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chapter twenty-three.
are you ready to burn?
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        June has had many jobs in her time on Earth. Leading with Bellamy and Clarke was one of them, it was just one she hadn't been aware of yet until the time called for it. She mended clothing and helped build tents at the dropship camp, worked in the medical ward with Abby at Arkadia after Mount Weather, and kept the camp safe while also being on guard duty. The point is, working until she was worn out was her responsibility. June Thompson didn't get breaks. This was her life. She worked herself to the point of exhaustion and still stood on her two feet. She didn't take the free time offered whether from Abby or Kane. So, she joined Raven in a hidden station so she could organize the rations they have been gathering in preparation for the radiation while the mechanic worked on fixing some pipes in the ceiling with a welding tool.

The door is flung open and June is startled at first, but Raven barely glances at it before shaking her head. June's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the reaction. Raven's always loved Abby like a mother as she had. She wondered what could have changed in that time. Maybe the radiation really was the cause of everyone being torn apart. The fear of dying can do that.

"I already told Jackson, we can't spare anything. Especially not antiradiation meds," Raven tells Abby as she rips the welding helmet off. June doesn't recognize the coldness hidden behind her words and it makes her frown.

"What are you talking about?" June asks. She wondered why neither Raven nor Abby informed her of what was so important about antiradiation medicine and if it was something she needed to decide having been a leader. Anything so they don't have to bear it.

"I'll tell you what I'm talking about. Seven doses," Abby insists with a plea. "June, seven doses can help Luna and her clan survive their ARS."

June suddenly sees what the big problem was, what was causing them so much stress. Abby was a doctor that wanted to give a portion of their medical supply to Floukru in hopes it'll save them when she wasn't even positive it would. Meanwhile, Raven, who was smart enough to know that the medicine also had a small chance of not having any effect. The chance was a risk, a huge one. And the choice about the chance was up to a leader that worked with the head carrying the crown, not their heart even if it wasn't in the right place.

Because the right choice was not always going to be the easiest one.

"That's a quarter of our supply, Abby, a supply that has to last us for five years on an irradiated planet," Raven reminds her sharply. "We're gonna need every one of those pills, and you know it."

"You're right. We put you in charge of the supplies. It's your call and I'm sorry for dragging June into this," Abby apologizes. "But those people - "

"Don't be sorry," June interjects. "I'm not in charge of the supplies, but I'm also not the Chancellor, and I still make some of the hard decisions." She notices Raven's worried look, but it disappears when June takes a deep breath since Clarke and Bellamy weren't here to help and continues, "But we know the chances of the medicine not working. You can't guarantee the medicine will save any of them because it needs to be used within twenty-four hours of exposure. We all know it."

It hurts more when Abby's eyes turn desperate. June knows she's disappointed when she presses, "the rate of effectiveness goes down, yes. But it doesn't mean it won't work. We have to try."

Raven shakes her head. "No."

"There's a child in there with them. At least give me enough for her," Abby begs again.

"I'm sorry, but you heard June. Our decision is final," Raven states. "We can't waste our supply on a long shot."

"If we can save one life, would you call that a waste?" Abby counters. Her eyes dart between the two girls as she waits for an answer.

June lets a pause fall between them before she caves with a nod. "Let's say it works. Hypothetically, let's say we give them the medicine and they survive." She takes a step forward in hopes her bravery in leadership would be enough for Abby to back down so this ends here. "They will be dead in two months from Praimfaya," June finishes. She knows she's right, but every word that passes only damages her heart more.

No one should have to make a choice like this.

The doctor says nothing yet. Her lips are pressed together, eyes glazed with disappointment. Raven climbs off the ladder and leaves her welding project alone for now. "You know we're right, Abby. They'll be gone when the radiation hits."

"So, they're disposable, is that it?" Abby demands.

June's head snaps up. She crosses her arms over her chest and fumes one of Jaha's famous quotes forever engrained in her mind, "We're sending you because your crimes have made you expendable. Does that sound familiar?" She fires back. "I know it's not easy making a hard decision, Abby, but I'm not a delinquent anymore. None of my people are disposable because I'm also not Jaha. And... I still know this is the right decision."

The small speech June delivers catches Abby off-guard. June can see a ton of emotions flicker through her features as it processes before the woman who loved the two in front of her like her own children a glare only a mother could give. "You can both tell yourself that if you need to. But the radiation isn't killing that child." Abby's glare turns colder as she gives the final blow, "You are."

June feels a sudden blow to the chest that could have knocked her off her feet as she watches Abby leave. Abby Griffin, who didn't understand what it was like to kill a child or to have been the cause of their death. June Thompson could wash her hands a thousand times and no amount of cleaning would ever be able to clear the blood on them.

In some messed up way, Raven must know how June feels now. She can see the tears in her eyes that she desperately tries to hide by masking her face again with the shield. June tries to comfort her, "Raven - "

It's proven useless when Raven yanks the mask over her face and hides the truth. "I don't want to talk about it," is all said on the matter.

That only means Raven doesn't have to see it when tears sprung in June's eyes. She can freely cry alone as she follows the trail Abby left. If she hadn't been so distracted, June would have noticed the creak of the floor behind her, or maybe the gaze that had been trained on them, hidden in the shadows of a person she loathed more than anyone on this planet.

It's even worse when June, having spent too long in the medical ward, realizes just how much Abby was discouraged. It felt like facing her father all over again. Hunter Thompson was a complicated man, sure, but she saw the way he looked at her. He didn't hate his child. He was grieving the loss of his wife whom he saw every time June looked at him. She loved him anyway. June loved Hunter even when he drank more moonshine than water and sold their rations to have more.

June never would have met Wells if this never happened. Half of her believed everything happened for a reason. The other half wondered why it had to happen.

Why did the radiation have to come? Why was it going to wipe out a clan of peace first?

One of those things also just had to happen was John Murphy. Why did he have to exist to have tortured June - to have tied her up, held her hostage with a gun in her face, attempted to kill Bellamy right in front of her while implying she'd be next?

That means she doesn't understand why John Murphy of all people has her attention when he rattles the bottle of pills he stole like the exceptional thief he was over Abby's shoulder. June watches for a second and sits straighter when she finishes throwing a blanket over a dying member of Floukru. She never thought she'd see Murphy again, but she must have thought wrong when death had already called Murphy a hundred times.

The doctor stares back in shock. "Where did you get..." Abby trails off when she realizes she's better off without knowing. "Nevermind."

"I didn't know how many you needed, so I took it all," Murphy grunts. June pushes herself away from the cot at the familiar deep voice she hated. "What are you waiting for? Go. Be doctors," he urged without noticing the furious blonde storming closer.

Abby hands Jackson the bottle and gives him a few instructions about supplying the child first to ensure it'd work. She then tells Murphy she's glad he's back and that she had been worried about him. She must be the only one, June thinks. Murphy must think so too if the fear that appears in his glare when she appears in Abby's spot says anything.

"Hey," June stops the doctors. "We can't spare that medicine, Abby - "

Abby barely blinks. "You can play Chancellor with Clarke and Bellamy, but here, I'm a doctor. I save lives. I don't take them away," she declares without room for argument.

The words cause June to reel back as if she's been physically struck. She was worn out from the criticizing of her position. She was a leader, a brilliant one that would dart into the frontlines first to lead her army. June would die for her people. She never wanted them to die for her.

But there's nothing she can do. June has to accept Abby is going to supply the child, Adria, with the medicine despite her word. That leaves her with one last choice she has to make against the insane boy that the feeling of hatred had been held against for so long.

"Hey," Murphy greets hesitantly. June says nothing now. She only grinds her teeth together and watches his chest rise and fall with a few deep, calming breaths. "Alright, June, I know what you're gonna say - "

June clenches a fist and swung blindly.

Fortunately, Kane wasn't there to stop her this time, and no one dared to intervene. The punch knocks Murphy off the steel chair he sat on when it's thrown directly into his jaw. June ignores the gasps following in the background, kicking aside the fallen chair so she's powerfully crouched above Murphy. "That is for Wells," she spat poisonously as her other hand grasps at his collar so he can't squirm away. The next hit doesn't make June feel any better, but she still feels the skin of her knuckles splitting.

Their blood mixes when June punches him again. "That is for Jasper and Bellamy - "

Her rage rises as June furiously hits him again. This one was so forceful she doesn't know if it's his bone or hers that crack. "And that's for what you did to Raven!" She snarls.

Murphy hadn't moved or tried to get away once. June is trembling with fury, her jaw clenched so she won't let any sobs of anger and grief free, but she notices that Murphy was letting her. He hadn't even rose his arms to protect his face between each time she struck him. He was barely pinned to the ground and still let June beat him, allowing the hacker to release her rage unethically if it meant she'd feel better.

Because he thought he deserved it.

Justice feels as if it's on the same level as revenge as of now. June slowly peels herself off of him and lets Murphy brush his fingers against the spots now sore, bound to bruise, caused by the hands that have already killed many. Her anger starts to simmer down. This was the moment she had been waiting a long, long time for. All June wanted was for Murphy to feel what she felt at least for a minute. She wanted him hurt, bleeding, below her after everything he's done, all the damage caused. She had that minute now and it did nothing. June still felt as empty as she had before - beating Murphy would solve nothing.

His jaw clicks as he ground his teeth as if he was aligning the bone again. Murphy thickly swallows the blood that started to pool in his mouth. "Is that it?" becomes the only question that leaves his busted lips as if he felt he deserved more than what June already gave him.

June can't lie and say she expected that question to come. She thought Murphy was still the selfish asshole from the dropship camp as she remembered him before he disappeared what she thought was for good after Finn's death. One could never be so lucky to get rid of John Murphy. He was like an annoying cockroach - just when you thought it was gone, it pops up again out of nowhere. June doesn't know how he does it.

Cockroach or not, Murphy was June's people. And she did what she had been waiting for. It was over. Murphy couldn't bring Wells back, he couldn't undo what permanent damage he caused, especially to Raven. June believed in second chances even in those who didn't deserve it, people she could possibly never trust again. Murphy was one of them.

Murphy flinched when June's hand shot out towards him as if he expected to be struck again. But her limb remained still, palm open like a peace offering. He stares at it for a long minute that causes June to roll her eyes. "Hurry before I change my mind," she comments flatly.

There's a faint smile under his blood. Murphy lifts his arm and clasps his hand around June's forearm. She grips his in return, her fingers curling around his jacket and giving a firm tug to help him stand. June doesn't punch him again when he's freshly on his feet, but her hand does flatten, and he doesn't see the slap coming. Her palm struck Murphy's cheek, leaving an echo that follows the hit, louder than the wince he made after his head snaps to the side.

The skin of June's skin stings in its wake and she can't imagine how Murphy's blossoming cheek feels. He composes himself faster than what she expected with a slow swivel of his head again until their eyes connect. "What was that one for?" Murphy asks.

"For being the biggest asshole on Earth."

Murphy doesn't imply that he's sorry, but it isn't as if June expected him too. A mutual feeling, some type of understanding passes through them in the silence that follows. Murphy made mistakes in the past and no amount of guilty apologies can fix them. June, who was so angry she had to let it burst or she'd explode, understood now. She doesn't forgive him - not even close - but releasing her fury on him was a start of their mutual understandings. It was smaller than an atom, but it was something.

It meant June loved her people enough to look past the dark parts inside of them because she was something she never realized about herself. That's what made her an exceptional leader. She was too good for this planet, brighter than any sun, her heart larger than any boulder, and while this world didn't deserve her...

June Thompson deserved the world.

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The medicine only takes barely an hour to kick in and take effect. But it doesn't matter because soon enough they realize it wasn't going to work anyway. Adria was dying in Luna's arms.

A lump swells larger in June's throat as she watches the innocent soul be taken. The radiation burns make her think of Mount Weather and even though she couldn't have possibly saved Floukru from the beginning of Praimfaya, she can still feel the self-blame worming into her heart.

June knows the sound of Raven's footsteps approaching from around the corner and dreads what she would do when she realizes Murphy stole the medicine. She tears her glossy eyes away from Adria to see the mechanic, her lower lip curling as she rips a packaged bag of meat out of Murphy's bag. She waves it in the air without realizing what was happening.

"Once a cockroach, always a cockroach, huh?" Raven snaps.

"Seriously, Raven, not now," Murphy hisses.

Raven turns away from Murphy and finally surveys the scene. June watches her brown eyes start to slowly fill with tears again when she notices the dying child wheezing quietly against Luna's chest. Abby storms towards Raven and thrusts the pills in her direction with a single cruel comment.

"We only wasted one dose."

They leave Raven there, then. Abby rejoins June's side with her hands clasped in front of her. They watch in silent sorrow, hearts aching in their chests, as Lune strokes Adria's hair and cries, "Spin yu raun ona krasha-de, ai snogon. Yu na sen em in? Ste poda sof ona yumi... Yumi na kamp raun 'mo krasha snap..."

(Think about the waves, my love. Can you hear them? Lapping gently beneath us... We'll be with the waves soon.)

June crouches so she's at Luna's level. Tears roll down her cheeks as she places a single, trembling hand over Luna's. Her thumb gently strokes across the other woman's knuckles covered in scabs. She desperately wishes there was something she could say, even better, something she could do. June then has to hold back a loud sob begging to be free when Adria's soft wheezes slow before disappearing completely.

Her grief hadn't mattered, June thought. It was the way Luna's sobs and wails that follow after the child's passing that does.

"Yu gonplei ste odon," Nyko whispers above them solemnly. (Your fight is over.)

Luna's wrists twists underneath June's hand until her shaking fingers grip the smaller girls wrist one by one. She lets the nightblood fall apart, every squeeze of her hand being unable to possibly free her of this pain.

It takes Luna a long, long time to peel herself away from Adria. June waits with her until she's ready. She doesn't let go of her hand once. Even when Luna is finally ready to allow the doctors to cover up Adria's body, June doesn't move. She allows the other to sob into her shoulder, every cry worse than the last. Soon enough, Raven joins them too. She drapes herself against June's back and she feels the wet spots caused by tears seep through her shirt.

But then Luna wants to say good-bye to her people and June understands that, giving her the space she needs, being the last standing member of Floukru.

The words Luna delivers softly breaks June even further. "Kom woda yu gyon op, gon woda yu kom daun..." (From water you were born, to water you return...)

That's exactly when Clarke walks in. June's head lifts and she breathes out in relief at the sight of her. Maybe Jaha's mission was a bust, but Clarke was okay, so was Bellamy. This was a time she needed her best friend, and June was ready to spill her guts about Adria to her, but suddenly stops when she sees her blue eyes were full of tears. She's been crying too.

"What is it?" June whispers, worried.

Clarke's barely able to meet her eyes. Her lips part as if she's about to ask what had happened here with June, but a quick scan of medical answers her question just as fast. That only leaves her to respond to June's question. "I made the list," Clarke admits quietly as to not draw any attention.

June understands. She gives Clarke a nod and is about to turn away, but Clarke grasps her wrist. "I put you on that list."

Suddenly, June spun on her heel. Her eyes are wide with shock and what she believes is betrayal too. "Clarke," she whispers. "I told you our people come first, to keep my name off - "

"And you're insane if you think our people would last a day without you," Clarke furiously throws back. Her voice starts to rise. "If we're on that list, you're on that list."

It must be personal to Clarke. June holds the gaze with her, lips pressed together in frustration. She knew she was referring to Bellamy too. This wasn't fair. These were two people June led with, cared for, loved like family, and they couldn't live without her, could they? June doesn't want her spot wasted. She wants it to go to someone who deserves it without realizing that person was herself.

Truth be told, June is lost on how to respond. She's even clueless on how she feels. Her lips part with no words passing through until Luna, drawn in by Clarke's raised voice, turns around. Clarke's gaze immediately jumps to her and her eyes widen at the sight. "Luna?" She gasps in a way that makes June spin.

The last member of Floukru alive, their leader, stares back. Even the shadows from the lights having been shut off can't hide the fact that Luna's skin was clearing. The blisters caused from radiation have started to clear. She still looks unwell, pale and sick, but June who wasn't even a doctor can tell one thing: Luna was slowly becoming better.

"Impossible," Abby gasps slowly once she notices as well. "We didn't treat her." The rest start to gather around and stare in shock as the doctor crosses past her daughter. Abby presses a hand against Luna's forehead and drags it to her cheek. "Your fever's down."

Her hands drop, leaving Nyko to do the same. The healer stares in confusion, questioning in what was also concern, "How?"

"Her body's rejecting the radiation on its own."

Abby pulls a chair and instructs Luna to sit. She's silent. June hopes it isn't in fear. "I'd like to run some tests," Abby requests. She waits for permission that comes in a wordless nod from Luna before calling for Jackson.

"What did we do differently?" June asks. She can't remember if they've done anything different with Luna as she racks through her mind. Luna didn't even receive half a dose of the medicine. They couldn't treat any of them otherwise. All they could have done was make them comfortable.

"Nothing," Abby replies, confirming June's thoughts. "There's only one variable. There's one thing that separates Luna from the others." She looks at the three girls over her shoulder who have suddenly froze in shock.

"Nightblood," Clarke breathes out. June presses her hand over her mouth as her heart starts to turn into thunder.

Her best friend finishes with a quiet, "From the ashes, we will rise."

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author's note:

once again: the loml is BACK!! i missed her so much!!

it's been a hot minute!! i hope this chapter was well worth it. luna was one of my favorites and i miss her every day, she deserved so much better, end of. period.

i honestly can't wait to finish season 4. i don't want to lose my motivation here :( but you guys keep me going. OH AND: do not hate on june for telling abby she can't use the medicine. one, she was right, and two, she's a leader. she makes the hard choices that are also the right ones.

and?? murphy deserved that wwe smackdown. june hasn't seen him since he left in season 2, do not forget. but they'll like each other soon.

also, i'm just saying: JUST TO BE CLEAR: clarke 100% put june's name on the list as 98 so bellamy was 99. bellamy also knew june couldn't live without her so he put clarke as 100 because june would have been like GIVE ME THE DAMN PEN and crossed out her name to put anyone else's. you cant change my mind. most selfless bean. deserves the world.

thank you for reading! ❤️

- koda