Reviewer : Elena LUVB0TIC

Book : Retrouvaille

Author : ItsBangtanBeaches

REVIEW CRITERIA

Description: 3/5 
I'm head over heels for the quote in this description! How you form these sentences proves that your style of writing is already ahead of many others! The structure is perfect, you started off with a bang and ended it with a medium-in-length summary of the story.

❱ ERROR #1
In the last paragraph, punctuation is one of the errors I can notice. There need to be more commas, in some areas where you feel like you need a halt or break. Don't worry though, as you only need to add commas in a few sentences.

❱ SUGGESTION #1
Spot the conjunction, and simply add a comma before it.

❱ ERROR #2
As far as I know, in a book, the tenses have to remain consistent. Whether it is on the description or in the chapters, this is your error. The description uses the present tense while the book uses the past.

❱ SUGGESTION #2
It's as simple as re-editing and revising the short paragraph. If you're confused with the verb forms, then feel free to search it on the internet or ask someone!

Cover: 3/5 
I get the dark/fancy vibe that would suit the topic of the story, since the first few parts consisted of rather dark and sad scenes. Personally, I don't find the purpose of the font lining up in the side like that. The cover is minimalistic, but I wouldn't say it's attractive. My suggestion is to make a manip cover, add a female face claim of Loire, Seokjin and Yoongi. I feel like these three are somehow the main characters in the story. You can either make one or order one--there are so many talented graphic designers on this platform!

Title: 5/5
Retrouvaille is definitely an unfamiliar word to my hearing, you definitely picked an ideal title for your story's general plotline. It means rediscovery, that one word can describe the whole story. Loire tries to discover who she is, the new things in life, and the bond in her friendship with bangtan.

First impression: 3/5
This story definitely gave me a decent first impression. Title is appealing, the book cover is simple but dark. And the blurb is nothing but a beautiful cherry on top! Maybe with a little fixing of the minor errors I've mentioned above and getting a new book cover, would set your book up for a better first impression.

Readers Interaction: 4/5
3K+ reads is definitely something to be grateful for, the story is still ongoing and in the chapters readers interact and sympathize with Loire. Spilling how they feel about Seokjin, and bashing Nari (which is very much needed and appreciated). Altogether, you have gotten yourself a loyal audience!

Story plot: 13/15
In general, this storyline sounds simple. A girl going back home facing the trauma and trouble the place had in store for her. Somehow, you elevated this plotline into a more complex-sounding one, with your tremendous use of vocabulary and endless amount of description. The thing about wattpad authors that they don't realize is, a simple plot line doesn't mean it's bad. It isn't the only essence in the story that matters, it depends on the author and their capability of forming words that develop the story's initial idea. One comment I have regarding this plot though, is how it's quite common, and if you judge it straight from the description, wouldn't come as something unique. 

Plot twist: 6/10 
I haven't noticed any plot twists that would cause my heart to stop beating. There were some twists like Yoongi and Loire's engagement, and Loire meeting her siblings after the longest time. As always since this is still an ongoing story, there is a lot of potential and room for unexpected plot twists.

Grammar: 4/10
I think that grammar is your flaw, the tenses are mixed, and there are some areas where you lack punctuation. Finally, some typos that had probably gone unnoticed. This is sad because it is a big contrast to your way of writing and your vast vocabulary. 

❱ SUGGESTION #1
The only thing you could possibly do to fix the inconsistent tenses: First, determine which you would want to use. Second, you have to go over every single chapter, and fix the mistakes. If you are struggling along the way, I suggest downloading Grammarly or using Google Docs to navigate your journey.

❱ SUGGESTION #2
Don't forget that after did, it is followed by the infinitive form of the verb.

❱ SUGGESTION #3
Focus on your chapter's length. Some readers dislike lengthy chapters, though descriptions are very much appreciated, you still need to take into account the reader's likings, in order to make them stay.

❱ SUGGESTION #4
Remember to add commas and other necessary punctuations like an em dash, to add space and signal the readers on when to halt.

Emotions and Feel: 9/10
Your words have impact, it's one of the most vital things when it comes to writing. The detailed descriptions, use of literary language, and your way of writing, was able to convey a feeling of sadness, pity, and rage. Loire's feelings and her past experiences pierced me like a knife. But I'm also looking forward to hearing more from the other boys, how they felt when Loire left and how they coped with her disappearance. Please make sure you dedicate a section of your story to Jin since he is one of the main characters. I would like to see what he has to say, from his point of view and if he felt the same pain as the other boys did. 

Character development: 6/10 
The development is still on its progress, it's eventually going to lead to a major change, but we can't really judge since the story isn't close to ending. I was expecting the development of their friendship to be slower( the boys having a harder time to embrace Loire after many years) but it was otherwise, which is still fine. With the amount of potential you hold, I'm more than convinced that the character development will be evident to the readers, when the time comes.

Way of writing: 9/10
Seriously, teach me your ways! I'm fond of your writing style, the literary devices and comparison you used to form and convey words is absolutely impeccable. Not to mention, your ability to describe things, humans, and emotions to its extent with one of the most creative ways is amazing! It was a poem that moved my heart and I surely love every single part of it, and it was what kept me reading. Everything was clear and I am sure that other readers feel the same way too. All that's left is a hint of fixing in the grammar area, and a little more in the punctuation and your writing will be on a league of its own!

Overall: 7/10 
Retrouvaille is a story worth reading, I was satisfied with every bit of it and I wish for the best in the upcoming chapters. You have a lot of talent in yourself and your writing was capable of doing a lot of things not a lot of authors can. With improvement in grammar, you can become a very good author. Well, that marks the end of my review, thank you so much for picking me as your reviewer! Have a nice day :)

Total: 72/100

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