-:unedited:-

Two peacekeepers sit me down on a plush chair in a room of the Justice building. My eyes lift up to a wide  window, capturing the glinting sun bouncing off the salty waves of the bay perfectly. I feel my eyes fill as I come to realise that this will be the last time I get to see the ocean.

"I can't do this-" I whisper to myself, raking my hands through my hair as a tear rolls down my cheek. And I believe every word of it.

I can't do this. I couldn't do this.

No, I won't.

My eyes drift over to the clock as I calculate the time I have left. I had exactly 30 minutes to make a decision. I could find a way to kill myself.

How would I do it though? Jump off a roof? Slit my throat with a knife? Unfortunately, this room provides little options for self harm, unless I plan to strangle myself with a pillow. Suicide is a shameful way to go in District 4, but my knees feel weak when I consider the alternative. And, some idiot has posted a peacekeeper by the door, probably making sure I don't do the very thing I was thinking of doing.

I leap up and start pacing. How unbelievably selfish it would be to kill myself. My dead body would be the first thing my poor little brother sees when he walks through that door.

Almost on cue, the doorknob rattles open as the peace keepers unlock it, and my family rushes in. I choke down a sob and launch at them with my arms extended. Mum had given up trying to be brave, and I could feel her chest flutter as she wept. Julian has his hands wrapped around my waist so hard it hurts, and Dad's arms encircle all of us in a big hug. I promised myself I wouldn't cry. That was a stupid decision. Eventually, I decide to hold my breath, and that seems to help a little. I couldn't cry now. Not when my face was about to be shown on every Tv screen in Panem.

I draw in a deep breath, relishing the hug while it lasts, realising that half an hour will never be long enough. Mum and Dad lower down to meet my eyes. Julian keeps his arms wrapped tight around my waist, dreading the moment that he might have to let go. I think my feet are starting to go numb, but I didn't mind. I'm dreading the moment that he might have to let go.

"You could win this, Zuri." Dad says in a shaky voice I haven't heard before. "Find a spear and somewhere to hide. If you can't outfight them, you can outlast them. Keep your allies close-"

"But your enemies closer." I finish quietly. As true as that saying is, the only thing I feel like doing at the moment is hiding away from everyone, friends or not. Dad nods, sealing his words and reels us all back in, tighter than before.
"We'll meet you at the train station," Mum whispers shakily. "You can say goodbye to us all then."

"They won't let me. They'll make me leave as soon as I get there." I say in a tight voice.

"Oh, they'll let you." Mum says firmly, placing her hands on Julian's shoulders. "C'mon, honey," she says to him softly. "We'll get to see her again at the train station, but only if we leave now.."

Everyone gets up, and Julian finally lets go of me. I stand there, feeling stunned at them being ripped away from me so easily.

"I love you, honey." Mum nods before the door closes, a lone tear rolling down her cheek.

"I love you too-" I choke out in reply at the closed door.

»--•--«

I wish I had prepared myself for the whirlwind of emotions that bombarded me as Tess came flying through the door, hiking her lacy dress up to her knees. She was so excited when she  first bought it, and now she was running in it at full speed like it was no more that her day-to-day clothes. She launches at me, very nearly shoving me onto the floor. I can't help but laugh as I stumble, despite the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Take this," She says as she releases me. She unfolds teal green neckerchief, lapping waves embroidered on the edges. It barely takes a second for me to recognise it as her own handiwork. "Wear it in the arena for me." She whispers as her shaky hands tie it around my neck.
"You know I can't-" I choke out, finally allowing a tear to roll down my cheek.
"You can and you will," She snaps, brushing my tears away. "Now chin up and smile. You're going to the Capitol. Just like we planned."

And I smile, because we did plan to go to The Capitol when we were younger. It was a childish dream, back when the world seemed like a safe and happy place. And I would be going to The Capitol, only this time with a 1 in 24 chance of ever coming back.

"I'll be at the train station," she says, reeling me in for one last hug. I only nod, fearing that any words in reply will only come out in sobs.

The next and last person to see me very nearly tips me over the edge. An old woman with wispy grey hair hobbles up the steps, aided by a walking stick as she makes her way through the door.

Mags.

"There's my little fish," She coos in a garbled accent as she lets me into her arms. Mags is still recovering a stroke that scared us all. She's lucky that her speech was the only thing effected.

"I'm scared-" I whisper

"It's all worth it in the end. I promise." She says as she strokes my hair. Coming from Mags, who is easily one of the wisest people I know, I decide to take her advice on board.

"And remember, you'll never be alone in that arena." She speaks with effort as she pulls a string of seashells out of her pocket. "Take a little bit of the beach with you to remind you of home."

"I've already got a token, Mags. They don't allow you to take more than 1." I say, thinking that if I was allowed, half the contents of my room would be coming with me. She holds a finger to her lips, smiling conspiratorially. She closes my hands over the shells, plants a kiss on my forehead, and in barely a moment she's gone.

I release a breath I wasn't aware I had been holding on to, and a peacekeeper steps in.

"Times up, Ms Wolford. If you'll allow me and my friend to escort you," She says firmly, implying that even though it was a question, she wasn't asking. I drain the tears from my eyes, and silently step forward. I nearly trip down the stairs, and out of the justice building as I am practically pushed and shoved into a car of sorts waiting for me outside. Cars are rarely used on this part of the coast. The tight and sometimes winding roads that snake across the headland make it difficult for vehicles to navigate. Though this little fishing village, nestled along one of the many headlands of District 4 does not require a fleet of vehicles, I know of many that do.

This car ride will be 10 minutes long at worst.

People gather on the footpaths as the car weaves through the cobbled streets, all clapping and smiling. Even a few whistles reach my ears through the dark windows. They are all happy. All happy that two of their own children are being sent away to die. Though, that is rarely how they view it if you ask.

I rest my head against the seat, willing the tears to stay away as I glance at the car trailing behind us in the rear-view mirror. That must be the one Cory is in. I catch myself wondering why they didn't just put us in one car, until I realise I feel thankful that I'm in here alone. No one but a peacekeeper to witness my tears.

»--•--«

The car slows to a stop, a few steps away from the train station, and I steel myself over. Just a quick walk, then I don't have to be strong any longer. The door clicks open automatically, exposing me to the crowd. I step out, hoping for a false confidence that was never going come.

I recognise a few from my school, sad smiles plastered on their faces as I pass. My family is standing up the front, and Julian speeds over, wrapping his hands around my waist again. A peacekeeper steps forward to break us up, but a second holds her hand out to stop him.

"Don't go, Zu." He whimpers. I bite back a sob and kneel down to hug him.
"Hey, you be brave. Ok? Promise me you'll be brave." I tell  him shakily as I wipe the tears from his cheeks.
"Only if you promise to come back." He sniffs as he jabs a finger at my chest.
"Ok. I promise." I answer quietly, even though I knew all too well it was half empty.
"Pinky Promise." He frowns as he holds out his pinky finger. That earns a smile from me. We link pinkies and shake as I try to ignore the fact that I might end up breaking our last pinky promise. I hug him one last time and stand back up.

Mum walks over to hug me next. She tells me she loves me again, and nearly doesn't let go of me when I go to hug dad.
"Remember who you are." He whispers in my ear while he hugs me.
"I will, dad." Comes my shaky reply.

"Time to go!" Lucia chimes, putting in effort to make herself heard. Part of me- no, all of me, feels like slapping Lucia in the face so hard that not even plastic surgery will fix the indent. Does she not understand how hard this is?

I reluctantly let go of my family and two peacekeepers herd me towards the train. I gulp down air and force the final step off the platform and onto the train. Just in time, the whistle toots, the door snaps closed, and the wheels kick into gear with ease as the train begins it's course. Tess and Julian run alongside the platform as the train speeds up. They ran all the way to the end of the station, an wave as the train speeds away, dragging me with it. I watch them slowly shrink beyond recognition, blending into the horizon as I am carried away from District 4, the only home l've ever known.

An Avox leads me to my room, which was plush and comfortable. I had a single bed to sleep on, a bedside table, and a chest of drawers for the clothes I didn't have. Feeling stunned and a little lost, I sit down on the side of the bed and watch the landscape speed past. Forest, field. Forest, field. Forest-

"Hey, Zip."

My head whips around, almost without my command. There was only one person who ever calls me that name. And there he was, leaning casually against the doorframe. My suspicions confirmed, he was definitely taller. And I think his hair has darkened a little. More bronze than blonde. The one thing that hasn't changed is those eyes. He has a sad-ish smile on his face. I just stare wide eyed at him.

Thoughts are spinning around my head so fast I couldn't think straight.

Finnick? What on earth was Finnick doing on the train?
Oh, thats right. He will be my mentor. I can't figure out if I want to scream at him, throw something at him, or go up and hug him. Maybe even kiss him.
"You." Is all I can manage to get out.
"You, uh- you cut it." He states awkwardly.
I turn my head away shamefully. "That bad, hey?" His reaction immediately makes me regret cutting it.
"No! It uh- It looks nice on you."
I'm glad I was facing away from him because I could feel my cheeks blush. He clears his throat behind me and asks, "How are you doing, Zip?"
"Don't call me that." I snap at him bluntly.

Zip. A nickname he gave me. For being the fastest kid in school. And, I managed to hold that record half of the way through middle school. Finnick and only Finnick has ever been allowed to call me that. Now, no one is.
"Oh- uh, that's ok." He replies as he turns around and heads for the door.
"Well, if you need anything, give a shout."

I won't, I think to myself as he walks away. What I want is to go home. So with nothing to do but stare out the window, I decide to hop into bed. It's only 3 pm, but who cares. I only have a week left to live, so I saw it fit to do whatever I liked. So I slip out of my dress, and into a dark T shirt that would be comfortable enough, and some tan cargo pants. Apparently, they already provided all the clothes I will need for the short time I'm away. I curl up in bed, still staring hopelessly out the window as tears drip down my face and onto the pillow.

I wake from my doze to Lucia vigorously knocking on the door.

"Tea is ready!" She sings, her voice failing to be muffled by the door in between us. Does she ever use an inside voice?
Tea. What a stupid thing to call it. I ignored her for a little while, thinking that if I keep quiet, she'll leave, but I was wrong. For the 5th time, she knocks on my bedroom door. With a huff and a roll of the eyes, I toss back the covers and storm over to the closed door. I raise a hand, knock back, and mimic in my most ridiculous accent, "Tea is ready!" Followed by another series of obnoxious knocking.

"There is no need to be rude." She harrumphs and storms off down the hallway. I feel like screaming. I think she did it. If there's a prize for being most clueless person in Panem, she won it. And that was only the start of the long list. Her endless enthusiasm, her ridiculous hair, her silly smile, she smells weird, looks weird, talks weird. Everything about her is either weird, clueless or annoying. About 5 minute later I hear more knocking, and think that maybe this time I will scream.

"Ugh, will you drop it, Lucia?" I shout, trying to come up with something to scare her off, even if it only lasts for another 5 minutes.

The door opens and Finnick appears. Of course.
"Stand down, it's only me." He says, half smiling. He's got a plate of food in his hands.
"Thought I would give you this." He says as he hands it to me, sitting himself on the end of the bed.
"I'm not hungry." I tell him as I push the plate away. That was a lie, I was hungry. But being hungry and feeling like you want to throw up at the same time doesn't exactly make you keen on food.

"Ok, have it your way." He replies as he sits the plate down. I refuse to make eye contact for at least a minute, but questions were swirling around my head so fast I had to get at least one out.
"Why are you talking to me all the sudden?" I ask, trying to keep a dark tone out of my voice.
"Well, I figured it would be better than the whole cold shoulder thing, given you're stuck with me until the games." He reasons.
He has a point, but I still don't understand why it took my reaping to bring us together.
"Look, I know it seems strange," He begins, changing the subject. "But, Capitol people actually do have feelings."
"So you're defending Lucia?" I question, trying to determine which side he was on.
"She's not normally this-"
"Proud? Shallow? Sensitive?" I interrupt, not feeling open to justification.
He doesn't say anything back. Only raises a questioning eyebrow in my direction.

As if I could read his thoughts, I knew exactly what he was trying to say. I need to be nicer to Lucia Craine.

"Kind of hard to be nice to someone who just ordered your death sentence," I grumble.
"Yep. I remember that feeling." He agrees. "Look, Lucia means well. I get that it doesn't seem like it, but she does. She does all this because it's her job. A sucky one, too."
"Then she should just quit. For everyone's sake."
"Maybe she doesn't have a choice, just like you don't."
The more I think about it, the more I dread the fact that I have to apologise. Which, by the way, is not one of my strong suits.

"Look, just give her a chance. That's all I'm asking." Finnick says in conclusion, afterward getting up off the bed and heading towards the doorway. "Goodnight, Zu." He pauses, looking as if he might say something else, but doesn't bother as he closes the door.