"Ill be ready in 10 minutes."

Jasmine called as she got ready to Monse's mothers funeral. She had asked us to come, of course we said yes, we couldn't leave her like that. I was already ready, i thought to myself, just stay at Rubys until shes done, he has been scared since the tire incident and maybe me being there with him will give him some type of happiness. I grabbed my phone and headed out. I jumped as I saw Celia, standing in front of the yard.

"What do you want?" I growled. "Actually, I dont care, i dont got time for you, im going to my boyfriends." I walked away from her.

"Boyfriend? Who? Cesar?" I nearly gagged.

"what no ew! Anyways Willy isnt here. Just go back to your other family and dont come back, specially when Im here." She grabbed my arm. My eyes widen.

"Valeria, your father-"

"Dont talk about him. You have no right." I yanked my arm away. "He hated you, the night you left, the next day, all your stuff was in the trash."

"Chico and I-" she stutters. "Its grown up business." I scuffed.

"Grown up business?" I walked closer to her. "Celia you know nothing about growing up. You left your family, have a drinking problem. If money is what you want, then money is what you'll receive. Come back when I turn 18, ill give it to you. If you even remember my birthday."

"Well i guess its a deal." She nods.

"Do you even care about us? My life was going semi peaceful until you came back." I started to go off. "Are even sorry?" I licked my lips. "Sorry that you done nothing for this family, leaving your kids behind? Why did you have to come back, why." I cried. "You know, everyday when you left, i blamed myself. What was so wrong with me, that you had to leave."  She didn't say anything. "I wished you died. And every mothers day, when i was a kid, i was forced to make you a card, telling you how much I love you but I was just writing lies. Why would I write a card for her while she doesn't love me."

"Valeria." She whispers.

"Did you even love me? Did you even say those words to me as a kid?" I wiped my tears. "You had missed the best years of our lives, missed growing up with us. Because of you, Im scared to love anyone because they might leave, like you." Jasmine came out of her house and saw me. "I dont ever want to see you again. If you care, just a little, please, dont come back again." She placed her hand on my cheek. I took a deep breath. I then slapped it away from me and went to Jasmine. I got in her car and we drove off.

"Your mom?" She asked as I stared at the window. I just nodded.

"Lets not talk about it okay." We made it to Brentwood, already there was a bunch of people inside the big home. Jasmine got a call from Jamal and I went inside. "Hey." I said as I saw Monse. I hugged her. "Im sorry."

"Please dont, ive been hearing that all day and imma swing." I gave her a small smile. "You look nice."

"Thanks." I held her hand. "Mons, come on, lets eat."

"I dont want to eat." I sighed. I saw Cesar and I went to him.

"She doesn't want to be here." He said as we picked out something to eat. "I mean look at her." I did and I saw her crossing her arms and rolling her eyes.

"Lets just be here for her." I sighed. Jamal showed up and we headed to Monse, who was speaking to her dad.

"What about theirs?" He said as we gave her a smile.

"Try the quiche. Its good." Cesar tells her. Jamal hands her his plate.

"Take a bite and ill walk away." She rolls her eyes and grabs a carrot. She took a bite and he left.

"Sorry I was late." Jamal tells her.

"It doesnt matter."

"Im still sorry. And im sorry that you're going through this and... that i said all that rough stuff about not needing you and-"

"Its fine. We both said rough stuff. Im sorry too."

"You okay? Anything I can do?"

"No." Monse shakes her head. "You dont have to stay." We all frowned. "None of you do. This is just another exercise in a life filled with awkward discomfort."

"We're not leaving." I told her.

"Its non negotiable." A man went to Jamal and grabbed the appetizer from his plate.

"Thank you." He man said as he walked away.

"You are so welcome." I bit my lip. Oh no. "Everyone is so nice and sharing plates. I mean death really does bring the best out the community."

"He thinks you're the help." Not here Val, its not the time to laugh. But it was too late, Jasmine and I snorted.

"Douchebag."

"You know who doesn't get mistaken for the help? A leader." Jasmine tells Jamal, smiling. A older women comes up and gives Jasmine an empty cup.

"Gracias." She said as she walks away. All of our jaws dropped. Cesar took Monse to the living room as I went to get her something to drink. I saw Ruby come in and I ran to the room.

"You made it." I smiled. Jasmine comes in also.

"What else was I supposed to do? Stay home? Wait for Cuchillos to kill me?" My smiled turned into a frown. Did he- yall catch that tone? Cesar coughs. "Nah, i can wait her instead. At least there's sandwiches and cream puffs things."

"What is wrong with you?" I told him. "Dont ever talk to me like that." I pointed my finger at him.

"Inside voices." Jasmine sings.

"Exactly. We all should be listening to that inner voice." He yells out. Everyone in the house went quiet. "That voice telling us what we're not good enough, we're never gonna make it out of Freeridge, and even if we do get out, we'll probably end up offing ourselves. Like Monses mom." Everyone gasps. What the hell! "Now, I dont know what we're waiting for. Maybe we should do it now, while we still look good in our caskets, right?" I got up and grabbed Ruby by the arm and took him outside.

"You have to chill!" I yelled at him.

"I am chill." He sassed.

"You probably said that in chill voice but what you did in there was not. What the hell is wrong with you?" I crossed my arms.

"Im just done dancing around the bullshit of not telling the truth. And the truth is sometimes I wonder if we might be better off dead."

"Ay amor, ya. I know you almost lost your life, but encouraging other people to lose theirs after your best friends mom just died...is some bullshit."i sighed. "Look, you have every reason to feel triggered, but what you're doing is triggering other people. Everyone is going through their own shit. Okay? You have to stop, now." I looked at him. "You are bringing the dead back with that attitude."

"The what should I do instead? I mean this how I feel."

"Stop the attitude and just be cool for a minute."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"I dont know, fake it, dont, I dont care. Figure it out or go back home." I went back inside and Ruby came following me. He grabbed my arm and turned me to kiss me. I pushed him back, I wasn't feeling it. Not today, not after this thing with Celia and the attitude. "Why did you do that?"

"To get my vibe back."

"Dios ayúdame porque voy a perderlo." I swore as I walked away. I called Willy to come pick me up, i really wasn't in the mood. He said he'll be there in 5. I gave Monse my regards and I waited outside. I didn't say anything to Ruby since what he did wasn't cool and he didn't apologized. I got in the car and just ignored Willy.

"You good?" He said as we walked in the house.

"I just need to be by myself." I closed my door and out on my pjs. I stayed on my phone, watching tik toks to pass the time, then I heard a knock on my window. I saw Ruby. I sighed and Opened the window. He came inside and i stood by my dresser. "Whats up?" I said, crossing my arms.

"Im sorry I kissed you. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He looked at me, walking to me, grabbing my hands. "Its just that lately, the only thing that makes me comfortable is you." My heart started to beat faster. "Its because i love you." Then it sunk. My jaw dropped. He said it.

"Ruby-i-" i started to stutter.

"What?"

"You dont love me." I whispered to him. I was crying.

"But i do." I was getting scared. The last time i heard that, Willy almost died. I cant. "Princesa?"

"Im sorry." I cried. Ruby shed a tear and looks out the window. He can see how hurt I looked.

"Uh, i should, i, go." He jumps out the window.

"Ruby, wait." He was already already gone. I closed my eyes a sobbed. What did I just do. Willy hears it and opens my door.

"Lets go for a ride." I shook my head no. "Im telling you, come on." He grabs my hand and we headed out. I plugged my headphones on and the one sad song started to play, really, out of all songs. We made it to the beach.

"What are we doing here?" I hiccuped.

"For this." Willy takes a deep breath and screams. I jumped. "Come on, it makes you feel better. Let that anger out." I tighten my knuckles. And then i let it go. I screamed. And i fell down, sobbing again. Why did I say that. I love Ruby. I love him with my whole heart, my life. Why did I have to say that to him. I ruined everything. God why. I made a mistake. How am I going to make this right?

"Love is a scary thing. But Ruby, he really does love you."

"I told him that he didnt." I sniffed. He sat down next to me, watching the moon. "I broke his heart. Why do I do this? Every time someone tells me that they love me, they get hurt. I dont want anything happen to him. But I love him too much." Willy holds my hand. "Im broken."

"You're not broken. You're scared. And thats okay." He tells me.

"Its because of Celia."

"Dont let her stop you from loving Ruby. Hes a great guy. Hes willing to die for you." I wiped my tear.

"How is he going to forgive me?"

"If he does love you, he will." We sat back to not saying anything. I really did mess up. I really do hope he can forgive me. I cant live without Ruby.