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MARIA

I started my period.

It was the first time in months that I had felt the extreme pain of my abdomen churning and cramping whirling around me.

My hand clutched desperately onto the desk as my body crouched while I shook, squeezing my eyes closed as another wave of pain coursed through my muscles. That was what had been tormenting me throughout practice, I hadn't recognised the symptoms immediately. It was only when I had reached the bathroom, pulled down my underwear and registered the faint crimson stain that had tainted the cotton.

Upon changing, the pain worsened since I didn't have any medication with me. It had been a long time. I wasn't prepared. I was used to this, the irregular pattern of my menstrual cycle because of my profession, my weight and mental health. It had always fluctuated since I was a child.

My mother has taken me to the hospital once concerned for my physical health and why I hadn't started my period yet despite my age. However what she didn't know was, because of her harsh diets and training methods, my journey to my menstrual cycle had been delayed due to stress. I was a late bloomer, as were many other young ballerinas.

The tiny lumps on my chest, that somehow classed as breasts, were sore and my head was throbbing. Not to mention, my jaw was beginning to release spots to reveal to the entire world that I had started menstruating once again. It was hard being a woman.

I was feeling more sentimental for some reason. My mind would often drift to the past and recount old memories. It was probably because being around my sister more had opened a door to the past that I had hidden for a long time.

It hurt. I held onto my stomach and groaned while I leaned over, still waiting on Iris to bring me medicine. I plopped myself onto the couch and curled into a little ball with a sigh. My energy had significantly lowered; I felt drained.

Earlier that day, I had posted on social media after a while. It had been some time since I had even engaged with fans online or checked. Once I had a look, I was astonished to see the amount of trolls in my DMs, the hate comments under my posts and fake accounts messaging me. I frowned as I sat up, scrolling and tapping more frantically, trying to figure out what the hell happened.

Iris came in with an unopened bottle of water and some tablets as well as a packet of gummies while the door shut behind her. My eyebrows furrowed as I stood and questioned, "what's going on?" Showing her my phone screen. She placed the items down and knitted her eyebrows together as she came closer to see.

Taking my phone, she disabled the comments immediately and began deleting each unnecessary DM filling my inbox. There were thousands. She realised that wasn't realistic to keep going since new ones were still entering and instead closed the phone. I ran my fingers through my hair, biting my bottom lip. I had never experienced such a thing before. I wasn't active much online so messages were usually positive and minimal, not death threats and curses.

"What the fuck?" I breathed out before taking my pills.

Iris sighed, folding her arms as she stared at my phone. "The police say they're handling it. . .but honestly it's getting worse. It all started happening after Dorothy was found. But those are separate things." Her face darkened as she more seriously added, "I think there's someone purposely sending these." My eyebrows raised at her words as I drank some water.

She placed her finger on her chin then continued, "at first, there was one account that was constantly sending you junk but, the moment that was checked out, a location couldn't be found, and it was deleted. I thought that ended but then more and more were showing up with similar usernames and talking the same kind of shit."

"Do you think it's the stalker?" I wearily asked.

Iris shook her head. "The stalker is obsessed with you in a. . .more fan like, 'romantic' way. This person. ." She trailed off, rubbing her chin. "They're just a complete anti-fan. A hater. It wouldn't really make sense."

I looked at her in displeasure and exhaustion. Iris gave me a small smile and patted my shoulder. "Try not to worry about it and stay offline. There's no good sitting around all day and reading poison. As for your safety, I can only hope that you're following the rules and not going anywhere alone." I nodded with a faint smile though my heart was racing with slight fear as my mind gave me reminders of what those messages entailed. We continued to talk as I picked up my bag and we began to walk out of the dressing room after another long morning of practice.

"Are you sure sending Aife away was a good idea?" Iris asked worriedly.

"I had to," I replied confidently, adjusting the duffel bag on my shoulder. "I couldn't leave Luna vulnerable, especially with all this going on." I shook my head as I thought of the day I saw her unconscious. It frightened me. I had deleted all her accounts, changed her school and even dyed her blue hair back to its natural colour. With her away, doing therapy and with Aife, I could be rest assured that she was safe.

Our attention was caught by giggles coming from one of the studios. Our heads turned to the direction only to see Jorge attempting to eat a dancer's neck off. His entire head was buried in each, sucking and pulling as though his life depended on it while his hands were dangerously low on her body. In slight disgust, I turned away and walked faster so I could avoid meeting eyes with him. We had spent enough of the day together dancing. I could've vomited at the sight.

"What is he, a vampire?" Iris grumbled, muttering about how much of a sex animal he was and the rules. I was ashamed of my past self and how I had ever interacted intimately with such a man. We shared the gummies as we left, though I knew I shouldn't eat them, then eventually said our goodbyes after Iris' long speech about taking care of myself. I appreciated her care nonetheless.

I drove home feeling somewhat uneasy remembering the messages that had flooded my inbox. I shifted my mind onto something else once I found myself dwelling on it too much and when I reached the apartment, it was the first thing I blurted out to Leonardo the moment he saw me.

"Will-you-come-with-me-to-visit-somewhere?"

The man placed his mug of coffee down on its coaster gently, staring at me calmly though his hazel eyes were slightly expanded at the sight of the lunatic who had just entered his office. For someone who was working from home, he looked ravishing in his black shirt sat back on his massive chair when he could be wearing pyjamas instead. I let the bag slip off my shoulder, and held onto my sleeves, awkwardly moving from foot to foot.

"Where to?" He slowly responded, glancing at his computer screen before back to me. Why did I feel so flustered simply asking him a question, the heat was rushing to my face at a speed that I couldn't control. "Our past," I answered looking at him and simpering.

He raised an eyebrow but soon enough we were out of the bustling city and walking down a narrow grey stones footpath surrounded by idyllic flowers. We were back by the countryside, surrounded by beautiful nature.

With the sun setting, the two of us took in the awe of the view before us, surrounded by silence, peacefully comfortable in each other's presence.

"Thank you," I suddenly said, folding my arms as we strolled. Leonardo's eyes flickered towards me. "What for?"
I shrugged slightly, feeling grateful. "For everything. I don't think I've said it enough. Especially for Luna. I'm thankful that she's staying with your mother, that you helped us. I really am thankful." He looked slightly awkward, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck.

He didn't say anything at first then stiffly replied to brush off my words, "well. . it's not like she could live on the streets. ."

"I never imagined even being able to have a full and normal conversation with my sister," I smiled at the thought of her. We had grown much closer after a tearful session of healing. "And now it's like we were never separated in the first place."

Leonardo nodded, unable to look at me. "I'm. . .I'm glad." There was another moment of silence before he continued, "my mother likes it. Luna reminds her of. . .of. ." He stopped trying, looking uncomfortable. It was as though his throat choked before he could utter the name that he still struggled to mention.

I hesitated before filling the space, "Sisi?" He finally looked at me and nodded, swallowing roughly. I decided not to shy away from the topic.

"Do you think about her. .a lot?" 

"Every single day," he shakily replied, his voice deeper and lined with emotion. I nodded slowly, my arms tightening around me. He looked remorseful as he thought of her. "That. .that it feels like a punishment for not. .saving her. She had a hard life."

There was a bench and we sat down amongst the flowers. I wholeheartedly listened to him. "No child should've been through what she did and died. She met a terrifying and painful end." A tear slipped out of his solemn eyes like a raindrop leaving the storm of swirling colours of honey and gold inside. He exhaled and his large shoulders drooped.

I gazed at him with sincere understanding though the pain twisted in my heart. Slowly, I lifted my hand and rested in on top of his, gently squeezing it. "Think this way," I tried, my thumb caressing his skin delicately. "Would Sisi want to see you like this? Constantly beating yourself up? The Sisi I know would want her brothers to be happier than she ever was." Leonardo wiped his cheeks with his free hand, still staring gloomily yet wistfully into the distance, his eyes filled with pain and sorrow. He blinked back the hot tears and sighed with his chin tucked.

"I don't know. The Sienna I see in my dreams is an angry spirit. She torments me." Seeing Leonardo so dispirited brought tears to my own eyes. I closed them tight for a few seconds so I too wouldn't be speaking through an emotional voice. I wished I could cast away each tear and bandage his broken heart that had been killing him from the inside for so long.

"I think. .if you believe that she's angry with you, that's what you'll see," I honestly told him, staring at our hands. "Your guilt is creating an image of what you think she'd be feeling and haunting you. What if she was happy? Happy that you chose to live rather than survive, move on and channel your energy into things that you enjoy-"

"I can't do that. I don't deserve to-"

"Yes, you can," I firmly disagreed, holding his hand tighter as he looked at me with a change in expression. His lack of faith in himself and self-sabotage was something his father was responsible for. "You just don't know how to."

Leonardo looked away again, discouraged. He was retreating back behind that wall again and I had to bring him out. He looked as though he was about to refute until I interjected, "she is - was happy," I strongly reassured him, feeling my heart begin to pound roughly inside my chest. It was hard speaking about Sienna in the past. Sienna was everything to us. "You know your sister best. She would never want the worst for you."

I unexpectedly pulled him to me by pulling his hand, wrapping my arms around his neck and holding him close. His head rested on my shoulder but his big arms stayed by his side. "I'll show you, Leo," I empathetically assured him as my hand rubbed his back comfortingly.

"I'll show how to put yourself and your feelings first."

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A land covered with blooming blue and lilac lavender flowers sparsely arranged across the area. It was a colourful yet tranquil sight to see such beautiful plants with their evergreen leaves stood in what once was Leonardo's house.

I watched as he tugged a single flower from its roots and brought it to his nostrils, closing his eyes slowly as he discreetly inhaled the natural scent of the lavender flower. A small smile reached his face which surprised me and he moved the plant away from his face whilst gazing at it in awe.

I did the same, taking a flower and sniffing a little, allowing the herbal and sweet scent to calm me. I could see why Leonardo was delighted by the smell.

His hazel eyes extended their gaze towards the wide land before us and with a small scoff he said, "I never imagined this place to be so different." He paused, twirling the plant's stem. "It is as though I never lived here."

"Do you know the meaning of a lavender?"

He glanced at me as a response. I folded my arms as I exhaled. "Peace. Serenity." He nodded slowly, focusing back onto the flowers. "And good luck," I added with a small chuckle watching the great land before me.

"How convenient," Leonardo noted in disbelief, dropping the flower back onto the field. "After all of that chaos for so many years, these things grew. I would've thought life here would cease after the fire."

"It healed the land," I observed before easily slipping my hand into his and interlocking our fingers. His hand tightened gently against mine. I looked and gave him a smile.

It was better that way. If we had come and seen the state of that burnt, semi-demolished mansion that he was imprisoned in, I wasn't sure whether he would be able to handle the sight, the return of memories of torture and pain. I was glad he was leaving with a better memory than before. A lavender field had replaced the grand mansion of horror that was stuck on that land before.

The two of us strolled to what used to be my home and it shocked me. I stopped in my steps as my eyes landed upon what looked to be a family home. The garden was cared to, trimmed grass, some fountains, a dog's home. There was a trampoline, a few toys, roller blades, water guns scattered around. My eyes widened at the sight.

I let go of Leonardo's hand and opened the gate that was creaking anymore, taking a walk up the path as though it was my own home, my eyes darting around the place in complete confusion. How did such a house get there?

I heard him behind me as he caught up to me, "Ria, we can't just-"

The front door unexpectedly opened and a woman stepped out with a basket full of water balloons by her hip. She looked young and too refreshed. The woman's brunette hair was wavy and let loose down her back, she had flawless skin and looked as though she belonged on the cover of Vogue. Her body proportions were stunning, slim long legs, noticeable waist beneath her shirt and a significant bust. But they were covered by basic jeans and a white shirt. Her bright emerald eyes widened at the sight of the two of us, Leonardo holding my wrist. He loosened his grip at the sight of the woman since we had already been caught.

I forced myself to stand straight and extended a friendly smile. "Hi," I suddenly greeted, trying to look more like a visitor rather than a trespasser. She blinked in surprise, coming out from the house and shutting the door behind her cautiously.

"Uh, I used to live here," I honestly revealed, awkwardly fiddling with my hands behind my back. "I was just. . .we were. .well, it looks different and I couldn't help but-"

"Do you wanna come in?"

Her voice was so genial that I was shocked. She placed the basket down by the door and glanced between us with a welcoming smile forming on her fine face. "Seriously?" I questioned, my eyebrows raised in amazement that she had been so quick to allow us in. She nodded, "well, he doesn't look like a serial killer." My upper eyelids raised at her. Then she fixed her eyes on me.

"And I've seen you on the cover of GQ so I'm sure you can't do anything to harm me, right, Miss Maria Amante?"

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I never imagined myself back into my childhood home.

It was completely different to what I had expected.

I had always envisioned the same oak, large furniture, dark depressing lighting and creaking wooden floorboards that used to scare me during the night. However Jane's home was had replaced my own.

Jane lived with her three children in what used to be an empty and void mansion. The rooms were full of life and memories her family had made. Her husband and her had changed what used to be a prison to a home, perfect for them. As an artist herself, she had brightened the building with teal paint, serene wallpaper with evidence of little children doodling across the walls which she didn't seem to mind. The floor was laminate and silent and the curtains were no longer heavy part of material hung over the windows but soft fabric.

My room had been changed to her youngest's nursery, a baby girl. I could no longer see how it used to be. With the magenta paint and artistic drawings of Disney characters covering the walls, it hide the darkness of the past as though it no longer existed. It wasn't my secret place of comfort and hiding anymore, it was hers, a place of joy and happiness, something I never had there.

I thought that I wouldn't be able to handle seeing my parents' bedroom, the idea of even landing my eyes onto that dreaded balcony terrified me. However, the moment I entered the room, it was entirely different. Jane's transforming art filled the room. I clutched onto the railing and stared down at the garden below. There was no longer concrete and I could no longer see the scarlet blood pool seeping from beneath her disfigured body, the image of that night that would scare me years forward. The paddling pool was directly below the balcony, covering the crime scene.

I couldn't remember what she looked like, how her body was shaped on the ground anymore, I couldn't see any of it. My vision had blurred the moment I saw the paddling pool. I blinked a few times, turning away from the balcony. What did she even look like?

I stared at the photographs of Jane's family as I travelled around the house. If there was one word to describe them it would be authentic; they were a real family, filled with smiles across their faces and joy in their eyes. I had never witnessed such elation in a family before. The videos Jane showed me highlighted the pride she had simply speaking of her children and husband.

And when Leonardo and I left before her family came home from a day out, a sense of her bliss had touched me, there was a slight jubilation in my walk. I swung Leonardo's hand as I moved, closing my eyes for moments every now and then to take in the fresh air, away from the main city.

That place I lived in was no longer there. I felt at peace knowing that someone had managed to make it their home, their comfort for their own family, better than mine ever was.

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~ Author's Note ~

Well that was a sweet chapter! Leonardo opened up about his sister to Maria which brought them even closer.
The two of them needed that visit, some closure from their past helped soothe their painful memories.

Personally, I like how the directions of the chapters go from here on out! Things will really pick up and get even more interesting!
More chemistry, more tension and a lot more unfolding in the storyline!

Please be rest assured that it goes get better from here!

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Thanks for reading!

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