𝘅𝘅𝘅𝘃𝗶𝗶. COUNT YOUR SINS.
COUNT YOUR SINS.
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LOST IN FIRE (book three).
°• CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN •°
" SAY SOMETHING! "
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SKYRING
Harley was getting real sick and tired of the way Octavia was ignoring her. It's been years at this point, holding a civil relationship for the sake of their niece and the fact that they had the same end goal: to reach the forbidden green glow at the end of the lake and find their brothers again. She was frustrated because what the hell else did she have to do to prove that she was on Octavia's side? Go through with her plan and tie rocks at the end of her feet to drag her to the bottom? She was losing her mind. No one understood the empty ache in Harley's chest as Octavia did.
One day, Harley just snapped. She slammed her empty plate on the table from where they were setting up for dinner because when she asked, "What did Diyoza make?" Was met with a shrug and a blank glare. If it was going to be like that, then fine. Two could play at that game.
Octavia jumped, startled at the sudden clang. She still didn't shift her eyes Harley's way. It had gotten the attention from Hope who was carrying a platter with the help of her mother, releasing a soft squeak of surprise that Harley didn't notice. She could barely see the little girl in the corner of her eyes now as she settled all her attention on Octavia.
"It's been six years Octaiva. Six. Years. I wish you would just hit me and get it over with!" Harley shouted because she deeply did. She wished that Octavia would swing at her however many times she needed to make herself feel better so they could finally move on from their past. Poisoning Octavia, she had taken responsibility for a long time ago. Some days it felt like they were starting to move on from it and others, it was like they were back at the start.
Not even the start when they first fell in love and it was all head in the clouds, secret smiles, and softly stolen kisses. Not even when they were first friends and Octavia was fiercely overprotective of such a sweet girl. No, it was the start. Before they even knew each other. It was like they were strangers now, not even enemies.
"Come on, Octavia, say something," Harley pushed her again. Her hands curled into fists. Octavia slowly sat at the end of the table. Nothing. It only made Harley angrier. "I'm sure you'd talk to Bellamy, right? Because you forgive him. You're trying to get to him to tell him that. It doesn't matter to you that it was Bellamy's idea-"
"Shut up," Octavia whispered. Harley could see the way her lower lip was curling.
Diyoza took a step forward, a protective arm over Hope. "Hey-"
"So she speaks!" Harley crooned. The anger in her kept burning. "It's a simple question, Octavia - what is Diyoza making for lunch? Why do you still hate me but not Bellamy? Answer me. Please."
Silence. Not even Diyoza dared to intervene again.
Harley slammed her hands again, this time when they were balled into fists, and a cup fell over the edge where it shattered upon impact. "SAY SOMETHING!"
"Enough!" Diyoza bellowed. She dropped the pot she was holding and the reek of her stew hit Harley's nostrils, reminding her of where she was. A cabin in the woods close to a lake with a green glow on the bottom. With Diyoza, with Hope. Her rage simmered at the tears filling Hope's crystal eyes. "Not in front of Hope," her mother snarled.
A part of Harley realized what she was doing and held back, filling with the anguish that she was scaring Hope by raising her voice. That was the old part of her though. The person she had grown into tried to overpower that little girl who was afraid of everything, telling her to stay down, to learn her place, and her anger was justified. Maybe they were right, but Harley shut them both up anyway. She made everything in her head go quiet and stormed out of the cabin, slamming the door shut behind her with tears in her eyes.
The tears didn't roll down her cheeks until she sat at the lake's edge. The laps of water reaching the shoreline started to drench Harley's jeans, but she didn't care. She dragged the tips of her fingers through the mud it made as if she was drawing a picture with lines, but nothing came out of the image. Nothing that was on her mind, anyway.
Because it was all of her sins. Leaving Clover behind at Mount Weather when it exploded. Shooting and killing someone possessed by ALIE. Betraying Clarke and putting the commander's chip in Madi's head. Murderering Kara Cooper. Poisoning Octavia and killing the guard who tried to stop her.
Sins Harley could bear and never forgive herself for.
Sins she had to atone for.
She shut her eyes tightly and imagined for a moment that someone on the other side felt the pain inside of her too.
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They were gardening when Harley returned. Hope was excited as she watched Octavia dig through the soil with her shovel, tilting her head in wonder. It made Harley's heart full to see them again even if the last time didn't go so well. It reminded her she hadn't eaten either, forgetting that she had sat alone with her thoughts for a long time now, and the sun was close to falling. Harley noticed Octavia went on as if she hadn't appeared, but they'd all been alone for years now. They wouldn't see anyone new any time soon.
"Copy that. Three," Hope agreed with Octavia's instructions. "Can I bury them?" Octavia nodded with a hum without lifting her head.
"New plot is looking good. I want those tomatoes!" Diyoza called out, rolling up her sleeves as she left the cabin. The smile she sent Harley was soft and reassuring, one you wouldn't think that a terrorist could have. "Hey, are you hungry?" She asked her.
Harley nodded. She didn't fully trust herself to speak just yet.
"Let me guess. We're vegan again," Octavia said boredly, patting the dirt firmly.
"Only if you're not in the mood for my jellyfish etouffee."
Finally, Harley cracked a small smile. She skipped ahead as Hope exclaimed, "Jellyfish and chips!" Kneeling behind her to kiss the top of her brown hair with an agreed, "Yum." Hope giggled and showed off her missing tooth with a sweet grin.
"I got that beat. Peanut butter and jellyfish!" Octavia teased back.
Hope smiled wider and raised her hand for Octavia to clap before reaching for Harley's with her other one, which she clapped back with a smile of her own, even if it wasn't as wide.
"Jellyfish pot pie it is," Diyoza decided for them. "Come on, Auntie El needs to eat, and she'll show you Earth Skills before dinner. And then Auntie O's gonna teach you how to sew," she urged her daughter.
"I'll be right behind you. Just finishing up with my rows," Octavia called.
Harley stepped closer as Hope put her shovel down and darted to her mom, asking to help her Aunties with the garden. "Anything I can help with?" She offered her quietly.
"Don't think so. Unless you know of any good poison," Octavia said bluntly without looking up.
Her words were quiet enough to miss Hope's ears, as they should have been, but they were hard enough to have knocked Harley off her feet too. She attempted to swallow them anyway as if they were the real poison. At this point . . . It wasn't like Harley didn't deserve them anyway. She just went over her sins anyhow. Bringing them up again wouldn't change anything.
If you could turn back time, would you do it again?
A question Octavia had asked Harley years ago. And it still had the same answer.
Yes.
With the follow-up question of, but if you could turn back time, would you do it again?
Harley still didn't have her answer.
"That's what I like to hear. Teamwork makes the dream work," Dioyza announced, the cheer in her voice reminding Harley that she wasn't in a glowing green forest. She was still stuck on Skyring.
Hope turned around with a mischievous look as Diyoza headed back inside with a basket of vegetables balanced on her hip. Octavia was clueless and unprepared for the way Hope stormed toward her and even Harley bit her lip to keep from warning her as the small girl took down her Auntie O in a tackle. One swift move and Octavia was knocked over by her force with an amused grin.
"Okay, okay!" Harley signed and tucked her hands under Hope's arms to lift her back into a standing position, out of Octavia's lap. "What are you doing, sweetheart? She'll hear you," she reminded her. Diyoza had a strict rule about fighting - hence earlier, especially dragging Hope into it. She wouldn't even let Harley or Octavia train her. Diyoza was firm that this was their home, not a battlefield, and she wouldn't ever turn it into one.
Hope's blue eyes were desperate as they glanced from Auntie El to Auntie O. "I'm training! So I can help you save your brothers!"
Oh. Maybe Diyoza had a point. Harley almost teared up at how much Hope cared, how innocent she was compared to everyone they had been exposed to when they were kids themselves. She would do anything to keep her safe.
"Our brothers don't even know we're gone yet," Octavia found the right words, saying them to her softly. "Six years for us is like a blink of an eye where they are."
"They're not worried about us yet," Harley pitched in, gently stroking a strand of Hope's hair as she stuck out her lower lip in a pout of protest. "We'll save them when the time is right, okay? But not you. You stay here - "
"But then you'll have time to make me like you!" Hope exclaimed. She changed her mind about taking down Octavia and went to slam Harley next, swiping her Auntie El off her feet, who fell across the dirt with a loud grunt at the back of her head and hit something much, much harder than just soil.
"What the heck are you planting here, Octavia? Rocks?" Harley groaned, shifting on her side and rolling her shoulders back to relieve the ache.
Octavia worked to quickly brush aside the dirt to reveal something that wasn't a seed or a plant underneath. The surface of it, whatever it was, was covered in golden triangles that patterned across it. "It's not a rock. What is it?" Hope asked curiously, poking her nose closer.
"I don't know," Octavia mumbled. She dug at the sides. "It looks like-"
The surface lifted and Hope released a frightened scream, tumbling backward, and Harley immediately shot her arm out to shove her niece behind her the second she sensed any danger. Fortunately, whoever was underneath the helmet was long gone. The corpse of a deceased man was staring back at them, the skin a deadly green and their eyes pale. Someone buried him where they were planting food here a long, long time ago.
"Don't look!" Harley ordered Hope as the girl rose to her feet, rushing away as Diyoza came running outside, and straight into her mother's open arms. She quietly ordered Hope to go hide inside.
Harley knelt on the other side of the deceased as Diyoza slowly joined them. "This isn't the first time something was planted here," Octavia remarked coldly. Then her eyes lit up in a way that Harley was all too familiar with.
However, Diyoza didn't notice, too busy brushing the rest of the dirt away. "Help me get him out of here," she grumbled.
They dug out more and revealed the man to have been buried in an entirely black suit, so tough in material that it was as if it was almost made of armor. That only made Octavia that much more excited, the gears in her head forming as she made up a plan.
"Hey, easy!" She warned the other, sensing that Dioyza was digging the corpse out too roughly. A sparkle glimmered in her green eyes, a light that Harley didn't believe she'd seen in years. "This is my way out," she declared.
"Oh God. Here we go," Diyoza muttered with an annoyed roll of her eyes. "Harley, be realistic, and help me out - "
Octavia's hand shot out again to stop them. "There's a whole suit here. This could easily add a minute to our dive." She picked her head up to glare at Diyoza who kept digging as she rambled. "You know I'm right," she accused.
A way out. Harley could feel her own light spark up, but Diyoza dimmed the flame just as quickly.
"You're right," Diyoza hesitated to agree but continued. "It might buy you some time... But this gear's probably biometric. That means you put it on, and it lets his people know we're here. And I don't know about you, but I'd rather not face an army of guys like this." Diyoza ignored the looks Harley and Octavia were sending her way to tuck her hands underneath the back of the man. "Come on. Give me a hand before Hope comes back out," she urged at least one of them, but neither moved.
"Diyoza," Harley said hopelessly. She wanted Murphy again. She wanted to see him, to know that he was still alive after she tried to kill him -
"Stop!" Octavia slapped her hand over the armor's chest. "If there's tech in this thing, it's deader than he is. This gets me to Sanctum. I come back with our own army? Let these guys try to come."
Diyoza seemed speechless. She shook her head and rose again as Harley now stared at Octavia with desperation. "What about me?" She demanded. They've been in this together since the start - some stupid suit shows up, and she's willing to abandon Harley here? Did she really hate her that much?
"I just said I'd come back. I would come back for you - all of you," Octavia insisted. "If you want to go so badly, we can try tying the rocks to our feet. Maybe I can revive you on the other side-"
"Hold on," Diyoza snapped, cutting her off. "You're discussing this like it's already been decided. Do you hear yourself right now?"
Octavia slowly stood too as the tension in the air rose. She glared straight at Diyoza as if to challenge her. "Do you?"
"You both really want to expose Hope to all that - armies, a war?"
Harley scoffed. She hung her head down, almost in shame, as Octavia accused her, "You're just trying to guilt us into staying."
"Yes. Because that's the only tactic I haven't used!"
"You know I have to warn Bellamy about the Primes."
Harley stood to join them. "I have to see if Murphy's alive, Diyoza, when I left... He wasn't. Because of me." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "He's my family."
The guilt trip didn't stop. "What about us? Aren't we your family too?" Diyoza questioned her bluntly.
Harley's jaw clenched. "That's not fair."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"Of course you're our family!" Octavia answered for her. "I just said, I'll come back. I'll bring the others. Hope can have a real life!"
All the while Diyoza shook her head, almost disappointed. It angered Harley. How could she not understand that all of this, in the end, was for Hope? "This isn't a life, Diyoza. Not for Hope," she snapped. "She has no friends her own age. She hasn't talked to anyone but us - she deserves better than this."
It was quiet as Diyoza glared directly at them, but Harley knew she wasn't thinking over what they said. She was deciding how to guilt them more. "In the time you waited to follow me into the anomaly, I was already here for three months. When you come back, I'll be dust, and so will Hope... After living alone for however long she's alive once she buries me."
She left them standing there before tossing her next words over her shoulder as a last resort, "We had a good run, though, right?"
"Did we?" Harley almost shouted. She was reaching the end of her patience. "Because I'm standing with a terrorist and the Red Queen, and I'm still the odd man out!"
But even this wasn't stopping Diyoza who strode back into their shelter like Harley never said anything at all. She abandoned them there with their sins, a dead man, and a final way out of Skyring.
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author's note:
SURPRISE SHAWTY
- koda
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