𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓, truth or dare

      𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐒𝐍'𝐓 𝐁𝐈𝐆. There's not exactly a ton of leg room, and both Makayla and Bellamy silently agreed to let Charlotte take the little alcove in the very back of the cave so she can sleep. Bellamy was quick to offer the young girl his jacket, presumably so she's not cold. 

      The silence between the two adults is awkward. Makayla continues to forget that technically, she's a legal adult now. And she's spending her first few days as an adult on the ground, feeling useless. She's taken a spot closer to the entrance of the cave, Bellamy being stuck sandwiched between the two girls.

      Makayla continues to pick at the skin by her nails, a nervous habit that she's had for years. Occasionally she'll check to see if either of the other two are asleep — and every time, Bellamy's wide awake, Charlotte's not. And every time, Bellamy has a solemn look on his face, and Makayla's pretty sure she knows why.

      "Atom's not your fault" She says, keeping her voice low so she doesn't wake up Charlotte. Bellamy is taken aback slightly by her sudden decision to speak, after minutes of prolonged silence between the two. He stares at the wall of the cave behind her for a moment, not wanting to make eye contact as he thinks about what she's said.

      "I left him out there. I should've —" He starts, but Makayla shakes her head.

      "If anything, we both left him out there. I was running in front of him, I could've gone back for him. But there's not a lot we could've done about it" She says, and Bellamy finally decides to make eye contact with her. Her words are genuine, her intentions clear. She blames herself, but she won't be able to get through the night if she can feel the guilt radiating off of the man. She continues to pick at the skin by her fingers, waiting for his response.

      "There could've been something we could've done" He whispers, and Makayla looks up at him. Her stops picking at the skin by her fingers and starts running them along the stray pebbles on the ground, feeling the rough edges of the broken down rocks imbedding themselves into her skin. "There isn't. The only thing we can do now is wait for the fog to clear".

      Bellamy nods and the silence grows awkward once more. And there's no way Makayla's going to be able to fall asleep, not when there's a storm of poisonous fog radiating outside. She continues to play with the rocks beneath her fingers, feeling them turn against the rough floor as she runs them along it. She can feel the guilt radiating off of Bellamy still. Maybe he can feel hers too, but it'll drive her crazy if she has to deal with it for the next few hours.

      "Back on the Ark, whenever I was spiraling in a puddle of my own guilt, Sam would always make me play truth or dare with him to take my mind off of things" She says, catching Bellamy's attention once more. "The dares were always stupid, they were always something like 'Do a handstand for a minute!' or 'Jump off your bed to the doorway without chipping a tooth!'. But even though they were stupid, it always got me to think about other things than whatever I was thinking about".

      Bellamy stares at the girl for a moment. "What are you trying to say?".

      She lets out a sigh. "I'm saying, I can still feel the guilt radiating off of you, and I think you can feel mine too. Truth or dare might take our minds off of it". There's a beat, a moment of silence before she decides to say something. "And if we're stuck in a cave together for hours, we might as well learn some things about each other".

      Maybe she's just doing this for herself so she can stop thinking about Atom. She feels so guilty about leaving him out there, but there's only so much she can do now. She really wants a distraction — and sure, it's corny — but what else is there to do? Sit in silence for the next couple hours?

      Bellamy lets out a small laugh. "How would we do the 'Dare' part of it in here?" He questions, gesturing to the lack of space and how they're all sandwiched in a corner. Makayla looks around before explaining to him that they could just do the 'Truth' part of the game, and that he can go first.

      Silence falls over them before Bellamy thinks of a question. "What's your full name?" He questions, and Makayla cracks a small smile. She's not surprised the questions are starting out like this, given the fact that they barely know anything about each other.

      "Makayla Rose Donnelly. There's no good explanation to why, or some fancy origin of my name, it's just there" She explains, not realizing that she's beginning to ramble. She pauses for a moment, thinking about what to ask, running her hands through her hair as she thinks. "What station did you live on?".

      "Factory. You?" He says, asking the same question back.

      "Mecha. Everyone there is practically destined to do something in mechanics, or engineering, but I never liked either of those. That's more of Sam's thing than mine" She rambles on, making Bellamy smile as her sentences never end. Her rambles continue, like a never ending spiral as she begins to distract herself from Atom, who might still be screaming for help. "My parents were mechanics, but didn't want to force me to be one".

      "What did you want to be?" He questions as her statement finishes. She stares back, not knowing how to answer that question. She's never known what she wants to do in life — her obsession with the ground has always gotten in the way. Everyone always had dreams on the Ark — the delinquents probably still do, but aren't counting on them coming to fruition. She doesn't even have a proper role at camp, while most of the delinquents have already assumed one. 

      She hesitates with her answer. "I don't know actually. My parents always said I had my head down on the ground instead of on the Ark, so I guess you could say I was distracted". 

      Bellamy stares back at her as she answers. She's wrapping her hair around her fingers, cutting off circulation to her fingertips as she speaks. "What do you mean your head was on the ground?".

      She nods. "Used to be obsessed with the ground, so —".

      "Is the ground everything you've dreamed of?" He inquires, interrupting her statement. She shoots him a slight glare, for interrupting her, that he doesn't catch as he asks the question. She doesn't even know if the ground's lived up to her expectations, because it's certainly not exactly like her dreams, but it's also not terrible. Sure, the impending doom of the Grounders sucks, and now there's poisonous fog that could end someone's life at any moment, but hey, there's animals! And living plants! 

      "I didn't exactly imagine seeing my friends get speared by Grounders or poisonous fog chasing us down while we try to catch our next meal, but everything else is exactly what I thought it would be" She explains, and Bellamy nods along. It's weird saying that out loud, admitting that her dreams aren't accurate to real life. What she used to imagine the ground would be like — a peaceful utopia — isn't real, but there's been no reason for her to say it out loud. It just cements the idea that her childhood dreams have fizzled, everything she wanted is gone.

      Bellamy looks up at the ceiling of the cave. "Do you ever wish you did things differently?".

      Now Makayla's confused. Did things differently? What is that supposed to mean? What is he referring to? She doesn't understand, but Bellamy doesn't seem to be elaborating on the matter, so they're left in silence once more. "What do you mean?".

      "Things on the Ark. Something you did on the Ark that had a domino effect on everything else" He says, his voice quieter than before. 

      Of course she regrets how things played out for her on the Ark. There's plenty of things — keeping her head focused on things that most people assumed she would never have, hindering her ability to have tangible dreams that were reasonable to achieve. She could've been focused on other things, but instead, she was focused on imaginary scenarios in her head. That's why people never believed in her, only coming to her for conversations about the ground if they needed to hear something revolving purely around hope. 

      Maybe she wouldn't even be down on Earth. She'd still be on the Ark — blissfully unaware of the fact that the Ark is dying, celebrating her eighteenth birthday with her dad. Maybe she'd be a mechanic, going in zero-g, being amongst the stars and the planets. 

      There are plenty of things Makayla Donnelly wishes she did differently. But her mistakes and actions have made her who she is today.

      Even the actions that have landed her stuck in a cave on Earth.

      "There's a whole list" She says, her voice quiet as she thinks. Bellamy's question has her swimming through scenarios in her mind, showcasing what her life could've been like if she had done things differently. If she had chosen something different. If she hadn't let herself get lost in her dreams, lost in the flames of fire.

      She's even missed Bellamy's next question.

      He says it louder this time, snapping her out of her trance. "How'd you get arrested?" He says once more, making Makayla pause. She can almost see where this is headed — he's going to ask why she did it, why she would commit that crime in the first place. Sure, she gave the group that went to Mount Weather the basics, and they could tell that they shouldn't press on the subject, but that might not be the case now. She had the comfort of knowing that Sam was there when she gave the first brief explanation, the guy who's been her best friend practically since birth. But now? It's just herself, Bellamy, a sleeping Charlotte, and her thoughts. No other distractions.

      She's starting to regret playing this game.

      She hesitates once more, feeling Bellamy's watchful eyes on her as she pauses. "They locked me up for arson" She briefly explains, and she already knows what he's about to ask.

      "Why'd do you do it?" He questions, a look on his face that Makayla can't read. 

      She doesn't want to tell him. No, she won't tell him. Sure, she could lie, but would he see right through her? Sam always says that she's a bad liar, but maybe that's because they've known each other for so long. Who knows how well she can lie to Bellamy?

      "Set some shit on fire, the Ark arrested me. Not a sob story" She tries to lie, but the newly formed expression on the man's face tells her that it didn't work. She almost lets out a sigh, upset at herself for not being able to cover up the truth that she doesn't want to share, also being upset at herself for starting this game in the first place. She should've expected their questions to somehow lead to this.

      "What happened to being truthful?" He's quick to say, and Makayla can feel her insides twisting as the fire burns in the back of her mind. It's almost like there's a tape recorder that recorded every single movement of the fire, and it's currently playing it back to her. She can feel something well up in her eyes — a few tears, and she tries to shove them back down. 

      She doesn't want to tell the truth. Because it still hurts too much. 

      "Game's over, Bellamy" She snaps, her voice still quiet. She doesn't want to show him that she's emotional right now, especially since he's sort of a leader figure. She can see Bellamy scoff, and as he tries to argue, she feels something blow up inside of her like a bomb, making her emotions explode everywhere.

      "I said the game's over, Bellamy!" She snaps once more, but it's more of a shout. The tears are still there, one escaping her eye and rolling down her cheek. The fire's still being projected, burning in the back of her mind. She can't handle it. She grabs her hair and turns away from him, closing her eyes as she tries to think of something else. 

      Maybe not speaking of it is making it worse, but it still feels like a raw wound to her. She won't speak of it, unless she can really find trust in someone else. She's thought about explaining it to Sam, but he's the only one she's willing to explain it to, but there hasn't been a good time to. She doesn't want to tell anyone unless she can tell that they have good intentions, and won't use it against her.

—————————————————————————————

      𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐘 𝐓𝐎 𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐄 𝐀 𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐓, especially when that ghost is the reason where you are today. It haunts you, littering your mind with horrible visions. Makayla thinks of it as if she's in her own movie — watching herself through a lens. She wants to pull her brain out — take a vacuum and just suck it out of her skull, leaving her with nothing that can project those memories. 

      When those memories are stuck being projected, she cannot sleep.

      Her back is turned to everyone else in the cave as she tries to at least take a nap. She doesn't want to face Bellamy — not after her outburst of emotions during their game of truth or dare. And Charlotte's still asleep.

      Well, maybe not.

      A sudden shriek comes from the small alcove behind her, making her shoot up in her spot as the shriek echoes around the cave. Bellamy's up, concerned over the young girl too. He's quick to wake her up — not noticing that Makayla's up and watching as well. 

      Charlotte apologizes, but Makayla doesn't get why. It's perfectly okay to have a nightmare — she used to have them all the time. She still gets them from time to time, but with Charlotte, it seems like she gets them more often than she doesn't.

      "What are you scared of?" Bellamy questions, only for Charlotte to stay quiet. She looks over at Makayla, and looks back at the man in front of her, but continues to stay quiet. Bellamy lets out a sigh. "You know what? It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it".

      Makayla cocks her head to the side slightly, confused on what he's talking about. He still hasn't noticed that the girl beside him is awake. Charlotte tries to explain that she's asleep — it's always a nightmare — how is she supposed to fight what she's scared of?

      "Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you're awake, they won't be there to get you when you sleep" He explains, and Makayla can see the expression on his face — he means well. This is probably the first time that Makayla can really see Bellamy — he's not the asshole that he appears to be. Maybe he still is, but he has a soft spot for the girl.

      There's a second of silence before Charlotte questions him on what he's explaining. Makayla is still confused, not as much as before, because she's starting to put the puzzle pieces together, but she's still slightly confused. 

      "You can't afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death, fear is death" Bellamy explains, with Charlotte nodding along. "Let me see that knife I gave you".

      Charlotte hands the man the knife, and Makayla can see flashes of earlier where the man was teaching her how to wield a knife as a weapon, and how to throw it at a target. But that's definitely not what Bellamy's trying to teach the young girl now.

      "Now, when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and you say, 'Screw you, I'm not afraid'" Bellamy explains, putting emphases on the phrase he stated. He hands the knife back to the young girl, and she repeats the phrase hesitantly. Makayla sees Bellamy give the young girl a look, and then she says it with more confidence, making the other two smile. And unbeknownst to them, Makayla's repeating that phrase in her head, over and over again.

      "Slay your demons, kid. Then you'll be able to sleep" He states with a smile, and Charlotte goes to fall back asleep. With a content smile on his face, the man falls back into the original position he was in earlier, only to see a certain someone staring at the wall behind him.

      He gives her a look. "Sorry for pressing on the subject earlier. I shouldn't have". 

      Makayla shrugs, not knowing how to feel. "I shouldn't have gotten so emotional. It's just hard to admit sometimes, y'know?". Bellamy nods along, not understanding what she means, but he doesn't press on the subject like he did before.

      The two fall back into the same silence as when they were attempting to sleep, but it's not awkward anymore. Something's changed in the way Makayla sees Bellamy now — he's not the same person she met when Jasper had gotten taken by the Grounders, and he's not the same person as the man she pulled out of the way of the panther. 

      Makayla thinks about the man's words from earlier. Screw you, I'm not afraid. Could it apply to her ghosts too? The flames that flicker in her mind, that haven't left her alone since Bellamy raised the question?

      After a few minutes of silence, the words fall from her mouth. "Three-ish years ago, my mom got floated". The man stares at her, surprised she's talking about something she had gotten so emotional over earlier. It's like the energy has shifted between them — something has changed between the two. 

      "She got floated for trying to steal medicine for my dad. He got sick, I don't even remember what he was sick with, but he desperately needed more medicine, so my mom stole it. She made it to his room in medical since she had to steal it from their main supply, gave him the medicine, and then someone noticed and called the council. She got floated almost instantly".

      "They let me talk to her, but I didn't get to finish talking to her. I tried to beg the council to let her out, because I needed my mom, but it didn't work. So I watched her body float out into space, and I started bawling. The guards had to haul me away because I wouldn't leave the airlock".

      She sees Bellamy watching her, not uttering a word as she explains her story. She doesn't want to admit it, but talking about it helps how she feels.

      "My life kind of went to shit after that. My dad, he spiraled for a little before he found someone new, and I just didn't understand it. I didn't get why he could move on from my mom dying so quickly, when I was still hung up on it. He was a mechanic, but he was training to be a guard. After he met that new woman, and started dating her, he really started to turn his life around. And I guess he wanted to take me with him".

      "I still felt like shit though. So, I think about three months after my mom died, I recklessly played around with some wires in my bedroom and ended up setting it on fire. I didn't exactly have a will to live though, so I didn't try to leave my room. I still have the burn scars from it".

      There's a beat. 

      "My dad and his girlfriend were able to pull me out of it, but I guess someone called the council and said I started the fire on purpose. I think it was one of my dad's girlfriend's bullshit friends that had just been there that called the council, and they ended up putting me in solitary because I told them that I wanted to stay in that fire".

      "They thought I was a loose cannon and didn't want to risk the safety of anyone else. But being on the ground, I feel different. This is supposed to be everything I've ever wanted" She explains, only to find Bellamy's watchful eyes looking straight into hers.

      There's a second of silence, but it's long enough for her to say something. "Do I sound like I'm crazy?" She says, her voice a whisper. But to her surprise, she doesn't hear the answer she was expecting.

      "No" Is all Bellamy says, but he gives her a sympathetic smile. 

      "It feels good to talk about it" She says, her voice still low. Bellamy nods in response, and the two fall back into their comfortable silence. The Donnelly girl goes to lay down — because she finally feels like she can rest. 

      Those ghosts aren't gone, but she sure as hell doesn't see them anymore for the moment.

      𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 —

i feel like this chapter kinda sucks but wtv! posting it anyway because idk how else to write this and it's gone through multiple rewrites and this is probably the best it'll be.

a better look on how mick got arrested is in the next update, hopefully it all makes sense.

and as always, any feedback is feedback i'd love to hear!

𝟑𝟓𝟒𝟏 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒