- Cass's POV -

Knocking once, I push open the front door to the infirmary, looking around with curiosity.

"Hello?" I call out, rounding the corner in the small single-story house. It consists mostly of one main room, with a kitchen around the corner and a living area with a couple of single beds set up for examinations. There are a few doors on a far wall, but besides that, it's small and simple with a few windows spilling nice bright light into the space.

There are a few privacy curtains set up between the exam beds, the white fabric billowing in place because of the fan spinning on the ceiling, keeping the room cool. In a glass and wooden cabinet against the far wall, is a vast collection of medications spanning the shelves, making me blink in surprise.

Without a second thought, I cross the room, eager to check out their stockpile of medications. When I reach the impressively stocked cabinet, I immediately begin examining the shelves.

I can't believe they have all of this. It's the most remarkable collection of medications I've seen since the turn.

"Can I help you?" A male voice suddenly asks beside me, making me jump, turning to see a middle-aged man watching me, an open door behind him. I notice the white lab coat thrown over his sweater vest first, realizing he must be the surgeon.

He raises his eyebrows expectantly at me at my lack of speaking as my heart continues to race after the jumpscare. I stand up straight and clear my throat.

"Hi. I'm Cassandra. One of the new arrivals. Deanna said I should come by to begin working with you." I explain, holding my hand out for him to shake.

His eyebrows twitch together, something flashing in his eyes for a millisecond, making an odd feeling flutter through me. Then he takes my hand with a welcoming smile, shaking it firmly.

"What experience do you have?" he asks me curiously, giving me a once-over before dropping my hand. I gulp, preparing myself to lie.

"I was a nurse." I say simply enough to keep the lie believable, my words making a look pass over his expression. A look of immediate distaste.

The surgeon, Pete I remember, quickly controls this look, plastering on a friendly expression.

"Well, I'm Dr. Anderson. Or Pete," He introduces himself with a friendly smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. I nod, a strange feeling settling in my chest as I try to plaster on a polite smile.

"Nice to meet you. What was your specialty if you don't mind me asking?" I question him, tilting my head to the side curiously. A surgeon's specialty speaks volumes about their personality.

"Oh, general surgery, nothing too crazy," Pete breathes with an air of informality before he turns, grabbing some paperwork from a side table.

Hmm. I usually liked general surgeons. Some of the older ones were old-fashioned though. And boring.

"My sister was a pediatric surgeon," I comment, watching his expression carefully, annoyance fluttering through me at the change in his expression.

"Yeah, women tend to do well in that specialty. Taking care of kids comes easier to them," Pete mutters with a slight chuckle as he flips through a chart. Casually uttering one sentence that completely diminishes my entire career to babysitting children.

I try extremely hard to hide my distaste, despite the fact he's not even bothering to look at me. I roll my jaw as I force myself to look away, somehow calming the outrage coursing in my veins.

Asshole.

"Is there anything I can help you work on?" I question evenly, trying to contain my distaste for the man. Unlike being outside these walls, I can't show off my affinity for killing men who piss me off. So I have to remain neutral, no matter how much of a pain in the ass it is.

"Well, Hank's son Jeremy down the street is complaining of abdominal pain. After some thorough exams, I believe he has appendicitis. I scheduled an exploratory surgery in a few days that I'm prepping for." Pete explains, still not looking up at me as he walks past me, the chart still in hand as he enters the kitchen, flopping the paperwork onto the counter.

I furrow my brows. That's risky.

"Appendicitis is-"

"I know that appendicitis is, thank you." I interrupt him coldly, turning around to face the aggravating surgeon in the kitchen, my arms crossed tightly across my chest. Pete blinks with surprise, before smirking slightly with incredibly frustrating amusement.

"You never know with nurses." Pete shrugs nonchalantly, his eyes crinkling with the glaring audacity of a mediocre man. Clenching my jaw, I look away from him, focusing back on the medicine cabinet.

"So, you're not planning on doing a non-invasive approach then?" I ask Pete, still not looking at him, my eyes darting around the shelves lined with antibiotics, painkillers, and allergy meds.

"Are you questioning a surgeon?"

"When it could put your patient's life at risk? Yes." I respond, my voice taught as I whip my head back to look at him. This idiot has no clue he could be killing this kid.

"Look sweetheart, I'm the surgeon here. I've done more appendectomies in my life than you could imagine-"

"-Don't call me sweetheart." I interrupt sternly, taking an intimidating step toward him, but he just shakes his head with the air of an adult dealing with an emotional toddler. "How old is he?" I question quickly, squinting my eyes, assessing the evidently subpar surgeon in front of me.

Pete scoffs. "Thirteen. Just because your sister was in pedes doesn't make you an expert. I never needed to use a laparoscope before, the old method worked sufficiently. He will be just fine." He argues, slamming his file down on the kitchen counter.

"Just fine is not good enough!" I insist firmly, my voice raising and reverberating around the clean white walls, making his face flush with red anger. "You should know that children don't handle major surgery as well as adults. And if something were to get knicked- if a drop of intestinal fluid entered his abdomen- in this world? He would be gone for. The infection alone would kill him!" I debate passionately, my skin tingling at our aggravating conversation.

Pete shakes his head, dismissing my objectively correct opinion. "I don't need some little nurse trying to dictate how I run my OR. When you become a surgeon, sweetheart, you can argue with me then." Pete tells me condescendingly, sending pure rage through my veins, my eyebrows raising with utter disbelief.

I take a step toward him, seething.

"Talk to me like that again and I will gut you like a fish." I threaten him lowly, clenching my jaw with unbridled fury. "And I told you not to call me sweetheart, you asshole." I spit evenly, glaring at him with disgust.

Pete just scoffs. "You have problems." He deflects, crossing his arms.

"You're a washed-out surgeon whose breath reeks of beer at 10 in the morning. Your knuckles are scabbed over so you've probably been punching walls and God knows what else. I'm clearly not the one with problems here." I snap fiercely, my voice laced with poison, making the idiot stagger back with shock at me reading him like a book.

"You have no idea what I have done out there. What I'm capable of." I warm him with wild eyes, watching with satisfaction that with every step I take toward him, he stumbles backward.

"Have you ever killed anyone? On purpose, I mean. Not because you're a shitty doctor." I clarify, making him clench his jaw with anger but keep his lips sealed, the corners downturned.

"I have." I respond harshly, my voice lowered, scanning his face with my scrutinizing gaze.

He stands there, mouth opening and closing like a suffocating trout, his eyes widened.

Just then, the front door opens and Deanna briskly walks through with a bright smile. "How's my medical team doing?" She questions curiously, looking between us.

Deanna falters as she reads the expressions on our faces and the obvious tension between the two of us, her smile fading.

"I need this fucking nurse out of my office. Now." Pete spits with newfound confidence, glaring at me once before stalking past me quickly, going into his office, and slamming the door behind him.

Flinching at the deafening sound, I let out a controlled exhale, trying to calm my raging anger. Great job Cass.

I shouldn't have snapped. There's no way for me to thoroughly defend myself either without giving my past occupation away.

I've held up my lie for one day. Jesus.

"I'm so sorry." Deanna apologizes, taking me by surprise as I turn to look at her. Oh?

"Pete unfortunately has... anger issues. And I'm sure just as you smelt, some drinking issues as well. Hopefully, you can forgive us." Deanna expresses gingerly, disappointment clear in her eyes searching mine, making me blink.

"O-Oh." I mutter with surprise, gulping and nodding quickly. "Yes, I can. I apologize if I riled him up, I was just asking-" I try to explain, but Deanna shakes her head, stopping me, holding her hand up.

"Let's just forget about it. Anyway, I wanted to show you something." Deanna grins, that twinkle in her eye again.

As Deanna leads me to an undisclosed location, she gives me more information on the community we're walking through. Unlike our first day, the rest of the residents are out and about, milling around with smiles on their faces.

Deanna waves to the people walking by and those hanging out on their porches. They smile at her while looking at me with a sense of uneasiness. Can't say I blame them.

As we walk, I spot Rick walking towards us on the street alongside Carol, clad in his constable get-up he was assigned this morning. Beside him, Carol is fitting right into her disguise with her floral cardigan and sensible pants, looking just like the innocent casserole lady she's pretending to be.

But Rick seizes my attention for a moment as I find myself admiring his confident stride beside our good friend, smiling as he acknowledges the group of ladies Carol just left, exciting them as they eagerly wave back.

His presence is so assured and powerful that sometimes it literally takes my breath away. And the way he walks! The slight swagger with each step, the way his hips shift and sway... my bottom lip suddenly hurts from biting it too hard while I imagine the many other ways his hips could move.

Rick's gaze turns forward, meeting mine for a minute. My eyelids flutter and my stomach twists as a warm and soft smile spreads across his face. The moment is shaken as Deanna speaks again, making me clear my throat and focus back on Alexandria's leader as Rick and Carol walk past us.

"Don't feel intimidated. The people here are harmless. You'll have a chance at a proper introduction tonight." Deanna explains cheerfully, making me turn to look down at her curiously as we continue down the street.

"My husband and I are hosting a Welcome for you newcomers tonight. At my house starting at 5 pm. You are invited, of course." Deanna assures me warmly, and I blink. I can't remember the last time I was invited to a party.

"Um-"

"Most of your family have agreed to come so far, in case that persuades you," Deanna adds with a knowing grin.

"Yeah. That sounds great. I don't have anything besides this to wear though," I murmur, glancing down at the same jeans I picked out yesterday and the fitted white t-shirt I chose this morning.

"Hence our destination." Deanna smiles proudly as we come to a stop. I look up from my clothes to see that she's stopped us in front of an open garage of a townhome. Nearby the 'pantry' where Jessie works.

Inside this garage are countless racks of clothes and shoes spanning the walls as well as rows in the middle. My brows raise, impressed at the large amount of clothes at their disposal.

"As I said before, there was a mall being built nearby. We found these shipping containers near the construction site stocked full of clothes, shoes, books, you name it. We tried to give you all some options at your homes, but if you want to pick out anything more your style or something that fits you better, you're welcome now." Deanna informs me, gesturing at the packed room.

Looking in, I notice Michonne and Rosita talking lowly and smiling as they sort through the racks.

"Yeah, I will. Thank you," I tell Deanna genuinely as I face the community leader again. She just smiles at me, patting my shoulder once before leaving me.

"Cass!" Michonne calls with a warm smile as she spots me and I smile back, walking into the room to greet her.

"Hey! Is this not really weird?" I ask with slightly widened eyes, making her and Rosita grin.

"Oh, it is. Deanna subtly requested we wear something nice for the party, so pick wisely I guess." Rosita mutters as she examines a garment, pulling it from the rack. I notice she's already picked out a faded blue cardigan and silver hoops.

I hum thoughtfully before beginning to look around the crowded 'shop', examining the overwhelming options laid in front of me.

"Thank God there's more underwear. If I had to spend one more day in that tiny bra, I may have just lost my mind." Michonne breathes as she examines the tub of delicates.

Grinning at her words, I stand beside her, examining the tub. "Jesus, did they rob a Victoria's Secret?" I ask with widened eyes as I hold up a pair of neon green lingerie.

Rosita snorts. "Not your kind of thing?" She quips teasingly from the side, making me grin, my cheeks heating slightly.

"Not in neon green," I respond dryly. It would look awful on my skin tone.

"Hmm. I think Abraham would appreciate it on me," Rosita says through a proud smirk, grabbing it from my offering hand.

I chuckle in amusement, shaking my head as I go back to the tub. It's nice, to feel like I'm shopping with my girlfriends like I did before. And my bra is slightly uncomfortable around the band. A new one would be nice.

"Oh, Cass, this has you written all over it," Michonne enthuses, and I look up expecting another colorful atrocity, but instead, it's a matching set of black lacy underwear.

A set I definitely would have picked for myself. I already like the thin black straps, the simple lace cups that would just hold my breasts in place without too much padding, and the bottoms which are simply lace.

Smiling wryly, I shake my head. "I don't have anyone to wear that for." I counter, turning away with a gulp.

Well, I do, he just doesn't want to see it.

At the sound of movement, I look back to see Rosita and Msichonne wordlessly arguing, making confusion flutter through me. Michonne turns to me quickly.

"Since when do you need a man to wear lingerie? Come on, I thought you were a better feminist than that." Michonne tsks, making me scoff, shaking my head, feeling like my face is on fire.

"It's ridiculous. I don't need it." I insist, making Michonne roll her eyes, thrusting the black lacy set to me.

"Just take it, you stubborn ass." Michonne huffs and with reluctance I give in, taking it from her, just to shut her up.

"It's probably not even in my size-" I stop myself, looking at the label with my exact bra cup and band size. Huh.

"See? Meant to be." Rosita grins, patting my shoulder before turning and saying something about picking out a dress.

- Rick's POV - 
that night 

I stare down at my silver wedding ring for a moment. My eyes can't seem to stray from the worn metal with endless scratches and indents along the band. I still remember choosing them out with Lori, exchanging them with her during our wedding, and every day since then seeing it on my right hand glinting beside my watch.

But- Lori has been gone for a year now. And wearing this ring is perpetuating rumors about me and Cass that are clearly making her uncomfortable. And that's last thing I want to do.

Before I can think twice, I gently slide the ring off my finger and place it in the top drawer of the bedside table. I'll always keep it. Maybe one day Carl will need it.

I don't need to be wearing it. Not anymore.

My hand seems empty without it there, resting on my finger. Now there's an obvious strip of pale skin on the band of my finger.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath.

This is the right thing. I know that.

Lori and I may have not had a perfect or entirely happy marriage, but she was still one of the best people I have ever had in my life. She gave me our two incredible children, giving her life entirely for Judith to survive.

I don't need to remember Lori through a chunk of metal. I see her in them every day. That is enough.

Letting out a steady breath, I turn from the bedside table where the ring now resides and get dressed. First putting on my undershirt, black pants, and a new belt before buttoning up my white shirt and tucking it in.

My reflection in the large mirror of the bathroom catches my attention. To think, only days ago, I looked completely different. On the road, with that overgrown hair and beard, wearing stained clothes.

And now here I am, looking like this two days later. It's ridiculous.

After getting Judith ready in her little dress and making sure Carl looks presentable, we head on our way.

I can't help noticing the absence of Cass, who had gone next door with Michonne earlier to get ready. It feels strange now, without her with us. Usually, it's the four of us together.

Instead, Carol and Sophia tag along, giving me and Carol a chance to quietly discuss our plan as Sophia and Carl walk ahead, speaking excitedly.

The five of us arrive at Deanna's place after our short walk through the darkening streets. Her house stands tall and impressive against the green surroundings, soft jazz music and faded conversations trailing from the lit-up windows.

After collecting myself for a second, I open the door for Sophia and Carol before I guide Carl in, following closely behind with Judith in my arms. I feel oddly nervous as we walk in, knowing we look a lot different than when they first met us. Carol clears her throat, adjusting the casserole dish in her hands.

Despite the clean and ironed white button-down, the nice pants, and the new shoes I'm wearing, I'm still who I was a few days ago. I'm still that wild man, despite the fact I'm walking into a party with my kids.

Half of me is still there. On the road, silently planning how I could take these people down to protect my people. I'm the same Rick that murdered people brutally. I can't even count how many at this point.

Despite being the same man who brutally mutilated and killed a man with my machete and ripped out the neck of a pedophile with my teeth, I politely nod at the woman letting us in as she smiles warmly at me.

They have no idea what I've done.

Lifting my head, I look into the adjoining living room where the party is going on. Groups of people dressed in nice clean clothes are talking to each other, laughing, eating, and drinking. Not being able to help it, I falter slightly in disbelief.

I still can't quite believe it. My skin is buzzing with adrenaline as I unintentionally plan my route of escape. Despite wanting to be in the moment, I'm still taking note of the exits I see, planning on the different scenarios required for each route.

Carl and Sophia don't say anything, immediately beelining for the gaggle of teenagers their age hanging around in the corner, laughing. The teenagers seem to be good kids as they play a card game, looking up with smiles as our two kids approach.

Smiling to myself seeing our kids being grown up and socializing with other teens their age, I readjust Judith in my arms. My attention is drawn to the side room as I hear Deanna calling my name.

"Oh my. Welcome!" She calls out, making a few people turn their heads to look at me. Deanna comes over eagerly, greeting Carol briefly before turning to me with a wide smile.

Maybe Carol was right. She is invisible here.

"Thank you for coming," Deanna beams up at me before cooing at Judith in my arms as I search the crowd for my family. Maggie and Glenn are talking with Rosita and Abraham, all with drinks in their hands.

Eugene is speaking with a few new people, his face blank as usual, his mullet on full display. Tyreese and Sasha are by the food table and I notice that Tyreese manages to get Sasha to crack a weak smile.

"I envy her." Deanna says as she grins at Judith in her little pink cardigan.

My brows furrow, focusing back on the community's leader. "Why?" I ask.

"She'll get to see what this place will become," Deanna says knowingly with her toothy smile, making me blink. I hadn't even thought about that.

"Come. Come on in." Deanna insists, leading us into the living room. I'm taken aback by the party going on around me. The dining room table is now covered with drink options and littered with different cups, each fit for whatever drink you choose. The kitchen in the back has platters of food crowded on the counters and Carol adds hers alongside her plate of cookies.

But what really blows my mind is the group of partygoers mingling, laughing and conversing around me. They smile and talk easily, chatting as if it's before again. I swear I hear someone mention a pasta maker.

They really have no idea what the world is like now.

Choosing to stand near one of the tall windows, I scan the room once again, checking up on my family. I wonder where the rest of them are. Michonne and Cass still aren't here. I swear if they're hurt-

My racing thoughts are interrupted at the sound of new footsteps nearing me, making me look over as Deanna and an unfamiliar man walk up to me. The stranger is tall, with graying hair and brown-rimmed glasses that match his sweater and tweed jacket combo. Looks like a professor.

"Rick, this is my husband Reg," Deanna beams as the man smiles at me, making his glasses nudge slightly on his kind face.

"You're a pretty remarkable guy." Reg says, ignoring any formal introduction, respect in his voice as he looks at me warmly.

I let out a long sigh, shaking my head slightly. If he knew the things I've done, he wouldn't be saying that.

"How's that?" I ask him curiously, squinting slightly.

"I watched the tapes. All of them. The things those people said about you? the things you did for them?" Reg enthuses with an impressed tone, his eyebrows raising, clear respect in his eyes.

Feeling slightly embarrassed, I look out the window for a beat, finding myself wondering what Cass said about me.

"Didn't you build that wall out there?" I ask, turning back to Reg expectantly.

Reg chuckles sheepishly. "Yeah, I did, with help. A lot of it. And it's a damned incredible achievement." He concedes, tilting his head to the side. "But- it's a wall." Reg adds jokingly, making me and his wife chuckle.

I like him.

"Nineteen lives in this world? I think you have me beat." Reg admits genuinely, making my heart tighten slightly. Even though I wouldn't say it myself, I appreciate him seeing that. Understanding how important it is to protect our people.

"Well, we're standing behind that wall right now, Dear. So, let's call it a tie." Deanna decides, standing up for her husband's achievement. I nod in agreement. That is one of the most important things about this place.

As I chuckle along with them, a strange feeling settles over me. I realize I'm chatting and laughing with a couple at a house party. What is happening to me?

"Well, I'm glad you're here. Now, take a glass." Reg orders good-naturedly, handing me a crystal tumbler.

Remembering my plan with Carol, I shake my head. "No, I'm good." I respond, looking down to hide the fact that I'm trying to stay alert, just in case they decide to pull something.

"You don't have to be." Reg tells me simply, making me look up at him, meeting his sincere expression.

And it's like he can see right through me. See the exhaustion I feel at always being on. As if this man, who has probably never had to go through what I have, knows that more than anything I need a break.

Taking a deep breath, I feel my resolve crumble as I give in with a sigh. Reg laughs enthusiastically, before properly handing me the tumbler and pouring a finger of whiskey into it.

I look down at the glass, hesitating. I can't remember the last time I had a drink, let alone whiskey in a tumbler like this.

"Welcome," Reg repeats kindly, and I slightly raise my glass to him in cheers.

"Thank you," I tell him genuinely. He's the first person here that I feel is real. That is understanding. He regards us with respect instead of ogling at us like we're some curiosity.

Bringing my tumbler to my lips, I glance to the left, back at the front door as I hear it clicking open. As soon as Cass walks through the doorway beside Michonne, my heart lurches, surprise jolting through me when I take in her stunning appearance. She wears a nervous smile on that perfect face of hers, partially obscured by her copper hair framing her face.

Swallowing the whiskey quickly to avoid choking on it, I can't seem to keep my eyes from eagerly dropping down her beautiful figure in that form-fitting black dress. The whiskey burns down my esophagus as my mouth parts, heat flaming through me as I take in the way the black fabric wraps around her captivating body.

Cass looks... incredible.

Seeing her not only clean, happy, and smiling, but in a dress that flattering is suddenly making it extremely difficult for me to breathe. For the past few months, I've only seen her in baggy and sweaty clothes as we struggled to survive. While she still looked effortlessly beautiful, seeing her now- seeing how happy she seems beside our good friend, makes her look that much more breathtaking.

She seems to have some makeup on, which I don't think I've ever seen on her before. I'm not entirely sure what she did, but it has simply accentuated her natural beauty, making those captivating features of hers stand out. She's practically glowing as she greets the person closest to the door, nodding once at them.

Cass's gorgeous green eyes quickly dart around the room before they find me and Judith, making a large smile of relief break across her face, only tightening my chest more at the sight. Her gaze drops down slightly to see my white dress shirt, rolled up on my arms with a couple of buttons undone at the top. I'm sure she's just surprised to see me wearing something nice, but I can't stop the little voice of hope that she's checking me out.

Cass says something to Michonne under her breath before turning back and heading over to me and Judith. As she walks towards us, the men nearest to her turn their heads to watch her walk by, their eyes widening. I even notice Tara gaping at her in the back, her cheeks flushed. Sharp pangs of possessiveness and jealousy shoot through me seeing this, my jaw clenching.

I can't say I blame them though.

Cass is not mine to be possessive of, but she sure as hell is not even close to being theirs.

"Hey," Cass breathes softly as she comes right up to me, one of her hands coming up to rub Judith's belly making her let out an adorable baby giggle.

As I look down at Cass's face, now extremely close to me as she grins down at our Judith, I stiffen slightly at the smell of whatever perfume they gave her. The tantalizing fragrance wafts over me, mixed with that scent that's undeniably Cass. I silently question to myself once again why in the world she has to smell this good all the goddamn time.

"You look nice," I compliment Cass lowly, wishing I could tell her that she doesn't just look nice, but that she looks entirely and utterly perfect.

I wish I could tell her that simply being this close to her, in this moment, is pure agony knowing I can't touch her. Knowing I have no right to loop my arm around her waist as I did at the hospital and pull her into me, letting all the other people here know she's mine. Because she isn't.

I also wish I could tell her that the insanely flattering dress is doing amazing things for her body but would look a hell of a lot better on my bedroom floor.

Jesus Rick, stop.

Cass grins, looking up at me, her cheeks flushing like she just read my mind. As if she just heard the unequivocally indecent things I desperately want to be doing with her, making my stomach twist anxiously.

"Thank you. You look very put together yourself, Mr. Grimes," she compliments lowly, her tone joking. I chuckle slightly, shaking my head as I attempt to ignore the wild butterflies fluttering aggressively in my stomach at her honey-smooth voice complimenting me, calling me Mr. Grimes.

How the hell am I supposed to survive an entire night of this?

"Cassandra, how great of you to come." Deanna greets Cass through her pleased smile, making Cass turn to her, raising her eyebrows in greeting as she smiles politely.

"Hi Deanna, thank you for inviting us," Cass responds warmly, making a proud smile pull across Deanna's expression.

Deanna then introduces Cass to her loving husband and Cass greets him with a warm smile and quick handshake.

Reg speaks with Cass kindly, conversing with her about her tape.

"I liked what you said. About earning trust and respect." Reg comments, making a sheepish expression cross Cass's face as she nods with a smile. I watch with admiration, suddenly wondering what she said.

"Thank you. I like... that you understand." Cass tells him thoughtfully, making Reg chuckle.

"All I know is what I gathered from watching your family's tapes. And I can say that I am a big fan of all of you. We're lucky to have you here." He compliments her, making her nod, smiling bashfully before glancing at me.

Someone calls Cass's name, making her turn her head, grinning at Michonne, Sasha, and Maggie gathered around the kitchen island. She waves a hand up in greeting and raises one finger, indicating she'll be right there.

Utterly enamored by her, I find myself frozen, hungrily examining her features as she simply exists in front of me. Time seems to slow as I watch the way her slightly freckled skin pulls and creases across the bridge of her nose as she smiles at her friends. The captivating way her perfect, tinted lips encapsulate those freshly brushed teeth, revealing her captivating smile. The way the corners of her eyes crinkle as her genuine smile reaches them.

The moment is broken as she looks back to the rest of us, her hair delicately brushing over her bare shoulder. "Excuse me," Cass tells us politely to the group, turning to join her friends.

"I'll see you later," Cass murmurs quietly to me, those green eyes searching mine, her hand squeezing my upper arm for a second before she brushes past me. Nodding once, I clench my jaw in an attempt to contain myself, her touch suddenly making my whole body taut with hot desire. Even after her hand is long gone, her phantom touch sends repeated flames of longing and need across my skin.

My head turns to watch her magnetic presence leave and join her friends, making large smiles grow on their faces, complimenting her on her dress as she nears them. Cass just shakes her head, brushing off the accurate compliments sent her way.

Smiling slightly to myself, pleased she is able to enjoy her time with our friends, I turn back to Deanna and her husband to continue our conversation.

At some point, Judith is taken away by some enthusiastic and harmless-seeming people, cooing over her immediately. Jessie did warn me earlier. That no one has seen a baby in a while and Judith will become a fan favorite.

After Deanna and Reg go to talk to some other people, Carl grabs my attention, asking me to get some food with him. I nod in agreement, feeling slight pangs of hunger myself. And the thought of being around Cass, still in the kitchen with her friends, is too good of an offer to give up.

She's standing on one side of the island, lost in her conversation, a wine glass held delicately in her right hand. Just past her by the island are the counters with the platters of food.

Placing my hand on Cass's lower back gently, I murmur "Excuse me," in her ear as Carl and I brush past her. She glances over her shoulder curiously and I swear she leans back into my touch, her expression softening when she realizes it's me.

"That smells weird," Carl mutters, making me turn to him, my hand dropping from Cass as I reprimand him for making a rude comment about the potato salad. I remind him we're lucky to even have food.

I grab my own serving of food on a plate, avoiding the potato salad, and glance back over to sneak a look at Cass only to see her already watching me. A slight feeling of surprise flutters through me. She sends me a soft close-lipped smile, her eyes crinkling slightly. I nod back at her, not being able to fight the smile mirroring on my face.

It feels incredible to be here with her, in this now unfamiliar environment. I've never known her during a time in which we were ever dressed like this, at a house party, with the same social expectations that we had before the turn.

We've had good times, sure, but this is different.

It's like walkers don't even exist here. No one is starving or dehydrated. We're conversing normally in a nicely furnished townhouse, discussing mundane pre-turn things like recipes and dentists.

And Cass is standing here in front of me, looking devastatingly gorgeous, smiling brightly. Just knowing that at this moment we don't have to stay on edge, waiting for walkers to come crashing through the nearby trees, makes it that much better.

I know she's safe.

Maggie says something to Cass making her break her staring contest with me, turning her attention back to our friend. I can't stop myself from continuing to subtly admire Cass, watching her freshly washed and trimmed hair slip over her bare shoulder as she leans forward against the counter ever so slightly.

I gulp, witnessing the way her slight movements show off her figure. Her shoulders shift smoothly as she leans against the counter, her back curving and her ass angling outward.

Inhaling sharply, I quickly look away, my heart throbbing dangerously fast in my veins as I vividly remember the sensation of that same ass pressing against my back when we shared the bed at the hospital. Good God. It's like she's torturing me on purpose.

Clearing my throat, I exit the kitchen, heading over to some stranger hailing me down, eager to meet their new constable. Clearly, being around Cass with her looking this good, is becoming a problem for me.

It's about thirty minutes later when I glance around the room to check up on Judith. She's now with her Aunt Maggie and Uncle Glenn, making me smile watching the couple dote over her on one of the couches. I wonder if they will have kids one day. If this place really does work out, then maybe they can.

Saying a brief goodbye to the Alexandria member droning painfully on about the rust on the wall looking 'unfinished', I excuse myself to sit down on the couch opposite Maggie and Glenn, grateful to escape the awful conversation.

"Hey you two," I greet as I sit across from Glenn and Maggie, making them look up at me, grinning.

"We rescued her from the cheek-pinching ladies," Maggie reveals lowly with an amused smile, making me grin, chuckling lightly.

"This is why you're her godparents," I inform them, making them smile widely, seeming pleased.

"We'll make sure to keep up the good work then," Glenn assures me jokingly, making me chuckle, suddenly appreciating how far our lives have gone since the day he saved me from that tank.

Now he's married to an incredible woman and has only become a better man as time has gone by.

"I'm sure you will," I say with an amused smile as I watch him adjust Judith's cardigan, making sure it's still on her little arms.

Before I can react, Cass unexpectedly drops down beside me, making our shared couch cushion dip slightly. I look at her in surprise, that same scent wafting over me yet again, making my stomach flip. She briefly smiles at me before cooing at Judith on Glenn's lap.

"She loves you guys so much," Cass gushes, a large smile pulling across her captivating face as she leans forward, her elbows on her knees, to pull a silly face for Judith. As she does this, from my perspective beside her, her cleavage is abruptly pushed up and on display, making my eyes dart away quickly, my pulse racing.

The first thing I see is Glenn raising his eyebrows expectantly at me as he catches me ogling Cass once again. It's like that time at the prison all over again. Rolling my tongue against my cheek with frustration, I shake my head subtly, making him smirk knowingly before he looks back down at Judith on his knee.

"Oh isn't she just so precious! We haven't seen a baby in so long!" One of the older Alexandria ladies gushes suddenly from beside us, taking an armchair that faces our opposing couches.

I glance over with a polite smile, acknowledging the fact that I know well after watching my baby girl get held and cooed over like she's a zoo animal all evening.

Maggie and Glenn smile weakly at the woman as Judith babbles incoherently on Glenn's lap, still looking at Cass. Judith seems to want to stare at Cass just as much as I do and I don't blame her. I wouldn't stop staring at Cass if it was socially acceptable for me to do so.

"I'm Kathy, you may have met my husband Doug! We leave nearby the surgeon's place," She informs us, her eager brown eyes darting across the four of us.

"Nice to meet you," Cass greets from beside me, sitting back up so her cleavage is no longer becoming a pressing issue for me.

"Thank you Dear. I don't need any introductions, I feel like I know you all already after hearing so much about you!" The older woman enthuses and I put on a polite and close-lipped smile.

She has no idea who we are. That despite our outward appearance making us look like regular people at a party, she's smiling at four killers.

"Oh! I wanted to ask you all what your favorite colors are. I know it sounds silly but I'm the best knitter here- don't listen to Barbra's lies! I have a thing for knitting people sweaters," Kathy admits as if she's telling us some taboo secret.

I raise my eyebrows slightly. It's wild how out of touch these people are. Worrying about colors for goddamn sweaters.

"Right, so I just need your colors!" Kathy says enthusiastically, looking around at us expectantly.

I'm slightly taken aback that she was actually being serious.

"I like purple," Maggie offers helpfully, a courteous smile on her face. She's definitely her father's daughter with that same talent for keeping the peace.

"Red," Glenn says simply with a nod, doing a slightly worse job of hiding his distaste in comparison to his wife, but Kathy doesn't seem to notice.

Kathy turns to me, expectant. I blink, feeling put on the spot. I hadn't really thought about it. I'm usually too consumed with keeping my family alive, not what color I find best.

Gulping, I glance at my friends, pausing slightly when I meet Cass's eyes watching me curiously. My stomach flips and I look back at Kathy.

"Green. Like uh- trees." I mutter dumbly, trying to cover the fact that it's not green trees that I care about. It's the slightly murkey green of Cass's captivating irises that I find myself thinking about far too much.

Kathy nods, smiling friendlily back at me before she leans to get an answer out of Cass. As I turn to look at Cass I meet Glenn's amused expression for a second, making me roll my eyes in exasperation.

"Oh, right." Cass breathes, averting her gaze for a moment. "I'm a fan of blue," Cass offers, smiling slightly to cover up her obvious discomfort at the attention being turned on her.

I catch Cass's gaze, trying to figure out if her reasoning is the same as mine. That hope is crushed as Kathy's nasally voice speaks up once again.

"Popular choice! I run out of blue yarn so quickly!" She laughs, and I sigh subtly, averting my gaze from Cass.

Ah.

"Thank you all, I hope you enjoy the party!" Kathy enthuses cheerfully before getting up and meeting back up with her husband. I feel myself relax as the woman leaves, relieved that painful conversation is over.

"God, Imagine the biggest problem you have being running out of yarn," Cass mutters, shaking her head slightly as her former light and friendly fake tone is replaced with her real voice.

"They have no idea how lucky they are," Maggie agrees, poking her finger at Judith and letting the girl wrap her little hand around it.

I'm about to add to the conversation but am stopped by someone calling my name yet again.

"Rick! We need our other constable's opinion over here!" Reg calls from across the room, seeming to be in the middle of a lively debate with Michonne, Abraham, and some of the men of Alexandria.

Smiling briefly at my friends, I leave them to talk with the group, settling whatever discussion they are having.

Michonne and Abraham lead the discussion on the potential of the community's wall. I add that they need to switch the supports to the inside of the wall otherwise people will use them to climb over. The Alexandria men, builders I'm told, look at me like I'm some paranoid lunatic.

At this point, I've stopped caring.

I'm reprieved as someone touches my shoulder, making me look around to see Carol's serious expression. She nods her head at the front door where the woman who mans the armory is walking in.

Gratefully excusing myself from the wall discussion, I walk to the side with Carol.

"Look, she's here. Which means it's empty so..." Carol trails off, tilting her head slightly as her intelligent blue eyes watch the armory woman greet her friends.

"I'll go with you," I decide.

"No, remember..." Carol trails off with her smile as she brushes past me, making me huff with amusement.

"You're invisible." I finish for her, and Carol hums with approval before walking off. She easily sneaks through the hallway and out the door, with not a second glance sent in her direction.

How anyone can think she's invisible is wild to me. If they knew what she's done, she wouldn't be hidden from them, she'd be just as remarkable as they think I am.

My attention is drawn away however at the sound of Cass's laughter. Looking around curiously, I expect to see her with Maggie and Glenn, but my blood runs cold when I see it.

Cass laughing with Deanna's son, holding up a hand to her mouth as he grins down at her. The sight alone sends aggressive jealousy immediately surging through my veins as I quickly become fiercely protective of the woman I have absolutely no claim over.

The guy, Spencer I remember, adds something else, smiling wider as Cass laughs again, shaking her head.

What is it with these damn Spencers?

First that fucking idiot back at the prison and now this guy? You've got to be kidding me.

What makes it's worse is that Spencer is closer to Cass's age and frustratingly good-looking. I wouldn't be surprised if she would want to be with him. They make an annoyingly attractive pair.

While I feel extreme distaste as I look at the stranger grinning down at Cass, I think he might be as weak and useless as the other Spencer pretended to be. At least he probably won't hurt her. After hearing from Glenn what his dumbass brother is like, I doubt he's capable of it.

But just seeing her, my Cass, grinning up at him like that, makes nausea twist deep in my gut. She has every right to pursue a partner. I know that. But actually seeing it- is agony.

I suddenly feel just like Carol. Only I'm invisible to the one person I desperately want to notice me.

My attention is diverted to the woman suddenly smiling right in front of me, jolting me slightly with shock as Jessie comes into view.

"Hey Rick, how's it going?" Jessie asks me warmly as I blink at her, pushing down my overwhelming negative emotions swirling within me from just seeing Cass laughing with a man. As she has every right to.

"Jessie. Hi. Good, how are you?" I ask, slightly distracted, breathing steadily to attempt to calm the unjustified rage surging through me. I spare another glance at the pair to see Cass talking now, using her free hand that's not curled around that wine glass for emphasis as she speaks with Spencer.

I thought my anger was bad before but it roars with a new, feral fervor as I watch Spencer's brown eyes dart down to Cass's breasts before deciding to find her face again. I suddenly find myself fighting the incredibly appealing urge to cross the room and punch Spencer square in the jaw for looking at her like that. For disrespecting her.

If he knew- if he had any idea what I am capable of, he wouldn't be looking down at her like that, undressing her with his eyes. I could rip that teenager apart in a minute.

"So, having fun yet?" Jessie asks knowingly, making me focus back on her. I blink.

No, I'm not having fun watching the male model across the room flirt with the one woman I am completely head over heels for. And seeing her smile back and enjoy herself like I don't even exist, is not fun either.

"That was a pretty stupid question, huh?" Jessie asks sheepishly, making me shake my head, letting out a good-natured chuckle.

Just push it down.

"No, it wasn't," I assure Jessie, making her smile warmly. I don't need to make her feel bad just because I'm silently losing my mind.

"You got to admit, this place has a nice view," Jessie adds with a shrug, making me furrow my brows with confusion.

A smile quirks at her mouth as she nudges her head to the party. I follow her gaze, seeing Rosita, Abraham, and Maggie laughing together near the bookcases as they talk to the Alexandria members.

Then there's Glenn, Beth, and Noah arguing passionately as they attempt to play a board game. Beth grins, snatching Noah's game piece, making him throw his hands up in good-natured frustration while Glenn shakes his head with amusement.

Looking over my shoulder, I spot Carl, Sophia, and the other kids talking in their group, playing a game of cards.

"No, it was a tie, man!" Carl enthuses, snatching his cards back from the other kid as they laugh. Grinning, I watch as my son becomes a kid again, talking to his friends and sneaking looks at the new girl beside him a little too frequently.

At least one of us has gotten over Cass.

Smiling to myself, I suddenly feel a lot better than I did before. "Yeah, it's a pretty good view," I admit begrudgingly as Jessie chuckles.

When I glance back to look at Carl, Cass grabs my attention once again. She's still talking to that Spencer guy, holding her hand to her chest as she listens to him, her brows turned up with emotion. Spencer says something else, making her mouth part before she steps forward and wraps him in one of her warm, comforting hugs.

A hug he doesn't deserve.

Anger simmers under my skin as his arms wrap around her torso, one hand resting remarkably low on her back, far too low.

Fucking scumbag.

Clenching my jaw so hard I think I might crack a molar, I face forward again, exhaling slowly through my nose forcing myself not to intervene.

Cass can handle herself.

"Oh my goodness, I'll take her," I hear Jessie gush through my fog of overwhelming anger, making me blink rapidly to see her taking Judith from a stranger, hoisting her in her arms.

Judith begins to cry, fussing dramatically, making me sigh, recognizing her cry.

"She's hungry. Here, we can take her back to get some food," I decide, leading Jessie through the adjoining hallway to an empty side room where we can feed Judith without her getting interrupted.

"Oh, it's been such a long time since I held one of these," Jessie grins fondly as she holds Judith to her torso, making me smile as I grab a jar of applesauce. After receiving the small glass tub and spoon, I walk up to Jessie, needing to step close to her in order to feed Judith.

"She and Carl," I start, as I begin to spoon the applesauce into my daughter's mouth, Making Jessie look up at me. "They are the reason I'm still here," I tell Jessie simply, making Jessie tilt her head, waiting for me to continue.

"And I get what you've been telling me," I add as Jessie blinks at me, looking confused. I give another spoonful to Judith, who eats it sloppily.

"What's that?" Jessie asks curiously, wiping a bit of applesauce off Judith's chin.

"That... here isn't so bad," I tell Jessie who smiles widely, her eyes slightly teary as she nods, patting Judith's head.

After Judith's done eating, I place the jar back on the table, looking back at the pair in front of me. Judith seems somewhat content now in Jessie's arms, blinking at me.

Smiling, I step closer to them to gently caress Judith's head as Jessie watches me. Pausing, I take a second to look at Jessie. Noticing that she's staring up at me, her gaze darting to my lips. I abruptly realize that she wants to kiss me.

...I know this isn't a good idea.

She's married.

And I'm completely devoted to a woman who is probably off making out with the new Spencer.

I know this isn't a good idea, but with my heart pounding in my throat and the alcohol coursing dangerously through my veins, I do it anyway. It's been so long since a woman has wanted me and my desperation for Cass is starting to wear me down. And after seeing how good she looked tonight, I need an outlet.

Leaning in, I close my eyes, imagining it's Cass in front of me instead. Imaging it's her soft, perfect lips I'm pressing mine against. Pretending and wishing with all of my being that she's in front of me instead. That when we part from this kiss, her green eyes will be blinking up at me, crinkled at the edges with love.

As I pull away from the lackluster peck, I'm hit with an overwhelming wave of regret as Jessie beams back at me, hoisting Judith in her arms. I smile down at my daughter, caressing her hair for a moment as I try to suppress my overwhelming regret.

Your dad is a mess. I think as I look into Judith's deep brown eyes.

Hearing footsteps behind me, I turn to look over my shoulder only to see no one behind us.

Huh.

- Cass's POV -

Patting my only partly dried hands from the bathroom on my hips, I turn the corner, freezing when I see them. Rick and the hairdresser, Jessie, locked in a chaste kiss.

A suffocating wave of jealousy and disappointment slams into my body at the sight. I let out a shuddering breath, feeling like my heart just splintered in my chest, sending painful shards through the rest of my body.

The pair separates with coy smiles, looking down and paying attention to Judith in Jessie's arms. My girl- my Judith.

Not hers.

Before they can see me, I duck behind the corner, my heart pounding as I press myself against the wall. My hot skin sticks against the paint, the discomfort just adding to the raw misery coursing through my body.

I clasp my hand over my mouth, forcing the tears behind my eyes to stay where they are, pushing my hand tightly against my mouth in a lame attempt to keep me from letting a sob out. After all this time... I have no right whatsoever to feel upset- but God. It hurts.

You really thought that showing off your body like that in the kitchen would do it, huh? That it would finally make him realize you're not just his friend Cass, but a woman too.

He'll never see you like that.

You fucking idiot.

Deciding I can't take it anymore, I turn, place my wine glass down on a stray wooden table, and quietly slip out of the party.

After practically jogging down the stairs, I'm stalking down the road alone, my hands crossed tightly around my body against the slight chill of the night. My heels click hollowly on the asphalt as I go, the only sound on the empty street as the sounds of the party fade behind me. It's a stark comparison to how I walked to the party with Michonne, feeling confident and excited. Now, I'm deflated.

I had hoped I was over him. That the lingering attraction I continue to feel for him didn't mean anything- that it was just a fantasy. I thought after Spencer and all the time that passed, I wouldn't still feel this way.

Damnit.

The hot tears finally win and force their way out, making me stop, holding my hand to my mouth. I let out a groan of frustration, squatting down momentarily to try to collect myself.

The image of them kissing is imprinted in my mind, making the pain hit me repeatedly. Like waves at the shore, the lingering aches lap at me, steadily making me feel worse and worse.

The sight of Rick's lips pressed up against hers, his eyes closed, a peaceful expression on his face. The lips that last kissed my cheek at the hospital. He probably doesn't even remember doing it.

God, I haven't felt this raw jealousy since Lori was alive. And now I have to face that again.

He's not yours. I remind myself. He never was.

Sighing heavily after giving myself a moment, I stand back up. I wipe under my eyes and my cheeks, fix my hair, and readjust my dress.

Get your shit together Cass.

After all this time he has a right to find someone who makes him happy. And it's okay if that person isn't me.

"You good?" A gruff voice asks, making my head snap up to see Daryl standing in front of me, watching me curiously. The light from the full moon shines across my good friend's face, his eyes dark underneath the shadow of his long hair.

Not knowing what to say, I just look at him, my chest heaving, another wall of emotion crashing over me. My lip trembling and suddenly feeling entirely too sorry for myself, I lurch forward, hugging my good friend tightly.

He's definitely showered after Carol threatened him earlier, which I appreciate while hugging him this tightly, burying my face into his vest.

Not being able to hold it back any longer, I freely cry into his shoulder as he pats my trembling back gingerly. "Was it one of 'em assholes?" He grunts lowly. Smiling fondly into his comforting warmth, I shake my head.

"No. It's nothing like that," I mutter, finally feeling alright to pull away, sniffling. "It's just- a lot," I lie as Daryl studies me for a moment.

"No one did nothin'?" He checks with me and I shake my head, a wet smile pulling across my face. There's nothing like having Daryl Dixon beside you when you have an emotional breakdown. I, of all people, would know.

"Are you not going to go?" I ask through my sniffle, nudging my head to the party going on behind us. Glancing at the house for a moment, he shakes his head, something deep behind those eyes as he looks down. I furrow my brows as I tilt my head, trying to read him.

It better not be because he doesn't feel like he's good enough.

"Hey! Daryl, Cass!" Aaron calls from a house beside us, making me jump, wiping my eyes and cheeks quickly.

"We have dinner, if you guys would like some?" Aaron offers kindly, holding open the door to his home, the warm light spilling into the dark street.

"Not goin' to the party?" Daryl asks, making Aaron chuckle.

"Never was. Not with Eric hurt. Thank God" Aaron breathes good-naturedly, looking back and forth between me and Daryl. I suddenly feel guilty for being so untrusting of him when he seems to be the most real person here.

"Go." I whisper sternly, turning to Daryl. He furrows his brows.

"I'm not-"

"Daryl would love some dinner. I already ate at the party so I'll skip this time," I tell Aaron with a smile. He nods understandingly, looking at Daryl.

"I'm tired and heading to bed now. You guys have fun, and tell Eric I said hi!" I call out, making Aaron smile.

"Alright Cass, see you tomorrow," Aaron calls back warmly and I nod in acknowledgment.

"I hate you," Daryl mutters under his breath and I grin, patting his shoulder.

"You love me. And we both know he's one of the good ones," I tell him quietly, sending Aaron a wave before heading back home.

Wiping the mascara streaks off my cheek, still sniffling, I pause for a moment, staring at my reflection in the powder room mirror.

Come on. You're a grown woman. Just get over it.

Clearing my throat, I erase any trace of my heartbroken tears from my face and run my fingers through my hair. After some water and brushing my teeth upstairs, I'll go to bed.

And probably cry myself to sleep I think, almost making myself laugh at how pitiful I sound. Jesus Christ.

Flicking off the light, I cross the hallway from the powder room straight into the white kitchen without turning on the main lights, not wanting to waste the electricity. The light from the full moon just visible outside the large window is good enough for me. After searching through some cupboards, I remember where the glasses are, grabbing one for myself.

I turn on the tap, allowing it to pour freely for a millisecond before I fill my glass, not being able to help myself from watching it with amazement. After seeing my family nearly die of thirst, searching endlessly for a drop of water, having plumbing like this at our disposal will never cease to send gratitude through me.

Turning off the tap once my glass is full, I pause for a moment, a sudden rush of emotion going through me remembering what I saw earlier. Despite hoping I could be over it quickly, I'm not.

And the jealousy and disappointment aren't even the worst part. It's just how much of an idiot I feel like now. Just a fool endlessly longing after a man who will never feel that way about her. It's pathetic.

Letting out a shuddering breath, I grip onto the counter for support before taking a large gulp of water. I nearly choke on the water at the front door banging open loudly, Rick bursting through with purpose.

"Cass?" Rick calls desperately, storming in and looking around wildly until he spots me in the dimly lit kitchen, making him sag with relief, placing a hand on his forehead.

"Jesus Cass. You scared me," Rick breathes, taking a deep breath, looking down, his hands resting on his hips.

Surprising that he had a minute to think about me with his tongue down Jessie's throat.

"Why did you just disappear like that? I thought-"

"-I wasn't in the mood for that bullshit any longer," I cut him off bitterly, slamming my glass onto the marble countertop a little rougher than needed. With both my hands on the edge of the counter for support, I exhale steadily through my nose, trying desperately to calm myself down and get the image of him and her kissing far out of my mind.

"What's wrong?" Rick questions, making me glance to the side to look at him with distaste as he tilts his head, assessing me. I quickly avert my gaze, not needing him to read my expression. He's too good at it.

"It doesn't matter." I dismiss quietly, shaking my head and pushing off the counter. I begin to walk away, trying to slip past Rick to leave the situation before I lose my mind, but Rick puts his arm out, blocking my path and making me stumble backward slightly.

"Not until you talk." Rick commands sternly, making me clench my jaw with frustration, my gaze slowly meeting his, my blood boiling with fierce rage.

He already ruined my night with his little rendezvous with the hairdresser, I really don't need this too. Reading my expression clearly, slight shock flitters across Rick's face.

"Did... one of them hurt you?" Rick demands slowly and steadily, breathing harshly through his nose, his face already twitching in anger as he eyes me down. I roll my eyes.

"No Rick, no one touched me." I inform him with exasperation, tilting my head up at him, making confusion flash across his expression, clearly racking his mind on what possibly could have happened.

"I don't get it." He murmurs thoughtfully.

"Of course you don't." I snap bitterly, trying to push past his stubborn arm still blocking me to no avail, hating how annoyingly strong he is.

"Cass," Rick breathes, the soft tone of his voice sending slight remorse fluttering through me, making me pause.

As per my stubborn tendencies, I push past the guilt, the intensity of my heartbreak enough as I look back up at him.

"Talk to me," Rick pleads softly, his gaze searching mine.

The image of him looking down at Jessie, that nervous smile on his face after they kissed flashes through my mind, making my stomach twist with disgust. Sharp emotional pain pangs my heart, desperately wishing once again that it was me instead.

Suddenly realizing he will never see me that way, I find myself having to fight the hot emotional tears welling quickly in my eyes. Seeing this, Rick ducks down, searching my rapidly crumpling expression, his eyebrows turned up with concern. He brings both hands to my shoulders, trying to look at me, but I push him away roughly, my lip trembling with overwhelming humiliation and defeat.

Rick stumbles away after I push him, defeat reflected in his expression as I back up from him, wrapping my hands around my torso, trying to fight the raw turmoil raging within me.

"Just. Stop." I plead weakly, my voice low and feeble, not having the courage to look at the man who has destroyed me.

All I wanted for so long was him.

I had let myself get carried away with his kindness and friendship, one small part of me hoping that there was something more there. But the second we're somewhere with new people, a beautiful woman who hasn't done the things I have, catches his eye and he doesn't waste his time kissing her.

When I finally gain enough strength to glance up in the excruciating silence, I see Rick's expression, crumpled with heartbreak as I reject his warmth. Reject the comfort and love I have always accepted with a smile.

But I won't. Not anymore. Because earlier tonight I got the final push to realize that he will never see me that way.

Pressing the heels of my palms to my eyes, I curse my ridiculous feelings.

Why can't this all just go away?

I tried.

I tried so hard for years to shake this stubborn attraction that just grew deeper into love.

It will never end, will it? I'll be forced to torture myself. Forever stuck as his friend.

"Is it me you're upset with? Did... I do something?" Rick questions, his voice slightly heartbroken.

I drop my hands from my face to find him staring at me, his eyes expectant, his expression fallen. Remembering whose lips he was locked with earlier sends a rush of vivid rage through my veins.

Fuck it.