EPILOGUE
( the last goodbye )

▂✫⌒*･ﾟ

GOODBYES ARE CERTAINLY NOT one of Spencer's specialty. She never noticed, but it is completely horrible. It reminds her of her goodbye to Blaise during Dumbledore's funeral... the way she had to remind herself that they would see each other at Fleur and Bill's wedding, but in reality, she had no utter clue. All the times she had to leave, Spencer hated it. It was easier to not say goodbye, but that only expressed selfishness. In hence, goodbyes are painful. They grab a hold of a string holding two people together and breaks it or perhaps turns it loose. Either way, a loss seems to occur.

The sun's warmth spreads among her arms allowing for the heat to provide a hug in the form of nature. Purple hyacinths are held tightly around Spencer's hands, blooming and awaiting to be placed down. Truth be told, they are not the prettiest flowers. Not a chance. And yet, Spencer knows it fits well in both meaning and presence.

She gently kneels down, keeping herself balanced while at the same time placing the same purple flowers onto the ground. It leans against the gravestone that has the name 'Morgana Montague' embedded through. Despite the grave being fourteen years old, the carving already appears as if it has been there for centuries. It is dusty. Cold. Distant. Everything that somehow reminds her of that who lays inside.

Spencer never visited before. She could not... not then. Not for ages. Maybe that made her a horrible person, but she has come to realize that there would have been no point for her to visit when she was not ready. What would she have done then? Simply stare down at the grave? Her heart was not ready, nor was her mind. Sometimes, she fears even today it is not prepared as well. There is a short sensation of hesitance, but Spencer knows— she can feel the need to do it.

Her fingers trace along her sister's name, carefully and with a shiver of nervousness. Images of Morgana's last minutes of life flashes within her mind, and she closes her eyes harshly wanting to make them disappear. Spencer takes a deep breath before deciding to keep her focus on the flowers she brought.

"You know," Spencer starts off in a low whisper, in a tone meant only for her and the spirits to hear, "I read that purple hyacinths are meant to represent sadness and forgiveness. This... well, it is definitely sorrowful, but I'm not here to ask for forgiveness."

She releases a small, bitter chuckle and slowly begins to rest her knees comfortably knowing there is way more needed to be said. Spencer pauses for a few moments hoping to find words to match what her thoughts are whispering. She bites her lip carefully, stopping herself from suddenly becoming overwhelmed with dozens of emotions. Instead, Spencer finds herself gulping in preparedness before opening her mouth.

"They also are said to symbolize the acceptance of an apology and forgiveness from... me," Spencer continues quietly, her hands gently rubbing amidst the petals. Forgiveness was never asked from her, but Spencer had that hole in her heart. The one that felt incomplete. Morgana would never have asked for forgiveness, but Spencer likes to imagine that in her last moments... that tear... the way she had whispered her name... it had to mean something. Not a verbal guilt or regret. Spencer does not believe Morgana could ever speak of any of those two emotions. However, she cannot forget how Morgana had finally cried. Had felt fear. That same confusion she used to feel when they were both children who were completely different and yet still sisters in some way.

"You hurt me incredibly so," Spencer whispers. "Darkness clouded you in every aspect, Morgana. You were devoured in it. All the people you have met, every single one of them... you've hurt them in some way. The darkness around you spread like a wildfire. It traveled to the furniture touched and the contact made with one another. Maybe not physically, but most definitely emotionally."

Her eyes land toward her hand to notice the words I must be like Morgana visible through the daylight. Words that have been there for years and has only ever faded, but never truly taken off. There was a point in time where those words affected her badly. They made her believe that she was unworthy, unloved, and only destined to become someone else. Now, she wonders what it means to have been Morgana.

To not be able to feel like every other person. Lack the ability to emphasize. Hate being easier to feel than love. Morgana has done terrible actions, but Spencer cannot help but pity her for the darkness that consumed her. She was incredibly alone and truthfully, Spencer knows the only love she experienced directed at her was from her. Unfortunately, it had not been enough.

"There are times where I wonder that if another life exists... I wonder if we would have been an actual family," Spencer informs, her head tilting down in both shame and curiosity. "I loved you, Morgana. Ever since I was a mere child craving for your own. Growing up listening to your taunts. And the final moment where I realized where no matter how much I tried to hate you for all that you have done— I couldn't. I can't."

A bitter chuckle escapes her. "It's ridiculous, right? I can already hear you mocking me even now. About being weak and letting myself be vulnerable. I used to believe those words, but Merlin... none of that is true. Love has always been the issue for those in power— Voldemort had proven that with Harry, and honestly... so did we."

"You only ever hated, but I-I loved," Spencer stammers. "We were two sides of different coins. The light and dark. Opposites and yet connected."

"It has been years since the war ended." Spencer finds herself realizing she no longer is the younger one between the two. Morgana had died at the age of eighteen while Spencer had the chance to grow up. She is no longer the young teenager nor Montague. Both the age and name has changed since then. "Many has changed, did you know? I certainly have in some aspects. It is... easier for me to control my emotions considering I have a job to profile others, not let them control me. Daniel has visited you— not that you'd actually know, but he never had the chance to meet you and truthfully, I think he used to blame himself for how you end up. I don't. And honesty, despite all the lack you had... I believe you would not either. Not truthfully. You would have voiced it, but only to spite him and cause himself hate. I know you more than I let on."

When her eyes take a look close at the grave, Spencer frowns before adding, "You don't have many fans. Daniel has visited you before, but never enough to keep your grave clean. Everyone else hated you. And mother cannot visit you, but I doubt she would. She never loved us, you had to know that. I... well, I was not ready. Though, I should not give myself excuses to you. If anything, my family are surprised that I chose to come here. Except Blaise. And Ricky. They know me the most."

Her gaze slowly turns upwards, forcing herself to not glare away from the sunlight shining through. Quietness surrounds the two and wraps them in a tight circle knowing that one must reveal all to truly let go.

"Blaise is my husband," Spencer reveals, a tint of proudness visible on the tone of her voice. How could she not be? Her heart belongs to him as his does to her. It is quite odd how before even conversing with him... Blaise had been her sister's boyfriend. She is sure she has heard of the supposed rule of 'never date your sister's ex' but in all honestly... Spencer fell too hard. Maybe it would have been completely different if the two sisters actually acknowledged one another and enjoyed their presence, but their conflict within did not allow for Spencer to feel guilty for having fallen in love.

Then again, she was not sure if she wanted to associate with Blaise in the beginning. Not even as friends. She had feared his view on her would have solely depended on Morgana's words, but of course, Blaise tends to be filled with surprises.

"I didn't mean to fall in love with him, but he... Blaise is more than just attractive," Spencer sighs, letting a kind smile rise on her lips. The conversation has changed from what it started as, but she hopes simply talking all of it out can calm her stress and worries. "He never judged me for how I showed emotions. When I speak, he listens closely as if every word I can utter is of most importance. His eyes... I love him, Morgana. And even now he has stood by me while I would claim to not be ready to see you. He would always assure me that he would be ready to be by my side when I was— am."

"He is," Spencer informs quickly. "But he also decided to give me some time for us two... which is odd. You're dead and I'm speaking to you like if we had left on good terms. As if you did not hate me. Is it bad to hope you have rested your hatred within your death? You would have called me pathetic. Somehow, I agree."

She purses her lips, pausing for a moment knowing time has now passed greatly and yet she has no idea what else to talk about. Spencer never had a chance for a normal conversation with Morgana and now that she is dead... well, perhaps this is the most she has talked to her. That would have been interesting. Fortunately, it had not been. There was a time before when she would ramble on and Morgana would play along. It is most likely she had not liked it, but she had pretended to care. Had even gave Spencer a forced smile which the young girl had believed it real.

"Mum!"

Upon a child-like voice interrupting her thoughts, Spencer jumps in surprise and is quick to turn around. Her eyes blink numerous of times, her vision blurry filling her up with confusion before realizing tears are currently in the way. She brings her hands up to her face and hurriedly rubs her eyes to vanquish that what has dropped. Once cleared, she sees the small figure of the voice running toward her.

"Regulus Cassius! Did I not explain to you that we would be giving your mother privacy?" Her husband's voice is even clearer and holds a tone of exasperation. Blaise is only a few feet away from their son having a look of annoyance at his disobedience.

Spencer smiles warmly when her child stands in front of her, his face covered with worry and curiosity as he stares down at his mother. She gently lifts her hand and cups his cheek in a loving matter. He copies her movement, quietly rubbing his finger among her cheek hoping to make her tear stain vanish.

"You are sad," Regulus murmurs with concern. His eyes are similar to hers, a light tint on them unlike his father's. Still, they hold the same type of emotion in them. As in a way to comfort her, Regulus brings his mother's head downwards and presses a kiss on her forehead in a way that Spencer has given others to show her own concern and love.

"I'm just emotional right now, but I'll be okay," Spencer assures quietly. She clears her throat in hopes to make her voice clearer and her spirits higher. Her eyes meet Blaise and she nods slowly to assure him of her health. Her husband smiles kindly, setting himself to be behind them as some sort of protection.

"Regulus," Spencer calls out warmly. Her son is quick to look at her with curiosity. "This grave here belongs to your Aunt Morgana," she whispers, bringing him closer to her and allowing for him to have a better view.

The young boy tilts his head in wonder before slowly nodding his head. He plops himself right on his mother's lap and grins, patting down on the grave with politeness.

"Nice to meet you, Aunty!" Regulus claims, his voice still that of a six year old, but very much understandable. There is a lightness within him. One not even Spencer knew she had in herself. "I can't say I like you much, but Mum loves you, did you know? I can see it on her eyes when others talk about you..."

And doing the same that Spencer had been doing moments before, Regulus began to ramble on. Spencer simply stayed quiet hearing her son talk, chuckling every now and then with some words he messes up on. Blaise carefully places his hand on her shoulder, giving her a small massage in hopes to clear her mind.

It is true that Spencer's heart belongs to Blaise and vice versa. However, their hearts combined belonged to their son. Regulus Cassius Zabini, a young beautiful boy that shares the same hair and skin as his father while the same eyes and nose as his mother.

Spencer always dreamt of naming her son Regulus after the fact that she adored staring up onto the sky and her eyes wandering to that of the brightest star in the Leo constellation. And then, when she went on to find the Horcruxes with Harry, it seems as if the universe wanted her to see why the name would be splendid. Regulus Black, in the mind of Spencer and her friends, died a hero. He may not have started off as a good person, but at the end, he died trying to stop Voldemort. Blaise held no problems with the name and in fact even encouraged it knowing how much it meant to her (and according to him, Blaise says it means a lot to him too because of the nights they would stare up at the stars).

As for the middle name... Cassius. She had never thought of the name before, but then the Battle of Hogwarts happened. Cassius Bell had been an innocent second-year student that was killed by the hands of Morgana Montague. It still hurts to think how she could not save such a beautiful boy, but overtime she has learned to live with it. In honor to remember him, Spencer asked Blaise if Regulus's middle name could be Cassius. When the Bell family found out, they had cried once more for the innocent boy they lost, but they held no objections to it.

"Mum, look!" Regulus exclaims excitedly. He points toward the grave making Spencer realize it no longer appears dusty as it had when she was alone. Blaise makes a noise of recognition and bends down to be in the same size range as his wife and son.

"You are definitely your mother's child," Blaise sighs, keeping a small smile on his face while glancing at Spencer in amusement. Spencer rolls her eyes at him before turning toward Regulus.

"I didn't mean to!" Regulus is quick to defend himself. His expression changes into one that looks sheepish. "I-I mean— I did! It was just very ugly so I imagined it to be very clean and then it changed!"

Spencer chuckles quietly and shakes her head. "It's alright, Regulus. That's called accidental magic—"

"— Oh! I read that on Aunt H-Herm-mione's books," Regulus gasps excitedly. "Jo was being mean that day and hit me a book, but I read it!"

Blaise raises his eyebrows and rolls his eyes. "Poor Jo has to deal with her father already," he grumbles.

Spencer glares at him. "You and Theo are idiots— we all know you two are close," she warns, smacking his arm lightly. Blaise simply grins at her not denying the statement. Silence falls among the three of them; a small family across from someone's grave that has haunt them for what seems like forever.

Still, Spencer was with two of the most important people in her life. Never alone. Not anymore.

Her eyes wander back to her sister's grave and she rests her hand on her name for a few seconds. "I forgive you for all the wrongs you have caused me, sister. Truthfully, I came here to give my final goodbye. To the spirits you left behind, and the last moment I had seen you. Rest easy, Morgana."

I love you, are the words whispered within the air, but not truly vocalized. And with that, a drift of closure begins to be built. The story of two sisters, one filled with light and the other with darkness, soon coming to an end.

             "Mum," Regulus murmurs softly. "I love you." He glances at his father and snuggles onto him as well. "And you, Dad."

             Spencer placed a small kiss on his forehead. The three words being repeated quietly onto both her son and husband's ears.

Together, but completely apart.

.･:*:･ﾟ'✫,'✫'ﾟ･:*:･˙

HOME, FOR SPENCER MONTAGUE— well, more like Spencer Zabini-Montague, is not necessarily a place. It is an infamous quote that she relates to about family being the place that feels more like home than an actual building. Wherever her love stays is where it feels the safest.

Visiting Morgana had certainly lift some stress that was long overdue. In fact, it was more freeing. Her last action of moving on. Certainly, having Regulus in her life had suddenly advanced such idea. That and becoming Agent Z-M since her brother is still stuck with Agent Montague.

Spencer had thought about staying with the Montague name. In a way, she has... not completely, but it is still hyphenated. Zabini is a way to represent how she has managed to find a family— someone who loves her completely. Blaise tends to be her safe place and it was with no hesitation that she decided to take his name. On the other hand, Montague had been troubling. She was stuck in deciding whether to keep it or not, but alas, her decision was made.

Once upon a time, Daniel described Spencer as being the light in the midst of darkness in their own family name. For years, the Montague name has been tarnished in dark magic; in horrid events that they have partaken in. However, Spencer does not want the name to end in that way. Daniel is sticking with Montague as well, but he does not want to adopt children. Apparently, dragons are enough for him and Charlie. Her cousin, Graham Montague, is practically a lost cause for the Montagues as well seeing as no one with a brain would date that dimwit asshole. Of course, he still lives, but the biggest contribution to the Montague name had come from Spencer's.

It caused her immense pain, but she wished to end it well enough. Her son will be taking the Zabini name with him and no children will bare the Montague any longer. A final end to a title.

Her attention wanders to her son that shakes her arm (as he is currently on her arms— heavy, but light all at the same) and points excitedly toward a small girl his age. Currently, they are at Blaise's (and hers) since they invited not only themselves, but the rest of their family for a small vacation. It was the same place she proposed to Blaise, but now a little crowded with all of those that are inside. Still, the place itself is huge so it truly does not matter.

"Look it's Jo!"

Her son points to a six-year old girl who is the same age as him. His best friend as he likes to call her (or sometimes 'annoying', but Spencer disciplines him when he says that while the others laugh). Spencer almost cried when he revealed that him and Jo would be the best duo ever. Imagine that? Her best friend's daughter and her son being best friends themselves? Absolutely brilliant.

"Hi Aunty!" Jo Adams chirps cheerfully, smiling widely when her eyes connect with the boy on her arms.

"Hello, Jo," Spencer greets warmly. "Where are your dads?"

"Oh!" Jo exclaims suddenly. "They are... b-busay? Busy?"

Spencer internally rolls her eyes at her best friends knowing they just made up that lie to their daughter. It will probably be soon before they make an appearance (hopefully clothed). She ruffles the young girl's hair before letting the two kids play along. Her son quietly tugs into her sleeves, and knowing it is meant to represent that he wants to play with Jo, she gently lets him down. It is such a full house she is surprised that everyone still is not even there. Some found themselves too busy to be there, but they did send letters!

She grins at Harry, noticing that his arm is wrapped around Ginny's shoulders while he is keeping a close eye at his children. Harry and Ginny managed to have three children: James Sirius (who is currently eight years old), Rubeus Cedric (who is six), and Lily Luna (who is four).

On the couch is Ron and Hermione. The redhead has his own wife beside him, a grin on his face while dodging the hit that Hermione goes to give him. They too have children. Rose (who is six) and Hugo (who is four years old).

Teddy is there as well after Spencer invited him over considering he is her godson (and he is fourteen!). She had invited Tonks and Remus as well, but they declined the invitation as they made plans with Andromeda.

Speaking of being a godmother, Spencer (and Blaise this time around) had become Jo's godparents. The naming of Jo was Ricky's idea considering Blaise used to call her Jo because of 'Jo March'. Ricky and Theo never got over the fact that Blaise first called her that. They named her Josephine which is easily one of Spencer's favorite character. It warmed her completely that Ricky had named someone after something that means so much to her.

To this day, Spencer is now considered Teddy's, Rubeus's (as Harry once promised he would do), and Jo's godmother— although, Blaise is only Rubeus's and Jo's godfather. After Jo, Spencer specifically announced she is retiring in being godmother to anyone else (although it makes her happy to find out they loved her enough to give her such privilege). Of course, after she announced those words during one of their bigger family reunions, Daniel and Charlie both joked that they wanted her as godmother to the dragons while George wolf-whistled claiming he wanted her to be one as well.

Thankfully, they seemed to have only joked with her and she still is only a godmother of three (although it would not surprise her if Charlie tries to get her to sneakily accept being godmother to a dragon). It always interest her how her brother made himself comfortable with dragons just for Charlie... it was difficult for the two with one having to be at Romania and the other moving around (occasionally going to the states but at one point he stopped working for the FBI). Spencer simply works for the WPA having finally become an agent like her brother.

Spencer turns around when an arm wraps around her shoulders. She turns around to notice the grin on Teddy as he shifts to copy her hair color— his usual blue turns into a familiar shade of brown.

"Do you think I can shrink my size to look like little Reggie?" Teddy questions, his eyebrows raised in curiosity. Spencer parts her lips confusingly, her head tilting to the side both amused and concerned.

"I'm not sure, but please don't try it," Spencer mumbles. She is quick to give him a glare. "Then you'll get me in trouble with Remus! Of course, he'd be reminded of Sirius and Harry's father, but honestly, Teddy, you've given your father enough grey hairs already."

Teddy simply gives her a mischievous smile before nodding. "Understood, Nina. I'll do it at home then—"

"Teddy! Teddy! Tell Jo that Hufflepuff is not a bad house at all! She's being mean," Regulus groans, running up toward the oldest boy of the kids. Teddy fakes full offense before heading with Regulus to where Jo is giving them an annoyed look, her arms crossed in defiance.

"I would belong in Sleyetherin!" Jo announces clearly. She pauses, her lips pursing knowing it was not said right. Regulus pats her back lightly.

"Will and Slytherin," he corrects offhandedly. "I learned that last week. Uncle Ron was arguing with Uncle Theo about it."

In response, Jo pushes him to the side. The two of them share a moment of quietness before they are laughing excitedly and are quick to run away from each other.

"Oh, Merlin," Blaise's voice is audible to Spencer's ears. He walks to be beside her and glances amusingly. "He's a tiny version of you."

Blaise remarks those words what seems like the hundredth time (it is actually 3176 times). Spencer shakes her head at his statement. Okay, maybe it is true, but only with the fact that he can remember many details from books. It is slightly different from Spencer's. Truth be told, she wished her ability would not pass down to him because of all the troubles it gave her. However, Regulus has told her that his mind feels... funny. Friendly, soft, gentle. Even as a kid her own mind never felt that way, but she has started to notice that perhaps it is because her and Blaise have tried their hardest to make him understand that they love him. Spencer never got that memo and it only caused trouble as she grew up.

"Please," she scoffs, "I've seen him look at himself in the mirror in awe. For five minutes."

Blaise snickers quietly and high-fives Regulus when he makes an appearance. Her statement was true. Regulus somehow has developed the same situation as his father in checking himself out. Jo arrives a few seconds after and looks at Blaise expectedly. In return, her husband gently ruffles Jo's hair.

"Hey— remember that time Harry was drunk and almost named Ru 'Albus Severus'?" Ron voices loudly, a laugh escaping his lips at the sudden throw of a pillow coming from the former Chosen One. Upon the nickname of his, Rubeus glances up confusingly before smiling widely in confusion. Laughs erupted from the room while Harry groans in betrayal.

"I hate all of you," Harry announces in annoyance. "It was a moment of weakness! Plus, Ginny wasn't any better—"

"Harry, don't you dare—"

"She was debating on Pigleronald!"

Silence falls among them before Hermione lets out the first giggle that she tries to hide with Ginny's glare being given to them all. Immediately, all of them began to have a bundle of laughter among them. Spencer smiles widely, leaning onto Blaise as she tries to hide her face but fails to do so. Her eyes meet Ricky's, and he holds the same grin on his face as hers.

"Thank fuck for those not being his name," Ricky snickers. He apologizes quickly when all the kids stare up at him in awe and excitement while the adults give him a glare.

"Yeah, yeah, keep on bullying me," Harry grumbles, a small grin on his lips to indicate his playfulness. "Not like I saved your asses or anything."

"Ginny," Theodore calls out interestedly. There is a teasing look on his eye making it known that what he says next is simply jokes. "You might want to humble your husband there. It seems he has finally grown a pair."

"A pair of what?" Regulus asks curiously. Theodore widens his eyes in surprise and swiftly moves beside Ricky to hide from Spencer's glare.

Theodore clears his throat and stammers out, "A... a pair of...  sandals?"

Regulus frowns in confusion before grinning. "Oh! My Nina wants some new ones! She and Aunt Daph mentioned they will be shopping... maybe Uncle Harry can join them...?"

Harry spits out his drink before coughing while Theodore fails to hide his snort of amusement.

"All of you are ridiculous," Blaise sighs. Spencer does not bother to disagree and instead hums in agreement. She leans on his touch when he wraps his arm around her.

Ricky offers the two a grin. "Yeah, well, you chose us as family for a reason, right?"

And of course, as he usually tends to be, Ricky was right. Spencer's real family. The ones she never truly needs to say goodbye to. Goodbyes are meant to be given as a final word. Not a 'see you later' or another day, but the end of something.

This... this isn't the end which is why, it is no goodbye. Family is not something that simply ends when all are tied and united— not by blood, but rather love. For some reason, all of this tends to be more of the beginning. A new chance where all their kids will be free of the war. Children will take over the schools, families are growing stronger. Friendships are deemed important and the suffering they have all faced are still inside them, but now weak and being buried away deep in their memories.

No, definitely not a goodbye. Not with Blaise having himself wrapped beside her, their son close by while everyone else still with them. Her mind, unlike years before, finally calm and rested despite every word and memory embedded on her mind. Good, Spencer thinks to herself. She never liked goodbyes.

▂✫⌒*･ﾟ

AUTHOR'S FINAL NOTE:
this is it. thank you for having read this story
and especially for those that has been there
since the start. it's weird, i won't lie. truth be
told, i don't think i ever believed i would actually
finish a book, but quarantine truly allowed for
such action. it may not be the best endings, but i
never actually written one and it scares me but we
are all good!

it's hard saying goodbye to them, but i suppose
this is it! goodbye to ricky adams who has only
ever grown to become stronger, braver, and smarter.
and goodbye to spencer zabini-montague who has become
an image of someone who i wish to be. incredibly
smart, kind, loyal, and strong. or maybe i shouldn't
say goodbye... especially since they will always be
close characters to my heart.

here is to their happiness that i could not bare
to take away despite the different outcomes i had
planned. once again, thank you.

ps. happy new years! may this year be better than
before.

— mar.