F I N N I C K

A/N: Just letting yall know that this chapter is still very much a 1st draft, and I am becoming aware that it is kind of cheap and really short lol. I'll work on it in the future, I promise.
-@Isabellethebookwormw

"Seem's we've got a pair of fighters this year," Lucia mutters, taking a prolonged glance down the hall.
"How do you suppose I explain the bruises on both their faces?"
"I'll take care of it, Lucia." I tell her, forcing a lighter tone into my voice. I feel exhausted. With myself and a select few people on this train. But I couldn't get mad at Lucia for trying to do her job.

"If you insist, Finnick." She sighs boredly, already seeming less flustered. "Well, my fingers are crossed for it not happening again. Besides, we arrive at The Capitol tomorrow. First impressions count." She finishes, lifting herself up from the chair she was perched on before trotting off down the train car.

Finally, the silence, I can't help but think as I hold a hand to my forehead. My mind feels busy and confused. And the coffee I just finished hasn't helped. We're not even at The Capitol yet, and everything already feels messy. Let alone the fact that I haven't exactly been a good mentor.

I knew I shouldn't have kissed her.

And somehow I still let it happen. What was I thinking?

Well, maybe that's the problem. I wasn't thinking.

This happens every year. Every time I set a foot on this damn train I feel as helpless as I did 3 years ago. If anything, this year is harder in particular. Whether that has anything to do with Zu or not, I'm not sure.

I shouldn't have put it past her to pull off a stupid stunt like she did before. I don't know what scared me more. The fact that she thought she could do it, or the fact that for a second I actually believed her. And then she almost gets herself killed in a fight over the whole reason why everything feels so messy now.
And instead of being the adult in the room, I step in and make it all worse.

I wish Mags was here. She'd know how to handle everything. Normally she would be here with me, but the trips are starting to take a toll on her. She won't admit to that though, stubborn as she is.

The more I think about it, the more it feels like keeping Zuri out of trouble now and after the games is going to spiral out of my control.

Bad things happen when they spiral out of my control.

And then there's Cory. I don't think I've dealt with such a challenging tribute. I have no idea what goes around that kid's head. Is it just a general dislike of me?

I don't blame him. I don't even like who I am most days.

Chances are, Zuri will start thinking the same. And I can't let that happen. Not when she's the only person that somehow still sees me for who I am. Or was it who I used to be?

That solves it then, I'll apologise to her first thing tomorrow morning, and hope it doesn't happen again.

In the meantime, the best I can do is get myself another drink, and work out how to get at least 1 of my tributes through this alive.

And what if it's not her that's the one? I don't think I'm ready to face that as an option.

Because I do care about her. As much as I've tried to convince myself otherwise the past 3 years, I do.

But caring for people is dangerous. If there's one lesson that never left me, it's that one. And sitting around, not caring won't do any good either.

And for once, it's feeling like I might in a better position to do something about it. I'm not sure if that's the false hope the whiskey's giving me, or maybe the lack of sleep, but whatever it is, I'll take it.

All I need to do now is get work out just how I'm going to sort this mess out and get some rest