how do you mourn
the loss of a friend
that you never lost?

where the bands on our fingers
from that one friendship day used to meet

whispers of memories past
moments we knew wouldn't last
the tick of the clock that went by too fast
from scuffed shoes to jokes on your cast.

maybe it was splashing mud in the rain

maybe it was a reassuring hug behind the theatre stage

maybe it was coughing on food from laughing too hard

maybe it was looks over someone's head.

maybe it was nothing to you

maybe it was everything to me

maybe it was an illusion i built
to distract me from the guilt
of not being enough.
of not being enough for you

was my shoulder not enough to cry on
or was my laugh not loud enough to join in?

were my sorrows not sad enough to dwell on
or were my joys not happy enough to smile for?

i know you see my fleeting look
when you build the new bracelets with the ghost of ours

i know you see my reaching hand
always ready to pull you back

but you say you were never gone
so what is there to hold?

how do you mourn
the loss of a friend
that you never lost?

a word !
the spaces between
stanzas
seem random
but they're not :)

cheers if you've lost a friend
but never fought with them
if they're there
but they're not with you.