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chapter twenty-two.
the world is on fire.
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        June hasn't had a chance to rest since the dropship landed on Earth. Scratch that - she hasn't breathed properly since she helped Wells set fire to the last tree of hope. It was pretty difficult to breathe than when the smoke from the burning ash filled her lungs until the guards dragged her to the Skybox where she remained for only a few days. Earth sucked the life out of her then took more just because it could. It forced June to do awful things to people she cared about. It made her into a killer, a monster, someone who wasn't deserving of love. She tries to catch her breath now with her head on the pillow of her room, but she thinks the room is growing smaller and suffocating her.

The weight of the world pressed June further into the mattress. What Clarke called Praimfaya had to be solved, and it was up to her, Clarke, and Bellamy to stop it. And they had no idea where to start.

She curls an arm around the pillow when she hears the door open. June tenses, expecting either Bellamy or Clarke's voice to fill the room, but neither of them is there. It's Raven, who whispers, "June?"

June presses her lips together before she can cry out. She didn't realize she was crying until she felt the pillowcase spot with the drops that turn the cloth damp. She hears quiet footsteps before she feels the bed dips and a second later, Raven's arm drapes over her hip from behind. June inhales deeply at the touch because Raven always knew her weak spots and then chokes out, "I know the risks. I know what Bellamy did to save them was wrong, but I..." She shakes her head and a sob escapes without her permission. "... I just don't want anyone else to die."

She feels Raven press a light kiss to the nape of her neck. "June... I don't want you to think I'm mad at you. You didn't make that decision," she starts quietly. "But because of that choice, more people are going to die. You're a leader. It's going to be harder on you. I never wanted that for you."

June's breathing becomes shakier as she feels herself start to fall apart into millions of pieces that could never be put back together properly. "It's okay," she admits in sorrow. "I deserve it." Because June left a trail of destruction everywhere she went and this pain was payback for it.

The hug Raven has on June tightens and their legs tangle together closer. "You don't deserve it," she argues firmly. "You're an overly-generous, selfless, loyal, brave person. That's what makes you a great leader, but I wish you'd be a little more selfish sometimes. You give, you give, and you expect nothing in return. You have to let yourself rest sometimes."

"What makes me deserve it?" June replies numbly. The world told June to pour her heart into everything she does. So that's what she said. She continued to pour, and pour, and pour, and now, she's empty, and everyone wanted to know why.

Raven nearly shot up like a rocket. "Are you kidding me?" She demanded incredulously. "You give in every possible way. You're so selfless, loving... Clarke, Bellamy, me, hell, even a stranger next door would ask you to make a trip to the end of the world and you'd grab the rover without thinking twice. For as long as I've known you, you've never once been greedy. You deserve peace more than anyone I know," she insists. "And that's... That's why I love you so much."

June has spent so long being a shield that she forgot where her armor ended and where her skin began. But she had Raven, who meant the world and more to her, and sometimes she thinks she can see her true skin when she's with her. June rolls under Raven's arm until she's facing her on the pillow and ignores how her face falls when she sees the tears brimming on her eyelids. "I have you for peace," she says softly.

The kiss they share the next second is full of so much love that it makes June's armor start to peel off. She thinks she can rest here, with Raven, even with Praimfaya months away. At least redemption was much closer.

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June wakes up the next morning in an empty bed. Raven must have gotten an early start and she can easily guess why. Clarke had come clean the day before and declared order with a big speech to inspire their resident, vouching they'll not only survive, but thrive. She knows it's a lie because the leaders were keeping a much darker secret from the crowd who wouldn't handle the news well. Only a hundred of them will make it out alive and they had to make a list of who was worth saving.

And June knows without a doubt in her mind she'll never let Clarke write the name June Thompson next to any number on that piece of paper when the time comes.

June hates it when Raven lets her sleep in. Don't get her wrong, everything about Raven Reyes was lovable and she was so in love with her that sometimes her heart would ache with the power of it, but she thought Raven worried too much about her. She wished she'd worry about herself more. June had grabbed her guard's jacket and slipped it on before plopping on the bed with her boots, slipping her foot into one before tying the lace as these thoughts ran in her head. June figured the dark bags under her eyes were starting to become noticeable which led to Raven's concern. She just wished it was easier to ignore.

She finishes tying a knot on her other boot before grabbing her holster and leaving for the gate out front. If the other two leaders were busy, the least June could do was show up late for guard duty. If her schedule had anything to say, it meant she'd only be twenty minutes late, which no one would complain about. June figured no one would know she slept past the time with everything going on. People's heads were swimming with how to survive. No one cared about who was on guard duty.

Or so she thought. An alarm starts blaring as she steps outside. Apparently, a few of the guards were already gathering into a bundle at the gate. June frowned and pushes her way through the crowd. She's shocked that she sees her friends having already beaten her there. The shock grows further when she sees something even worse.

A woman with frizzy curly hair is hunched over, heaving, fresh blisters scattered around her face. June swears she's seen her face before, but she can't place where. would have been cautious if she didn't recognize the grounder next to her as one of Lincoln's old friends, Nyko. He cradles a little girl who's unconscious, chest slowly rising and falling, the only sign she's alive. He's the only one who doesn't look sick among the group. Everyone there seems like they freshly vomited less than an hour ago and bore the same blisters the woman did. June then notices their clothing. They're wearing various fishnets made into clothing, tattered, without any weapons. They're from Floukru.

So that makes the ill woman in lead Luna.

Now June knows where she recognized her from. The drawings in Lincoln's book. Luna kom Floukru, her mind tells her. This was the woman Lincoln admired for running away from war, leadership, the conclave, and finding peace that she could bring to others. June wondered what she was doing here, puzzled, but then she knelt on the grass. They're undeniably sick and they don't have a cure. They're seeking for help and they wouldn't be here if they were desperate.

"Alright, move, stand back," Bellamy warns the residents of Arkadia firmly when they started to grow closer. June doesn't listen because she's not only a guard or a leader, but she learned a lot in the medical ward with Clarke's mother. She wants to help them too.

"What if it's a grounder attack like they did with Murphy?" Miller wonders out loud. He's the only one of the guards without a gun raised.

"Well, they're apart of the human race. And there won't be much of us left," June reminds him but she still covers her mouth with the sleeve of her jacket just in case. With Roan aware of Praimfaya and making a deal with Clarke that the Sky People would be safe if they worked on finding a solution.

Speaking of Clarke, she holds up her hand to quiet them. Her blue eyes fill with worry as she tries to understand, "Then what happened to them?" As a question towards Nyko.

"The sickness. We lost more than forty on the way," Nyko explains.

Slowly, Luna lifts her head after a few violent coughs. She looks much worse than what June originally thought. Her lips are practically purple with how much she struggles to breathe. And her eyes are full of nothing but complete desperation, pain. "Please don't turn us away because of what I did to you," Luna begs, her voice hoarse from a raw throat.

It's Abby who cuts through the noise that goes on behind June. "Out of my way. Please let me through," she demands before appearing. A cloth presses over her mouth with one hand, the other holding a case from medic.

Clarke watches her mother crouch on the other side of June and took a glance over them. "Mom, what is this?" She asks.

"Fever, lesions, vomiting..." Abby listed their symptoms. She lowers the cloth in realization. "It's ARS."

A frown pulls over June's lips. Bellamy, who doesn't understand the medical terms, questions, "What's ARS?"

"Acute radiation sickness," Abby replies. It doesn't need much of an explanation after that.

Praimfaya was here early. And the sea was one of the first lands to be hit.

"When did the symptoms start?" The doctor asks.

Luna clears her throat. "Not sure," she admits.

June keeps her tone leveled and warm so Luna and no one else there felt threatened. "Try to remember," she whispers. "What happened before the symptoms began? Can you give us something to start off of?"

A beat of silence passes as Luna's gaze connects with June's. A mutual feeling passes through them as if she decided the Sky People may not be trustworthy, but the leader of Floukru is desperate to save those who remain of her people, and the girl in front of her wasn't so bad. It was a start. "... Right before the fish started dying," Luna decides. June sends her a warm smile and is about to reply, but Raven beats her to it.

"The fish are dying?" The mechanic echoes anxiously. Luna nods.

"Floating on the sea to the horizon in every direction," Nyko speaks for her.

"It's not contagious," Abby announces. "Let's get them to medbay."

June nods and reaches for the first person which just so happens to be Luna. She's hesitant, curled into herself, but June patiently waits with an arm outstretched until she's ready to trust her. She knows what chaos and pain her people brought to Luna's rig and doesn't blame her for being reluctant, and knows pushing her to enter will only make it worse. But eventually, Luna understands this was the only way as she nods and lets June drape an arm around her.

"There you go. Easy," June whispers comfortingly as she helps Luna stand, then figures she should tell her where she's going so she feels safer. "My name is June. I'm going to help you to medbay, is that okay?" Luna's nod is faint, but there. She presses herself to June's side to be both carried and used as a shield from the Sky People's prying, untrusting eyes as she's brought across the field with her Floukru members close by.

Raven was right. June was dangerous because she made a great leader, she was someone smart and brave, sacrificial, but she also very easily could gain people's trust. She wasn't only friendly, she knew how to appear kinder than that, more gentle, giving her the power of being an ultimate ally. June didn't realize it yet, but the Sky People were lucky to have her. She only thought it was the other way around, and she was the one lucky enough to have something she never thought she deserved.

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These people were dying. June recognized some of the symptoms as what the people she killed at Mount Weather suffered through, but this process was slower due to the exposure. One of them had already died and a blanket of foil covered them. And so far, there wasn't a thing the doctors could do. They had nothing that could slow the symptoms that were what killed them because of how much radiation they were already exposed to. June could only watch, helpless, as Floukru vomits blood into buckets because no medicine would help.

Luna was hunched over, retching into a bucket June had placed into her lap the second she saw her coughing with black blood dribbling from the corner of her lip. Her hands were careful, gentle, pulling Luna's curly hair back so it doesn't get stuck into her vomit. June hadn't noticed Bellamy was watching from afar until he approaches with a cloth in his hand as Luna lifts her head from the metal rim and holds it out like a peace offering.

"Thanks, Bell," June says without looking at him as she accepts it for Luna who seems like she could barely move. She sets the bucket in front of the stretcher on the ground before wiping the cloth across her bloody mouth softly as to not rub the skin harshly in fear of tearing the blisters.

"You think I deserve this for refusing the Flame?" Luna professed in a painful mumble once June pulled away.

"I don't think anything," June admits truthfully. "It was your choice. Leadership shouldn't be forced upon you." She wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Bellamy nods. "No one deserves to suffer," he agrees. "Besides, it would have happened anyway." No one standing here in medical deserved this. They didn't deserve death.

A few children were either sleeping or unconscious, and Luna gazes towards them in fear. June knows what it's like to be scared of losing your people. "This is all that's left of my people," she says quietly. "Can you save them?"

June noticed Clarke join his other side, overhearing which led to her eyebrows pinched together, eyes tired. "We'll do everything we can. You have my word," she vouches. Luna looks grateful before letting out a series of dry coughs.

The tinfoil blanket on Luna's stretcher was grabbed by June who unfolded it. "Alright, I think it's time for you to rest. Doctor's orders." Luna glances up, eyes holding a secret emotion she can't place her finger on, before nodding. She falls back, head hitting the pillow, allowing June to drape it over her form.

Just as June turns to follow Bellamy and Clarke, she feels Luna grasp the sleeve of her jacket. "Thank you, June," she mumbles thickly. June, who knows with more guilt she could imagine that there is next to nothing they can do for Floukru, weakly smiles, and nods back.

"Tell me something good," Clarke utters in a plea once the three of them group together.

Bellamy shrugs as if his message is neither good or bad news. "Raven's looking for us."

The mechanic is as frantic as she was when their friends went to Polis and she was looking for a solution to save them from ALIE. One of the computer screens looks like a computer chip, while the one above it holds a map. Arkadia, Luna's rig, Polis, Becca's Island, and Mount Weather are marked on it. June feels a shiver at the memory of the bunker.

"So Luna's rig is here..." Raven points at the screen, dragging her finger to the sea's blue spot, "... And if the fish in these waters are dying... Well, basically, we're screwed."

"I don't understand," Bellamy argues. "ALIE said we had six months."

Raven shakes her head. "We don't."

"Then, what? How long will we have?" June asks with newfound stress. She thought for so long they had half a year to find a solution, to rebuild Arkadia. There's no telling now how the Sky People would react if they find out they had much less time.

"It's hard to say." Raven doesn't look away from the computer screens. "Radiation is dispersed by jet stream and carried by ocean currents, so it's not an exact science, but the leading indicators are small species die-offs... Fish, insects," she rattled off. "Based on the new data, I'd say we have..." Raven takes a deep breath. "Two months of survivability. Maybe less." June's head tilts back in frustration that felt like anger and sadness that felt like grief.

"The Ark won't be ready," Bellamy declares what the four of them are already thinking.

"It'll be close. If we triple the manpower and work 'round the clock, we should be able to achieve a hard seal before the black rain comes," Raven suggests. Her eyes narrow to Clarke. "We just have to decide who gets to live here."

Clarke shakes her head firmly. "Raven, we're not talking about the list again."

Suddenly, Raven shoots out of her chair. Her voice is grave as she states coldly, "Clarke, we are running out of time. We have to make a plan for the day we close the doors, drill for it, make sure only the survivors have guns, agree on protocols for dealing with the people who are pissed off they're not chosen." It drops an octave lower as she spat, "You asked me to be in charge of rationing, and I am doing it, but choosing who gets to live or die is your specialty."

Stumbling back as if she was struck, June had to blink a few times to process that. It hit hard then. Is that what Raven truly thought about leadership? That it was easy to decide who survives and who has to die for that sacrifice? It was like she blamed them for being experts on how to let people die under their hands even if her comment was mostly directed towards Clarke. "How could you say that?" June chokes out in a strain. "Do you think we want to make that list - "

"It's not the time to talk about the list. Besides, you're not making it. I am," Clarke counters like June doesn't have a say.

Her past words echo like a quote, "I bear it, so they don't have to." Clarke wants to bear the pain of making a list with one hundred names so June doesn't have to.

Before June could make an argument, a motor rumbles behind them. Raven's head snaps in that direction. "No one's scheduled to take the rover."

The four leave the computer room to walk to Arkadia's partially opened door through the mess hall. The rover is parked on the trail, and June would lie if she says she wasn't astonished to see Jaha in the driver's seat.

Bellamy pounds his fist on the rover's door. "Out of the vehicle," he demands, and before Jaha can drive off or open it himself, he does.

"I need to make a run," Jaha protests.

"All supply runs go through me," Raven reminds him with the same cold undertone. "And shouldn't you be working on the patch to Sector Five?"

Jaha says nothing at first, but he at least stops the engine of the rover. Bellamy cocks his head and the past Chancellor complies at the unspoken order by hopping out and slamming the door shut behind him. "A patch for a ship that can only save a hundred people?" He says calmly. Raven's hands rests on her hips, face curling, as the other three share a look of confusion. June wonders how the hell Jaha could know that until he continues, "Why are you surprised? I am an engineer... We have no way to generate water. The harder number is four hundred. Can you really sentence four hundred more of our own people to death?" He questions.

"You know, I don't really care what you think of us having to make a hard choice," June fires back with poison. "Because we don't have any now since you - " She jabs a finger in his direction. "Sent us here to die!"

But Jaha barely blinks at June's outburst of blame towards him. "What if you do? What if I told you there might be a fallout shelter less than a day's drive from here, a fallout shelter built to sustain thousands?" He offers.

June stops suddenly. She feels a spark of hope but smothers it just as fast. Dumb luck like that never comes easy. It doesn't come without a price.

"June has already been through the Chancellor's files. All the bunkers you considered for the hundred were listed as compromised or unviable, and now Mount Weather is, too," Raven argues.

"Those were Government bunkers." Jaha retreats inside the rover to thrust a tablet into Clarke's hands.

A strange news article was prominent on the small screen. Bellamy's eyebrows rise to his hairline at the title. "A doomsday cult?" He read aloud.

"That's right. The Second Dawn," Jaha confirms. "Their whole theology was based on riding out the end of the world."

As Clarke flickers through the articles that contain paragraphs about the cult which June certainly didn't want to read about - ALIE and Mount Weather were as close to a cult as she has gotten to, thank you - Raven glares. "And why didn't you consider it?" She challenges the older man.

"We couldn't prove it existed," Jaha responds simply.

"So why are you considering it now?" Bellamy asks.

"Because before now, we didn't need it."

June shakes her head dismissively and looks away from the tablet. "You don't even know it exists," she points out. "These cults - sure, they were right, but they were crazy. Who would support them enough to build something sustainable?"

The way Jaha looks desperate reminds June of the way Wells held it, the leadership he could have held before his death. It pains her to admit it. "We can't be sure unless we check it out," Jaha insists.

"No, no way," Raven immediately jumped in as soon as Clarke glances at her. "We need that rover for hauling pieces of a 3-ton patch we're build - "

"Yeah, but if he's right, we don't need a patch!" Clarke exclaimed.

"And if he's wrong, is it worth the risk?" June questions out loud, second guessing her own question. She feels split in the middle. The heart of her, the one that wants to save everyone, desperately prays the place is real. But her head, the leadership part of her, wonders if it's worth the risk.

Raven's gaze darts to the three leaders, excluding Jaha. "Can I talk to you guys for a second?" June feels her gut twist as they follow her a few feet away. "Can you please remind Clarke what happened the last time Jaha went looking for salvation?" She begs June and Bellamy.

"Yeah. Look, I know what I said, but... Loads of people died... And it saved us, too," June states. "We wouldn't have known about Praimfaya without ALIE."

"I don't know about you, but I could have discovered that without the torturing," Raven counters hotly. June feels her shoulders jerk with a flinch. This morning seemed like a dream so out of reach.

"Raven, if that bunker is real, we can save a lot more than a hundred people," Bellamy tries to convince her.

"If it's not, we've lost another day."

Clarke takes a deep breath like her next words will pain her. "Hey, look. If it's not... I'll make the list," she offers. "Okay?"

The heat of anger radiating off of Raven is like a hot slap to the face for June. "Oh, do what you want," she spat. "I've got a ship to seal."

But these were sacrifices when you lead. June's heart clenches as Raven storms off to the shelter, leaving flames in her trail. She wonders if one of those sacrifices was losing someone that important to her. Bellamy offers to drive, and as Jaha and he pile into the vehicle, June stops Clarke before she can follow quickly.

"Clarke?"

She turns around. "Yeah?"

"If you want to make that list, fine." June slid her tongue across her lower lip as she numbly demands, "... But keep my name off it."

Then she leaves, leaving that lingering in the air, retreating to where her people were waiting for her to make a solution.

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author's note:

she's back!! the loml is BACK!!

i love that random burst of energy i get for to write for some of my first oc's.

june and raven are starting to get a bit rocky and it makes me sad. i didn't particularly like raven's character a lot in season 4, but all will be forgiven soon, i promise. they're mostly two characters who don't see eye to eye because i feel like raven never had the leadership skills to make hard decisions, especially in season 4. i know she told abby no when she wanted medicine from their rations, but that wasn't her leading, you know?

either way, it'll all be coming together soon.

thank you for returning to read, i'm super sorry about my slow updates! ❤️

- koda