LOOKING AT A THE GHOST OF YOU

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MAX MAYFIELD STOOD IN DISBELIEF AT THE EMPTY HALLWAY BEFORE HER. Where once a grandfather clock had been sitting inside of the school wall had now been empty. It was as if it never existed. She couldn't begin to understand how it could all be in her head when it was so real. The chiming, the haunting pendulum swaying from side to side— she could see it all so easy and yet it stayed locked away somewhere in her mind where Vecna's darkness took hold.

Reunited, the group had gathered around Ms. Kelley's desk as Max continued to recall the trance Vecna had pulled her into. No one had said a word as she laid out two files before the group— Chrissy and Fred. Standing across the desk from Max, Alex's eyes flickered across their personal information, unable to gather a single word. Fred and Chrissy were people and struggled all the same as her. Dead or not, she felt obligated to keep their struggles hidden away. For their last memory of them to be of something so personal, something they wished to hide away felt like a dishonor to their lives. Yet everything bit of misery that Vecna caused them had been far worse than what they feared their last memory to be.

Her eyes caught onto one that lay there unopened. Once tucked away, hidden from others' eyes, her file had found its home back on Ms. Kelley's desk. Throat burning and panicked thoughts, Alex's eyes turned down, afraid that her fears were a reality. Unspoken promises to never cross the line of personal boundaries may have been shattered because she hadn't been there to express her desire to keep those secrets to herself or to share them herself.

"Fred and Chrissy, they both came to Ms. Kelley for help. They both were having headaches, bad headaches that just wouldn't go away. And then... then the nightmares." Max's voice cracked as she explained such simple symptoms— all that had occurred to her daily. "Trouble sleeping," she continued, "They'd wake up in a cold sweat. Then they started seeing things. Bad things. These visions, they just... they kept on getting worse and worse until eventually..." Her words came to a pause as she tore her eyes off of the files, looking at all those that stood before her. "Everything ended."

Steve looked down as he listened, trying to understand what this all meant but his mind was elsewhere. Slowly, his eyes traveled over to Alex only to find her looking his way. It was an unspoken understanding that each of them thought of the night they had broken up. Awoken in a cold sweat, blood gushing from her nose was the reason she had disappeared from his life. Steve wished he was able to break her from this curse and save each of them for a life together. To live without her was a dark place he could no longer live in. All he wished was to love her forever and Vecna's curse was just another thing that stood in his way of holding onto that forever.

"Chrissy's headaches started a week ago, Fred's, six days. I've been having them for five days. I don't know how long I have but for Fred and Chrissy, they both died less than twenty four hours after their first vision," Max explained. Twenty four hours sounded far away yet it felt as if it was happening all too soon. Just one day more would be all she had to say goodbye and right her wrongs, but that fear of knowing it truly was one day away that she would be erased from this world set a feeling of confused rage, unprepared to die so soon.

Eyes pulling off of Steve's, Alex focused elsewhere. "Are we sure this isn't the Mind Flayer? I mean, I had the bloody noses, the headaches, trouble sleeping..."

Max placed her hands on the desk as she leaned forward. Gently, her hand laid upon Alex's file, the closest it ever dared to be. She was desperate for Alex to look at her and nothing was given in return. "This has to be different, right? You didn't fold into a pretzel like the rest, you got powers." Max waited, leaning forward as she grew desperate for Alex to say anything. Unable to give her something as simple as her attention, Alex ignored her, crossing her arms.

Simple eye contact was all each of them had needed to feel at ease, to feel such simple love to keep pushing. However, Alex's desire to protect herself from seeing the broken part of her inside of Max's eyes is what kept them so distant from one another. To ignore her, a pang of regretful guilt sat inside of Alex's stomach, making her sick inside with the person she became just to feel safe against her emotions. For Max, it created a dark monster inside of her to be left behind by someone that became a part of her life so easily just as if she was family.

That's when Max could not hold back any longer. Hating Alex became easier the more they spent time together and were treated as if she wasn't there-- just a ghost. It reminded her of the months Alex would treat her as if she was invisible, walking passed her without a word or a glance, pretending as if they were nothing despite being willing to die for one another not too long ago. To Max, she felt unworthy in Alex's eyes. That if her brother was there, Alex would have chosen him long before she ever would choose Max.

Swallowing hard, Max licked her lips as she prepared herself to unleash such a rage she kept in for so long. "Well, do you have any of these symptoms?" She questioned her loudly, her tone demanding answers. Even as Nancy held out a hand of caution, Max had swatted it away, unwilling to proceed carefully with her words.

Alex's lips parted, hesitant to speak but Max wasn't willing to accept anything but the truth from her. Her lips turned down into a frown, her bottom lip threatening to quiver in frustration. Nothing but the empty air sat around the room, the others wary to speak as they too awaited an answer from Alex. Building up, the rage inside unleashed a dark monster within Max that erupted, finally causing a break of emotion. Snatching Alex's file off the desk she held it up, wanting Alex to look at what she dared to do. "I swear, I'll look at your file if you try and lie to me." She was desperate for Alex to acknowledge her that she left all her promises she made to Alex throughout their friendship and was willing to toss them out the window for anything from her.

Holding out his hand, Steve shook his head in disapproval. "Come on, Max, this isn't okay."

Pulling back the file, she scoffed. "Are you kidding me right now? After what she did to you, you're still taking her side? Try not being so predictable, Steve." Turning her focus back to Alex, she fumed with hostility to see she still couldn't look her way. "You don't get to hide it all away anymore because I can't let you die. I won't. I trusted you before and you hid it all away when we needed you. People died and I just saw that goddamn clock, so it looks like I'm gonna die tomorrow. The least you can do is look at me."

The rest of the group grew silent, unsure how to tackle the situation. Max was a hothead and didn't mind becoming snappy with them if she needed to be. Alex was hurting and they wanted to give her what she needed to heal. But Max was not willing to back down. Not after everything she went through. Hot tears fell from her growing red face. "Look at me!" Slamming the file down, she caused the group to flinch from her booming voice and sudden actions. "Pretend like I exist again and look at me!"

Alex felt the tears clouding her vision but blinking them away wouldn't work this time around. When she did blink, they spilled over as she turned to Max. Finally, she brought herself to look at her after all this time. Her heart grew dark to see her eye to eye once again. All the memories of them together, they were a faraway dream. It was as if none of it mattered anymore until this moment. For Max, she would be willing to die, to do anything she asked just for her to be safe. This was the first time Max had screamed at her and hearing that desperation and rage, she had to do what she dreaded for months and look at her.

"I'm fine," Alex whispered, her voice nearly lost in the darkness. Hearing those words, Max's stomach dropped and a new set of wrath encompassed her. Flipping open the file, she didn't stop to think twice and consider her actions and what it would do to someone she loves so deeply. Instead, her clouded judgment broke a boundary that none ever dared to cross. "Headaches, nosebleeds, consistent nightmares," Max rattled off. "Refuses to further discuss her symptoms with Dr. Owens despite being advised to do so. Symptoms have been ongoing for months and become increasingly worse after getting sleep." Max shook her head as her eyes floated around the pages, flipping over as she gathered more information. As she read, a laugh escaped her lips in amusement. "So you're fine then?"

Flipping further, Max stopped when she saw her name written down. Tearing her eyes off of it, she pretended as if it never existed. It had been hard enough to accept that Alex was unable to look her way and to know now she felt would truly take a part of her sliver of happiness left. Skipping over, she settled on taking that anger out on those around her-- all those that Alex saw worthy as treating them as humans and not a ghost. "Unable to maintain relationships," she stated loudly as she looked at the others. Everyone around her was visibly uncomfortable, too stunned by Max's actions to act. "Who wants me to read them theirs? You know, since Alex won't talk to us." Yet no one made a move. None of them were interested in digging into Alex's life even if they were curious themselves about how she felt.

Reaching over, Steve couldn't bring himself to look at Max as he went to grab the folder. Pulling away, Max shook her head in disbelief. "Fine, I guess you wanna hear yours first." Eyes darting down to the folder, she ignored Steve's pleads to stop and read over his cracking voice. "Very difficult for Alex to speak about previous boyfriend Steve Harrington. Steve is seen with several different girls that visibly upsets Alex whenever mentioned. Alex does not wish to pick up the relationship with Steve as friends or further in fear of causing more pain to him as well as herself. Uncertain how to move forward with her relationship with Eddie Munson due to Steve's jealousy. Ha, that's hilarious. So much for choosing her side of things, huh? And that's not even the start of what's written about you." Max's eyes flickered over to Steve, seeing that visible hurt and anger that spread across his face, yet she couldn't stop herself from continuing, "And Dustin Henderson," she announced but her words were cut off the moment the file was ripped from her hand.

"That's enough," Steve demanded, unable to hear another word. To put Dustin through that because of Max's outrage was unacceptable. Closing up the file, he wished nothing more than to toss it into the garbage and end it once and for all. Breathing heavily, Max felt that surge of adrenaline that such a rage brought her die away almost instantly the moment it was taken from her grasp. Soon enough guilt shadowed over and she realized how unlike herself she became. Slowly, her eyes crept towards Alex, wishing she could do it all over. Never knowing would've been better for all of them because now a once untied group was silenced.

Instead, Max was forced to face her reality. Standing across the desk, Alex had her arms wrapped around herself, tears staining her cheeks as she stood there watching Max invade her privacy. Now having Alex look at her felt agonizing. Soaking in every bit of hurt she caused, Max felt tears clouding her own eyes. "Alex, I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." Max was unable to continue, afraid that in doing so, she would break under the pressure. The truth was, she was terrified. Vecna had claimed her as his next victim and that told her she had very little time left to live. Yet with that time she had, she chose to break apart something good in her life and destroy a relationship that meant the world to her.

When Max had pulled her eyes off of her, Alex spoke, her voice quivering as she fought to stay strong. "I'm not fine and I'm sorry. I've had every symptom but mine have been around for months. I-I just didn't want to hurt any of you, you all mean too much to me. I can't be the reason any of you get hurt. It'd probably be easier if Vecna just got it over with, so I'm sorry." Letting her arms fall to her side, she took a step back, keeping her eyes focused anywhere besides those around her. There was a deafening silence as everyone else grew too scared to make any movements.

That silence was unbearable to Alex. She lowered her head as she closed her eyes, letting what tears that were left fall. Every bit of progress she felt opening back up to those around her crumbled away in a matter of seconds. Her chest grew tight, unwilling to allow her to breathe as those she cared for all watched her, unsure how to comfort her.

Needing the escape back into her shell, Alex dismissed herself without a word. Ms. Kelley's office used to be a place to feel safe, a place to keep her secrets and allow her pain to sit anywhere else than on her shoulders. Tonight that feeling of safety was ripped away the moment that her file was opened. The person Nancy was so convinced wouldn't allow that kind of harm to Alex had done just that. It took a piece of Alex, it damaged her.

Clearing her throat, Nancy stepped back from the desk, "I can go check on her," she offered. Jumping at that chance to follow along, Steve finally allowed that numbness to wash away. Hearing Max share how Alex felt about him when she talked to Ms. Kelley was not what he expected to ever hear. He told himself that it should have been something to be expected, but all he wanted to hear was how she missed him and wanted him back in her life. Now it felt as if they were as close as strangers, two people once in love completely lost.

Not giving him that chance to hear it from Alex herself, Nancy held up her hand to put him to a stop, "It's probably better you don't go," she spoke. Her words were enough to hurt him but to follow Alex in such a vulnerable spot would only have hurt him more. Without giving him that chance to fight, Nancy followed out of the room, leaving the others to the deafening silence.

Standing back with a loud sigh, Max wiped the tears staining her cheeks and shook her head. "I pushed her too far. She couldn't look at me for months. Months." Picking up Alex's file, she soon let it fall back to the desk with a sigh. "I threatened her with this shit. What kind of person does that?"

"You just wanted answers," Dustin whispered. "It was a little insane, but yeah." Blaming her would only hypocritical knowing he had been close to doing the same as her just for some answers.

"Yeah, thanks," she sighed. "She never would have done that to me. Ever." Sitting back down, Max watched the desk, "I'm really sorry, Steve. I shouldn't have done that to you either. And- and Dustin, she just misses you. That's all." Growing quiet, her mind went elsewhere as she replayed the moment in her head. What had been a rush of rage now had her sitting in her worst guilt.

In the hallway, Nancy was prepared to race out in search of Alex. However, when she stepped out into the hall, she could see her sitting away from the room, unable to find it in herself to run away this time. No matter the pain, they were the hardest to let go of and hide away when they needed her more than ever.

Head in her hands, Alex cried quietly to herself, hating herself for ruining every relationship she cherished around her. Calmly approaching, Nancy never saw Alex as the one to blame, knowing she had her own flaws hiding away as well. Taking a seat, Nancy held her breath, keeping her eyes on Alex, afraid if she blinked, she would lose her all over again. "You could never hurt us, Alex," she began softly. "We love you. Nothing could change that."

Slowly picking her head up, Alex wrapped her arms around her legs, bringing them closer to her chest. Her body began to shake causing her to ache the more she became panicked by her thoughts. "Did you see her face?" Alex's voice quivered as she spoke, sharing how deep her pain had scarred her. "She hates me and I keep lying."

"No, you had your reasons..."

"Excuses," Alex corrected over her words. "I made excuses and people keep getting hurt. I couldn't... I couldn't even look at Max for months. I can't even talk to Jonathan anymore." Her voice broke as more tears pooled in her eyes. "Dustin hates me. I know he does. There's nothing I can say or... or do to fix any of this." Slowly, her eyes turned over to Nancy as a sob escaped her lips. "I'm so scared, Nancy. I don't... I don't want to die."

Fighting back her own tears, Nancy immediately wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her against her. Resting her chin on top of her head, she finally allowed herself to cry. For months her concerns had been on things that seemed so minimal now. All this time her friend had been fighting a battle alone, terrified of her future in this world. "You're not going to die, I promise," Nancy whispered. "Never."

"Please," she choked out, her eyes squeezed shut as she buried herself against Nancy. "I can't do this alone. I'm so scared. I-I need you." Alex felt as Nancy's grip tightened on her, telling her in the smallest ways that she never could leave her behind. Nancy would be there for her no matter the cause.

Brushing her hand down her hair, Nancy gave a kiss to the top of Alex's head, wishing that such a simple act could take away that pain from her. After Alex had lost so much, she felt it was her time to finally step up and be there just as Jonathan would have. Even as Joyce and Hopper would have protected her. Listening to her cry against her, Nancy kept her hold tight, never letting go just so Alex could feel that she had someone there for her. For months she had done this in her room all to herself, crying and scared of her future all while others carried on with their lives.

That silence the two shared was the greatest feeling to finally be able to be with one another again. It allowed for neither to feel alone or left out because they had one another.

And just as soon as they felt they could stay there for hours, a clang from further in the school caused them both to jump. Sitting up from Nancy's hold, Alex quickly swiped at her tears, collecting herself in case anything threatened any of their safety. As Alex rose to her feet, Nancy reached a hand out, wishing she would have stayed in that moment. For reality to ruin such a sweet escape was agonizing. Yet Alex was always willing to push away how she felt when it came to those around her and all Nancy wanted was for her to finally let it all out and feel free from her burning emotions.

Knowing she wouldn't be able to grasp onto that moment with Alex again, Nancy got to her feet next, stepping in front of Alex to make sure she stayed behind her at a safe distance. With the sound of Ms. Kelley's office doors opening, Nancy narrowed her eyes, waiting to see who was daring enough to join them.

Coming out to the hall, Steve held onto a lamp, looking down the empty hall until he turned behind him, finding Nancy and Alex. "Was that you two?"

Stepping out from behind Nancy, Alex met his eyes. She knew she owed it to him after what Max had read, wishing she could admit that everything she felt was before she finally had the opportunity to be with him again. The only thing that stood between her and telling him the truth was herself and her desire to keep it all bottled up. "It came from over there," she said with a nod down the hall. "Think we're busted?"

Looking her over, he wondered all the same if she felt the same as he did. "Just stay close," he whispered. In his direction, Nancy and Alex had moved closer to him as he crept down the hall carefully. The others all departed from the office, on their toes, fearful of drawing any noise that would blow their cover.

On her tiptoes, Robin made her way over to Nancy and Alex. Careful not to cross any lines, Robin leaned closer to Alex, "Please, please tell me you aren't leaving Nance and me with these morons and that you'll be okay. Because Steve totally is. I talked him off the ledge and... and he just wants to make sure you're okay."

"I'm not leaving," Alex whispered, attempting a smile at Robin, masking well how she was falling apart right before their eyes.

"Okay, cool, that's perfect," she nodded, letting out a relieved sigh. "So, don't hate me."

"Hate you? I could never..."

Giving her a worried glance, Robin grabbed the back of Alex's jacket and gave her a push forward. Knowing Alex was delicate, she still knew that had it been before, Steve and her would have been holding onto one another as he comforted her and brought her back together. Now should have been no different but neither was willing to act on their own, so Robin made it her job to act on their behalf to remind them what they were choosing to miss out on.

Colliding into Steve's back, Alex blushed, "I'm so sorry. Robin... she's crazy."

"Yeah, tell me about it," he whispered. Holding out one hand, he guided her behind him. Holding onto her arm, he made sure not to allow her to wander away and when he felt her hold onto his jacket, his hand found its way back onto gripping his lamp. Continuing to creep forward, he swallowed hard. "Are you going to be okay?"

Alex gave a small nod. "Yeah, yeah," she said in a single breath but he was unconvinced. She was afraid of wasting his time by sharing how she felt when it seemed so small and pointless in her eyes. Alex Henderson was his girl and to let her live it alone would go against everything he promised when he began to fall in love with her. "You can talk to me, remember."

Holding on tighter to his jacket, Alex looked to his back, her heart aching to know she could hurt someone who loved her so much. "I messed up with Max. A lot of people, actually. I just... I need to learn how to fix it all."

"No, don't do that. Don't blame yourself," he whispered. Another distant clatter caused Alex to jump, reaching out and taking ahold of Steve's waist as she followed along with him. He tried to stay focused on protecting them all from whatever was coming, but with her touch on him, he nearly crumbled under the crushing weight of wanting to be with her.

Then footsteps began to echo down the halls and he held that lamp up higher. His heart beat loudly as they approached until racing around the corner had been a figure that had all of them screaming in fear. Holding the lamp up high, Steve stepped back into Alex as he screamed out of fear but prevented himself from swinging down on Lucas Sinclair.

Filled with relief, Alex dropped her arms down from Steve, closing her eyes from the sudden surprise. Stomping his foot, Steve's grip on the lamp tightened, knuckles turning white as he held back from smacking Lucas for such a scare. "Jesus, what's wrong with you, Sinclair? I could've taken you out with this lamp!"

Panting, he placed his hands on his hips and tried to regain his composure. Running across Hawkins was a long and tiresome journey, but the safety of his friends was far more important. "Sorry, guys. I'm sorry. I was... I was biking for eight miles. Give me one second. Shit." Turning his back to them, he breathed heavily through his mouth to get enough air in his lungs before he looked back. "We've got a code red." Breaking passed Steve, his attention only stayed on his best friend. "Dustin, I've been with Jason, Patrick, and Andy, and they've gone totally off the rails. They're trying to capture Eddie, and they think you know where he is. You're in terrible danger."

In disbelief, Alex opened her eyes as she turned over to Lucas with her finger raised. "If Jason even touches him..."

"I told him that! I told him you'd murder him if anything happened to Dustin," Lucas called out desperately. "He doesn't give a shit! He's completely lost it! I-I don't know if he doesn't realize you'll go psycho on him or what, but he said he's not afraid of you. I told him he's nuts!"

"Yeah, that totally sucks," Dustin whispered. There was a spark of fear in him, but Jason couldn't compare to Vecna. "We've got bigger problems than Jason now." He looked back over to Max and a silence hung in the group. She was next and there was very little time left to find a solution to their troubles.

Stepping over to Max, Lucas' hands extended out to her, "Wh-what happened?"

"You've missed so much, it's ridiculous," she muttered. Wrapping her arms around herself, her eyes flickered from Lucas to Alex. Had he seen her attack on Alex, she was sure he would never forgive her. Now it had only felt that being cursed was her punishment for the awful thoughts that consumed her mind, and this only added to that list.

Standing back from the group, Steve's eyes stayed on Alex with her head hung low, unable to look at the others. Never more had he felt so lonely when she was so near. Yet every time he looked to her, he could see it still— the future he dreamed for them, no question of how they would get there, just knowing they would somehow. Only now he couldn't hold her in his arms to feel that dream so near. Rather, Nancy Wheeler had wrapped her arms with Alex's keeping her near, sending daggers at anyone that looked her way— anyone but him.

Yet there was nothing he could do that found him any closer to being in Nancy's place, holding Alex, and protecting her from anyone that could hurt her. For now, he was left to hope that Alex found safety in the arms of Nancy, that no other tragic incident would add to her suffering until she was his once more. If only he knew Henry Creel always held a piece of her heart with him, unwilling to give her up so easily, saving another hell just for her.