"Because it was stupid!" Joey yelled at John B in the flower shop that night. "I was lying!"

"Oh my god, why do you do this?" John B gave her a crazy look with a wave of his hands. "You said you loved me and now you're saying you're lying?"

Joey huffed. It was silent a second, the pair quiet together and sat still. Peace and quiet. Something they use to be good at together, not anymore. "I wasn't necessarily lying."

"Okay." John B matched her calm tone. "We can talk about it."

"What's there too talk about?" she gave him a confused look between her hurt eyes. "I hate you, I love you, you hate me, you love me, you choose Sarah. That's all there is to it."

"I'm not choos- I just don't understand why you say you hate me and then, now you say you don't?" it was clear he was beyond confused by all she'd said. Even she was confused, possibly even worse then him.

"No, I do hate you." she corrected him with a knowing look. "But I loved you once, too. It just never went away."

"Yeah." John B agreed, making her look at him. "I never hated you though."

"Why would you? I'm not the one that broke your heart with a breakup." she spoke bitterly but clam. The purple lighting from the plant lamps was the only source of light they had, but it was enough to see her eyes. They held so much emotion all the time, the only way you could actually see she wasn't completely emotionless.

"Do you seriously think that didn't hurt me to do? It took me forever to even be able to bring myself to say it. I hated that, I still hate it. I never wanted us to break up." John B spoke seriously as he looked at her. His eyes, the light brown, had a purple glaze from the lighting.

"Then why'd you do it?" she asked, leaning against the desk in the middle of the shop, where'd she'd usually save a few potting plants that were abused by their owners.

"Because I was scared." he answered her, hands gripping the counter tightly from where he leaned against it. "Long distance just isn't something I could do. I kept thinking I could make it work but I couldn't imagine only being able to speak to you over the phone, only seeing you on holidays, not getting to walk with you to school, or have you tutor me in math because you're so smart and I suck."

It brought a faint smile on her face, but then she'd looked down.

"And then you moved back and it was the best day of my life." John B admitted, making her look up again. "The best day of my life. And then you hated me so much and I hated-hate that I hurt you so much."

She glanced away again, she focusing on a barley bloomed succulent. "I know it's not fair for me to act the way I do to you. I just- every time I see you, or talk to you, it just makes me think about the summer together and I wanna forget it so bad."

"Why? That was the best summer of my life." John B gave her a crazy look.

"Because we could never work like that again." she snapped at him, eyebrows frowned but eyes wide. "I know it, you know it, everyone does. Why would I want to remember when I was most happy, knowing it will never be that way again?"

He didn't know what to say to that. She was right. Even if they had managed to make it work, before Sarah came along, it would never be as perfect as it was last summer. She was still angry and so hurt by all of it, no one would just be able to be let go so easily. It was silent a second, the hum of the lights the only noise. John B laughed slightly. "Do you remember when you use to write on my mirrors with your lipstick when you'd leave early in the morning?"

Joey didn't want to smile, but she did. "That was so stupid."

"As if pen and paper don't work. It would always take forever to get off too." he nodded his head, hands tightening on the counter again for a second. "There's still a red tint on it, like a stain, it won't come off."

She met his eye.

"Every morning, it reminds me." he said, their smiles fell again. "You even did it when my dad died."

Joey hated thinking of when Big John died.

"You hated me so much but you still came to me when he died. You still stayed, kept me safe." John B recalled his most painful memory, staring over into her eyes. "And it was raining and you busted through the door and I swear so much of my pain was lifted in those two days. It reminded me of the summer, and it's all I needed when that happened."

Joey looked away.

"And then you acted like it didn't even happen." he concluded, and she knew he was gonna say that. "Why?"

Joey shrugged with an exhale. "I guess I wanted to pretend it didn't."

"Why?" he asked her again.

This time she took a while to answer. "Because I knew what would happen if I let myself think too much into it."

"You loved me then?" he asked her, tightening his hands again.

"I told you." she rose her eyebrows. "I didn't stop loving you. Do you not realize you were, and still are, the only person who doesn't look at me like i'm some emotionless monster."

"You're not an emotionless monster." John B shook his head sternly at you. "I've never met someone who cares and loves as hard as you do. People don't understand you, that doesn't make you a monster."

She laughed sadly. "See...my point exactly."

"I would have done anything for us to be together again." he admitted to her, standing up straight. "And then Sarah-"

"I shouldn't have told you all that after you got with her." Joey cut him off knowingly as she stood up straight as well. "Not only was it completely disrespectful to her, but I wanted to hurt you when you looked so happy and that isn't fair."

John B glanced at the wall of roses. "I can't just forget you said it."

Her teeth dug into her tongue. "I don't want you to."

He went to say something before she spoke. "But it isn't something we need to talk about. You and Sarah are together, regardless of what I said and what went on between us. I can respect that and keep my mouth shut from now on. I just need to know we're on the same page."

John B thought about it. He didn't want to not talk about it. She never stop loving him, he never even moved on from her until he met Sarah. How could he agree to never talk about it again? How could he just keep his mouth shut when it unlocked feelings once again. "We're on the same page."

Joey gave a single nod. "I'm glad we talked."

"Me too." he spoke, hesitatingly taking a step closer. Joey walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist. She hadn't hugged him since Big John passed, never even touching him unless it was to shove him or he'd "accidentally" dump into her. It felt too good, too close, too familiar, too emotional. The hug made it so much worse, on both of them. John B put his arms around her, keeping her in a tight hug as they stood for a second together. A second to them, but eternity in time.

•

kylie speaks

sorry for the filler
chapters but i didn't
wanna start a new scene
after this freaking sadness
of routlay):