𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍. when i die

THE VISITATION ROOM OF THE JUVIE CENTER WAS SMALLER than Jieun's walk-in closet back home. It didn't have walls like she had been expecting. It was like a human-sized rabbit pen.

Around her was just a sea of dark grey sweaters, all male. Some guys hooted and whistled as she sat at an empty table. Her face was impassive like her mind was on something far away.

She sat there for quite some time, debating whether or not to just leave, the wait making her very antsy. She didn't like sitting in one place for very long.

Robby's eyes landed on her and he hurriedly walked over, at the sound of fast-paced footsteps Jieun got up and meets him halfway, taking each other in an embrace.

Robby had been hugged before, but never like this. There was something so warm, something that felt right, smelt right. He let her body sag, his muscles become loose. She gave him the respect of an equal but cradled him like a cherished child. In that embrace, he felt his worries lose their keen sting and his optimism raised its head from the dirt.

"That's enough." A guard announced to the two. The two let go awkwardly. Jieun remembered the announcement that there were two hugs in total visitation, one on arrival and one on departure.

"How long you've been waiting?"

Jieun sighed, sitting in her seat, "like an hour ―"

"― wait, really? They just called me over."

"Are you shitting me?" She leaned against her chair, arms crossed. Robby snorted at the act. "I swear I think they're like, deliberately fucking with me. The front desk lady told me I wasn't on the list, but that was last week's and the new list was in another room and she just sat there reading the newspaper." She talked with her hands, which Robby admired.

"It's fine, you're here now." He replied. Then, he noticed purple and yellow blotches on her cheekbone. "Woah, what happened to you?" He moved his index finger in a circle formation directed at his cheek.

Stress trickled down her body as she remembered.

When Jieun entered the arcade she fidgeted nervously. She wandered over to Tory and told her to relax, "I'm trying," she said, "but someone needs to put those Miyagi-Do bitches in their place."

The skin on Jieun's face had become taut and pale, she blamed it on the training she did with Ben just the day before. ❨ took a lot of convincing to let him continue training her, but she'd gotten pretty good at the puppy dog eyes. ❩

Though, in a way, this fight was sort of a blessing. ben had wanted her to spar softly as relaxation was key to good karate. And also a difficult state to attain, especially in a real fight when either anger or anxiety tightened.

Ben had remarked that there had to be no tension in the body as one throws a punch until a microsecond before their fist makes contact with the target. Relaxation was the secret to effective, close-range fighting, and short devastating techniques, such as the famous one-inch punch. It was all about punching softly, rather than punching hard.

But Jieun knew none of the Miyagi-Do students would be fighting softly with her. They had exchanged too many insults to fight that way.

Almost instantly her opponent was throwing heavy and hurtful attacks that rendered the light sparring exercise she wanted to do, useless, just as she thought.

The boy began firing a combination of hard punches, some dangerously close to her face. She sidestepped and he charged past her as she attempted to counterattack. His aggression was a measure of his resentment.

To him, Jieun must've appeared as arrogant as a Cobra Kai student but in reality, their fight was nothing more than a clash of youthful and inflated egos. She had purposely stroked the anger the boy now needed to vent ― and she needed to extinguish it before she got badly hurt.

"Show yourself, LaRusso!" She heard Tory shout angrily, which brought the two's sparring to an immediate halt.

The boy glared at Jieun, taking advantage of the distraction, and struck her on the cheek.

She shuffled backward and knelt down, covering her face. Cursing at the boy who coward back at the look she gave. Jieun threw a high and powerful roundhouse kick in an attempt to remove his head. Of course, he failed to evade and was knocked out.

A few minutes later, Eli broke Demetri's arm.

She decided to go the safer route.

"Ben got me good, and you?"

He cleared his throat at the sound of Ben's name, "Uh... same?" He replied. "I mean, there were some people messing with me in here, but I got it under control now."

The conversation continued like they usually do, and the warmth of sadness crept it's way up to Robby's chest, creating an insurmountable pressure the closer it got to his heart. "Tell me something about yourself that no one else knows." He stared at her. "Something I can keep for myself."

"What is this, twenty questions?" She asked him.

"More time I get to spend with you." His words, and his own reaction to his words, forced an embarrassed smile to cross across his face.

"If you insist." To anyone else, Jieun would've laughed and changed the subject but the look on Robby's face made her think that maybe it comforted him, knowing things about her that no one else will know. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to think. "I want it to snow on the day I die." She smiled slightly.

His hand stops fiddling with the loose string on his sweater. "What if you die in the summer?"

"I won't."

"You can't control when you die."

"If I even feel like I'm going to die in the summer, I'll tell myself to hold off until snow time."

Robby smiled and leaned back. "What goes through your head?" She didn't respond, only opening her eyes to look back into his. Neither talked, but eventually, Robby's hand moved forward toward hers, tracing the fabric design of the cardigan close to her wrists. He held his urge to slide his hand over hers.

Jieun's face grew hot, and her skin tingled at his nearness, and it made it hard to form words. She swallowed hard, trying to focus on his comment and not swoon at his feet like some crazy lunatic.

"No touching." The guard directed his voice at the two, they quickly moved their hands away from each other in embarrassment.

"YOU THINK I'M STUPID, JIEUN?" HER grandmother exhaled shakily, her eyes searching hers.

"What are you talking about?" She responded back in Korean, loud and clear, slow and sure. "I just got home, I'm tired."

Jimin's hands gripped her wrists. She squinted and clenched her jaw, "a door doesn't do that, Jieun. You think I'm an idiot?"

"It was a glass door." She exhaled a long, jagged breath. Sharp blades of fear emotion etch their marks in her throat as she tried to swallow, then speak. "A real big one."

Jimin studied her.

Jieun had two choices, she can tell her how the bruise really formed, pour out her guts and confess the shocking hurt that her grandmother did to her by not letting her father and herself learn the martial arts. Demanded an explanation for not grieving over her father and how much it meant to her to have someone grieve with her.

Or, she can do what she's always done. Repress the pain, bypass the uncomfortable truth, and move right along.

So, before she could answer, Jieun ripped the bag off her shoulder and snatched her wrist back.

"Stop right there." Her voice was harsh. "How dare you fool me?"

Jieun closed her eyes. How embarrassing would it be to start crying, and only by the sound of her grandmother's voice?

"What on earth are you thinking? Do you understand what karate has done to this family?"

The first choice it is.

"I didn't intend on lying to you from the get-go," she whispered. "you're wrong about it, it makes me happy."

"Happy?" Jimin scoffed bitterly, reeling herself closer to her granddaughter. "Are you kidding me?" She shook her head harshly, then screamed. "Happy?!"

"What would you have done if I had told you the truth?" She responded, her voice wrung tight, "you keep saying that martial arts ruined this family, but not knowing it ruined this family." Jieun paused with a wince, cheeks flushing. Her brown eyes fluttered closed. Tears slide between them now.

"Even so, how could you lie to me?" Jimin continued heavily, "You pretend to be a clutz, you come home late with new bruises all over your body." Anger elevated, "you betrayed me. Have you learned nothing from what happened to ―"

"― Yes I know I betrayed you!" She cut her off, silence surrounded them for what felt like forever. "Do you know how hard I've tried... to live the kind of life you wanted me to live?" Her voice breaks. She was still so poised when speaking. Sad, but recognizably herself. But it was only a matter of time before she would unravel. Her spine curved and her shoulders pitched forward as her sobs echoed around the room. "I was so scared of being caught, do you know how pathetic I felt?"

One of her graceful hands came up to her face, and she presses the heel of her palm to her wet eyes. "Not knowing how to fight is what killed appa. You did that."

"You're a complete idiot!" She yelled, "how could you say such a thing?" Still no tears, Jieun noticed. "Blaming me for my son's death?"

"Are you treating me like this to torture me?" Her voice was shaky, and the tears she tried so hard to control now poured on her face. "I've been going over and over this in my mind, trying to piece it together. On why you're reacting the way you are. And it all becomes blank. I don't know what made you make that promise, I don't want to know. But I hope that you wished you looked back. I hope you're angry all the time, I want you to know that you let your son down. And I hope it's devastating to know that."

"The world really sucks without him, and I counted on you to be there for me." Jimin didn't move, a film of tears now clouded her eyes. "It's not like I wanted to lie to you. Do you think I wanted to fool you?" Jimin said nothing. "If they were after him, what makes you think I'm safe?" She whispered.

Jimin held her hand out, but Jieun stepped back. Shaking her head as she whimpered, grabbing her keys, and leaving.

BEN SPARROW WELCOMED HER WITH open arms, her head on his shoulder as she let the girl cry.

"I know you said I have more control than I think but it doesn't feel that way." Jieun knew it was impossible, she knew she couldn't forestall the tears that cascaded down her face no matter how hard she told herself to not cry. It wasn't terrible this time though, just a few streaks that could be easily wiped off. "I just wanna go back to before all this happened. I keep replaying everything in my head. If I hadn't told him he was dead to me, what if I forced him to come home?"

"You did nothing wrong." He softly caressed her hair.

"What if I hadn't pushed him to come to see me? Or what if I hadn't answered the phone? Maybe that guy would have just killed me."

"You did nothing wrong." He said a bit louder, now turning the broken girl to face him, she held her head down.

"I should've left it alone. It was just a birthday. Or ― or, haven't been so hard on him."

"Jiji, you did nothing wrong."

It was a strange feeling to know that at her age she lived through the harshest things the universe could hand over to someone.

"You're just saying that, but ―"

"Stop punishing yourself. There is nothing you could have or should have done. Nothing, and you know why?" Jieun finally looked up, "because everything works out the way it's supposed to be. It's fate, Munchkin. And you can't do anything to change that." His words comforted her, to her surprise. "Bad things happen to good people all the time. For no reason."

A minute passed, "was he good, though?"

"Yes. He was."

Jieun nodded, then hugged him, whispering. "Thank you."

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄

a lil shorter than usual i think idk

i forgot how boring s3 was, like it was really just a filler season huh T^T

i haven't talked bout jiji's storyline in a while, figured this would be the best place and since there isn't much robby scenes and everything is just cobra kai I'll be doing more training between her and ben

also robby and yujin, don't think i forgot about him !!

much love,