatai.

♛

is that...communication?? yes, yes it is. i thought it was only fair. don't worry, Matthew is going to be grovelling. A LOT. and i am going to try my best to make him sober by the end of the book if that doesn't affect the plot too much. happy reading !