"𝑀𝑦 𝑒𝑦𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑑𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑦, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑚𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑒𝑟."
—𝑈𝑛𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤𝑛

𝒩.

𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐒 she climbed out of bed and rubbed her head; she hadn't had the greatest night of sleep.

Then again, she hadn't had a great night of sleep in a long time.

It had been almost a month since Ben's funeral, and, ever since then, her life had become immensely harder: she could barely get four hours of sleep a night, most of her nights consisted of tossing and turning; she never had the appetite to eat anymore, despite the scolding from her father and all the encouragement from her mother; and she could never seem to get her mind off of the fact that if she hadn't been so goddamn sick and stupid, Ben still could've been with them.

She could only hope that things would turn out better, eventually.

And so she carried that hope with her as she changed into her uniform and brushed her hair. She didn't bother to put makeup on anymore; she couldn't find the energy to do so.

Her attention turned to the door as it opened, and Diego offered her a smile as he came in, closing the door behind him.

"Good morning, beautiful," he greeted, kissing her forehead once he had reached her. "How you feelin'?"

"Okay." She sighed, putting her hairbrush down on her vanity and sitting on the edge of her bed.

Diego frowned as he sat down next to her, reaching over and interlacing their fingers. He gave her hand a small squeeze.

As she gave a squeeze back, he murmured, "You think you're ready for tomorrow's bio test?"

"Definitely not. I studied with Klaus and Alli for the past couple of days, and . . ." She sighed as she gave a small lift of the shoulders. "Well, you know them; we didn't get anything done."

Diego raised his eyebrows. "That's why you should study with me."

"Diego," she pointed out, "I get nothing done with you, too."

His nose scrunched as he shrugged. "We get a little done."

"Do we?"

"Okay," he admitted with a grin, "not really."

"Mhm," she hummed as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"But still," he insisted as he folded his arms, "hanging out with me is a lot better than with Allison or Klaus."

"Is it?"

"Yeah," Diego immediately answered. "I mean, you love me, not them."

Natalia lifted her head and looked at him with a wrinkled nose. "But I do love them."

"Not the same way you love me, though!" he chided as he nudged her side.

"That's true," she conceded, shifting closer and kissing his cheek, eliciting a grin from him. "What about me?"

His eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Do you love me differently?"

He rolled his eyes in amusement as he pressed his forehead against hers. "I think you already know the answer to that, princess."

He kissed her once more as the bell rang, causing a small smile to draw onto her face.

Gripping her hand tightly, Diego got to his feet before pulling her onto hers, though he let go once they had left her bedroom.

They joined the others in rushing down the staircase and entering the dining room, seeing Grace, who was wearing a blue dress and an endearing smile, already waiting behind Reginald's chair.

Natalia played with her fingers as she stood in front of her chair, only half-listening to the scratchy voice that came from the recording which echoed around the house.

That recording was soon accompanied by the heavy footsteps that resounded around the room, and their attention turned to Reginald, who was dressed elegantly.

He did his usual scan of the teens' faces before nodding and ordering them to sit as he pulled his own chair out.

Scrapes and the clatter of utensils then filled the air as they took their seats and began to satisfy their stomachs.

Natalia settled her gaze onto the food that was on her plate—scrambled eggs, buttered toast, bacon, and some halved strawberries—and gave them a weary look. She wasn't all too hungry and felt no desire to eat.

Maybe this time they wouldn't force her? The hope was small but still existed.

She clasped her hands on her lap, pursing her lips together as she began to count the seeds on one of the halved strawberries that were face-down.

One, two, three—

"Number Eight."

—four, five, six—

"Number Eight!"

—seven, eight, nine—

"You must eat your food!"

—ten, eleven, twelve—

"You will not be allowed to leave the table until you do!"

—thirteen, fourteen, fifteen—

"Natalia, darling, you need to eat your food."

—sixteen, seventeen, eighteen—

"Natalia, your father is upset, honey, you should eat."

—nineteen, twenty, twenty-one—

"Just a few strawberries, or some eggs."

—twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-fo—

Natalia's attention was ripped off of the strawberry as she felt a forkful of eggs being shoved into her mouth, and, with widened eyes, she looked up to see that Grace was hovering just next to her, her fingers grasping the end of the fork.

Grace had a warm smile on her face, but her narrowed eyes warned her that she would continue to use force if necessary, causing Natalia to sigh and nod.

"Fine," she mumbled after chewing and swallowing the bite of eggs.

She could feel a couple of people's gaze on her, including Diego's, but chose to ignore it as she slowly shovelled food into her mouth.

Once she had finished, a few minutes after the others, she ignored her father's hard stare as she got to her feet and followed them back to the bedrooms.

She entered her room, running her fingers through her hair and detangling any of the knots that had been made.

Diego was quick to come into her room, his books already in hand as she picked up her books from her desk.

He frowned, keeping his hold on his books tight as he leaned against the wall and watched her. "You good, babe?"

"I'm fine," she sighed as she walked up to him. He planted a kiss on the side of her head, and as they began to walk to their classroom, she mumbled, "I don't get why they don't understand that I don't wanna eat."

"They understand," he pointed out, though he kept his voice gentle. "They just don't want you to starve. You need energy for training and missions and stuff."

"I guess," she muttered, adjusting her books.

She and Diego quickly followed the others into the classroom, and they all took their spots as Grace began to write on the chalkboard.

Natalia kept her focus on the numbers she was scribbling down as Grace taught the lesson, glancing up every now and then to remind herself of what was written before jotting it down.

She squinted her eyes as she free-handed a graph, and rolled her eyes as the x-axis became slightly slanted at the end. It was annoying—but still, satisfactory enough.

She rested her cheek against one hand as she used the other to draw the parabola that Grace had put up on the chalkboard, chewing on her lower lip.

Her mind, however, quickly drifted away from parabolas as she began to think about Ben, and how if maybe, just maybe she had gone on that mission, he would be okay and learning about parabolas with them.

If only they hadn't gone to Griddy's the night before, or if only she had just put on a jacket, or if only she had just ignored her sickness and went on the mission, or if only Ben had also gotten sick . . . there were about a million and one 'if only's that she could go through, yet none of them were reality.

She missed him. So much. He was one of her best friends and someone who held her secrets with care. One of the only ones she could actually hold a serious conversation with, and those conversations would just be one of many things she would miss.

"Natalia?"

"Hm?" Natalia's eyebrows furrowed as she straightened up and looked at her mother, who was raising her eyebrows.

"Are you okay, dear?" Grace asked gently, her forehead creased in concern.

It was then that Natalia realized that there was a tear trailing down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand as she nodded and reassured her, "I'm fine."

"All right," Grace said as she straightened up, though the frown on her face made it clear that she wasn't so convinced. Still, she turned back to the board, picked up her chalk, and continued to teach.

Natalia swallowed, wiping her cheek once again before shaking her head slightly and returning her focus to the board.

Gripping the pencil tightly in her hand, she furrowed her eyebrows and tried to keep her mind solely on the function that Grace had written down, and as time passed on, her posture relaxed.

Suddenly, she felt something hit the back of her hand, and she looked to see that there was a small ball of paper lying next to her hand.

She glanced up to Grace, who had her back facing them, and then looked towards where the ball had come from. Her eyes landed on Diego, who was watching her.

He gave her a small smile, nodding for her to open it before glancing over to Grace to make sure she couldn't see him not paying attention.

Natalia picked up the paper, peeping up at Grace quickly before returning her gaze to the small slip of paper as she unfolded it.

It was awfully crinkled, but, still, it was easy to make out Diego's scrawled writing, which read: 'I love you'

A small smile drew onto her face as she glanced up at him, though she had no time to do anything else as Grace turned to face them.

Quickly, Natalia crumpled the paper back up and slipped it into the pocket of her blazer before picking her pencil up and writing everything she had missed.

"Now," Grace began as she turned back to face all of the teens, whose eyes then lifted from their notebooks and to her. "If the parabola is in the first quadrant, what kind of x and y would it have? Vanya?"

Vanya squinted down at her notes. "Positive x, and positive y?"

"Perfect!" Grace nodded as she placed her hands on her hips. "What about the fourth quadrant? Luther?"

"Positive x, and negative y," Luther answered.

"Yes!" Grace nodded once more. "Third quadrant, Natalia?"

"Oh, uh . . ." Natalia furrowed her eyebrows as she looked down. "Negative x, and negative y."

"Exactly." Grace nodded, though her gaze lingered on her for a second longer before turning to Diego. "Diego, dear, second quadrant?"

Diego, who had been gazing at Natalia, quickly switched to his notebook before he answered, "Negative x, and positive y."

"Wonderful!" Grace confirmed with a smile. "Now, I'm going to hand out a worksheet—which you will hand in by the end of class—and you can pair up into groups of two."

Natalia wondered for a brief moment why Grace hadn't mentioned anything about a group of three, but then she quickly remembered why and shut her eyes.

"Lia," Vanya whispered, nudging her side. "Can we be partners?"

Natalia quickly nodded, eliciting a smile from the other girl. She glanced over to Diego, who seemed to have noticed the decision, and sent him a small smile as he sighed and turned to Klaus.

Vanya pushed her desk so that it was pressed against Natalia's, and the two girls thanked Grace as they were handed their worksheets.

As Natalia scanned over the questions with a small frown, Vanya nudged her side and softly asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Natalia reassured her with a small sigh. "Just . . . a lot on my mind."

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked, gripping her pencil tightly as she worriedly peered into the other girl's face.

Natalia gave another sigh, chewing her lower lip for a moment before shaking her head. "It's okay, Vanny. Let's just finish the work."

Vanya gave a small nod, and the two of them set to work.

The two girls chatted absent-mindedly along with answering the questions, their conversation ranging from the book that they were reading in their English class to the adorable frog that Klaus had found in the courtyard the day before.

And, soon enough, just after they finished off the last question, Grace called for them to hand in their work and head for training.

"Why'd you go with stupid Vanya?" grumbled Diego as he came to Natalia's side, his grip rather tight on his books as they headed back to the house part of the complex.

"She's not stupid," Natalia chided, elbowing his side. "And I can't be with you all the time."

"Why not?" he questioned as they began to head up the stairs, the herd of students around them. "Mom never said we can't be partners with the same people."

"I always partner with you anyway," she pointed out as they turned the corner, "I can take a break every once in a while."

"Take a break?" he repeated with a scoff. "What, you're tired of me?"

"You know that's not what I mean," she murmured, and he sighed.

"Whatever," Diego said as he followed her into her room. "At least be my sparring partner."

"Can't," she answered as she put her books down, pausing to give him a sympathetic smile. "I already promised Klaus last night."

He sighed. "Seriously?"

"But if we do anything in history or chemistry today," she quickly promised as she walked over to her closet and opened it, "I'll be your partner."

"Fine," he mumbled.

Natalia grabbed her tracksuit from the hanger and turned to Diego, who was watching her with a frown.

"You should probably change," she pointed out with raised eyebrows. "We're gonna have to go down in a couple minutes."

"Right," he sighed. He shifted his books in his grip and gave her a small smile before quickly heading out and closing the door behind him.

She fished the crumpled note out of her pocket, reading the three words over a few times with a small smile before carefully tucking it into the drawer of her desk.

Natalia then quickly took her clothes off and changed into the tracksuit, zipping the front up all the way.

She grabbed a hair tie from her vanity and quickly tied her hair in a low ponytail, making sure to make it as tight as possible; she knew how messed up her hair got during sparring.

Klaus was already at her door when she opened it, and he gave her a grin.

"Ready to beat my ass?" Klaus greeted.

Natalia shrugged as she closed her door behind her. "I guess."

𝒩.

Later that evening, Natalia headed back to her room once dinner had finished, her belly content with the chicken and salad that she had been forced to eat.

She flicked her lights on as she entered, the bright glow of the light immediately illuminating her blue walls, and shut the door behind her.

She headed over to her desk, sighing as she sat down in her chair before grabbing her biology notebook and textbook and pulling them closer to her.

She flipped the notebook open, and she quickly scanned over her notes with pursed lips. She frowned; she really was not in the mood to study, but considering the fact she was hardly ready for the test, she had no choice.

Before she could actually get to any studying, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," she called with a small sigh, closing the book as she turned towards the door.

It opened to reveal Diego and Allison, both of them offering her a smile as they peeked their heads in.

"Wanna study together?" Allison asked as she and Diego came in.

"I seriously need help with this unit," Diego sighed as he sat on the edge of Natalia's desk. "I suck at it. And you don't. Help."

Natalia frowned as she glanced back at her notebook. "Sorry, guys. I kinda wanna study by myself tonight, because I do suck at it."

"Are you sure?" Allison asked, her eyebrows raising. "It's a lot better to study together."

Natalia nodded, letting another sigh escape her lips as she turned towards her notebook and opened it once more. "I'm sure."

"Okay." Diego slid off the desk, and, ignoring Allison's groan, kissed Natalia's head before gesturing for the other girl to follow him out.

Natalia heard the door shut, but she kept her focus on the definitions that she had only half-memorized.

Almost ten minutes later, she could hear Klaus in Diego's room, talking not-so-inconspicuously about a prank that he wanted to pull on Reginald. With a small groan, Natalia tried to tune his giggles out and focus on the citric acid cycle.

It wasn't long until she heard her mother calling for them to get ready for bed, and, with a sigh, Natalia shut her notebook and stacked it on top of her textbook.

Was she ready for tomorrow's test? Absolutely not. Was she going to pretend and lie to herself that she was super prepared so she didn't feel bad? Absolutely.

Natalia took her hair out of the low ponytail that it had been in, tossing the hair tie on top of her desk before running her fingers through her hair.

She quickly grabbed her pyjamas from her dresser before heading out towards the bathroom and gave a small sigh of relief when she saw that no one was currently occupying the girls' bathroom.

Glancing behind her to make sure that neither Allison nor Vanya was heading her way, she entered the bathroom and locked the door.

She quickly took off her uniform, placing it in a small heap on the counter before stepping into the shower.

The soft sound of water splashing against the ground, along with the warm water that trickled down her skin, was enough to soothe her anxieties about the biology test. She shut her eyes, delighting in the water for a moment before pumping shampoo into her hand and beginning to lather her hair with it.

Once she had finished her shower, she stepped out and quickly dried herself with her towel before wrapping her hair up in it.

She changed into her pyjamas, her fingers fumbling with the buttons, and then blow-dried her hair before brushing it out.

She then quickly brushed her teeth and put moisturizer on, and, just in time, she left as Allison approached.

Natalia entered her room once more, swiftly putting her uniform into the dresser before shutting her lights off and heading straight for bed. She was absolutely exhausted.

She let her head fall back against the pillow and pulled up the covers to her chest. She closed her eyes and relaxed her body, but found herself unable to fall asleep.

Just wait a little, Natalia told herself. Sleep will come.

So she waited. Five minutes, then ten, then thirty, and then an hour . . .

And by the time she had tossed and turned a million times, it was nearly one in the morning.

Maybe she could count sheep?

One . . . two . . . three . . . four . . . five . . . six . . . seven . . . ei—this wasn't working either.

Was there any other method of falling asleep? Hypnosis seemed out of the question . . . She didn't really feel like going into the kitchen and getting a glass of warm milk . . . She had already switched her position and flipped her pillow over a thousand times . . .

So . . . no. There wasn't.

Natalia listened to the still house for a moment before sighing and sitting up. She pulled the blanket off her lap before slipping off the bed, wincing as the floorboard creaked.

Quietly, she opened the door and stepped out of her room, closing it gently behind her.

She peered down the dark hallway and listened intently, making sure that no one was coming.

When the coast was clear, she walked over to Diego's room (it was only five steps away, anyway), and gave soft three knocks on the door.

She heard the shuffling of footsteps for a moment before the door swung open, and she was met by Diego's baffled expression.

"Nat?" he asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes. "Is something wrong?"

Natalia looked both ways down the hallway before turning back to him and sighing. "I can't sleep."

"Again?" He nodded as he placed a hand on her back and guided her into his room. "You wanna sleep in my bed?"

She gave a small hum, giving him a grateful smile as he nodded and pecked her forehead.

Diego quickly shut the door before guiding her over to his bed. He laid down first, on the farthest side, before she carefully climbed on.

"It isn't your fault, Nat," he mumbled as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. "Stop feeling guilty about—"

"Don't worry about it," she whispered, leaning her head and kissing his lips lightly. "It's my problem to deal with."

"But—"

She sighed. "Please. I'll get over it myself."

"Fine," he conceded, his arms strengthening around her.

Natalia nestled closer into him, closing her eyes as she breathed in his familiar scent and relaxed.

He kissed the top of her head. "Goodnight, princess."