jake did it.

for the second time, he confessed. but this time around, he risked the friendship that he had with jay.

god, he really is selfish.

how could he do this to his own best friend? how could jake prioritize his feelings, over his best friend?

how could i do that?

he stared at jay in front of him. the guy still haven't said any word, keeping silent. jake's eyes brimmed with tears.

he's probably going to reject me. like heeseung did. and then our whole relationship would be ruined, just because i couldn't keep my feelings to myself-

"jake..."

he quickly raised his head to look at jay who's already staring at him- his expression is unreadable.

"do you have any idea what you're saying?"

jay's words felt like needles pricking through his skin. "w-what? you... you don't believe me?"

"no, it's not like that." the guy shakes his head, sighing. "i believe you. it's just that, when did all of that happen? when did you start liking me? what if... you're just confusing things?"

jay saw hurt flashed through jake's eyes. i want to believe jake, but i know him. he doesn't think twice about things. he saw how jake developed feelings for heeseung... he saw it all.

all throughout those times, jay was inlove with jake. he was there. he watched it all happen before his eyes.

so am i wrong, if i say that i need more assurance... than just words?

"i know it sounds ridiculous, but i have feelings for you!" jake sounded more determined this time.

"it's not just a spur of moment, or me getting ahead of myself. i just- i don't know, okay?! i just started liking you... is it that bad? am i not supposed to like my best friend?"

i don't know too, jake. that question was not new to jay because he would always ask himself that same question.

was i not supposed to like jake? is falling for my best friend a bad idea?

"no, jake. it's not a bad thing." jay clears his throat. fuck this, i'm telling him now.

"to be honest, i... at some point, i developed feelings for you too."

jake felt his heart drop to his feet as he heard what jay had just confessed. he's lost for words. his best friend had feelings for him... the entire time? and i never even noticed? what... was i doing?

"and i didn't tell you. at that time, i couldn't just let myself get in the way between you and heeseung. but i liked you, jake. and i told myself that maybe it'll be better if i just keep it all hidden... i don't want to complicate things." jay gave him a sad smile.

he doesn't want to complicate things.

...right. what was i thinking, destroying our friendship just like that?

jake blinks, trying to control his tears from coming out. "what about now? do you... do you still have feelings for me?"

jay is standing in front of him- but for jake, he feels out of reach. he feels nauseous, as if the atmosphere surrounding them is too unfamiliar. as if the person standing in front of him is not his best friend, but a stranger.

everything went back to zero.

"i don't know."

jay's hoarse voice woke up jake from his own thoughts.

"i can't think straight, jake. heck-" he inhales sharply, "i can't even breathe right now. this is all too much for me."

"i'm sorry... i shouldn't have-" jake's words got cut off.

"let's just... let's give each other some time to think. we both need that."

jay closed his eyes for a second before massaging his temple. this should be an easy decision for him, but now... he just can't think.

---------

[ jongseongie 💟 ]

jake:
i'm sorry
for what happened today
but i really like you jay
and i'm not going to apologize for that.
and whatever your decision is, i'll respect it.
at the end of the day, i'm still your best friend 😊

------------

i'm still your best friend.

jake stared at his last message before hitting the send button to jay's number.

i'm still his best friend? probably not anymore. after all that... our friendship can't be saved.

but he said that he likes me, so does that mean i have a chance? can i hope for something more?

"yo jake, your mom was calling me nonstop yesterday. she said you weren't-" ni-ki stops himself from getting inside jake's room when he sees his cousin staring at the wall blankly.

he just got inside jake's apartment to deliver some food from his mother, and he now sees him acting like this.

what is wrong with him? "is jake still here with us? please let me know if your spirit has already flown away."

jake ignored his cousin's remark. i should've changed the passcode to something that this rat can't guess.

"auntie's worried about you. she wants me to give her an update if her only son is still breathing."

"i told jay that i like him."

"cool, who's jay?" riki asked, then his eyes widened as if the realization had just hit him. "wait, jay as in sun's roommate? your best friend?! what the fu- when did all of that happen?!"

i know right. when did all of this chaos happen? when did it even start?

jake's shoulders slumped in frustration while riki now looks at him with concern. he doesn't know the whole situation, but riki knew how tight their bond is. who knew that jake will fall for jay? i thought he liked heeseung. now, jay?

"what do i do, nik?" jake's voice was laced with desperation.

"well," nishimura sits beside him on the bed. "what do you want to do?"

jake's stare is fixed on the wall in front of him.

"how... how do i win his heart?"

-------

[ sunghoon 👼❌ ]

jay:
you got booze at your penthouse?

sunghoon 👼❌:
what happened to hello
but yeah i got booze here
y u asking papi 🤗

jay:
i need some
i'm coming there

sunghoon 👼❌:
at this hour?
dude it's alr past 10
just sleep it off

jay:
no
i need to drink
or else i'm gonna go insane
i'm going to end up in an asylum somewhere

sunghoon 👼❌:
aight das cool brotha we gon be wardmates then 🙌

jay:
stfu
i'll be there in 10 mins

sunghoon 👼❌:
🧍🏻‍♂️srsly ???
ok wtvr

---------

the sound of the door bell made sunghoon groan out of annoyance. he dragged his feet and walked towards the door, opening it to let his friend come in.

"sorry, i didn't want to disturb sunoo's sleep and i knew you had alcohol here so..." jay mumbled before going straight into sunghoon's kitchen.

"you didn't want to disturb sunoo's sleep but you disturbed mine? where's the equality?"

"you don't get to speak about equality, you're literally born out of nepotism."

"and that's a fact that i don't deny," sunghoon's laugh echoed through the penthouse. "why are you so bitchy tonight? did something happen?"

ah, found it. jay sighed in content when he opened the fridge and finally saw the booze that he was looking for. he reached and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, taking the lid off and pouring it onto his glass before chugging it down.

"have you not drank alcohol for years? chill. you're gonna get wasted if you drink that many in one shot."

sunghoon eyed his friend while he sits on the stool near the island counter. something definitely happened.

"that's the point," jay closed his eyes as he felt the alcohol burn his throat. "i drink to forget."

his friend raised an eyebrow, now completely intrigued. "really? what do you want to forget? is it that awful?"

awful? no. it's nothing like that. it's just that i'm at this point where i don't know what to do anymore.

"did you know that jake likes me?"

sunghoon stops playing with his shot glass. "isn't that a little tad obvious? the guy's obsessed with you."

"what? no he's not," jay reacts quickly. jake's far from obsessed with me.

"of course he is. i've seen the look on his face every time he sees you get close with other people. he certainly looks like a child that doesn't want to share his toys."

he... what?

"you're spouting nonsense again. why am i even listening to you?"

sunghoon shrugs. "so tell me, did he confess to you?"

jay nodded. he continues to pour whiskey to his glass and then drink it like a human that's been deprived of water for days.

interesting. sunghoon smirks at the new information that he gathered. "really? then are you guys what, a couple now?"

"no, we're not. we- i told him that i needed some space to think first."

now that jay had thought of it, he was really thankful that jake agreed with what he said earlier. although him asking for a space to think was just him being a coward... still, i'm thankful that jake gave me time to breathe.

"what's there to think about?" sunghoon once again laughs, as if he finds jay's situation amusing. "he likes you, you like him. happy ever after. isn't that how it's supposed to go?"

if jake likes me, and i like him... why do i feel like it's not going to be a happy ending?

"it's a simple formula, jay. but why the hesitation? what's stopping you? or better yet, who's stopping you?"

sunghoon gives him a knowing look. sooner or later, i'm gonna have to come up with a decision.

---------

:)