IVY'S    P.O.V

I wasn't expecting Dr. Aggarwal to be a calm, young and patient man oozing benevolence. I certainly didn't expect him to be a great listener either. His eyes gleamed with empathy when I narrated horrific incidents of my childhood and the nightmares I would have of Ethan torturing me, I was honest and told him everything, not leaving anything behind.

Unlike other therapists who would pretend to listen but end up cutting you off, asking you out of the blue questions that are hurtful without thinking twice, Vihaan wasn't like that at all.

"Tell me something Ivy," Vihaan says, crossing his leg. "What made you want to see me? Take your time, there is no rush."

I breathe in to wash the lava slowly starting to explode in my stomach, carefully collecting my thoughts one by one. "I honestly don't know," I tell him, breathing in again. "I shouldn't be here but I can't keep pretending I'm strong to control what I feel, what I think... because they break me."

"I'm happy you are here," he responds and sips his tea. "It's better to get it solved instead of continuing to sleep on it, not taking you anywhere but a pool that has no shallow end."

I sip my coffee and set the mug down folding my arms in front of my chest, digging my fingernails into my skin. "How do you know that?" I ask with interest.

"Know what? About the pool thing? Ivy, understanding the youth is my hobby. I don't see this as a job. I'm a father, it is my duty to understand all that my son goes through. Helping people, I want to keep doing it till I'm no longer breathing."

Vihaan looks at me with a small smile. "What is it about your father that scares you?"

I'm not sure if I can do this. Fine, I didn't hold back all this time when I told him about how dad abused mom. Talking about what has been eating me inside for so many years, this is different. I sigh. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"If I do, I feel like he's standing next to me choking the hell out of me. And I don't want to remember what it's like. I'm here for a reason and I want it gone."

"It'll go if you let go of yourself and feel free. He isn't here and isn't going to hurt you. He can't hurt you."

I open my mouth, I praying to god what I'm going to let out will never come back to haunt me ever again. I want to feel a change that isn't painful. A change that will last for a lifetime. Change that will make me forget the pain I had witness, carrying it on my shoulders. I want to feel the difference.

"I feel there's poison my dad had been feeding me since I was little and I'm afraid I might turn out to be like him," I don't hold back . "I want to be committed when I'm with someone or when I'm doing something. I want to feel the kind of love which is everlasting and doesn't diminish too quickly."

I look at Vihaan, tears spilling from my eyes. "I'm not vindictive I'm not hateful. Every-time I look at someone, I mean forget it- you are in front of me, I can see your face morphing into my dad's or... or like Ethan's. I don't want to keep facing this."

Vihaan smiles. "I'm not saying I understand how you feel. But I know that you are scared and there is some kind of shadow planted in your head that is controlling and making you see things you don't wish to see. That, definitely I can understand."

"When you talk about commitment, eternal results based on your future choices... has it got to do with the fear of being in love?"

I nod, leaning forward with curiosity. "Why am I so afraid of it?"

"Ivy, do you believe in the power of intention?" I shake my head not knowing what he is referring to, but I might have the slightest of ideas of what I think it may possibly mean.

"A little off topic but not off topic, but you are not the only one who is having this doubt. There's a patient of mine who is of your age and he too had his questions about him ever getting the chance to love again. Feeling the love."

Vihaan explains. "I don't mean to sound like a dick, but the reason why you had to experience these things is because you paved a path, allowing them to happen. I'm not saying you wanted them to happen. But somewhere, you might've given the wrong signal- basically the universe understands what you want and you get them if you continue to think about them. In a positive light to be more specific. It also took place since we can't control how our lives work."

"You say you want love, but at the same time you fear it, hence you not wanting it because of what you had to undergo in the past. It takes time to get over the pain, no it's not easy to control when you have your moments. However, if you keep reeling about those who hurt you, Ivy, you will never be able to move on and focus on your future."

I say nothing at first, fidgeting with my thumbs to keep myself from pulling at my skin. What he said now, I never thought it would make so much sense. To put it more bluntly, he is right.

"Is there anyone you love- forget love- anyone who is of interest to you? Someone you can't stop thinking about?" Vihaan has a comforting grin on his face. Which is rare to see in any of the therapists I've visited.

Smoky blue eyes with resplendent hints of green, tousled brown hair come into my mind. "I don't know how to describe it. Although you can put it in that manner."

"Meaning you can't stop thinking about him?"

What can I tell him about Chace? Yes, Mr. Therapist I, Ivy Torres can't fucking stop thinking the fuck out of Chace because I keep having illicit dreams about him making love to my ass, stroking my vagina like what Christian does to Ana, except Chace isn't a sadist neither a masochist.

"Perhaps." I tear the silence into half.

"In what way, can't you stop thinking about him? Or her?"

"It's a him. And I don't want you driving me away because you really don't want to know. What I can say is he let me go without giving me the reason why. We weren't close, there wasn't enough clarity when we used to spend time together. But he drove me wild like no other guy ever did to me. He was acutely aware of the effects he seemed to be having on me. We were close to developing the clarity which wasn't there."

His hands on my shoulders, descending them towards my hips, moving them up to my sternum.

His lips brushing my neck, leaving trails of wet kisses I don't want to rub off.

"In what way can't you get him out of your head?" I don't know if I'm seeing things, but why do I get the feeling Vihaan knows something that I don't?

The door of Vihaan's office opens, jerking me from my trance, I almost fall off the chair. "Hey, Doc I wanted to know if"-

That voice.

Holy shit. That voice.

My heart beats rapidly, face burning with recognition. It can't be. Carefully maintaining my balance, I get up forcing my body to turn at the direction where his voice came from.

"I-Ivy?"