𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞
──── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────

As soon as the car skidded to a halt, Peter jumps out of the car and dashed to Med-bay, MJ following closely behind him. In the hallway, he could already hear the silent sobs and sniffles of Wanda and Morgan, the hushed voices of Sam and Bucky, and the anxious heartbeats of their other companions. Once the two found themselves in front of the huddled group, everyone darted their eyes towards them. All of them had a calm and sorrowful expression, but once Wanda laid her eyes on MJ and Peter, she saw through their minds and the earlier events replayed like a movie. Their conversation, their gaze, faces inching towards each other, and the kiss.

At that moment, all Wanda could see was red.

As Wanda advanced, Bucky tries to hold her back, but she pushes away and moved towards Peter. "How could you!" A pair of arms wrap around her again and her voice starts to shake.

Peter stood at a safe distance and MJ behind his back, intimidated by the people in the room. It wasn't everyday you'd get to see the Avengers in one room, and in a situation like this, it was best for her to keep distance and cross a line. Even if she was friends with Y/n and Peter.

"You said you'd keep her safe! You said you won't let anything happen to her!" 

"Wanda- "

"You betrayed her." She spat.

"Let me explain. Just- "

"I thought you cared for her?!" she cuts him off. Wanda wasn't going to have it. She didn't know how to control her temper, especially now that Peter was standing right in front of her with MJ behind him. She was enraged, and what she saw was just unforgivable. The scene that played in his mind was the very cause of why Y/n was now on her death bed.

"I do!"

"Then why did you do it?! Why go behind her back?!" She pressed on.

"I didn't intend for it to happen!" He screamed. "It didn't mean anything, okay!"

Everyone became silent. Peter heaved at his outburst and it slowly started to sink as his eyes widen. MJ stood frozen at her place, hurt at the words he let out. She looked away from the set of eyes that were flitting from her to Peter. The air was tense, awkward, and gloomy, and it was starting to settle around everyone.

"Hey, break it off." Sam intervened. "Y/n's just on the other side, and I'm sure she can hear both of you. She wouldn't want you guys to fight." He was speaking in a calm manner, but with authority. And although his eyes also had the same gloom as everyone's, Sam managed to put everyone back to their place. Wanda was ushered to the other side of the room and stood between Rhodey and Bucky. Happy took Peter by the arm and invites him over to sit beside him. MJ still following at a distance, leaned on a wall head hung and arms wrapped around her. Truth be told, Peter didn't want to sit, it only made his nerves unsettling. His knee bobbed up and down with anxiety, looking everywhere to keep his mind off from what was happening inside Med-Bay.

His eyes caught sight of Pepper cradling a sniffling Morgan. That scene alone only made Peter worse. Morgan was there, and she saw everything. A harrowing scene that no loved one wants to see— worse, a child, who shouldn't be exposed to such a thing. Peter turned away in shame when he caught the little girl's eye. He knew better than to add the guilt he was feeling, but he couldn't help himself when he saw Morgan's tear-stained face.  "How bad was it?"

"Don't make yourself feel worse than you already are, Peter." The boy turned to Happy who's face was a bit soft and same as the others; dolorous.

"I just wanna know what happened to her, Happy." He spoke soft.

"I know you do. But knowing won't do you any good, Kid."

"It won't. But I'm bound to know sooner or later." The man sighed at the boy's persistence. He couldn't keep Peter away from the truth, even if he wanted to. His mind was debating on the right words to say; something that wouldn't make Peter beat himself up for. "Like I said, it wasn't good, kid."

"Was it worse? Far worse than her past attacks?" Happy didn't mind answering that at all. If he even gave a verbal agreement... it would be like the Europe trip all over again, or worse. He pats his shoulder with a tight face. "Get some rest, kid. This is gonna take long." And Happy stand up to take a walk.

MJ took Happy's seat in exchange, feeling the soles of her feet start to relax. She didn't make any physical contact with Peter. She knows that he needs his space, even though she badly wants to comfort him. But the guilt told her to keep to herself—she had already done enough. So MJ gave a sympathetic look at Peter instead. He would already know what that meant.

Peter understood the telepathic message, and only sent a weak smile in return. It was already dark outside the compound, and Peter hadn't slept last night after staying up with Y/n. Tiredness was slowly starting to take its toll. His stomach started to growl lowly, he also hadn't had dinner yet. As if on cue, a figure stood before him. Morgan had a wrapped cheeseburger in her hand, a small pout on her lips as he looked at him with doe eyes.

"Mommy told me you might be hungry." She said. Peter looked at Pepper, and she only gave him a curt nod, telling him that it was alright. "I'm sorry it's not the sandwich you like. Big Sis told me you liked sandwiches with flat yucky pickles."

Peter chuckled dryly, "Yeah, I do. Why Maguna? You don't like pickles?"

She shakes her head violently and she gestures him to come closer to whisper in his ear. "Pickles smell like Daddy when he doesn't take a shower."

"You'll learn to like it, Mo. Maybe when you're older like your sister."

He ruffles her hair before she runs back to her mother, waving with a tight smile on her face. Peter wished he could be like Morgan in this situation; Innocent and calm in the arms of her mother. Peter wanted Y/n to be there with him—beside him. He wished everything was just a nightmare, and that Y/n was actually laying beside him on her bed, humming softly in his ear while her hands went through his locks. The thought of her voice sent chills through his spine, but Peter remembers it clearly. The melody of the song from Mary Poppins, her humming so soft and calm that made him feel like he was home.

***

"For God's sake Parker, stop using your fucking web shooters! That's cheating!"

"How can you call using my web shooters as 'cheating'? It's combat training, Y/n." He chuckled as she loomed over her figure, which was stuck to the wall. Her face displayed vexation, which only made Peter laugh more. Rare were the times where he gets the upper hand. And Peter enjoyed every second of seeing her adorable fuming face.

"But the purpose of this training is for when you don't have your suit, Dingus!" 

"I won't lose my suit, Darling. Trust me."

She gave him a deadpanned look. "Dad took your suit back in sophomore year."

"That was Tony giving me the tough love treatment. And I had that homemade suit under the locker, remember?" He quipped.

"Customs and Immigration almost took your suit back in Venice."

"'Almost'. They took the banana instead." Y/n's brows furrowed at the sound of him chuckling, getting annoyed by the minute. She hates it when Peter had that cocky smirk on his face. Cheeky bastard. He was enjoying it, and he didn't bother to hide it!

"You gave Dad's multi-billion glasses to a psycho employee he fired years ago and used it against you. You had no back-up; your suit was taken, and you got stuck in the Netherlands!" That's when the boy flinched.

"Y-yeah, well... Everything worked out in the en-!" Everything was too quick to process. Just a second ago, he was taunting Y/n, and now she was under her. He was laying in between her legs and she was crouched over him, hands stuck under her grasp. She leaned over him and a mischievous smirk grew on her face.

"Never get easily distracted. I thought you could sense that with your Peter-tingle?"

Peter couldn't muster the courage to let out a response nor could he fight back. Why didn't his senses pick that up? He was too frozen with the current position he was in, and his teenage hormones were messing with him. God, Tony could probably read his mind right now! No doubt, his mentor is probably gonna haunt him in his dreams when he sleeps tonight.

Y/n's smirk widened even more when she received no response from the boy below her. Slowly, she starts to break out into a laughing fit seeing Peter's ears go red and his eyes still blown wide. "No matter how cocky you are, you're still the same loser I've met back in Berlin." She chortled.

And in a snap, Peter was back to his senses, successfully pushing her body off him and carrying her easily like a sack of potatoes. "And you're still the same fat-ass I bested in Gym class. Guess everything's still the same after five years."

"Yeah, yeah, you bested me in a game of dodgeball! Nothing to be so boastful about, loser. Now go and carry me to my room! My legs are too lazy to walk."

Peter rolled his eyes. She always does this when she doesn't feel like walking. "You're taking advantages of my strength too much. I feel like I'm being used." He pouts, faking his hurt feelings.

"Less talking more walking, Elton John! And besides, I wouldn't have gotten this lazy if you didn't wake me up to train with you all day." Peter didn't respond to her complaints. It was impossible to get Y/n to shut up anyway, so he didn't bother. She was childish in certain aspects of things—specifically when she decides to take a lazy day.

Once they made it to Y/n's room, Peter threw her on the mattress and left to take a shower. Not a moment later, he could hear her yelling from the room. "Dickhead!" He smiled at that and entered his quarters. He took his under the shower, letting the water soothe the tense muscles and bruises. After the shower he dresses himself in the Hello Kitty pajamas that Tony gave and a white shirt while humming to a tune that got stuck in his head. Taking his phone and power cord, she went back to Y/n's room.

Peter didn't mind knocking, the door was left open anyway. He could still hear the trickling of water in the shower and her playlist loudly playing randomly. It took a while for Y/n to finish her shower, so Peter scrolled through his phone to pass the time. At the thirty-minute mark, the shower stopped. Moments later, steam came out of the door, revealing a fresh Y/n dressed in a sweater and shorts. Her hair was still damp, and droplets of water fell on the floor.

She stood by the door, surprised to see Peter on her bed with his phone. From what she could remember, he was supposed sleeping in the apartment tonight. "What brings you here, Dweeb?"

He sits up and lays his back on the headboard. "Nothing. Just wanna sleep here tonight."

"I thought you're staying in the apartment tonight?"

"Too tired to go back." He huffed.

Y/n rolled her eyes. "You have your own room Pete! Get off my bed."

"But I wanna sleep here with you. My room's too cold and your bed is better than mine. Plus, you're a space heater and plushie rolled into one." He grinned, patting the space beside him in an excited manner. Of course! The boy wanted to cuddle. She shakes her head and sighed, a smile makes it way on her face and she didn't bother to suppress it. Y/n couldn't say no, she liked the idea as well. But she wouldn't tell him that of course.

"You're such a fucking koala, Peter Parker." She tells him as he lays his head on her chest and circles his arms around her torso. "We've just established this three weeks ago. We're taking things slow, remember?"

"We are! I just... like doing these things with you." His voice faltered until it became silent. Y/n hadn't responded, and he could tell something was bothering her. Peter propped himself up on his elbow and faced her. "Y/n, what's wrong?"

She doesn't respond. "I'm sorry. You're right. I should pull back on the reigns-"

"No, no, it's just... I don't want you forcing yourself into doing these things just so you could fall in love with me, Pete. There's no pressure in doing this, you know that. I can always get the surgery anytime."

Peter tensed at the suggestion of doing surgery. Y/n didn't know, but there was pressure in everything that he was doing. He feared of doing her wrong. It was then Peter realized why she was uncomfortable with everything. She was uncertain. He smiled at her softly and held her hand, "I'm not forcing myself. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable. If you want me to pull back, I'll do it. But you have to know that I'm doing these affectionate things because I want to. I really, really, want to. I-I'm still new with being a boyfriend, but I promise, I'll try to be the best one there is. I'm devoted to you Y/n, platonically and romantically."

Slowly, the corners of her mouth curl upward, and Peter could hear her heart beating as clear as day. The beats sounded like any another person's beating heart, but hers were so sincere—and it beats for him. Peter wondered if he'll ever get tired of hearing her it beat for him.

"I just said three sentences, and you reply back with a long-ass sappy essay?" she chuckled. But deep down she appreciated every word he said. Y/n knew that he knew she was still unsettled with everything. She couldn't hide from him after all. Y/n was basically transparent to him. He laughs along with her and laid his head back on her chest.

"I am unworthy of you, Peter Parker."

The boy flinched at her sudden remark. Y/n let's out a heavy sigh and looked at the ceiling, continuing her sentence without missing a beat. "What did I ever do to deserve you? I mean seriously, dude, you're better off with MJ."

"Well, you helped Tony make my suit. You took me to Barcelona, befriended me, and called me out on my shit." He grinned. "You're worthy, Y/n. Don't second think about it."

Another smile crept on her face. Y/n didn't say anything back. Instead, she held Peter even closer and pressed her cheek against his head, caressing the tufts of brown hair because she knows how much he loves it and how it helped him fall asleep. Peter didn't say anything either, because he understood everything with just a simple gesture. And he lets himself melt in the moment.

***

It was four in the morning. Not Y/n's usual wake up time. She didn't know why but she just felt the need to wake up. When she tried to get back to sleep countless of times, she decided to just let her eyes do it for her— whenever they feel going to rest, which she hoped was soon.

She was still in Peter's arms, and his innocent face looked up at her; asleep and unaware. She decided to just examine his face. Maybe she'll get bored of looking at it and fall asleep. Stupid. It doesn't work that way! her subconscious says. But instead of examining it, Y/n found herself admiring his features. His smooth skin, soft curls of brown hair, freckled cheeks where she could connect each dot to the other, his crooked nose, thin rose-pink lips, and his damn unruly left eyebrow—everything about him, she admired. Peter was admirable, both inside and out. That was the truth. God, she could feel herself falling for him again.

Can a person even fall in love with the same person when they've already fallen? she asked herself. And the very thought of it wanted to make her gag for being such a romantic. She would've asked her Dad if he felt that way every time when he was with Pepper and vice versa. How could that even be possible?

"Such a dumb question. This is giving me a fucking headache." She sighed to herself, leaning on Peter's forehead to feel comfort. He was still asleep, soft snores emitting from his mouth. The boy was completely unaware of the mental crisis Y/n was having, and she was fine with that. She didn't want to disturb him nor talk to him about the thoughts that were running in her head. Could he even answer those questions? Who knows? Peter doesn't know much but somehow; he manages to whip up an answer from his past experiences and May's guidance.

It was then she had a sudden revelation, it felt like one of those lightbulbs lighting up when she was brainstorming for a project. She wasn't falling in love again. It wasn't that at all.

Y/n was growing to love him even more. Her love was growing every time she stops and take one good look at Peter and notice everything about him; his talent, his fears, and his flaws. All of which she had accepted with no second thoughts. Love was infinite after all. She had no doubt this love she has for Peter could grow even more than what she had already expected.

Damn. I've fallen hard, haven't I? She did.

She took in the feel of Peter's forehead on hers and held his hand. She just wanted to just feel him. Her eyes hadn't left Peter's closed ones, not a single second while she was having a revelation. And so, she spoke to him in a quiet whisper. "I love you, Peter Parker."

He hadn't moved, not an inch. Although she wanted to say this to him while he's conscious, she decided against it. It'd probably be best to tell him when he already feels the same. He was unconscious—asleep. He wouldn't know a thing. And she had desperately wanted to tell these three words out loud ever since. Why wait for him to be awake? She might as well say it now.

"I love you, Peter. So, so much. You don't have to say it back, because I don't expect you to. I don't even expect you to fall in love with me in a few weeks, months, or years, just as much how I do. But I just want you to know how much I do. I love you Peter, and I won't get tired of saying it. Even if it's just in my head, and even if you don't. I love you."

Y/n relished the moment that only she knew of. She buried herself deeper in Peter's arms and lulled herself to sleep.

***

"I love you Peter, and I won't get tired of saying it. Even if it's just in my head, and even if you don't. I love you."

The words reverberated in his mind and along with her voice. Peter woke up from the dream with a single trail of tears running down his cheek. That was the first time she told him he loves him, and it was the first time Peter heard it. He wasn't supposed to hear it, but he did. He didn't tell her that he had been listening the whole time. At that time, Peter wanted to wake up and say it back to her. But he couldn't, not when he didn't feel the same. It would be unfair to her, he thought. The memory alone made his heart ache. The regret and sadness eating him up and swallowing him whole.

"Even if it's just in my head, and even if you don't. I love you"

Peter's fingers curled and his nails dug in his palms. The words explained it all: Y/n didn't care if she wasn't loved back. All she cared was loving him.

His lips sealed in a thin line as he blinked the tears away. Every minute and every second passing was getting torturous. It had been hours since the surgery and it was still a waiting game. Pepper said that according to Stephen the surgery was precarious. The roots would be surrounding the lungs—sometimes, even sticking out of it. It would take hours to take all of it out. And if you're not quick to stop it from growing or getting everything out...

Everyone's head perked up at the suddenly loud gasp. Wanda's hand was placed over her mouth, shaking. Her tears slowly welling up as she looked at the opposite side of the hall. She slid down the wall and sat on the floor with muffled cries. Everyone was confused and worried. Sam was beside her the whole time and held her back for support. "What happened?"

She shook her head frantically, unable to form words. As if on cue, the doors to Med-bay opened. Both Stephen and Christine stepped out in their scrubs and despondent faces. Pepper was the first to walk up to Stephen. But the silence and look on their faces were enough to answer her. She took a step back and placed a hand on her chest. Her cries were silent, as well as the little intakes of air. Christine was quick to rush to her support, embracing and rubbing her back as Pepper sobbed. Everyone in the hall was still. Eyes displayed with shock and sorrow.

Peter witnessed everything from where he sat and like everyone, he was still—frozen and stuck to his seat. MJ was the same, frozen and still as a statue, and her eyes were glued to the floor. Peter couldn't move and his ears were ringing from everything that was happening. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't be, right? He shoots up from his seat and took long strides to get to Stephen.

He looked up at the wizard with hopeful eyes and hidden behind was fear. He waited for an answer. But like before, all Stephen could give was a shake of his head and a heavy hand on Peter's shoulder. His heart dropped at the confirmation. "No..."

"Peter- "

He shakes his head. "Y-You've got to be lying. Tell me you fixed her!"

"Peter, calm down."

"Tell me you're lying! She...She can't be dead! Stephen, she has to be alive!"

Stephen held both of his shoulders and looked him in the eye. He remained his composure, but his eyes were the same as everyone's. "There were too many roots and flowers, Peter. It covered most of her lungs up."

His head hurt and his ears rang. Everything looked blurry as Peter shook his head, denying everything. Without a thought, he ran and burst through the doors, the voices of everyone drowning behind him as he made his way to the door at the end which led to the operating room. He didn't care if they followed him, Peter wanted to see it for himself.

The moment he entered he felt the temperature drop. The room was cold, and everything was dimly lit. All the surgery tools were set aside, but the heart monitor was there along with the defibrillators. Both were turned off. But Peter hadn't noticed any of those. His eyes were trained on a figure laying on the bed with a thin white sheet covering it. He took slow and careful steps. Every step felt like the ground was eating him up. Not too long later the doors opened again, and more footsteps came. He didn't look back to know who it was, Peter continued to go forth.

Once he was over the figure, he took a minute to stare at it. His head screaming, denying, and denying, and denying everything. Though at the back of his head, he knew who it was behind the white cloth. Peter shook as his hand held the corner of the sheet. Slowly, he pulled the cloth down, stopping at the clavicle. He felt his breathing stop and he was once again frozen.

It was her. It really was her.

Y/n's body laid on the bed lifeless. Her hair was kept and framed her face, eyes closed and at peace. At one glance it looked like she was only sleeping, but she wasn't.

Peter still couldn't grasp everything. Up until know, reality still hadn't dawn on him. He needed one last thing to know for sure. He needed to know if it was true. Peter's eyes trailed down to where her hand was. He reached out again, shaking as he slipped under the cloth. Slowly, he pulled out her hand and held it in his.

It was cold. Her hand was cold and frail.

At that moment, everything dawned on him. Peter had finally felt himself break down little by little. The tears he had been keeping had finally broke through and the wet hot trails flowed endlessly. Peter knelt beside her and took a good look at her face. She looked the same, but everything was different. Y/n was dead, and her cold lifeless body laying before him was definite proof of it.

Peter caved in and held her hand between both of his. His lips rested on his closed fist and his eyes were trained on her corpse. The tears slowly started to drench his shirt. He heaved every now and then and it felt like he was losing air. Peter knew that they were watching, but he didn't care.

He didn't fucking care.

"It should've been me." Peter spoke in labored breaths. "I should've done better. I should've been with you instead!"

He sobbed loudly but steadily it became quiet. Peter couldn't let go of her hand; he didn't want to just yet. He placed a soft kiss before closing it again between his. Every time he would, Y/n would shove him, smack him then hear her soft giggles and see a gentle smile grow on her face. A smile that would immediately light up the whole room.

He received none of those.