Toji stood in the empty living room, the light illuminating from the television as it played some random show that you were watching before he came. It's been so long since the last time he was here, at least that's what it felt like. Nothing really changed for the most part, still the same decor, the layout still the same. He couldn't help but notice the set of fresh roses that sat on your dining room table, paired with a detailed glass vase. He already had his guesses on who gave them to you.
Toji looked over his shoulder towards the corridor that led to the bedrooms, you were still busy helping Naya wash up. He walked over to the table, fingertips gently touching the delicate petals. There was still regret and jealously that bubbled in Toji's chest. When it came to you, he was selfish, never thought in a million years he'd lose you once he had you. That was his problem. With each longing look at the roses, it reminded him of when he did have you, the beginning of things. He used to buy you flowers just for the hell of it, buy you small trinkets he knew you'd like, addicted to your smile when he'd handed them to you. But like almost everything in this world, things fall apart.
Those moments turned into him coming home while you were in the kitchen, eating dinner with Naya and Megumi, not even glancing your way. Not a word to you or his kids all because of an argument you had before he left for work that morning. Of course he regrets it all now, when it's too late for something to be done and said. It's cliche, but it was true.
His eyes flickered towards the small card by the roses, his jaw clenched as he grabbed it, slowly opening it to read:
Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman β Kento
"Hey." The sound of your voice snapped Toji out of his thoughts, quickly placing the card down and facing you. "The kids are, uh, asleep." You nodded.
"Should we talk here or?" Toji cleared his throat, stuffing his hands back into his pockets.
"Bedroom should be fine." As you walked down the corridor, Toji followed behind you. There was still that picture of you and the kids on the wall, the one that he took when you all went to the water park. It was a bittersweet moment, but he's glad that you still had it up despite the memory that came with it.
He shut the bedroom door behind him as you stood in the middle of the room. "So, you wanted to talk about the kids and us?"
"Yeah, I just want us to find a level placement where we can co-parent healthily. You know...where we don't fight and argue every time we talk to each other," you explained with a slight chuckle. "I just want better communication. Like if you can't or can take the kids, if you'll be going to their school events or something." You fiddled with your hands.
Toji stared at you even while you avoided eye content with him. He took notice you how you played with your hands too, something you always did when you were anxious, thinking about things. He could tell something else was on your mind. Something else was on his mind too.
"What I'm saying is, I just think we should strictly keep communication minimal. Just about our kids. What we do with our personal lives should be kept private unless it involves Naya and Megs somehow." You inhaled, tucking your bottom lip between your teeth.
Toji's brows furrowed at your statement. "Isn't that what we have been doing?" He questioned, leaning against your wall.
"Despite what you might think, no. And to be honest, I know that you know that not what we've doing, Toji," you scoff.
"If this is about what's been going on the last few months, I apologize," he spoke.
"It's," you sigh, "it's more than that. Ever since the divorce, we never acted divorced."
"You mean how we were still sleeping together," he bluntly said.
You rolled your eyes at how honest he was, but you should know by now that he was no different from when you first met him. "Yes," you answered.
"We haven't slept together in monthsβ"
"And about the unresolved feelings that we still hold for each other. That needs to stop. All of it," You interrupt.
Toji was at a loss for words, staring at you, and finally for the first time in this conversation, you locked eyes with him. "You're really taking this guy seriously, huh?"
You sigh, plopping down on the edge of your bed. "He's a good guy, Toji."
"I never said he wasn't." He shrugged, standing up straight.
"Okay, but you're acting weird about it. Why can't you accept that I've moved on? You should do the same." You stood upright. "Me and you," you gestured between you and Toji, "it won't work out."
Toji knew in the back of his head that you were right, but to hear those words out loud felt like a knife to the heart. Both of you stood in silence. All kinds of thoughts were running through his head, every single of them screaming at him to say something, to try and get you to change your mind. He doesn't want to argue or fight, not anymore, so he holds his thoughts and feelings back even if it does hurt.
Say something. Don't. Say it. Just keep quiet. Tell her.
"I've tried to move on just so you know. I've really tried, y/n." And there it goes. There goes the words spilling out of his mouth despite what may come next. He just needs you to hear him just this one last time. He doesn't care if it doesn't change a thing between you two, he needs you to know regardless. "Trying to get with different woman, having sex, drinking, pretending to be who I was before I met you. But where did I end up each time? Right back to you, right back in your bed, in your home, holding you, kissing you, regretting everything bad I've ever done to you, to our kids."
"Tojiβ"
"We were together for 10 years, married for 8 . As soon as you told me you were pregnant with Megs, I knew right then I wanted to make you my wife, to build a bigger family with you, to do right by you and our kids. I can't just throw all that away, all those memories. Even the bad ones. You changed me, made me want to be better. No other woman has done that but you." Toji walked closer towards you. It felt like your feet were glued to the floor, incapable of moving.
"Then why did you treat me that way?" Your voice slightly broke as you held back tears. "Like you were beginning to hate me, to hate us." The thought made you clench your eyes shut as a frown formed on your lips. You hated to remember. Your should began to shake as a sob racked through your body. "You don't understand how that made me feel," you whimpered.
Toji looked at you with soft eyes. "I never hated you or the kids, not a fucking second. That thought would never even cross my mind. Hate the woman who brought me the most beautiful thing life can bring you? Hate them? Even though they can be a pain in the ass," he chuckled. You laughed along with him, nodding in agreement. "Look at me, mama." Toji lifted your chin, wiping the tears off of your cheeks. "I can never hate you or our kids. Tell me that you understand that."
"I understand." You sniffled.
"I know the way I started treating you and our family towards the end is what caused everything to fall apart. I don't know why I did what I did. Arguing with you over stupid shit, acting like a fucking asshole, not being there when I should've. You had every right to leave. It's my own fault that I didn't realize what I had before it was gone. I'll live with that for the rest of my life. You're an amazing woman, a beautiful person, a wonderful mother. You were everything I could ever ask for. I'm sorry for making you feel like you were any less than that." He wrapped his arms around you, hugging you tightly while you cried into his chest. "I'm so sorry."
For the first time in years, you and Toji had a conversation without it turning into a heated argument. It was like a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders, like you could finally take a deep breath of fresh air. Toji just held you while you cried it out, rubbing your back gently. Though it hurts, he's glad he was able to tell you, to apologize. "Mama, you deserve to move on and be happy. It'll hurt like hell for me, but that's what I deserve for what I did. My karma. I'll level with you, I'll do what you want."
You pulled away from him, teary eyes staring up into his. "You mean it?"
Without hesitation he replied, "of course." If it wasn't painfully obvious already, Toji was still in love with you. How could he not be? He'll miss you, miss the times you spent together. He wishes he could make up for all those bad times, replace those memories with good ones.
"Thank you, Toji." You softly smiled.
"Dont thank me. It's the least I could do." He held onto your hand, his warm touch lingering on your skin before he pulled it away. "I'll see you around, y/n." Before he said anything else, he needed to walk away. Opening your bedroom door, he disappeared from your sight down the hall. You bit down on your bottom lip, brows furrowed as you sat there and began to process everything that happened.
Toji sat in his car outside your house. "Fuck," he sighed. It should be him. You and him. He should be buying you flowers, kissing your soft lips, holding you tight, making love to you, telling you he loves you. His grip tightened on the steering wheel as looked at your front door. In front of him, a familiar car pulled into your driveway. Toji sat and watched closely, noticing it was the man he caught a glimpse of in your house, your new boyfriend, Kento. As he walked up the steps, you opened the door for him before he knocked, wrapping your arms around him and kissing his lips with a smile. His hands were on your waist as he kissed you back, pulling you closer towards him.
Toji tore his eyes away from the sight in front of him, jaw clenched as he started his car. You were his karma and the woman he was in love with.
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