"You two were totally making googly-eyes are each other!"

I scoffed as LaToya teased me, "No I wasn't, I was being a gentleman, nice and courteous to her."

Hours Before.

"Michael, we need to go out, you cannot stay in this house for an another minute being depressed. You're a nice looking man."

I groan, "LaToya, I'm not going to a club to get with a stripper." She hugs my arm, "Now why would I want my little brother hooking up with someone, I want you to find someone to love! Even mother believes that!"

I roll my eyes, "I don't want to be in love, I don't have time to be in love with anyone! How about we go to the hospital? Visit little babies and children who are sick? That's more important to me then finding a woman." She finally gives in and pokes me in the chest, "One hour, alright? Unlike you, I have a date for tonight." I put my hands up in defense, "One hour."

We got up from the cold, mahogany floor and walk out of the house. LaToya drove since I'm a horrible driver. I still didn't pass my driving test, and I highly think it will ever happen at this rate. I rest my head against the window while covering my face up with a scarf to conceal my identity until we make it to the hospital.

Eventually, LaToya made it and parked in the roundabout of the ER. I chuckle, "Are you sure they will let us park here?" She shrugs, "I would hope so." We get out the car and run into the hospital. I couldn't help to notice the patients in bed, doctors trying to resuscitate some of the trauma victims, some of the people covered up with a sheet, showing that they passed on from this Earth.

I shivered at the thought as we walked down the halls, searching for NICU. Eventually, we found it. My eyes filled with tears to see such innocent creatures with a plethora of tubes in their chest and mouth.

"Oh Michael..."

I turn to my sister as I beat on the glass angrily, "It's not fair! They don't deserve this! They're angels, God's angels, why them?" She hugs me tightly as I wipe my face before anyone could notice and turn to notice a young doctor looking at me.

She looks at me quietly. I sense her nervousness as I asked her, "Do you work here?" It was common for normal people to be nervous around me or my family, so I have a tendency to break the ice with a simple yet dumb question. Her lips curled to a smile, "No, I work at the circus."

At least, she got comfortable around me to make such a statement.

Present Time.

LaToya pokes me while making kissy noises at me. I shake my head, "Oh stop it!" Her teasing intensifies as she begins moaning, mocking me, "Ohhhh Marina!"

I reach my hand over to her mouth, covering it as my cheeks was solid red like a red ruby grapefruit, "Shut up!" She muffled a giggle under my hand as I was completely embarrassed. Intimacy is something I took seriously, yet I was never really intimate with a woman. I was too shy and insecure that a woman wouldn't appreciate my lack of sexual experience or my body.

In my lifetime, I seen naked woman, women who would strip in clubs me and brothers would perform at. I remember one time, Jermaine and I was sharing a bed on tour, and he was having sex in the bed with a woman while I laid there, pretending to be asleep. Subconsciously, I knew I wasn't really a man that could be a pleasure to a woman. I barely could look at myself in the mirror, nevertheless, give a woman what she really needs.

I uncovered my sister's mouth as she drops me off home. I sigh as I walk to the front door, opening it as I noticed my father, sitting in one of the dining room recliners, doing a crossword puzzle.

"Michael what's a 8-letter word to describe 'red'"

I walk over to him as I thought quietly for a moment then mumbled, "Burgundy." He writes it down before answering sternly in his deep voice, "Thank you. I see you don't have a girl tonight."

Not him too.

I grumbled angrily, "Why is everyone so up my butt about dating? I'm perfectly fine the way things are! I work like a dog and everyone still isn't pleased!" I flailed my arms while walking upstairs to my room, slamming the door behind me.

It felt good to release that steam. Mostly because my own father is up in my business. Sometimes, Joseph ticked me off, all my life he's controlled what I do and say, and some days I really get tired of it.

I plopped on the small floral couch in my room as I slid my fingers through my small curls, thinking about her while closing my eyes. Dr. Marina Hathaway. She was a doll-face. Beautiful hazel eyes with that glossy caramel skin. Vivacious personality. A gorgeous ebony queen she was. I found myself somewhat sexually attracted to her as my breathing became erratic as I squirmed on the couch.

Am I sexualizing myself with her?

I leaned my head back aside the soft, linen pillow as I imagined her nails digging into my back as she moaned my name out, begging me to never stop pounding myself inside her.

"Yes Michael..oh God, just like that..."

"Shit, babygirl...you like that don't you?"

"Oh Michael...I'm going to cum!"

I opened my eyes to notice that I was stroking myself viciously. My hand was full of my cum as I blink slowly, completely embarrassed of what I did. I immediately sat up on the couch while still breathing heavily.

What the hell is wrong with me.

I stuffed my manhood back in my hands and walked to the bathroom, washing my hands. Too bad I can't wash the devious sins down the drain as well.