Ada

Morning light peaks through the curtains and his arms tighten around me. I'd fallen asleep with my head on his chest and now my back's pressed against it, his head nuzzled in the crook of my neck and my legs tangled with his. When he begins to stir I turn around in his arms to face him, reaching to hold his stubbled face.

Somehow even now a voice in the back of my mind tells me that it isn't real, that no man could ever hold me with the intention to love me. It's no secret that many men will feign love until they've gotten what they've truly desired and for the slightest moment I feel a pang of fear in my chest at the thought that I've mistrusted him. I know well that any trust that isn't earned is pure stupidity, and even then...

His eyes slowly open and then soften when they settle on me. His hand comes up to hold my face and I cover it with my own, gently kissing his palm.

"Hi."

"Hey,' he breathes and a quiet moment passes before we both smile, bathing in sunlight and the most exhilarating joy I've ever felt.

Despite my impulses I've always been careful in taking risks, and yet this may be the most brazen risk I've taken to date. Loving him. Trusting him. Because I have far more to lose than just my life.

His lips meet mine and I'm leaning into him, tasting the longing we both share. My life... that's something I'd sacrifice in an instant. It's something I've tried to take with my own hand more times than I can count. But to relive the agony of that day on the train and the aftermath of it, watching my entire world be torn from me... I don't think I could survive that twice.

"What time is it?" I ask and he cranes his head, attempting to look at the alarm clock behind him before giving up and pulling me closer.

"Doesn't matter," he murmurs, kissing my jaw. "We don't have anywhere to be."

"We do tonight," I remind him and he just scoffs, his hand gently trailing along my spine.

"That's tonight," he dismisses, his lips moving down my shoulder. "But today... we're staying right here, and then after that damn ceremony we aren't leaving this bed until they drag us back to London."

I smile, and it must be midday by the time we make our way into the kitchen with wet hair from the shower we shared and in the evening clothes we picked up from the floor since we have no intention of properly dressing until it's time to head back to headquarters.

He pulls out a chair for me at the kitchen table when I reach to help him with the stove and he just tsks and nods for me to take a seat. "I've got it sweetheart," he promises. "Sit down and let me take care of you."

"Yes Sergeant."

He hums in satisfaction and remarks "You know, I think this might be the first time I've ever seen you take an order."

"Well, it's hard to say no to you," I tease and point out "And I think this might be the first one that you've tried to give me."

"Yeah, because I've got a sense of self preservation," he laughs and I'm smiling as he leans over to kiss me. "I'm a bit smarter than Steve when it comes to that."

"Oh really?"

He wears a coy smile. "Considering you haven't shot at me yet it's a pretty safe bet."

I laugh. "Darling as long as you keep your hands to yourself then I can't see any reason to reach for a gun."

He whistles. "That's a tough ask considering I've got a beautiful woman right in front of me." I hum in approval, only to gasp when bends down to kiss my neck as he moves past, his teeth nipping lightly above my pulse. "Suppose I'll have to settle for using my mouth then."

His double meaning turns my face red while he grins proudly and I quickly compose myself. "Well, I think we can settle for that compromise as long as I get to return the favour."

The tables turn and I'm the one grinning as he flushes red, choking slightly. "Sweetheart if I ever say no to that then I want you to shoot me."

I laugh and he comes over to me, kissing me messily now in a way that sends heat straight down my body and just as quickly I'm moaning into his mouth. I'd feel embarrassed if he didn't reciprocate with the same desperation and I'm gasping as he grabs me beneath the thighs to lift me up onto the kitchen table so he can kiss me without straining his neck.

He ends up between my legs but before we can end up with my dress around my waist he reluctantly breaks away, running a soothing hand along my thigh as he murmurs "At least let me cook you breakfast before we fall back into bed."

"Technically this isn't falling back into bed," I point out with my hand resting on the wooden table and he grins, shaking his head.

"Don't you think a bed would be more comfortable?" he teases despite being intrigued by the thought of having me like this.

"I never took you for a traditionalist."

"Yeah?" he murmurs and my breathing's heavy as he puts a hand on my shoulder to gently lower me back until my spine's arching off the table and his eyes run along my body in contemplation as his hands settle beneath my thighs. "You know doll... I'd never gotten on my knees for anyone before you."

I'm certainly not naive enough to believe that he hasn't been with his fair share of women, but I can believe that he hasn't strayed far from the respected norms into anything considered taboo.

"Is that so?"

"What can I say, sweetheart?" My back arches as his fingers brush along my inner thighs. "I've been eager to impress."

I sit up to pull him in by the fabric of the singlet he wears, his eyes mere inches from mine and pupils wide. "I can promise that you've done that and more." His face softens now as I loop my arms around his neck, holding him close and pecking his lips. "I thought I was quite immune to being swept off my feet but you proved me wrong that very first night we met."

There's an almost drunken haze to his eyes as he looks at me and wears a sweet closed-lipped smile. "Told you I'd be coming back didn't I?"

"You know..." I begin, knowing my next words will surprise him. "You're the first man that I ever kissed. The only one in fact."

His eyebrows raise in momentary disbelief. "What? No." His surprise quickly shifts to flattery. "Me?"

"I'll remind you that I spent the vast majority of my life strictly around women," I say and he accepts that explanation. "And that night with you was the first time I'd felt truly free in a very long time. It only seemed right to make it appropriately memorable."

He makes a sound of adoration and bumps my nose with his, lacing our fingers together and murmuring "And we're gonna make more memories. God knows I'm planning to make a lifetimes worth with you, but first-" he kisses me softly and looks over to the stove "I've gotta feed you."

I smile against his lips with wet eyes. "I feel spoiled."

"Better get used to it," he says before kissing me again and moving over to the stovetop. The sight is utterly domestic and it stirs something deep within me. "Just as you better get used to my cooking because it's still a skill in progress." He lifts up his spatula and teases "See doll, I might just be the housewife in this relationship."

I'm laughing as I cross my legs, swinging them back and forth from where I perch myself on the edge of the table. "Are you going to send me off to work with a briefcase and a tie?"

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, you do look damn good in a tie," he says with an easy smile. "Although, the thought of having you at home waiting for me in that nightgown..." I flick my foot out to kick him in the back of the leg and he's laughing with me. "Sweetheart, I can promise you that I'm not stupid enough to ever tell you that you better have the house clean and dinner ready by six."

"So you won't bend me over your thigh to discipline me like those men's guides tell you to do?" I jest and he looks back with a teasing smirk.

"Doll, I'd never say no to you asking me to bend you over but I'm pretty sure I'd lose a hand if I ever thought about disciplining you," he says and while we're joking his answers do put me at ease. "And something tells me you've done a lot worse for a lot less."

"Correct," I say, telling myself that he knows I shot Phillips and has barely blinked an eye, but in the back of my mind lingers all the pain I've inflicted for lesser crimes than laying a hand on me. "And I wouldn't mind working, but I don't think I'd mind being a housewife either."

"Really?" he says in genuine surprise. "I would've thought that you'd be out there threatening anyone that told you to stay in the house?"

"Oh I would be," I assure him. "But I believe that it should be a choice rather than the default." He hums in contemplation, and then agreement. "I'll likely work until we settle down properly, then after that I imagine I'd be quite happy as a mother."

Peggy would tell me that in the modern world we could have both things, and I still might, but if I had to choose I know what my choice would be.

He looks back now in curiosity, the same soft look in his eye I saw in Washington. "With how many kids? I'm not sure how adoption works but we'd be able to choose if we wanted boys or girls and I'm guessing you have a plan in mind?"

"We'd have my sister," I say and he nods, checking the heat of the pan on the stove. "And then... I'd like to adopt from Russia. There's so many little children there who've lost both their parents from the war, and I know better than most what they do with children that have nobody to protect them." His brows furrow now and he gives me his full attention. "When the nurses at Pearl Harbor talked about having kids they had such specific ideas of how many boys and how many girls, but I always thought that I'd be happy with just any. I suppose it's the same now, I would't mind either way, but I can imagine myself with a little girl."

The corner of his lip tilts upward and the smile reaches his eyes. "I can too."

My heart truly is in my throat, sitting here and talking openly about marriage and kids. Something I never could have imagined mere weeks ago. It's not lost on me just how madly fast we've committed to one another, but it's the way of the world these days and we both know it.

"What would you like?" I ask him and he leans against the counter beside the stove, taking a moment to think about it.

"It's not really something I ever thought about until recently," he admits to me. "I've never been with anyone that's made me think seriously about having kids until now."

My heart clenches at the subtle revelation in those words which somehow proves his feelings more than a declaration of love ever could. He's not saying those words to charm me or to flirt, he's only speaking the god's honest truth without even realising the weight behind it.

"I grew up with three sisters so I can't really imagine a quiet house," he tells me. "I don't think I'd mind having a couple pairs of feet running around and I would like a boy, but I've got this nagging feeling that I'm still going to end up in a house full of women. An absolutely stunningly brilliant wife and a daughter that's going to be just as smart. The real question is how many college tuitions we're prepared to pay for because if we're raising kids together then that's a given."

I'm blinking away tears. "You really mean that, Buck?"

"Every word," he promises me and I know that he's telling the truth.

I struggle for words as he walks to the fridge, whistling a familiar tune and debating what to make for breakfast. No room has ever seemed so bright, and I never knew I could feel so much and not have it be in pain.

"James."

"Yeah sweetheart?"

I say the only words that could begin to express just what I feel. "I love you."

He looks back at me and his face softens. "I love you too." He leaves the fridge to come over and take my face in his hands. "My angel."

"My soldier."

He kisses me and nothing has ever felt as blissful as this. The adrenaline of falling and knowing I'll land safely... my heart feels as if it may burst. My head's light and my body's aches as my hand slips into his short hair from where I'm perched atop the table, pulling him closer. My legs uncross to allow him between them and his hands settle on my waist, but only briefly before wandering to places that have me gasping into his open mouth.

This time it becomes quite clear that breakfast will have to wait another hour or so and I'm laughing as he reaches back, fumbling to turn off the stove before lifting me up and carrying me into the living room.

We end up on the couch and he pulls me into his lap, leaning against the back of it as I straddle his hips with nothing beneath my nightgown, my fingers trailing along the length of his abdomen until they reach the waistband of his trousers.

He breaks the kiss to check "You're not sore?'

"Need you," I breathe with a shake of my head and he quickly helps me remove his trousers before positioning me firmly atop his lap. His cock rests between my slick folds, hard and aching as I grind myself along the length of him until I'm sighing his name into his mouth.

He gently slips the straps of my nightgown down so the fabric falls to expose my breasts and he lifts me up enough to take a nipple in his mouth, his tongue skilled in its caress. His cock nudges at my entrance from this angle and he searches my eyes, waiting for my nod of encouragement before helping guide me down onto it. The stretch of him is anything but painful and I'm hyperaware of every ridge and vein of him dragging along my walls until finally I'm seated fully. He's almost too much to take like this, but still comfortable enough that I can grind myself down onto him at the right angle.

"Shit," I breathe, the head of him pressing into the deepest part of me as I roll my hips into him. "James..."

My forehead falls against his and his chest's flush with mine, my nipples grazing his skin as I begin to move, chasing that sensation that's already steadily building with each grind of our bodies. He bucks his hips up, meeting the grind of my hips with languid thrusts and I begin to fall apart far sooner than either of us anticipate.

"Fuck," I rasp, his fingers digging into my hips, helping guide my rhythm when I begin to falter. "You feel so damn good."

"Me?" he says with a breathless laugh, our bodies starting to become slick with sweat. "Baby you aren't sitting where I am."

He punctuates his words with a hard thrust up into me that sends me near collapsing on his chest, fingernails digging into his shoulders as he sets a harder pace that has me seeing stars.

"That's it angel," he praises, nipping softly at my pulse as he helps keep the now desperate rhythm of my hips. "That's my girl, just like that."

My lips crash into his and it's his own rasp of my name that sends me crashing over that edge, collapsing on his chest and dragging my wet lips along his jaw. He's still hard within me and panting as he gently lowers me down until my back rests on the couch, tucking a cushion beneath my head and the armrest.

I'm whining as he pulls out, kissing over my breasts and running a soothing hand along my thigh to give me a chance to recuperate before settling back between my legs and lowering his body onto mine. He strokes my hair out of my eyes, peppering soft kisses across my face and squeezing my thigh as he murmurs "Can you keep going, sweetheart?"

I smile breathlessly against his lips, nodding my confirmation and telling him "I want you to finish inside me."

He exhales with a smile and kisses me again before reaching down between our bodies to guide himself back inside me. My head falls back against the armrest as he again fills me and he reaches to lace my hand with his, moving gently at first until he's sure I'm not in any discomfort and then setting a faster pace that has him trembling above me.

Just as quickly I begin approaching my second orgasm, grasping at the back of his neck with my free hand and urging him on with the grip of my legs around his hips.

"Got another one in you doll?" he asks and he's answered by the cry that's torn from my lungs as he shifts angles to grind against me. "Sound so pretty baby."

"James," I whimper, my body still electrified from the first position and tender from our late-night tryst. "Fuck-"

"I've got you," he murmurs against my lips, his voice breathless now. "Tell me what you need baby."

"Harder," I request and he gives it to me, dipping his head down to my neck to suck a mark above my pulse, his teeth only just sinking into my skin but the effects are explosive. "Buck-"

He drives hard into me and I'm clenching around him, a hoarse groan escaping him as he spills his warmth into me and his body all but collapses on top of mine. For a few moments neither of us can form words, instead we lay there in blissful relief with my fingernails gently running through his short hair and his hand soothing my body, feeling the warmth of his panting breath across my shoulder until it's replaced with the softness of his lips.

He works his way back to my lips before pulling back with a breathless smile as he takes me in, and I'm returning it at the sight of the utter adoration in his eyes. I tilt my head to kiss our laced hands that rest beside my head, utterly lost in the bliss of being his.

He carefully shifts on the couch to bring me into his arms, peppering tender kisses across my face and caressing me as if I'm something gentle. For the first time I may just believe that I am.

Slowly he nods to himself and absentmindedly says "I'm gonna die a happy man."

"Good god James," I exclaim with a laugh, both caught utterly off guard by the fact he said those words at loud, but he certainly doesn't look as if he regrets them. "As long as it's not any time soon."

"Trust me sweetheart, I've never been more determined to see the end of this war," he says cuddling me close, although it's his next words that cause my heart to clench. "And I don't think I've ever been this happy."

"Neither have I," I smile, nuzzling into him. "I love you."

He wears that sweet closed-lipped smile of his as he kisses me and says "I love you too."

~

It's mid afternoon by the time we manage to eat breakfast but neither of us are particularly starved in our appetites. We lay together in a state of undress by the radiator, Bucky having laid out blankets and pillows for us to stay warm without sacrificing any contact.

I'm singing softly to the sound of the radio while he plays with my fingers, wrapped in his embrace.

"I got the one I love. I got the moon and stars above. I got my youth and health. What do I want with wealth? Money is the root of all evil," I sing absentmindedly, echoing the voices of the Andrews Sisters until Bucky interrupts.

"So, they play this one in the Soviet Union?" he jokes and I scrunch my face up, playfully smacking his arm while he grins. "Because sweetheart if they don't then they should."

Even I can't quite argue with his assessment. "They should, but unfortunately no. I can't say they have good taste."

"Well, it's a good thing I do," he flirts, rolling to kiss me and pulling one of the blankets down now that the apartment's warmed. "Let me open up a window and I'll be back."

I nod in agreement, although not without mild protest as he pulls away and leaves me on my own amongst the blankets. I roll onto my stomach, watching his naked figure walk across the room and my god is it fast becoming my favourite sight. I can't resist giving a teasing whistle and he looks back at me with a grin before opening the window, with the height of the glass only his upper body would be on display to anybody in the buildings across the road thankfully.

"Hold on a sec, is that-?" he stops, looking down at the street below and poking his head out the window. "Steve!"

In bewilderment I sit up and wrap a large blanket firmly around myself before joining him by the windowsill, poking my head out alongside his only to quickly feel the urge to duck back in when Peggy looks up at me from beside Steve with an open mouth.

"You do know that I was worried about where you'd gotten too when you didn't come back last night!" she yells out at me and I offer an apologetic smile while Steve gapes at the pair of us.

"Sorry."

Bucky's smile is far from apologetic as he presses his lips together, although he has the grace to at least become a little flushed with embarrassment.

"It's a good thing my assumption was right," she sighs, shaking her head in exasperation, but not quite disapproval. "And you do need to be at headquarters by six."

I nod slowly, but half to ask "Which is in..."

"Two and a half hours."

"Ah, plenty of time then," I smile and she's failing to force back one of her own, not aware of Bucky's hand trailing along my back and lower until I smack it away. He wears a shit eating grin now as Steve finally opens his mouth.

"I was just about to show Agent Carter where you trained me at Goldie's gym."

Bucky raises his eyebrows and seems to get an idea. "We'll come with you," he decides and takes my hand. "Give us a sec!"

He pulls me away from the window and towards the shower, almost tripping into the tub as he gets the water on the overhead shower attachment going.

"I think we're in trouble," he grins and I shake my head at him with warm cheeks.

"I think you'd rather receive a lecture from the colonel than Peggy," I say pointedly, and while he doesn't argue with that assessment nothing could quite rid us of the joy that reduces us to laughter as he lifts me up by the waist to set me inside the tub with him.

"Do you think they knew we were naked?"

"I think it's a safe assumption," I assure him as he helps clean me up for the third time today. "And I'm guessing it's also safe to assume that I've got a bruise or two on my neck?"

"Hey, you gave me one or two as well," he points out and my eyes flicker low to the smooth plane of his abdomen and the bruises just below where the waistband of his boxers sit.

"Mine were in a more subtle place," I point out in return and he tugs me close with a glint of mischief in his eye.

"Then let me return the favour."

My lips part as he squats down and holds me by the hips with both hands, his lips meeting the skin just above where my pubic hair begins. He sucks softly, his teeth grazing my skin, and I'm gasping out, heat again pooling between my legs before he pulls back to admire his work.

"Beautiful but-" my breath catches in my throat as nips at the skin of my hipbone, sucking another mark there and then biting down on his bottom lip as his hands trail along my behind and then down my thighs. "How mad do you think they'll be if we leave them waiting for an extra minute?"

"They'll be angrier the longer you take to make up your mind," I breathe and the mischief in his eyes has seeped into that damn smile of his as he lifts my leg up over his shoulder and I'm reaching to steady myself on the wall.

It's ten minutes later when we stumble outside to meet them with half wet hair and my hands clumsily tying a scarf around my neck. Peggy stands with her arms crossed over her chest, less than impressed, while Steve can only sigh.

"Agent Carter," Bucky greets a tad more respectfully now and she raises her eyebrows at his slightly dishevelled state.

"Sergeant Barnes."

"So," I say, wrapping my hand around Bucky's arm to keep it warm and speak to Steve to break the tension. "You mentioned something about a gym you boys trained at?"

Bucky regales us with his rendition of his and Steve's enlistment as they take Peggy and I to the boxing gym, even if the serial numbers on Bucky's dog tags indicate that he didn't have a choice either way.

"We'd been in an art class when we heard about Pearl Harbor and we decided on the spot that we were going to enlist," Steve explains as we step inside the empty gym and Peggy looks at him in surprise.

"I didn't realise you were a student when this happened?"

"Well I- we were in a public art class," Steve says with a slight stammer. "A life drawing class."

The boys clearly hope that the subject matter of the class goes over our heads but it doesn't, and while Steve has a valid excuse for it I turn my head incredulously towards Bucky.

"I thought you didn't draw," I say and he stammers, very obviously guilty when it comes to his reason for attending considering the subject would have been a naked model in the centre of a room.

"I- um-" he begins, not having any excuse and instead he leaves me blinking in bewilderment as he starts undressing from the waist up. "Did I tell you that Steve and I trained here every damn day for three weeks before we went to enlist? Come on Steve, let's show these girls what real boxing looks like."

I look at Peggy with an open mouth but she's in an even more dumbfounded state than I am when she sees Steve doing the same. I've seen Steve shirtless more than enough times by now after all the months on tour so I'm hardly phased, although I hardly had a reaction the first time. Certainly not like the one Peggy's having beside me.

Bucky hands me his jacket and he's successfully succeeded in distracting me as he begins unbuttoning his shirt with a teasing smile. "My eyes are up here sweetheart."

I shove him playfully and he peels his shirt off, passing it to me to look after before climbing into the ring and I don't realise the sound I make until Peggy lightly smacks my arm, but she's hardly any better when it comes to her and Steve.

"Won't you gentlemen be cold?" Peggy asks and Steve just smiles, intent now on showing off in a way that's uncharacteristically like him, but very much like Bucky.

"Supersoldier, remember?" he says and turns his attention to Bucky. "I'm actually looking forward to this now that we're both six foot, or in my case 6'2."

"Shut up," Bucky laughs as they start getting into it and Peggy shakes her head in disbelief.

"All of this because Sergeant Barnes didn't want to admit to gawking at a naked art model?"

"Well, I can hardly fault him for being a cad two years ago, not when I'm reaping the benefits of it now," I try to rationalise but still have to bite the inside of my mouth. "But to his merit he has made it very clear that he doesn't intend to get shot at for making the same mistakes that Steve has when it comes to female attention."

She hums in annoyance at that recent memory, although the sight in front of us may just make up for their transgressions as the two descend into good spirited wrestling that's more reminiscent of two schoolboys mucking around than a proper match.

"What's that bruise on Sergeant Barnes?" she asks in a moment of genuine concern before realising the placement of it and turning her head towards me. "Ada-"

"It's hardly in a place that people can see," I argue at her scandalisation. "Well, at least not when he has his shirt on."

"And your neck?" she asks, having picked up on the double purpose of the crimson scarf I wear.

"I heal quickly remember?" I remind her sheepishly and she chuckles quietly to herself.

"So, an eventful evening I take it?"

A smile creeps across my face. "Yes, and an even more eventful day."

"Please tell me you bathed properly before rushing out onto the street."

"Yes, we did," I tell her, touching my still slightly damp hair as proof. "We aren't completely disreputable."

Our attention's taken by Bucky managing to land a manoeuvre over Steve and I smile to myself, glad that training still outweighs brute strength, although Peggy's face flushes at how Steve's abdomen flexes despite how she quickly averts her eyes.

"You do know that I saw your face when he came out of that death trap right?" I recall and she presses her lips together. "I never thought Agent Peggy Carter was one so easily wooed."

She scoffs a little and teases "And what about you?"

"Trust me, I'm more shocked than anyone but I've found myself quite the lover," I remark, but it's not just the physical aspect that has me in this state. "And... I believe I've also found the man I'm going to marry."

That truly takes her by surprise and she jolts upright now, leaning in and inquiring "This is serious then?"

"We were speaking about marriage," I tell her quietly and she gives me her full attention. "Marriage, children, the whole deal. I've told him how fond I've become of Brooklyn and he asked me to move in with him. We even brought some of my things back from Washington yesterday." I can't help the emotional smile that spreads across my face. "I'm gonna marry him Peg."

She smiles with me now and wraps her hand around mine before she looks over at Steve and I wonder if she believes the same about him.

"You aren't the only one that's become fond of Brooklyn," she reveals and I squeeze her hand, our eyes bright as we look at the boys and then at one another, seeing a shared future before us. Although that glimmer fades slightly in hers. "I only worry what may happen if I wait too long."

"You put duty before all else and he understands that," I tell her, knowing that I falter where she thrives. "Meanwhile I- I know I'm a fool for putting my heart in anyone's hands in times like these, but-"

"You've been deprived of love for long enough," she says and I smile as she affirms "Do not deprive yourself of it for any longer."

I blink away the tears in my eyes, something that had once been such a foreign sensation that's now so common to me. I glance at Peggy's watch and find my way over to the ring, bucking him over with a single finger and he leans over the ropes so I can peck his lips.

"That was quite the performance, Sergeant."

"I like to impress," he says before chasing my lips for another kiss and murmuring "I adore you."

"I know," I smile and pull him over by the chain of his dogtags so I can kiss him properly until Peggy clears her throat.

"I believe we all have somewhere we need to be shortly," she reminds us and I'm content with that knowing where I'll be sleeping tonight.

"Yes, now get dressed before you catch a chill," I chastise with his clothes in my hands and he only smiles.

"Yes ma'am."

I step back down and come back to Peggy's side, watching in pure adoration as he dresses himself while laughing with Steve and I've never felt so surrounded by love.

"I love him," I tell her and she smiles for me. "And soon enough we may just be neighbours."

"Yes," she dares to dream. "God willing that day will come sooner rather than later."

~

It's six o'clock when I come to Steve and Bucky's room with something that's been on my mind since the very first day we were dropped in Europe. The door's unlocked and when I open it Steve's inside, alone.

"Steve," I greet, finding him fixing the appropriate medals to his uniform.

"Bucky should already be downstairs," he says but I already knew that.

"Yes, but I was hoping we could have a brief word," I say and he's immediately apprehensive. He's always been kind and courteous towards me, but I've long sensed the distrust he harbours, something that's been exacerbated by our arguments in the field. "I just wanted to say that when we're out in the field I'm not arguing with you for the sake of arguing, and I'm certainly not picking apart plans to try to sabotage you as a leader. I just... I just want to make sure that everyone makes it out alive."

"I want that too," he says, but the tension still remains. Publicly he's only ever defended me, but that conversation I'd overheard between him and Bucky after the rescue still lingers in the back of my mind.

"And I just need you to know, no matter whatever else you think of me because of my history, that I truly do care for Bucky," I say and he remains quiet. "This relationship with him... believe me when I say that it's surprised no one more than me, but I've fallen for him Steve. Completely."

His expression changes now, but he's still closed off towards me as he asks "Howard's flirting-"

"Is simply Howard being Howard," I assure him, having theorised that may have contributed to the tension between us when it comes to Bucky. "He is a dear friend but the flirting's not something I reciprocate."

He raises his eyebrows doubtfully and I recall that he witnessed the banter between Howard and I on the plane to the Hydra factory. "Really?"

"I like to jest but I've been quite clear with Howard that nothing will ever happen between he and I," I say, perhaps having underestimated how protective Steve is of Bucky. "But as for Bucky... I've fallen in love with him Steve."

He looks at me now in contemplation. "Do you really mean that?"

"I never expected it, but I have," I swear to him but know that he'll need more than simple words to trust me with his best friend's heart. "I was taught that love was for children and fools, and for the longest time I clung to that. Then I met Peggy and Howard and realised that perhaps there were two people in this world that I could trust, but I never thought I could feel this until I met Bucky. He's given me hope for a future I could never have imagined before him." To ensure those words stick I say "The same future that I know you envision with Peggy."

His face flushes and I know I've broken through that wall he's always seemed to have put up when it comes to me. "And... do you think she sees that as well?"

"I'm not one to betray what ladies speak of behind closed doors," I say coyly and that seems to satisfy him. "Come on now, we've got an event to attend."

~

I ride in a separate car with Peggy to the event centre and we walk in side by side in our dress uniforms. Women had been given the option to wear dresses of patriotic colours but my days of wearing those are long done.

Neither of us had expected cameras, and Steve seems to be similarly blindsided by the flash of them when he enters not long after us, but it's the man by his side that takes my attention. Like Steve he's in his own dress uniform, as pristine and put together as the night I met him.

I smile as he approaches, innocently reaching out to straighten the tie that doesn't need touching. "You look handsome, all dolled up for me."

"Like I said sweetheart, you're the one that looks pretty in a tie," he teases back and we're both smiling. The team approaches to greet Steve and I rest a hand on Bucky's chest, he wraps his own hand around it and brings it to his lips while we're surrounded by the squadron, giving us a moment of privacy in a crowded room.

That is until Brandt and Phillips interrupt us.

By the time they physically lay eyes on me I stand innocently by Peggy's side, Bucky having returned to Steve's. Phillips seems relatively indifferent to this entire event, but Brandt most certainly has a lot of money invested into this by the amount of wealthy men seated in the audience.

"Agent Morgan," Brandt begins. "I would have thought you'd take up the option to wear a dress, something blue happens."

"I thought I'd wear the same uniform as my colleagues," I say, but can't help myself from remarking "I'm afraid that blue doesn't quite suit me, but in the future I'll remember to wear red."

"Yes, and I must voice my opposition to you using red for your field uniform," he says and I wear a spiteful smile. "If you're so opposed to navy then white would be far more suitable."

"Well, I'm hardly a bride," I laugh, trying not to let bitterness seep into my voice considering the terms of my contract. "And I'm afraid that I'd bloody anything white. I find that the red's far more convenient for concealing those stains."

"You might have a contract but you don't need to be a smartass," Phillips intervenes impatiently and I just smile. "And now would be a good time to tell you that you'll be opening the ceremony with the national anthem as well as giving a speech to pay tribute to America's new heroes."

My smile fades and I purse my mouth, wondering if I'd receive a fair trial for killing the pair of them or if they'd convict me regardless of if I leave any evidence or not.

"Well, I'll be sure to make it memorable," I say, simply to see the alarm that the two men share. "If that will be all?" They leave and I turn to Peggy. "You said that there was an open bar, yes?"

She reluctantly sighs her answer "Yes, I did."

I squeeze Bucky's hand as I walk past to the bar and soon have two whiskey doubles in hand that disappear by the time he makes his way over with raised eyebrows.

"You don't wanna wait until after we eat to start drinking?"

"Buck I can barely get drunk as it is," I remind him. "Let me at least take the edge off before this thing starts."

He raises his hands in his defence. "Just making a suggestion since I'm still learning how this serum thing works."

"I know, love," I say and smile softly as I study his face. "Trust me, I'm still learning as well."

He reaches for me before remembering where we are and lowering his hand, instead electing to lean beside me at the bar as the audience slowly makes their way into the room, mingling until the start of the ceremony.

"Do you know what medals we're getting?" he asks, as lost as to what's going on as I am.

"Unit citation and then some individual ones, can't say which," I say, although I suspect what he'll be awarded after his imprisonment. He was tortured by a Nazi scientist and brutalised by Nazi soldiers, at the very least he'll receive a Purple Heart. "I'm just shocked that I'll actually be receiving anything."

"If Steve gets a Medal of Honor you should be getting one too," he says, but we both know Brandt and the government would sooner cut their hands off than present me with one of those. "I mean it."

"I know love, but in truth I'd settle for basic respect instead of medals," I say, but he can see the recognition that I long for.

"Still, it's your first medal," he points out proudly and sees the way I press my lips together. "It's not?"

"I have a handful of Soviet medals for missions I carried out as an adolescent," I tell him, keeping my voice quiet since the SSR seems to still be unaware of the one that earned me my name as the Red Widow. A mission that would also put me in the history books if my name were to be publicly linked to it. "But, this will be your first that you didn't earn in training. It's your night as much as anyone elses and god knows it's been earned."

He's sheepish now and I can see the questions in his head. He's a smart man and he must know just what medal he'll be receiving among others, but he seems to be at a loss as to how to explain it to his family.

"The Purple Heart, you can still receive it for minor wounds right?" he asks with a strained voice and I nod. "I still don't know if I'd qualify-"

"You qualify," I say quietly, resisting the urge to reach out to comfort him so publicly. "You may not have a missing limb or third degree burns, but internal wounds are still wounds... and often just as detrimental. Not to mention the physical injuries that I treated you for"

His jaw clenches and when we're giving notice to take our seats I let my hand slip across his with the room distracted and he offers a strained smile before we move to the table that seats our unit, along with Peggy, Howard and other members of the SSR.

Senator Brandt ascends the stage and before I can get comfortable he announces "I welcome to the stage our very own Miss America, Adeline Morgan, to open this ceremony with the national anthem and give a toast to America's newest heroes."

Bucky squeezes my hand beneath the table and I make my way to the stage with my head held high, hearing audible disappointment at my choice of dress for the evening considering my usual costumes. A fake smile spreads across my face as I approach the microphone. Brandt can go to hell but I know there's no shortage of important men in this room and a pretty woman's smile can go a very long way.

As always the performance is faultless and when the music ends I step closer to the microphone to speak. "Tonight is in honour of the Howling Commandos and the continued efforts of the SSR, and so I would like to pay tribute to the men I have the honour of fighting alongside in the field."

I can see the looks ranging from alarm to confusion throughout the room, but my role within the Howling Commandos is no secret even if it may be minimised.

"Steve Rogers, who you all know as Captain America, formed this squadron of his own initiative with the assistance of Sergeant James Barnes after rescuing the 107th from captivity through sheer courage and the will to do what is right and save as many lives as we can in the process," I continue, Phillips and Brandt watching on anxiously. "This could not have been done without Agent Margaret Carter and Howard Stark who selflessly enabled us to undertake this mission and I would like to express our gratitude to them on behalf of Captain Rogers and the rest of the team." Peggy gives me a smile from the audience and I know I'm saying something right. "I would also like to pay tribute to the brave men who accepted Captain Rogers and I into their ranks. Sergeant James Barnes." His eyes are soft when I glance his way, watching on attentively. "Private Jim Morita, Private Gabe Jones, Corporal Timothy Dugan, Major James Falsworth of the British Army and Jacques Dernier of the French Resistance. Men of multiple Allied nations banded together for the shared cause of ending this war. I would like to thank Senator Brandt and Mr Stark for organising this celebration, along with all those seated for their ongoing support of the United States Army and its allies."

"Everybody give a hand for Agent Morgan," Senator Brandt says and the room fills with applause. "And for the Howling Commandos."

Steve gives me a look of pleasant surprise as I return to my seat and the speeches ramble on for quite some time until we're called to receive our medals. Bucky ensures that I stand ahead of him and just behind Steve as we line up beside the stage.

"To Captain Steven Grant Rogers," Brandt begins. "For his rescue of the 107th I present the Medal of Honor and for miscellaneous missions undertaken in the European Theatre I award the Presidential Unit Citation."

Applause fills the room and my chest is tight, recalling the last medal I received before my assignment in America. Except this medal isn't for an assassination. Although the Unit Citation will be for the capture of the Nazi Officer.

"To Agent Adeline Victoria Morgan, the Silver Star and Purple Heart for her efforts in the rescue of the 107th and performing first aid after sustaining injury at the hands of the enemy, and for miscellaneous missions undertaken in the European Theatre I award the Presidential Unit Citation."

I'm confused by the Purple Heart until I look at Peggy and remember that she brought me for treatment after we made it back to camp, qualifying me for the same medal as Bucky for my injuries. It doesn't sit right with me but nonetheless I ascend the stage and accept the medals, receiving the Unit Citation badge and the rest with grace. Like my dogtags, none of the medals I receive bear my proper name, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if someone filed paperwork while I was part of USO to legally anglicise my name out of utter spite for my background.

"To Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes," he continues and I turn my head from beside Steve to watch him ascend the stairs. "For torture under enemy captivity I present the Purple Heart and for miscellaneous missions undertaken in the European Theatre I award the Presidential Unit Citation."

His body's stiff and he keeps his head down as he crosses the stage, shaking Brandt's hand and accepting with a similar grace before coming to stand beside me. I keep my head forward until the last Unit Citation is awarded and we're allowed to return to our seats. Once the speeches resume I take Bucky's hand in mine beneath the table and he squeezes it tighter than I expect, his breathing shallow.

We're fed with a meal more luxurious than what should be warranted under rationing, but considering the amount of rich men present within the room it comes as no surprise. It's only as it grows late we're left free to mingle in the open space between the seating and the stage with the band playing dancing tunes and men gathered about the open bar.

Bucky and I find ourselves by the outskirts of the room, a weight still on his shoulders at the possibility of his family discovering what truly happened in that camp.

"Don't suppose you've got a cigarette stashed somewhere?" he finally asks and I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

"Of course I do," I say, offering it to him considering the cigarette smoke already lingering in the room. "I didn't think you smoked?"

"I picked it up after I was shipped out to Italy," he admits, something he seems to be keeping from Steve. "But it hasn't become a habit yet."

I nod in understanding and light it for him considering the tremour in his hand, but not without a warning "And don't let it become a habit or else you'll end up like me."

"See but you look too damn tempting when you've got a cigarette between those lips," he flirts and I take the cigarette from his fingers into mine, taking a draw before passing the lipstick stained cigarette back to him to share. "See, point proven."

I smile to myself, but can't shake my concern. Knowing that he wants to keep his composure I tell him "You did good Buck."

"Thank you," he says, his voice still a little hoarse. "When I take you to meet my family, if they ask can you tell them that it was from an injury I got escaping."

I nod and assure him "You know that I've got your back."

"Thank you," he says and seems to lean in to kiss me before remembering where we are. He finishes the rest of his drink in a quick swig and sets it down before passing the cigarette back to me. "I believe that I promised you a dance."

"Technically I was the one who promised you one," I remind him but extend my hand to him nonetheless since a simple dance is innocent enough to the eyes around us. "Lead the way Sergeant."

He seems to ease once I take his hand, and after two dances he follows etiquette in passing me along to Steve as to not arouse any suspicion with our superiors. If I were to dance with one man for the entirety of the night then that would be a statement in itself, but for me to dance with my entire unit ensures that we can't be singled out, even if it may paint me as a floozy. Although I'd rather them think that than risk anything between Bucky and I being brought to attention.

I even succeed in getting Peggy to her feet for a dance, both of us laughing at the sight of Lorraine whispering some no doubt scandalous allegations with the other WAAC's while we truly enjoy ourselves for once. Steve lingers nearby, rejecting dance requests from the ladies who waltz by him, but still he never quite works up the courage to approach Peggy himself.

Under Bucky's watchful eye the Howling Commandos are quite careful in their hand placements with some mostly well mannered banter among the men that has Phillips electing to ignore our semi-drunken exploits entirely. It's only when I begin dancing with Gabe Jones that we receive uncomfortable stares that escape neither of us, both of us knowing that there are many who no doubt vehemently oppose his presence in this building let alone in this unit, and so I dance with him for twice as long as the other men before he passes me back over to Bucky.

"Sergeant."

"Agent," he says, his hands certainly firmer on my waist than any of the others. "If I didn't know better I'd think you were actually enjoying yourself at this thing."

"I hate these events, but good company makes it bearable."

"Bearable, alright," he teases with a squeeze of my waist. "Admit it, you're having fun."

"I always do when I'm with you."

He grins and I smile back as he spins me around just as he did that very first night together, a few drinks in and noticeably more at ease now. All I want is to drag him out of here to keep the dance going back at his apartment, but he's right, this evening hasn't been as unbearable as I thought it would be.

It's at the end of the second dance that I feel a hand on my shoulder and look back to see Howard, the hair on my arms raising slightly at the realisation at what's about to happen and I thank god that Bucky seems to handle his alcohol well.

"Sergeant Barnes, do you mind if I cut in?" Howard asks in accordance with etiquette and there's a lump in my throat as Bucky wordlessly passes me over to Howard who rests a hand on my waist and takes my hand in the other.

"I can't imagine that skirt's made for dancing," Howrd says, looking down between us at the restrictive skirt that falls below my knees.

My response is light. "It's not too bad with the right footwork."

"I've gotta say Ada," he continues, spinning me around in step with the music. "I miss seeing you all dressed up."

"Well I hardly would've been taken seriously if I went to get a medal with my shoulders showing," I remind him and he can't argue with that assessment before I turn the conversation more formal. "Are you staying in New York for your leave?"

"I've bought my parents a place on the Upper East Side so I'll be staying around to have Christmas with them before we go back to London," he says and I wear a slight smile.

"You're native to New York aren't you?" I remember and he nods. "Queens?"

"Lower east side," he corrects and I nod, in my initial background research on Howard having discovered that he certainly didn't come from money. "How was your trip to Washington?"

"Productive, I took care of my father's accounts and visited my old home. Can't say the SSR left it in the best shape after raiding it so I'm thinking of selling it."

"You didn't go yourself did you?" he asks, no doubt assuming I brought Peggy, and I could lie but something compels me towards honesty.

"Peggy was occupied with work so Sergeant Barnes was kind enough to escort me," I say and he seems slightly jarred but nods. "I think I'll be living here in New York once the war's done. I've developed quite the taste for it."

"I've bought another property in the city, a mansion," he tells me proudly. "I'll have to bring you and Peggy there for a tour."

"We'd both like that," I tell him politely. "Also would you be able to refer me to a decent real estate agent in Washington, you have properties there don't you?"

He nods with questions in his eyes. "Got your eye on somewhere nearby then if you're looking to sell sooner rather than later?"

"Something like that."

"You're being really coy tonight you know that?" he teases and I try to laugh him off, but can't deny that my mannerisms are quite clipped with eyes watching us.

"I am a spy remember?"

"Oh I remember. Do you know how many lectures I got from the colonel about fraternising with a communist spy?" he says with a laugh before tugging me a little closer and I'm aware of Bucky watching with increasing intensity. "I think I can deal with getting another."

"Howard-"

"Come stay with me," he asks again, the slightest edge of desperation to his voice. "It's a big place and I promise I won't bring any girls around while you're there."

"That's not-" I begin to protest but I know that he won't let this go until he get's this off his chest. He must see the pain in my expression because he takes my face in his hands in the middle of a crowded room. "Howard."

Out of the corner of my eye I see Steve with a hand on Bucky's arm and begin a silent prayer. My heartrate increases with the looming anxiety of seeing what type of man Bucky is when he's pushed with a bit of liquor in his system. Liquor is many a good man and woman's undoing and the thought of spending my life with an angry drunk...

I remind myself not to assume the worst for once in my life, to trust the man I've come to adore, but I know better than most that appearances can be deceiving.

"You're gonna be getting shipped back out there after New Years and I- I can't let you go without telling you something," he says and despite the defeat on my face he keeps on going. "I never got the chance to tell you after Erskine was killed and I was transferred to London. I spent months regretting it and I- I can't make that mistake again."

"Please," I say, and he understands that I'm asking him to stop, but he wouldn't be where he is today if he wasn't a persistent man. "We spoke about this."

"Not properly," he says and if he was another other man I'd have smacked him across the face long ago, but he's not. He's Howard and I know that this is my own doing. I led him along in those first weeks together, I flirted and manipulated and made myself his confidante. He let me in just as I let him in, and I can't push him out now. "Ada-"

I see the decision in his eye the moment before he moves in to kiss me and I stop him by putting a hand between his mouth and mine. I don't dare look towards Bucky, but I hear his footsteps and the sound of a door being swung open and shut again.

It's only then that it seems to hit Howard, and I pull his hands away from my face before stepping away and marching after Bucky while Peggy breezes past me to talk sense into Howard before he can pursue me.

"Give him a minute-" Steve says when he intercepts me but I push past him as well and through the doors Bucky disappeared through, into the winding empty halls of the entertainment centre.

"James!" I call out, the music from the hall drowning out any sound of my voice that could otherwise be heard from within. With no immediate sign of him I dash around the corner in my heels to find him standing there with his back to me. "James."

When he looks back at me I can't quite decipher his expression, an equal mix of hurt and anger, but whether it's towards myself or Howard I can't tell.

He doesn't say anything and so I speak first, my voice weaker than I'd like it to be, and my first instinct is to protect Howard rather than myself.

"Please, don't start a fight."

"Why do you think I came out here?"

He has a glass in his hand and my initial instinct is to stay firmly where I am, far enough away to be able to dodge any attack he might make considering the force behind his throw would cause significantly more damage than any glass my mother had thrown at my head in her drunken rages.

Instead I step forward, deciding that it's better to know now what he'll do with it than months or years down the line, when we're married and my name is the same as his.

And it's better he sees me for what I am now than then.

"If you're angry it should be with me, not him."

He looks at me more carefully now. I'd be a fool to believe that he hasn't heard the rumours about Howard and I. I see the question in his eyes, but he still gives me the benefit of the doubt before jumping to conclusions.

"Why's that?"

I swallow hard and tell him the truth. "When I met him I flirted with him, led him on for months and only fueled those rumours that you've heard until I was put on the USO tour with Steve"

But I still haven't answered the question on his mind and he doesn't want to ask it, but he needs to know. We hear footsteps in the not so far distance and my body's pliant as he takes my wrist to pull me inside a nearby storeroom, the door shutting behind us and the light above turning on, although when I look at his face I wish it was dark.

"Led him on?" he asks and sees the guilt in my expression. "Lina... don't make me ask"

In his question he's asking many more. If I lied about being a virgin, about him being the only man I've been in any way intimate with. Perhaps I'd be offended or insulted if not for the guilt I harbour. If not for the fact I began this acquaintanceship with Howard prepared to sleep with him in exchange for the protection his name brings. If I hadn't enjoyed in some capacity the attention I received from him.

"I haven't slept with him," I tell him honestly. "I was being truthful when I told you that you're the only man I've been intimate with and well, I think you can understand why."

His face changes and he sets the glass down before taking my face in his hands, his touch only gentle. My body immediately eases and I lean into him with a hand on his chest as he says "I believe you Lina and I don't care if you led him on, I just- I don't understand why the hell you didn't hit him for trying that."

"Because- " I begin and sigh knowing that whatever answer I give won't land well. "Because he's my friend and I can't fault him for his feelings."

He scoffs now and blinks in disbelief, repeating my words back to me "Can't fault him for his feelings?"

"Feelings that he knows I don't reciprocate," I stress, wishing that Howard had the grace to take me somewhere private if he had to do this. "I just- perhaps I haven't dismissed his own as firmly as I've ought to."

He's quiet now and I shake my head in frustration with not him or Howard, but with myself.

"I don't expect you to understand, but - my whole life I'd never had one genuine connection with anybody until I came to the SSR. I shared a room with Peggy and while she took me under her wing she was understandably hesitant to become close in any way with me, at least in the beginning, but Howard wasn't," I remember, knowing that my loyalty to him has been earned. "He'd read my file and he was the one person in that damn building who never used it against me. Maybe he was the idiot who wanted to sleep with the Russian spy, and maybe I took advantage of that until I realised it was an emotional connection he craved more than just a sexual one and so I exploited that."

He seems bewildered more than anything else and slowly he brings his hands away from my face. "So you don't care about him?"

"I do care, very much so," I say and he looks away. "But not in the same way that he cares for me which is why I feel terrible for leading him along until it's blown up into this mess... and I feel terrible that you've become caught in it."

Guilt is a new emotion and I'm utterly ill equipped to deal with it. I'd only ever felt it when deceiving my own father, my own blood, but I've never experienced guilt in this context until now. Until I lost sight of that line between manipulation and what I believe to be genuine.

"I-" he begins, truly not knowing what to say, but eventually he spits out the only question that matters to him. "So what am I then? If he means that much to you then why aren't you with him?"

He doesn't rebuff me when I reach to take his face in my hands, panic seeping into my voice now. "Because I don't love him. I love you." His face softens and his hands settle on my waist, a slight pout to his lip as I repeat. "I love you James."

He turns his head to kiss the inside of my palm with a relieved sigh, leaning into my touch. "I wanted to step in but-"

"I'm glad that you didn't," I tell him, stroking his cheek. "And thank you for not starting a fight. The last thing we need is to get sat down in front of the colonel and asked to explain what's going on."

He nods in agreement, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight. "I just- like I said baby I'm not angry with you I just..."

"Don't like this situation?" I finish and he nods. "I need you to understand that Howard isn't a bad man. He's a friend and I hope that he always will be, but what happened tonight... it's been a long time coming and it's my mess to deal with."

It's then there's a knock on the door.

"Ada, can I please apologise to you," I hear Howard call through the door and I motion for Bucky to stay quiet. "I know you're in there, I can see that the light's on."

Gently I push Bucky behind me, out of sight as I crack the door open and Howard stands there properly dishevelled, no doubt having received a scolding from Peggy.

"Ada-" he breathes raggedly and it's then I realise just how grossly I've underestimated the depth of his emotions towards me, how much he cares for me, and it hurts because I care for him just as deeply but not in the same way he does for me.

"Howard, I am very sorry if I've given you the wrong impression," I say before shaking my head and rephrasing. "I'm sorry because I know that I have but-"

"It's alright," Howard says sheepishly. "I didn't expect you to be able to return what I feel, I just- I thought that maybe there was still a chance. You said that you didn't want to throw this away to a fling and I thought if I proved to you that it would be more than that then-"

"It can't be," I tell him, tearing off the bandage. "Because I- as much as I care for you Howard it's never been in that way, and I'm sorry for misleading you in believing otherwise."

"I'll be honest, I thought you would have hit me by now for trying that in front of anyone," he says and I sigh. "Peggy just about did but didn't want to draw any more attention to what happened."

"Howard, I swear to you that we'll discuss this privately but-" we hear footsteps and he panics.

"Look, let's just get it done with now," he says and I step back as he pulls on the door, pushing past only to stop when he sees Bucky standing behind me.

I stand there as the two men look at one another and whatever suspicions Howard's had are quickly solidified and he clears his throat. "Sergeant Barnes."

"Mr Stark."

I let out a heavy sigh and shut the door with the three of us inside, instinctually tucking the glass that sits on the floor behind my foot and out of their reach. "Well, I suppose there's no point lying anymore is there."

Howard looks at me with a surprising fondness and I realise that despite everything he truly is happy for me. "So you and Barnes huh?"

I take Bucky's hand proudly, a statement to him as much as it is to Howard. "Yes."

"Ada, if you're with him then why didn't you just tell me?" Howard asks despite both of us knowing damn well it was his suspicions that led him to make one last attempt at winning me over.

"Because I had hoped that I wouldn't need to have a man in the picture for you to understand that I can't return your feelings," I say bluntly and guilt washes over his own face now. "I'm-"

"Don't apologise," he dismisses. "I knew that your eyes were looking somewhere else but I- I thought that I'd be making a mistake if I didn't try one more time. Turns out I was wrong, and I'm sorry for that."

"Thank you, Howard," I say in acceptance of his apology, holding Bucky's hand tight. "And I know you care for me, but... it just can't be in that way. You've always believed in me and supported me unconditionally, and I'm asking you to do that with Bucky and I now."

He gives me a kind smile and nods. "Your secret's safe safe with me."

"Thank you," I breathe in relief, aware of Bucky's enduring silence as I proceed with an idea that he won't be happy with. "And I know I'm not in the position to ask for any favours, but everyone will think we're in item and I'm asking you to not deny it."

Both men blink at me now and Howard glances towards Bucky uncomfortably. "But why?"

"Phillips won't dare touch me if he thinks we're involved, but if he were to learn about Bucky and I-"

"Say no more," he understands. "I can do that for you." I release a breath of relief as he shakes Bucky's hand. "Take care of her, you've got a hell of a woman here."

"I know I do," Bucky says, his voice still carefully measured. "But I think she'll be the one taking care of me."

I kiss his cheek and say to Howard "Thank you so much for all you have done for me and I'll see you in your office after Christmas to have a look at adding some features to my uniform."

"I look forward to it," he says and Bucky wraps a protective arm around me as Howard leaves, but tension still lingers between us.

"Thank you again for not starting a fight," I say as I turn to face him, but he can't quite meet my eye.

"Stark's a good man," he says, and suddenly his voice is quiet. "But are you sure you're with the right guy?"

I look at him in pure surprise, truly believing that I've had to have misheard him. "What?"

He raises an eyebrow when he finally looks at me. "Turning down a millionaire for a common soldier?"

I laugh at how ridiculous his worry is, but he doesn't laugh with me. "Buck, don't tell me you're actually concerned I could consider leaving you for Howard?"

"He's a good man, an insanely rich man," he says and I shake my head incredulously. "And it's clear there's something there."

"James," I sigh deeply, taking his face in my hands. "Did you forget what I said all of two minutes ago? That I love you. There is only one man I've ever held in my heart and he is standing right in front of me." I kiss him softly. "And he's the man I'm going to marry."

He cups my face and kisses me deeply, pulling me in close but I pull back, putting a finger on his lips and looking him in the eye to make sure my words stick.

"I couldn't care less about money," I tell him, leaving no room for doubt or misinterpretation. "I'm a damn Marxist that was raised in a communist country. It's not money I care about, but freedom. Including the freedom to not be dependent on anyone. I have my fathers money for that, I don't need any other mans. Not yours. Not Howards. Mine."

He nods but seems a bit too happy, as if he's just won a bet with himself. "I knew you were lying about not being a communist."

I stammer slightly at the audacity. "Marxist with utter opposition to the bastardised version that Lenin and Stalin institutionalised."

"Close enough."

I shake my head now, fighting back a stunned laugh. "I'll have you know that I never so much as considered myself a socialist until I was put on that damn USO tour to prance about half naked so those rich old bastards out there would buy bonds. It wasn't bloody Soviet propaganda that radicalised me, it was that bastard Brandt out there that's just about turned me into a full fledged communist-"

He's smiling to himself, a little too proud at having distracted me from my first lecture, and it's then I realise that he knows me too well. It's a feeling I could get used too. Still, his attempt at diversion doesn't go unnoticed. He's realised his mistake and wants to back out of the conversation, but something tells me this isn't the first time he's held concerns over my friendship with Howard.

"James," I say again, wanting this to be the last time he ever doubts my feelings for him. "I love you even if you are utterly delusional in thinking for a second I'd ever choose anyone over you."

He blinks in slight offence and dares to ask "Am I?"

I'm suddenly glad for all my lessons in managing the emotions of men as I begin "Do you know the reason why I could never be with a man like Howard?" He's quiet, and so I continue. "My entire life I've been told what a curiosity I am, whether it's because of my training or the serum or some other god awful quality that was beaten into me with the same grace as a sledgehammer. When I arrived here I was a test subject, even if Howard and Erskine treated me well, in their eyes I was still a peculiarity and all that praise just made me remember the beatings, the pain, all the choices that were taken from me."

His brows draw together and he holds my face in his hand, gently stroking my cheekbone and listening intently now.

"To Howard and almost every man I've ever known I've been an asset to be used for one cause or another, but... that first night with you was the first time I felt like more than that. It- it was the first night I felt truly free." I can physically see the understanding in his eyes now and he lets a soft breath escape. "A scientific curiosity I may be, but if I could I would give it all up, the serum, the training, and just live a normal life with the albeit jealous but sweet man right in front of me who's ruined every idea I ever had about love being some cursed thing meant for children, who's made me feel like a woman instead of a weapon."

"Oh Lina," he breathes and I don't resist this time as he brings me into his arms, cupping the back of my head with a gentle hand. "I love you so much... you've got no idea just how much, and I wanna give you everything that you deserve-"

"Buck, you've given me more than I could have ever dreamed of," I tell him, pulling back to look into those eyes. "Take me home James."

And so he takes my hand, sneaking through the entertainment centre until we reach the streets of New York and hail a taxi to Brooklyn. His hands never once leaving my body even as we find ourselves in the back of the taxi, neither of us caring for modesty, his fingers tangled in my hair, and his lips so desperate on mine.

The taxi driver has to clear his throat as we reach Bucky's apartment.

"Thank you," Bucky says, messily pulling a bill out of his wallet and yelling out "Keep the change!" as he pulls me out of the backseat and towards the apartment block, taking my hand and leading me home.

When we reach the threshold he picks me up bridal style to carry me inside and he lays me down on the bed we share. His face is illuminated above mine only by moonlight and I bring his lips to mine, still tasting the whiskey and cigarette smoke on his tongue and my own.