More things changed once again.

Well, it was no surprise, since it is life after all. Such a weird concept that no one can grasp. You were definitely older now, considering you were about to turn fourteen soon enough. It was nice being a kid for a while.

Your childhood innocence was cut short, or at least that's what your parents tell you. You personally felt that your childhood was long and fun. Unfortunately, at some point, it does have to end.

Now, you were entering adolescence, which definitely isn't that fun. You matured, but you still have some kid left in you. Just because you were practically a bit taller and your features were more expressive, doesn't mean you still can't have fun.

Not to mention your brother also grew up with you. He's still small in your eyes of course, but he was definitely having a growth spurt. He practically reached your chin, and he was just around eleven years old.

Of course, he started to do things on his own now, but he still took in your affection with open arms. In fact, there were actually some new additions to the family as you grew along the years.

You actually got a few more cats, now having four in total and you loved them to bits. Anytime you meet a new potential friend, you always gush and fawn about your adorable fur babies with comical hearts floating around you.

Also, your responsibility as a big brother was practically tripled. Now, you have new younger siblings. The two were both twins, a boy and a girl and goodness, they are menaces. They may seem shy at first, but the moment you turn your back, they're causing chaos.

But that didn't stop you from loving them. You loved your family, and you did your absolute best to support the family.

Your life was still pretty great.

"Kanroji-san?" A voice started, trying to call for you. "Kanroji-san?" They started once more. "Kanroji-san?" They spoke once again, their tone being laced with a hint of annoyance. You hummed softly in response, glancing up a bit now that you were taken out of your train of thoughts.

You blinked, your hands clasping each other as you looked onto your partner with shimmering (e/c) eyes. Your partner looked at you briefly for a few seconds before turning his head back towards the small river under the bridge the two of you were currently standing on.

You patiently waited for him to say what he had on his mind. "No one could ever marry you... but a bear, or a boar or a cow," He insulted, but he wasn't done with his words. "The thought of that bizarre hair color... being seen with me in public makes me shudder," He pushed up his glasses, adding salt to the wound.

He looked over at you, now facing your stiff self. "Let's forget this relationship ever happened." You sweat dropped, holding a wobbly smile as a faint shadow formed in between your eyes. That... stung. A lot. He just practically crushed your romantic fantasies with a simple sentence.

"Please, forget about me. Farewell." He bid his goodbyes before turning his heel and started to walk away from you, leaving your frozen self behind. Your mouth gapes as you watch him depart with wide eyes.

The sounds of light chirping from birds and the small breeze hugging your stiff self was the only thing that could be heard during the awkward silence.

Did he just... break up with you?

You swallowed, forcing the lump down your throat. That just felt like a punch to the gut, just watching your dreams and heart get crushed right in front of you. You shakily lifted up a hand, grasping a strand of your hair.

The vibrant colors contrasted your (s/c) skin a lot, like a pop of color. Your lips pressed into a thin line as your eyes took in the colors. You couldn't help but think, was it really that weird? Was it so alien that you were seen as a freak?

These colors aren't natural, of course people would get frightened about it.

With a heavy heart, you walked back home as you held back the warm tears that bubbled in your eyes.

────── 〔 🌸 〕──────

Evening came around soon.

Everybody in your house was sound asleep, comforted by the warmth of their blankets in their futons. However, you were still wide awake. Sitting on your bed, you looked down at your lap, your hands gripping the fabric and wrinkling it during the process.

You couldn't fall asleep, not with the thoughts in your head that's keeping you up. You couldn't help but think back at the words your now ex-boyfriend said to you. Were they really true? As you grew along the years, you couldn't help but notice you weren't really like the other kids around you.

It was a bit scary to know that you weren't fitting in the right way. "Mother, do you think I can ever be with a person that'll make me happy?" You suddenly asked, not sparing a glance. Your mother beside you had her eyes closed with a small smile, breathing in softly.

"Why would you ask me that?" She asked you. You glanced towards your mother, who was snuggling deeper into her pillow. "Well.." You started, your lips tugging into a soft frown. "Because I'm too strong... and I eat a lot..." You started listing off all of your features that stood out.

You didn't take pride in them, and it hurt even more when others agreed that this wasn't normal. "...and even my hair color's weird." You finished, drooping your head a bit while doing so. "You can just stay at home forever, (Y/N)." Your father suddenly butted in.

You perked up a bit, glancing over your shoulder to take in your father's sleeping form. "Ah... but, at this age, shouldn't most of us start getting into relationships?" You waited for your father to answer. "You can just stay at home forever..." He repeated once more, before fully going back into his slumber.

Sighing softly, your shoulders dropped as you stared blankly at the floor with sadness.

Maybe... you'll do something about it the next day.

Morning finally came.

The air was fresh as sunlight peeked from the corners, spilling through the cracks of doors and curtains. Everybody was finally waking up.

Except you were already awake.

Your bed wasn't made, which was a bit odd considering you always make it once you arise from your slumber. Currently, you were in another room, sitting down in front of a mirror.

Besides you, there were a bunch of hair products. Ranging from oils, conditioners, and more. But the most noticeable item was the box of hair dye. The box was opened with a packet ripped beside it.

The scene was practically heart breaking. There you were, staring at your reflection in the mirror with a stoic face as your undone hair was in a different color. Your hands were smeared with the color, the pigment staining your skin.

The different color was being applied to your hair, swallowing your vibrant pink and green hair away.

You were just trying to hide it all away.

Unaware of your surroundings, your parents watched through the small opening of the doorway. Their expressions were crestfallen, frowns tugging at the corner of their lips as they watched you with heavy hearts. It hurt to see their first born son, who was always radiating sunshine and love, turn so glum and isolated in a span of one day.

They knew how passionate you are about romance, but they didn't expect you to go so far just for someone to give you some love. So, with broken hearts, they fully closed the door and let you continue with your work.

During the past few days, you were a new total person. You stopped eating large portions of food, now settling to what is supposed to be the average plating for a normal person. It was supposed to be alright, but it wasn't.

You were practically starving everyday, feeling light headed and dizzy from starvation, but that didn't stop you. You kept doing this unhealthy mechanism just to gain a lover. You also started to loosen your strength, trying to keep it at the level other teenage boys around you had.

You completely hid your true self, replacing it with a new boy that nobody recognized. Your family was worried for you, knowing this wasn't normal. They desperately wanted you to snap out of it.

But it seemed these habits that were slowly killing you paid off.

A girl, who was around your age, asked you out. Of course, you instantly accepted, desperate to just find a lover who would pamper and spoil you, and you wanted to do the same. For the first few months, it seemed to be great.

She was a kind girl, and she seemed to adore you. You took it all with open arms. You thought you finally found the right person. But, as the relationship kept going, you started to question everything.

This... doesn't seem right. Yes, you loved your new girlfriend, but you couldn't help but ask...

Does she truly love you?

Currently, the two of you were walking through a familiar path that you knew all too well. Your girlfriend was walking ahead of you as you stayed behind. With each heavy step, you were looking down at the ground nervously.

Your face was covered in a thin layer of sweat, an uncertain smile tugging at your lips. Your hair was in it's usual hair style with the small braids at the sides of your head, but it was in a different color.

'...Can I do this?' You started to think. 'Can I let this happen?' You questioned yourself. 'Am I... actually going to live like this for the rest of my life?' You asked once more, your doubtfulness starting to grow much and much bigger with each question.

Your eyes softened ever so slightly, your smile starting to shake a bit. 'Eating voraciously... being strong... my hair color... All of that is who I am!' You started listing your unique features once more, slowly letting the realization sink in.

Your partner looked beside her, waiting for you to catch up with a smile. Once you reach towards her, you give a wobbly close eyed smile, trying not to get her to worry about your current state. The both of you turned around, looking at the small river with Koi fish softly swimming in the crystal blue water.

'Am I going to pretend to be someone I'm not? Isn't there something I can do? Some way I can help others while being me?' You gulped softly, question after question just kept pouring in as your eyes were fixed at your silhouette in the water.

'Does this mean that there's no place in this world for me as I am? Isn't there anyone who will love me?' Doubting your existence and dreams, you couldn't help but ponder about it. Was there truly no one that will love you for you?

Is there anyone that will see a bubbly boy instead of a freak of nature?

Are you actually worth loving?

This is wrong, everything is wrong.

'This isn't right.' You started to deny everything, reflecting back at your actions. Your girlfriend didn't love you, she loved the other person you were trying to be. As much as how painful it is to admit, it was the harsh truth. The sad reality that you had to face was that there really was no relationship to start with.

Everything is fake. It always has been since the beginning. 'It can't be right!'Squeezing your eyes shut, you inhaled sharply, gripping the wooden barriers of the bridge so tightly that you almost exposed your true strength.

"Babe?" A feminine voice was heard. You gasped softly, shooting your eyes open. You looked over to see your partner looking at you with worried eyes, concern swimming in the pools of obsidian in her eyes. "Are... you alright?"

She asked, her hand holding your forearm. You couldn't help but tense up at the gentle touch, almost as if it was stinging your skin. This comfort doesn't feel right. You stayed quiet, blinking at her before using all your strength to muster up a smile.

"Ah, I'm alright! Really, don't worry about me," You tried to reassure her, waving a hand dismissively with a small smile. The girl wasn't convinced, noticing how jittery and off put you look. However, she didn't want to prod on you, thinking that this will just discomfort you even further.

"You know it's impossible for me to not worry," She chuckled fondly, shaking her softly. You tried to match her energy, but all you could do was stiffly nod and laugh nervously. You were just glad that she didn't keep questioning you.

But... you couldn't help but still linger on one question.

Is there anybody who will actually love you? 

🍡 !!

" 𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 

𝙎𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙄 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥 

𝙃𝙞𝙢 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 

𝙃𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙗𝙡𝙪𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙧 𝙤𝙛𝙛 "

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a/n !!: mmmmm yummy angst 😋