NOT EDITED
PUBLISHED ONLY ON WATTPAD

JESSE KLAVER

"Cheating when you're married is worse than when you're just dating!" Rob yelled at me. We were fighting for I don't know how long. After he ran out of the room, I was frozen until Joelin chuckled.

"Drama queen?" she had said.

"Shut it," I had calmly said and went after him. The conversation bought us to this point (obviously lol).

"Whatever! Go away!

"I'm going!"

"Good."

"Idiot."

"Shit."

We were throwing insults as he walked away.

"Fag."

"Whore," he froze and I wasn't that far behind him in reaction. I stopped breathing for a few seconds. He practically ran to the stairs next to the elevator. I yelled his name, followed by 'I'm so sorry, don't leave' but he acted like he didn't hear and continued to run downstairs, his cries coming to me.

I yelled in pain, regretting I said that. I fell onto the floor. How could I be so stupid? Rob was all I wanted and I ruined my chance. He even broke up with his boyfriend.

I'm in deep shit.

I don't know if he'll ever forgive me.

It's just... When he called me 'fag' something snapped in me. The memories of my father calling me that word when beating me.

The memories of kids in school doing the same.

The pranks from the football team.

From cheerleaders.

Even teachers.

All the bad emotions surfaced. I didn't even think about what I was saying, it came out as a defence mechanism. I forced myself to learn how to be cold or fight back to them.

I thought I managed to overcome that, but apparently hearing it again after all those years just... Broke the wall.

I sat on the floor, crying.

"Hey, are you okay?" I heard a feminine voice. Joelin.

"Go away."

"I didn't mean to stir any problems. I just..."

"Well, you fucked up."

"I'm not heartless, Jes. No matter what you think. Now let me help you," she said and tried to pull me up. I pushed her away, not wanting her help. She didn't give up and grabbed me again. I let her drag me up and leaned against her.

We slowly walked to my room and she let me go. I fell onto the bed and curled up. She placed a blanket over me.

"Go to sleep. I'll lock the doors."

I didn't want to fight. I closed my eyes, tears still falling. She left the room and I heard her doing something, then the sound of the door being locked echoed and the silence overruled.

She left. I laid in bed for some time, thinking about Rob. I really did fucked up this time. He surely won't forgive me.

I'm so stupid.

So stupid.

Stupid.

That was my thought before I fell asleep.

Q: should Rob forgive Jesse or should he suffer for some time?

Published:
21:09 CEST,
15. 05. 2021.