Book: Damn Your Lies
Author: _BLACKSPADESZ
Reviewer: FrostedForestFairy
Chapters read: 12

Cover:
I really like the cover! It uses a contrast between bright and dark colours which instantly grabs people's attention. And the title is readable while being pretty. If I had to be really nitpicky, I’d say that the cover doesn’t give much information about the story. Which I personally have no problems with but it’s just something for you to think about. Overall, the cover is great though!

Title:
As for the title, it is definitely intriguing. I feel like it conveys a feeling of frustration and anger for being lied to. It definitely gives me the feeling that the story will be about betrayal and complicated relationships between the characters. It’s a really good title! Short but catchy.

Blurb:
“Regina Patrissia, the hundredth consort of King Rex III, enters his harem at the age of eighteen.” (the second comma [that I have bolded] is not in the blurb, but you should add it since that’s the correct grammar.)

I really like the blurb. It gives us something to look forward to, namely, a sort of rivalry between Regina and the Emperor. And I like how you ended the blurb with a very interesting question that makes the reader want to read the story to find answers.

However, I do believe the blurb is a bit misleading. You mention absolutely nothing about the body shift or any of the confusion that Regina goes through when she gets teleported to a new world. I know that you mentioned the prompt, but I personally don’t consider the prompt to be a part of the blurb.

When I started reading I was expecting a historical fiction where Regina chooses to change over the course of two years, not her suddenly getting body-swapped. My suggestion would be that you can keep this blurb but maybe add a part explaining how Regina/Reina gets teleported to a wholly new universe and has to learn to adapt. This would definitely interest the readers even more and they would know exactly what sort of a story they can expect (which is what a blurb should do).

Plot:
The plot is definitely unique. I’ve never seen this plot or anything similar before. It blends historical fiction and sci-fi. So that’s amazing! But I do believe the plot could be fleshed out a lot more than you already have. I’m very curious about how extraterrestrial beings/a multiverse portal helped Regina change bodies for a few years. I understand that Regina was body swapped with a human and lived a human life for a while. But I would love to see you elaborate on the mechanisms of multiverse travel in this story. And personally I would love to learn more about Regina’s human past and how it affects her personality. I would also like to know what happened to the human that had been occupying Regina’s body for all these years.

And I will be honest. Chapter 12 was very confusing. You time skipped about a year or so I believe. And we never got to see how Regina dealt with suddenly becoming an mc from an npc. And her suddenly becoming so relevant to the king and solving mysteries was strange. I think you should elaborate much more about the time in between chapters 11 and 12.

Another thing, there is a bit of a video game element to the story. Which definitely is unique and interesting but it doesn’t make much sense to me. I would also like an elaboration on why there is a video game element since the book is set in a novel? And how can the writer of the story also be a part of the story herself? You mentioned her also being like Regina and getting body swapped but if she wrote that story when she was human, how was she born in Xeneth in the first place? It didn’t make much sense to me. The plot is good, it just needs a bit of elaboration about the world building and the characters.

I do find the plot very interesting though. I loved seeing the festival and games that Regina participated in. I also found adding Tweet to the story was a nice idea. It gives Regina a guide and it also acts slightly like a pet. Even though it’s a bit lacking, the world building so far is very nice!

Grammar and vocabulary:
Some common grammar mistakes I’ve noticed throughout the story:

You use “the God” very often rather than just “God”. Since “God” is a proper noun, you wouldn’t use “the” before it.

And I felt like you used italics a little too much in the first few chapters. Towards the end of chapter 1, you italicised “fun” and “forgotten”. I felt like they didn’t have to be italicised. And you repeated this throughout the first half of the story.

You also seem to mess up the words “if” and “it” a few times. I am unable to provide an example of this but you did it a few times.

Overall, the grammar is good. You just need to proofread the whole thing and fix the occasional mistakes.

Flow:
The flow felt a bit all over the place. You should remember that although Regina has read the book, she is still completely new to this world. And more importantly, your readers are completely unfamiliar with this world. You can’t just give a few paragraphs here and there and expect them to understand the world. The best kind of worldbuilding is when you focus on the smaller differences and point out how they are different from the real world.

The first 5-6 chapters happened over the course of a couple days and then you jump directly a year between chapters 11 and 12. This is fine to do (a lot of stories do this) but I feel like you could have made the transition a bit smoother. Give the readers some time to digest all the new aspects of Xeneth in the first few chapters. Then slowly give them more details as the plot progresses.

Characterisation:
I love Regina’s character so far! She seems like a cunning and strategic person. I personally love these kinds of characters! You are very consistent with the personalities and every character is very distinct from each other. I can also tell Regina has a good amount of general knowledge since she makes references to King Tutankhamen and such.

The only criticism about Regina I have so far is that she doesn’t seem to have a clear flaw. Having a clear flaw is very important for characters (especially mcs). It makes them feel even more real. For someone like Regina, I’d suggest giving her a flaw like pride, or greed for power. Those match her personality I think. You can also make it something else, those are just suggestions. Also give her some smaller flaws. Having multiple flaws help to make characters feel like real people.

Conclusion:
The story is good, overall! I’m assuming this is a bit of a ‘first draft’ that you haven’t had the chance to edit since the ONC gives you a very limited amount of time to finish the story. This was a very fun story to read and I really enjoyed it. I’m curious to see where the plot goes.

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