Dyscalculia
I sighed as I took off my jacket and laid it across one of the chairs in the storage room. It had been a long day today and I was completely exhausted. Jake walked in behind me and did the same. Quentin looked up from his seat on the floor and smiled at us.
"Hello, Miss Lane, Mr. Riley!" he greeted the both of us.
I smiled and Jake nodded to him.
"Hey, Quentin, how are you?" Jake asked as I sat down in one of the chairs set up in the room.
He just shrugged and looked down at the notebook in his hand.
"Fine, I guess. Mom gave us all homework today and I can't figure it out." he said, trying to focus on his paper.
"Well, hey, maybe I can help." I said, beckoning him over to me as Jake sat beside me.
He grinned and hopped up from the floor. He handed the notebook to me while he sat down in front of me. I squinted at the paper and dread flooded through me as I realized what he was working on: math. I closed my eyes briefly before looking at the paper again but it was no use. My mind couldn't make sense of the numbers. It looked like a foreign language to me.
"I...um...I don't..." I stuttered out, blinking back tears that threatened to fall.
What was wrong with me? I felt so stupid all the time because I couldn't understand it. What would Jake think of me if he knew? He'd probably think I was stupid too. He apparently sensed my discomfort because I suddenly felt his warm hand resting on my shoulder. I flinched at his touch and turned to him.
"Marie...what's wrong?" he asked, concern filling his blue eyes.
"Oh! I'm sorry, Miss Lane. I forgot that mom said you have Dyscalculia..." Quentin said, trailing off.
Jake's eyes widened at me and I felt all of the air leave my lungs.
"Marie, I-" he began but I cut him off.
"I, um...I have to go now." I said, handing Quentin his notebook back.
I sprinted out of the room then as Jake called after me. My boots hit the tiled floor as I ran through the halls. Once I was far enough away, I leaned my back against one of the walls and panted. But I couldn't get the look on Jake's face out of my head and I broke down in tears. My back slid down the wall as sobs wracked my body. He would never see me the same now.
All of my life, I'd dealt with this. It was MY burden to bear and one I guess I'd always be ashamed of. It wasn't easy to deal with at times but I tried to make the best of it. But he knew now, he knew...and I didn't know how to face him. How could I?
He knew everything about me now. He knew the secret I'd always been hiding... I doubt if he'd even want to stay with me now. And who would want to date a messed-up girl with a learning disability anyway? Suddenly, I heard the familiar sound of boots running down the hall. I looked up to see Jake racing towards me. I hurriedly got up from the floor and tried to get away.
"No, no! Don't!" Jake shouted as he wrapped his arms around me, "Don't run away again! Not after you hear what I have to say."
I quit struggling when he said that but I kept my head turned away from him as hot tears ran down my cheeks.
"Hey," he whispered softly, his hand turning my head to face him.
My chocolate-brown eyes met his sapphire-blue ones as he caressed my face with his fingertips.
"Why didn't you tell me? You could have told me, Marie." he said, moving his hand that held my face down to my back.
He rubbed circles on my back with his fingers and I shivered at his touch. I sniffled and looked down at my shoes.
"It...It's not really one of those things you tell people. I don't like anyone knowing that about my Dyscalculia. I didn't want you to judge..." I said, glancing back up just in time to see a hurt expression cross his face.
"I wouldn't have judged you. You know that - I'm not like that." he said softly as he held me.
"I know...but...I didn't want you to break up with me either-" I broke off into sobs.
Suddenly, the hurt on his face disappeared and he was almost in tears as well. He held me tighter and buried his face in my hair. I sobbed into his chest, my tears soaking his uniform.
"I never would break up with you. Especially not over something like this." he whispered to me.
"I'm so-sorry I never told you, Jake." I choked out as he ran his fingers through my hair, comforting me.
He shook his head and I lifted my eyes up to meet his.
"Don't be sorry. I know why you didn't...but I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I love you..."
"Still?"
"Always."
And with that, he gently pressed his lips to mine and I melted into the kiss. It was filled with passion and I could feel his love for me...
Maybe I shouldn't be afraid to tell people then. But most of them just don't understand it... Thank goodness, Jake was one of the few who do.
Note: Dyscalculia is a serious learning disability that affects between 3% and 6% of the population. It's not very known about and likewise, there's not a lot of research done on it. And I wrote this because I actually do have Dyscalculia. It's something I don't really like talking about but after I've gotten so many views on this story...I realized I have a platform for it. And I need to use it to help people. And I think that starts with bringing more awareness for it. So thank you to everyone who took the time to read this - it means a lot to me :)
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