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chapter one.
all you had to do was stay.
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        One way June found herself blowing off steam was training. She liked the way her muscles tensed and ached with every action, giving her a feeling of something that could make her rest for it to start again in the morning. Other times, she would work on the guard due to Kane's orders. And once in a while, June would join Abby and Jackson in medical, feeling like somehow she was closer to Clarke by spending time with her mother. Clarke being gone for three months had hurt more and more; each day she woke up adding another tally in her head to count them together. June couldn't explain how she felt anymore.

Whether June was angry or hurt by Clarke leaving, she didn't know. But the only thing she knew for sure was that she missed her. She hadn't known what Clarke expected by leaving, did she think that June and Bellamy would just forget everything that happened at Mount Weather? Or did she think by leaving she'd be the only one carrying the weight? Either way, it didn't happen. The amount of nights June had woken up screaming her throat hoarse, she couldn't count. So when it happened again, she joined Lincoln's training class.

Both Lincoln and Bellamy were the ones demonstrating, the men shirtless and covered in layers of sweat on their muscles. June could see they were both about the same size, equally burly, but somehow Lincoln always managed to gain the upper hand. The two were panting, delivering hits to one another with their fists clenched. Lincoln kicked him, hard, in the chest. But as soon as Bellamy hit the ground, he slammed his fist on the mat and stubbornly stood again.

When Lincoln came at him again, Bellamy was prepared. He punched him in the jaw, swinging his leg up and kicking him in his pecs, sending him back. It didn't take long for Lincoln to gain his breath, catching Bellamy's arm and throwing him over his shoulder like he weighed nothing. June blinked a few times, remembering when it was her that had been tossed over Lincoln's shoulder when they were in the Reaper tunnels. She ground her teeth, shaking it off as Lincoln crouched over Bellamy with a fist, showing he could have ended him there.

"He had me," Lincoln announced, standing to face the group observing. "But he was too aggressive."

Stumbling to his feet, Bellamy rolled his eyes with a smile and picked up his shirt to pull on. "Whatever you say."

"Quitting so soon?" Lincoln teased.

"Mapping run. Sector Seven," Bellamy explained. "June, you with me?"

Although June had planned to stay and train with the rest, she sent him a nod. Leaving Arkadia was never her favorite task, but she never had much of a choice. Besides, the fresh air was better than staying inside the space station. "Always," June promised, picking up her hanging jacket off a chair and shoving her arms into the sleeves.

Bellamy nodded back with a warm smile before calling out; "Harper! Let's get this over with."

A guard jacket that Harper had picked up out of a hidden space is flung through the air, landing in Lincoln's arms. He's surprised, turning it over to see the Skaikru symbol stitched into the left sleeve. "I'm Trikru," Lincoln whispered in confusion, looking up to Bellamy.

"A uniform doesn't change that. This is our home now, Lincoln. We fought for it," Bellamy reassured him as he turned to the rest. "Too many of our friends died for it. On The Ark, the uniform meant something different. Down here, it means what we make it mean. Together." He leaned forward, mumbling the last words to Lincoln. "My sister will understand that eventually."

It's clear that Lincoln is touched by the speech as he holds the guard's jacket close to him with the hint of a smile behind his hard features. "Pair up and fight now," he instructed to the group as June approached him and Bellamy. "Sector seven, that puts you right at the Ice Nation border." The clan Ice Nation was one June had only heard pieces of, knowing that they were the most ruthless of them all.

"I know," Bellamy replied.

"Just because Azgeda is part of the commander's Coalition doesn't mean they respect the ceasefire. I should be on that scout."

"We all want that," June cuts in. "But not yet, Lincoln."

Bellamy nods. "Until the commander agrees to lift the kill order on you," he adds. "You're more trouble than you're worth." This time, June can clearly see the smile on Lincoln's face as he turns, holding the uniform closer, while he helps the one's training. "Come on," Bellamy urged June. "We have to get permission from Kane."

While Kane still wasn't the chancellor, Abby was, he still made a lot of the decisions. They needed at least one of their permissions to venture out of Arkadia. June followed Bellamy all the way to their office in silence, allowing him to knock on the door and slowly open it for them both.

A board is in front of Kane, and he's scribbling on it with a marker before eyeing them. He gestured for them to come inside with a wave of his hand before bringing a finger to his lips. June sees why when she steps inside; Abby is fast asleep on the couch, her chest rising and falling with each breath. "This is the first sleep the Chancellor's had in two days," Kane explained quietly as to not wake her.

"We'll be quick then," Bellamy said equally softly. "We're going into Sector Seven. I think we should arm the entire unit."

There's a pause as Kane thinks it over before nodding. "Permission granted. But the rules of engagement still apply, nonlethal response."

"Copy that," Bellamy agreed with a nod.

"Thank you, Kane," June said genuinely. She always felt much safer with any firearm in her hands or in her holster.

As they turn to leave, Kane quickly stops them. "Bellamy, June. There hasn't been an attack since Mount Weather." June freezes in place, stiffening. "It's been three months. Our people believe that this is real peace. Try not to screw that up."

Despite Kane only teasing even though he was somewhat serious, June tightly smiled, taking it personally. "We'll do our best."

"Yes, sir," Bellamy spoke over June before Kane could answer her. He put his hand on her shoulder, quickly guiding her out, quietly shutting the door behind him. "You know he wasn't serious, June."

"I know." June sighs, brushing her blonde hair off her shoulder and letting it fly behind her as they rushed to the hangar bay where everyone was waiting. "I know," she repeated. "Just, ever since Mount Weather and... Raven..." June stopped in mid-sentence, shaking her head. She was thankful that Bellamy understood and left it there, allowing them to finish their fast-paced walk in another silence.

As June suspected, the others were already there. Miller was loading supplies into the rover while Monty was sitting at the bar table, head bowed. "Monty," Bellamy called, announcing their arrival. "Why aren't you ready?"

Straightening at the sound of his name, Monty spun in his chair to face them. June could see he looked tired, dark bags under his eyes with a frown tugging at his lips. "I am," he responded. "He's not." He jutted his chin out below him.

June followed Monty's gaze, her eyes landing on the body below the table. It's Jasper, sprawled on his back with an arm flung over his head to cover his eyes. There's an empty bottle in his other hand, showcasing what he's been doing all night. June wishes she could admit this was unusual for him. "What should we do?" Monty asked.

"We should leave him this time," Bellamy stated in irritation.

"Bellamy," June said softly. "He needs time."

"He's not getting better," Monty inputted, sliding off his seat. "Maya's death broke him." June bites her tongue, wanting to argue that everyone in Mount Weather's death broke them all, but she doesn't. Jasper was just handling it different than all of them. "He needs this."

Heaving a sigh, Bellamy gestured to Monty. "Take an arm." June stepped aside to give them room as they worked together to pull each of Jasper's arms over their shoulders, tugging him up. She wasn't sure if he was conscious or not, but he was groaning, heavy eyes glued shut as he was dragged to the rover.

"I said produce first!" A high-pitched voice calls at the rover. "Art doesn't go bad." June turns to see that it's Gina, a kind girl with curly hair that Bellamy ended up falling for rather quickly, giving directions.

"Monty, he's all yours," Bellamy said, a fondness in his tone as he gazed at Gina, who noticed his presence and smiled. Bellamy left Jasper propped against the rover, struggling to wake up. Monty rolled his eyes at the sight of his best friend before leaving as well.

Looking away from Bellamy and Gina to give them privacy, June comes closer to Jasper, knees bent as she tried to look him in the eye. "Jasper?" She said quietly. "Are you okay?" She's not surprised at all when he doesn't respond. Jasper doesn't talk to those he was once close to anymore, not June, not Bellamy, hardly ever Monty. And on the rare occasions when he can muster up enough strength to look her in the eye, all she can see is disgust and anger. But June doesn't blame him.

Hell, she hates herself too.

A loud bang caused June to almost jump out of her skin, turning her head to see that it was only Bellamy who had tossed a full duffel bag onto the hood of the rover. "Hey!" A familiar mechanic called out, rolling out from her hidden spot underneath the rover. "Take it easy!" It's Raven, and when her dark eyes land on June, her features turned from amused to cold. "Why are you coming?"

Stung, June tried not to show it. "Sorry, didn't know my presence was an inconvenience to you," she fired back with a masking scowl.

"Hey," Bellamy cut in. "That's enough, both of you. Either get along or don't come at all."

It didn't take long after their return from Mount Weather for Raven to completely shut June out, maybe a month. It was small things at first, but June noticed everything. From how Raven would avoid her eyes whenever she saw her, stammering excuses to run away like Sinclair or Monty needed her assistance. She made sure to dodge every bit of affection June tried to supply, and it hurt, but it was nothing compared to the feeling when Raven pushed her away completely.

Then, there was nothing left of whatever relationship they had. June would only be given snarky responses whenever she tried to have a calm discussion, hurting her further until she finally just gave up. Raven didn't give a damn about her anymore, and although it hurt, June swallowed the lump in her throat and accepted one of the guns Bellamy was handing out.

"What's the point if we can't shoot them?" Miller questioned, taking one for himself.

"We can. Just not to kill," Bellamy explained. "That goes for everyone!" June nodded, grabbing a guard's vest as well and tugging it over her jacket. They were useless since grounders didn't use guns, but she knew what Bellamy's protocol was. "Where's Octavia?"

"We're going outside the wall. You honestly think she'd miss that?" Miller pointed out.

A smile appeared on Bellamy's face as Monty returned, a bucket of water in his hands. Before anyone could speak or stop him, he throws the bucket forward without letting go, making the water splash Jasper in the face. He spluttered, gasping and panting in surprise. "Sorry," Monty said sarcastically. "Was that too cold?"

Suddenly, Jasper lunged, letting out a shout as he grabbed Monty by the shoulders and shoved him against the rover. "Hey! Stop it, Jasper!" June called over him, putting her hand between where Jasper had him pinned and pushing on his chest to back him away from Monty.

"Don't you touch me," Jasper sneered, her hand being shoved away heavily like it was carrying a curse. June complied though, taking her limb away and stepping back.

"No gun for you," Bellamy informed Jasper. "Not until you're sober."

Rolling his eyes, Jasper brought his hand to his forehead in mock salute. "Don't want one." He wrung it forward, choosing to slap Bellamy in the face rudely.

Sighing, Bellamy shrugged away his reaction and announced. "Let's do this." June sends him one last sorrowful look before opening the door of the rover and climbing inside. She crouches, choosing to take the empty seat across from Miller. Monty and Bellamy joined them, Monty sitting next to Miller and Bellamy sitting next to June before the door shuts behind them.

With Raven in the driver seat, Jasper sits in the passenger side, refusing to look at anyone. "Be safe!" Gina chimed, giving them a wave.

"She's too good for you," Raven teased Bellamy with a half-smile.

"Shut up."

"Careful," Jasper muttered bitterly. "June might melt her."

June stops, the hands holding her gun starting to tremble at the insult. Her eyes immediately sting with tears, sure that Jasper's words were physically hurting her. June's mouth opens, but nothing comes out, leaving her struggling to process how cruel that was. Bellamy noticed and shakes his head in dismay. "Enough," he warned Jasper protectively before changing the topic. "Raven, take us out."

The words still linger in June's mind as she sits back and tries to steady her shaking hands. "Guess we found her," Miller said, catching her attention and making June blink a few times. She craned her neck to see past the front seats, out the window where Octavia was, upon a horse.

"Try and keep up!" Octavia shouted to them. She grins before urging her horse to run with the reigns. Raven must have taken that as a challenge, as she revs the engine before they're taking off.

The first few rides June had taken inside the rover were anything but steady. She'd easily get motion sickness, but after a few times, the feeling subsided. She still clutches a handle as the rover bounces, driving past shelters and people until it's going straight past the fence and onto the even bumpier trail. June sucks in a deep breath, clearing her head and loosening her tight grip on the handle, glad that no one questioned her and the first few minutes that tick by so long are just quiet.

Jasper moves, pulling out a silver device and a white pair of headphones. June can't see from her seat but knows the print on the back of it, labeled with Maya's name. He hummed quietly at first before murmuring the lyrics to his music under his breath. "But the day, after today..."

"No way." Monty leaned forward, ripping the buds out of Jasper's ears. The music is so loud, June can hear it. "If you're gonna ride shotgun, you can't just disappear."

Annoyed, Jasper glared at him before plugging his device into the radio. The song is loud, making June wince and Monty reach forward to try and turn it down. "Hey, it's okay," Bellamy stopped him, tugging his arm back. "It's a long ride."

The long ride turns when the beat starts to pick up. Miller nods along to the music, making a drum beating motion with his hands. "Why can't I get just one kiss?" Jasper sang, eyeing Raven with a smile. "Give me something I wouldn't miss, and I looked at your pants and I need a kiss."

"Why can't I get just one screw?" Raven joined in. "Why can't I get just one screw?"

"Believe me, I don't know what to do!" Jasper practically shouted.

"But something won't let me make love to you," Miller sang in a whisper, rubbing his head onto Monty's shoulder who slowly grinned in amusement. June couldn't help but smile too, almost forgetting the earlier events. Everyone in the rover was radiating happiness, and it makes her joyful too.

It was Jasper who became more passionate, flinging out of his seat to face the rest after a line. "Don't shoot, shoot, shoot that thing at me! Don't shoot, shoot, shoot that thing at me!" June's smile widened into a grin as he shot up, throwing his upper body out of a hole on top of the car with his fists pumped, whooping and screaming.

A sudden loud beeping was heard over the music, being followed with a flickering red light on the hanging tablet. Raven cursed under her breath, rushing to turn the volume down as Monty came out of his seat to glance at the screen. "A tracking beacon from The Ark!" He exclaimed, pushing past Jasper's legs to swing himself into his old seat.

"Hey," Jasper said with a pout, lowering himself back into the rover. "That was the best part."

Ignoring Jasper, Bellamy's brows furrowed in confusion. "Who is that?"

Pulling out a keyboard, Monty typed on it a few times. The tablet's screen flickered a few times before capital letters appeared in red. "Farm Station," Monty read out loud.

"After four months?" Miller asked, astonished, but hopeful. "How?" June shook her head, unsure how she felt. She remembered they chose not to crash Mount Weather's radio that was blocking their signal and keeping them from reaching any surviving stations, but she, Raven, and Abby decided they couldn't with it being their only way to speak to their people inside the mountain at the time.

"We'll find out," Bellamy reassured them calmly. "Where are they?"

The rover door swung open. Octavia stood there with a hand on her hip, eyebrows raised. Wisps of her brown hair that freed itself from her braid after her ride stuck to her forehead's skin. "Don't tell me I missed the party."

"Sector eight," Monty informed them, pulling everyone's attention away from Octavia.

"That's Ice Nation," Miller says slowly.

"What about it?" Octavia questioned in confusion.

Unable to look away from the bold letters, June cleared her throat. "Uh - Farm Station," she stammered out. "They might still be out there."

"Protocol says we go home," Raven warned them. "Let the Chancellor decide what to do next." June knows immediately it's not an option. She can't help but wonder if Raven feels responsible for Farm Station being out there too.

"Screw protocol," Bellamy declared. "The Chancellor's not from Farm Station, Monty is. So is Miller's boyfriend." He glances at them both. "It's your call."

Monty doesn't hesitate. "Let's do this," he said determinedly.

"You have to ask?" Miller asked, just as prepared as Monty.

Pleased, Bellamy nods to Octavia teasingly. "Try to keep up." His sister is amused, but she slams the door shut and mounts her horse once more. June knows with her tight grip on her firearm as she hears the rover start up that she's ready for whatever lay in Ice Nation.