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𝐇𝐞𝐲, 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝟐 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞. 𝐈 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤. 𝐌𝐲 𝐡𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈'𝐦 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 (𝐈 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝐤 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲'𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐧?) 𝐬𝐨 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐭. 𝐍𝐠𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐨. 𝐄𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐂𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐱𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭.

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𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐈 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐓'𝐋𝐋 𝐁𝐄 𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐋 𝐈 𝐃𝐈𝐄, 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐈'𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐄𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐃, 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐘. It seemed inevitable, being gone. I couldn't bear to actually say the word out loud... but I would be dead. Now I have another chance, but I would still be leaving her behind. Lonely once more. I know just how much she loves me, no matter how much time and money it takes to keep me alive. There's never been a person who's shown me such loyalty. My mother is the one that I'll be saddest about when I turn.

God, turning sounds so normal. It must be the mate bonds. No normal person would consider such a life-altering turn okay, or at least they would take more time to consider their options. For me, it was a way out of everything that kept my nerves on edge. An escape of sorts may be my only option at this point. I should be thinking this over, but I just can't. It's like being boxed into something without your control. You may want to look outside the box, but the box is all you can see, the only option in sight. At least this option isn't too bad.

At least I'll have people to live with.

Even as Rose's cold embrace calmed my nerves, I felt growing anxiety looming around in my ever-tightening chest. I've lived my entire life going from one option to the next. I'm not used to this kind of certainty. I know that I care for the Cullens, no matter how long we've spent together that much is sure. Living in their house has been the highlight of my life. Having each of them trying their best to make me feel at home is amazing. Each of them has their own quirks, their own flaws, and I love all of them.

Falling this fast for people that I don't truly know is unlike me. Honestly, before them, I hadn't fallen for anyone at all. Maybe a few ridiculous crushes on kids a year older than me or some boy band lead singer, but that's it. No girls have caught my eye besides the Cullen ladies either. I doubt I would have figured out that side of me if I hadn't met them. I just hope it isn't too fast for anyone. I've only been here for a little while, I shouldn't scare them off.

That's the last thing I need right now.

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𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐈𝐓, 𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐀 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐖𝐀𝐑 𝐙𝐎𝐍𝐄. Rose sat in the back seat with me, allowing me to curl up on her lap as Alice drove the car back home. Nobody said much, just simple directional pointers between Rose and Alice (who at some point decided that speeding down the highway wasn't a very good idea.) This quiet time allowed me to try to peek at whatever Rose and Alice had gotten me, which had to be ridiculously expensive by the bill they racked up. The stuff I'd gotten for everyone else couldn't compare to the small wrapped boxes they'd bought.

There were a few things that I'd gotten the Cullens. Mostly things that I thought they would like, or things that could remind me of them. Most were easily accessible, like the record I got for Edward and the fairy tale book that I got Emmett. For the latter, I'd heard from Rose that he's obsessed with children's stories, so I had to get him some new ones. Not Disney, but some ancient legends and the original stories behind the famous tales. For Esme, I got her a new camera. Last night I heard her talking about needing a new one, so I took this as my chance. Now, for Jasper, I didn't really have a clue, but I did get him a cool flower sealed in clear epoxy resin. Carlisle was very hard. His desk space is so neat that I didn't want to clutter it. Therefore I had help from Rosalie to pick out a suit that would fit him.

I kind of feel bad about some of my gifts just because most of them don't come from a place of intellect or understanding. I don't claim to know my mates very well and knowing them better is something I do need to work on, but I would like to at least be able to buy them some nice Christmas presents without feeling stupid. Even when we got into the car and Rose said that I did well... I just don't feel right. It may just be my anxiety getting the worst of me or the fact that I just fought with one of my mates. Or imprint. Whatever that means. I still don't get the logic there and I won't claim I do.

The relationship I have with my mates is fragile as it is. I'm human, a mortal being with a chronic illness. They're immortal and don't get sick. Jacob is an odd being. He's a... werewolf...? I don't understand what he is to be fair. I've never had to think about these things before. He's not the worst person I've met, although he does need to learn some boundaries. I know that he wasn't expecting a polyamorous relationship but that's what he got.

By the time we got home, I was ready for another fight. More yelling, maybe some screaming. I could end up crying. God knows I'm sensitive as hell. Not even from sadness. Frustration. Am I the only one who cries when they get frustrated? When you want to pound their head in (or your own) and the waterworks start. It makes me feel stupid. You try to make an argument point but no there's choked-up sobs in-between each word. Stupid eyeballs.

"Uhm... where is everyone?" Rose whispered to Alice. Wait how do they - Vampires. Right. Super senses. Don't have the time or energy for this. "Did our family just decide to bail on the house or am I missing something? I swear I'll decapitate them if they even dared to -"

"Rose!" Alice squealed. "This isn't the time to be rude about our family! I'm sure they have a reason for why they're not here."

"Oh and I'm sure you've seen it already?" Rose snapped. "Why can't you just tell us what the heck is going on rather than keep it all to yourself? You know that Carlisle hates it when you have your secrets. You promised you would tell us things concerning the family!" She huffed and grabbed her and I's bags from the trunk. "We shouldn't be left guessing all the time."

"Believe it or not, Rosalie Hale, but I don't have control over my gift," Alice ended with a seething tone, crossing her arms like a child denied candy. "I haven't gotten a vision yet but I'll tell you and Fennie when I do." A little smile brushed against her lips as she sat on the hood of her car. "For now we have the entire house to ourselves. The weekend is here and I think a good movie will help our mate. We can even see one I've never watched!"

I giggled as I looked over at my giddy mate. "But wouldn't you see a vision of the ending and have it ruined?"

"And then Edward sees a plot twist and spoils it all for us," Rose chimed in before speeding into the house. Does she have a bone to pick with him? She never acts happy around him. Damn I've dropped myself into a house full of drama, haven't I? Only you would do this, Fenella Nash, only you. Nobody else could handle the melodrama that is the Cullen family dinners that consist of them bringing you a meal and attempting to tolerate one another for more than three minutes. How do they manage with all of that dominant energy floating around?

"Since he isn't here it won't be ruined for you." I yelped as Alice's hand brushed against my cheek. "I would never spoil a movie for my sweet mate."

The real question is how do I manage all of them?

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