There is mentions of anxiety/panic, very brief mention of relapsing via alcohol, and mentions of groping with previous memories throughout the chapter. Please do not read any further if these topics are sensitive to you.

⸻✧ ༺ ∞ ༻ ✧⸻

Friday comes by in a whirlwind. Wooyoung spends most of his time lazing around the apartment, cleaning at certain points, packing during other times, and drinking sips out of his secret soju stash. He didn't know how else to cope with all of the sudden changes crumbling his world beneath his planted feet, finding it difficult to stay steady on shaking grounds. He was terrified to lose himself again, to fumble into a mere ghost or shell of who he is, but he found some sort of weird comfort in the sting of soju.

Now, early in the morning, Wooyoung finishes packing his small tote within their bedroom, listening to San hum something outside in the living room. Wooyoung shoves his swim trunks into the bag before zipping it shut, grabbing his phone and his hoodie as he leaves the dark bedroom to walk into the living space. San was settled on the couch, engrossed in his phone as he listened to what Wooyoung assumed was BTS, but it was a song he had never heard before.

"Ready?" Wooyoung asks quietly, bag in hand, hoodie slung over his shoulder.

"Yeah." San swipes away at his screen, shuffling to open Spotify to pause his music. "Did you text Joong and Hwa?"

"Uh, no. I forgot. I'll text him right now." Wooyoung moves his phone towards his sightline, unlocking the device before opening his text messages with Seonghwa.

Hey, you guys up and ready? San and I are about to leave.

Seonghwa messages back almost immediately, bringing relief to flood Wooyoung's skin.

Seonghwa

Yes! I was just about to text you. How strange, lol.

Good, good. We'll meet you in the lobby?

Seonghwa

See you in five.

"They're ready." Wooyoung hums, looking away from his phone to spot San texting Mingi back.

"Good. Mingi and Yunho are already there. Wonder why?" San's brow raises and Wooyoung shrugs, leaning down to press a kiss into the elder's hair.

"Do you think Mingi knows? Or does Yunho know? Do they even know they like one another?"

"I thought you didn't believe me." San turns his head to look up at Wooyoung, confusion crossing over his gaze.

"It's not that I don't believe you, I just didn't think there was any evidence. But I got to talking with Yeosang, and he said the same thing. So, there's a little truth to it, I think. Maybe I'm just blind and too focused on you. I dunno."

"It's possible," San laughs softly, turning as he rises from the couch. Wooyoung shoves his phone into his pocket after letting the screen turn black, moving towards the front door to grab San's keys. Wooyoung hands them over before putting on his shoes, watching the elder follow suit.

Wooyoung follows San out of the apartment, listening as the apartment door is locked afterwards. San shoves his keys into the pocket of his black jacket, holding out his hand towards Wooyoung as they begin walking down the hall in tandem. Wooyoung slots their fingers together, hands gently swaying between them as they walk, making their way towards the staircase as they trek to the lobby.

The staircase door opens to the familiar, plain lobby they've grown accustomed to seeing on a regular basis, revealing their friends waiting patiently for them in the center of the room with their bags in hand. Wooyoung smiles to himself, remembering back to when Seonghwa had been shy seeing Hongjoong the last time they visited the beach house, now finding happiness in knowing that his two friends were finally together. But, Wooyoung also thinks about how he had been just friends with San the last time too, oblivious to feelings that had somehow remained dormant until a drunken kiss led their friendship astray. Wooyoung squeezes San's hand, swallowing the rushing feelings associated with the flood of memories that come to the front, trying his best to remain present in the moment and not to linger in the past.

"Ready?" San asks their two friends, watching as their eyes meet their gaze. Seonghwa smiles at them, leaning away from Hongjoong.

"Yeah. Let's get outta town." Seonghwa says happily, hand tangled with Hongjoong's lovingly. Wooyoung smiles at both of them, following San out of the lobby's main doors and towards the parking garage. Hongjoong and Seonghwa walked behind them the entire way, mumbling about something to one another as they trek over the pavement and into the concrete building. San's eyes trail over the cars as they walk through the garage, counting the parking spaces until they walk up towards the next level, spotting San's familiar black SUV in a different spot than before. San reaches into his pocket and grabs his keys, unlocking his car and pressing a button on his keyfob, all four males watching as the trunk automatically starts opening. Wooyoung lets go of San's hand, heading towards the passenger door without argument or protest, handing his bag off to San as the male sets both bags down in the trunk. San takes Seonghwa and Hongjoong's luggage as well, setting it down carefully next to his own.

"Are you excited, Young'ah?" Seonghwa asks as they all settle into their seats, clicking on their seatbelts.

"Probably way more than I should be. Feels good to get away from everything again."

"Hwa told me about what happened, Wooyoung. You sure you're okay?" Hongjoong asks quietly just as San opens the driver door and settles inside. Wooyoung turns around to face his friends in the backseat, a smile crossing his lips.

"I'm okay. Things are better. I promise."

"Let's get moving then, huh?" Hongjoong smiles back at Wooyoung as the younger turns back around in his seat, elbow leaning on the center council. San eyes Wooyoung for a moment before starting the engine, placing his car into drive, and pulling out of his parking space.

"Young'ah?" San asks quietly, turning the car to the right, then to the left, beginning to pull out of the building.

"What?"

"Can you text Mingi and let him know that we'll be there in about two hours?"

"Mhm." Wooyoung reaches for his phone that was now resting in the cupholder, swiping it open to pull his text messages up.

We're on the way with Hwa and Joong. Be there in two hours.

"Joong-" Wooyoung turns around, eyeing both of them for a moment. "Actually, this question can be for both of you."

"What?" Seonghwa asks, looking away from his phone.

"Do you think Yunho and Mingi have feelings for each other?"

"Oh my god, Woo-" San groans, glancing in the overhead mirror to eye his friends to gauge their reaction before looking back towards the road.

"Where is this coming from?" Hongjoong muses, a smile spreading across his lips. Seonghwa looked confused out of his mind, and Wooyoung had to hold back his will to laugh.

"San thinks that they are down bad for one another. He thinks that they remind him of how he and I used to be."

"That's. . . fair." Seonghwa's expression shifts into something else, something Wooyoung can't place. "I can see that."

"Really?" Wooyoung's face lights up with excitement and curiosity as to why, but Seonghwa just smiles at him and glances out of the window.

"I mean. . . look how we all ended up." Seonghwa shrugs. "Plus. . . Yunho has told me a thing or two, but I don't wanna spill his secrets if he doesn't want me to."

"You've known this entire time and never bothered to tell anyone?" Wooyoung deadpans, excitement falling into boredom.

"It's not my place!" Seonghwa defends, earning a groan from nearly everyone in the car. Seonghwa turns to Hongjoong, almost a bit baffled, but Hongjoong shrugs at him and looks away. "What?!"

"I figured you would've at least told me of all people." Hongjoong admits, and Wooyoung nods in agreement.

"Tell me a little bit of it and then we can drop the conversation." Wooyoung pleads, feeling San's hand reach over and smack his thigh. "What, San'ah?! You wanted to know this shit too!"

"Doesn't mean Seonghwa should be the one to tell Yunho's secrets. Ask him yourself." San continues driving, hand lingering on Wooyoung's thigh as he soothes the skin he had just slapped playfully.

"Hwa." Wooyoung turns to face him again, jutting out his bottom lip. "Please."

"Fine, fine." Seonghwa huffs, leaning back into the press of his seat. "He just told me, like a month ago, that he liked someone. But he never said who. So, really, it could be anyone. But I have a feeling it's not just anyone, I think it's Mingi. They're probably as close as you and San are, so who knows?"

"That's enough to satisfy me." Wooyoung's brows pinch, a statement lingering on the edge of his tongue.

"What?" Seonghwa presses, clearly invested in the younger's train of thought.

"I just- I don't know. Yunho isn't the secretive type. It kind of surprises me that he would keep something like that a secret from any of us. Especially from San."

"Probably just never got around to telling him." Hongjoong mentions quietly. "There's been a lot of chaos between all of us lately, so he probably didn't want to interject his own issues."

"Fair." Wooyoung nods, then freezes, looking at Hongjoong. "Wait. What do you mean by chaos?"

"Yeosang and Jongho. . ." Hongjoong raises a brow. "What? Do you not know?"

"N-No?" Wooyoung glances between Hongjoong and Seonghwa equally, shoulders growing tense as the tension rises within San's SUV. "Last I heard, Yeosang said he wanted to avoid Jongho for a little bit. Did something else happen?"

"Well," Hongjoong sighs. "They got into an argument again because Yeosang went out for drinks with Seonghwa and I. Yeosang packed a bag and stayed with one of his friends, I think? Soobin?"

"Oh god." Wooyoung settles into his seat, tugging on his seatbelt gently to keep it from digging into his skin. "Is he alright? Is he even coming this weekend?"

"As far as I know. He said he was going to uber down or something. Jongho hasn't said but two words to me since." Hongjoong grabs his phone, unlocking it, thumbs swiping away until he finds his text messages. "Last I heard from Jongho separately about anything was two weeks ago. Otherwise. . . nothing."

"Me either." Seonghwa drawls quietly, sharing a glance with Wooyoung. "He better not have hurt Yeosang."

"Yeosang didn't text me." Wooyoung says sadly, brows pinching together. San grasps his thigh tighter, trying to wordlessly reassure him due to the tuned emotion settled in his voice.

"It happened after your breakdown, Woo. I think he didn't want to overwhelm you." Seonghwa insists quietly, but barely sees a change in Wooyoung's expression. "I think he would've told you otherwise. You know he loves you dearly."

"I've been trying to be a better friend to him, so it just stings a bit. But I understand, I guess. Maybe I'll talk to him when I see him." Wooyoung shrugs, trying to make light of the situation as best as he could, even if he felt a little let down.

"Let him come to you about it, though." Hongjoong mentions, watching Wooyoung begin to turn around in his seat. Wooyoung pauses, glancing at the elder, eyes narrowing slightly.

"Why?"

"Just, trust me. Don't corner him about it. It's not easy for him to talk about."

"Okay." Wooyoung nods at Hongjoong slightly, turning back around fully in his seat. San taps his thigh worriedly, shooting a glance towards his partner, watching as Wooyoung looks back at him.

"It's alright. He didn't do it out of spite, Young'ah." San mutters, thumb brushing the fabric of Wooyoung's jeans on his thigh.

"I'm not saying that." Wooyoung sighs, both of his hands moving down to toy with the elder's fingers that rest on his thigh. "I don't know what I'm saying. Just ignore me."

"Jagi." San coos quietly, earning Wooyoung's gaze to immediately snap towards him. Wooyoung's hands were still on top of the elder's, three of his fingers mingled between San's. "Don't feel that way. Just talk to him about it, okay?"

Wooyoung eyes San for a moment, searching his side profile for a sense of hope, and instead chooses to believe his friends and boyfriend, hoping that Yeosang would confide in him eventually. Afterall, it was Yeosang's story to tell on his terms, and Wooyoung would just have to be patient. San's fingers pinch together slightly, squeezing Wooyoung's, turning over to slot their hands together. Wooyoung rested in the passenger seat, feeling San's thumb drag across his skin soothingly, and Wooyoung allowed himself to melt into the feeling of it. His mind, stirred crazy by chaotic anxious thoughts he can barely control, simmers into a state of numb peace. He listens to the music tumble through the car's speakers, head tilting into the headrest as he gazes out of the window, watching each building and every car pass without a lingering thought.

Wooyoung's eyes watch as the familiar beach house comes into view, a sandy paved driveway nearly empty as he spots Yunho's SUV parked near the house. Large bay windows reflect the sun and the view ahead of them, curtains hung open to allow in full light. Wooyoung takes a breath, feeling a familiar sink of dread settle into his pores, forming a crater in the pit of his stomach, leaving anxiety to tingle through his bones. San, still holding onto his hand, feels the sudden tension strain through the younger's grip, and as he pulls into the drive and parks the car, his gaze immediately turns to Wooyoung and watches him, waiting for words or something.

Seonghwa and Hongjoong unbuckle their seatbelts, nearly about to get out of the car before hesitating, now realizing that something was wrong. Wooyoung just sits there, gaze glued to the front door, unable to move away.

"Woo?" Seonghwa leans forward, hand reaching between the seat and car door, landing on the younger's shoulder. "You okay?"

Wooyoung squeezes San's hand tighter, eyes searching the frame and windows of the home, feeling words linger in his throat, unable to climb over his tongue.

"Can you guys give us a minute?" San turns around to face their friends, his free hand reaching to turn off the engine and press the trunk button on the dash. Seonghwa nods, opening his door and exiting the SUV with Hongjoong following suit. The minute the doors slam closed again, Wooyoung seems to snap out of his trance, eyes shakily searching for composure until they land on San's worried gaze. "Hey, jagi. Do you wanna tell me what you're thinking?"

Wooyoung takes a sharp breath inwards, listening to Seonghwa and Hongjoong grab their luggage and quickly move away, walking towards the front door with worried gazes turning back towards the SUV. Wooyoung watches them for a moment, gaze suddenly snapping down towards the gearshift of the car, feeling tears build within his eyes.

"Please tell me what I can do for you. I wanna help you, Woo."

"Just. . ." Wooyoung lets go of San's hand, unbuckling his seatbelt, voice shaky. "Hug me. Please."

San unbuckles his seatbelt, leaning over the middle of his car, engulfing Wooyoung in the tightest hug he possibly could. Wooyoung searches for the crook of the elder's neck, eyes closing with tears bridging over, doing his best to keep himself calm.

The memory hurt. He hated who he was here months ago, drunk and inebriated, unable to control himself and his impulses, acting on a whim like a drunken idiot. He still remembered her name and her hands, and how disgustingly sweet her voice was tuned as she attempted to seduce him into sleeping with her. He hated that she got as far as touching him the way she did, and how he nearly did nothing to stop her when she made her initial advances. If only he would've drank less and clung to his friends like a blanket. If, if, if.

He wants to change the past, but then suddenly realizes that without that drunken kiss, he wouldn't have San the way he does now. He wouldn't be a fool in love, and he wouldn't be planning to move into an apartment with him and him alone. He isn't sure where to place his heart; a place of turmoil or a place of happiness. So he clings to somewhere in between, struggling to remain complacent as the binds from each pull his heart in opposite directions.

"You're okay, jagi." San coos quietly, hand soothing drags along the younger's spine. "She isn't here. It's just us. It's just the people who love and cherish you the most. There's no party. Just a pool and a nearly-empty house. I'm here, and I'm not gonna leave you alone. You'll never be alone like that again."

Wooyoung's breath catches in his throat when he realizes how awful San must've felt that night, too. Wooyoung was alone, not that it was anyone's fault but his own, but something tuned in San's voice told him everything he needed to know. San did feel guilty about not being there with him, leaving him stumbling about the beach house with no one watching over him to protect him. Hongjoong had to go and find him to tell San where he was, and when San had finally found him, he watched some random woman grope his best friend while he was zoned out and on the verge of passing out. Wooyoung remembers seeing San's eyes that night. He's never seen him so angry, let alone so possessive and driven with worry laced in his voice. Wooyoung was too drunk to think too far into it that night, but had he been sober, he might've just realized how much San truly loved him then.

"I'm okay." Wooyoung breathes out, swallowing his tears as he carefully leans away. "Can. . . can I ask you something?"

"Ask away." San assures kindly, looking at Wooyoung worriedly.

"Do you feel guilty about that night?" Wooyoung reaches to move a strand of hair behind his ear, tucking it quickly, hand falling back to his lap. "T-The night we kissed when we were here last. Did you? Or. . . do you still?"

"Wooyoung-" San's expression grows soft, almost sadder.

"I'm sorry, it was a stupid question. I shouldn't be bringing up past pain and shit, I'm sorry-"

"Hey, hey." San reaches over, his right hand reaching for Wooyoung's shoulder. "It's okay. To answer you honestly, I did. For a while, I really hated myself for abandoning you in the middle of the night to do shots with Mingi. But I don't feel like that anymore. It's the past and I tend not to dwell in the past, Woo, so I've chosen to forgive myself for it. Everything was okay in the end, but I was just really concerned about you at the time."

Wooyoung's gaze travels to his hands, head tilting down as he feels a familiar sense of guilt wrap through his chest. "I don't wanna worry you. Makes me feel bad."

"Jagiya." San's other hand moves to gently wrap onto Wooyoung's other shoulder, gently shaking his body to stir his attention back upwards, and Wooyoung does exactly that. "I loved you then, and I love you now. My worry for you is never going to change. Especially now. If you don't want to go into that house, we don't have to."

"No, no-" Wooyoung looks at San adamantly, sniffling for a moment, trying his best to clear his mind. "I have to. I've gotta- I have to prove it to myself. I have to face it head on and prove to myself that I'm better than that. She can't control me like that anymore and my addiction can't either. I've gotta just go inside and go find the couch and-and-"

Wooyoung was crying. He isn't sure where he started crying within his words, but now his breath was hitching and tears were leaking from his eyes embarrassingly, shrinking in on himself within the passenger seat. San frowns, heart aching at the sight of him, reaching back over the center of his SUV to pull the younger male towards him into another hug. "Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

Wooyoung is so grateful for San. He lets himself cry it out, everything and anything that he can. He's been pent up and hiding everything from drinking behind his boyfriend's back, losing his job temporarily, all of the change and all of the stress; and now facing a horrible memory with an unforgettable face with uncomfortable actions. He thought he would've moved on by now. He thought for sure that most of this pain would've been behind him and had long since healed, but he was wrong. Wooyoung held his hands to his face, leaned into San's shoulder as he stammered versions of I'm sorry and I'm fine, it's okay over and over again. San still refused to let go of him.

"You know-" San starts quietly, running a hand through the back of Wooyoung's hair. "The day after we kissed, I had a lot of anxiety, too."

Wooyoung's cries quiet for a moment, and San could tell that the younger was listening as best as he could. "I was worried that you wouldn't remember and would regret it the moment you did remember. Then, I noticed the distance between us and how awkward everything felt, so I stayed quiet. I dealt with it alone."

San feels Wooyoung's head tilt slightly, face turning towards his neck, hands lowering away from his eyes. "It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I was burying my emotions and forcing myself to forget what had happened. But, trying to convince myself to not love you was the one thing I was never able to do."

"But the kiss-?"

"But nothing, Wooyoung." San holds him closer, tighter. "The moment you kissed me in that bar, it all came flooding back like a raging hurricane. That's why I isolated myself in my room back then. I needed to think and feel everything that came to the forefront. I needed to know where my heart was in all of this, but then I realized that it never left where it was. I was still in love with you, and I had been for a long time. No matter how much you pushed and pulled, Young'ah, my heart never turned astray."

"Why're you telling me this?" Wooyoung sniffles, cries turning silent.

"Because thinking about the time before we got together hurts me. There was a lot of resentment and unrequited feelings, and I went through all of that by myself because I didn't know who I could tell. I couldn't tell you, obviously, so I really just dealt with it alone. I don't want you to ever do what I did. It's painful, and it fucking hurts, and I'm scared that you're going to do that because you don't want me to worry."

Wooyoung is silent, tears finally drying, listening devotedly.

"I'm right here, and I'm always going to be right here. Make me worry. Make me happy. I don't care. As long as you're okay and you're safe, I don't care. I just want to help you, so if you want to face this memory head-on, then let's do it. But let's do it together."

Wooyoung leans away, eyes watery and red, but a smile gently curled on the edges of his lips just barely. San reaches a hand up, thumb moving to wipe away tear stains on his reddened cheeks, brushing hair out of his face while he dotes on the younger. Wooyoung looks at him adoringly, silently pleading with some sort of thankful gaze that makes San's heart want to burst.

"Together?" Wooyoung settles in a question, leaning into San's palm, head slightly tilting.

San nods, affirming his statement quietly. "Together."

"Let's go inside then." Wooyoung breathes softly, finally in a calm state, eyes red but with no lingering tears. San smiles at him, thumb stroking his cheek gently.

"Whatever you want." San leans over the center of the car one final time, capturing Wooyoung's lips in a kiss. Wooyoung smiles against him, and San feels relief coat his skin at knowing that the younger felt some sort of peace, that he at least felt a little better. Wooyoung parts away from him, sniffling one more time.

"Thank you for being patient with me." Wooyoung murmurs. "I love you."

"I love you." San says sweetly, leaning away and back into his seat comfortably. Wooyoung wipes any remnants of tears off of his cheeks, taking a breath before placing his hand on the door and swinging it open, no longer hesitating on stepping outside. San follows suit, eyes gazing upwards as he notices Seonghwa and Yunho standing outside worriedly, but he gives them a thumbs up and waves them off, trying to reassure them that everything is okay.

The trunk was still open as Wooyoung rounded the side of the SUV, reaching in to grab his bag and San's. San rounds the corner, looking up at his trunk and pressing a button on the underside, watching his tail lights flash before the trunk door begins to automatically close. Wooyoung takes a few steps back, watching amusingly, even though he's seen San's SUV do this same thing at least ten times.

"Here," San mutters, grabbing a hold of both of their bags, slinging his bag onto his shoulder and holding Wooyoung's in his left hand, holding out his right hand after tucking away his keys and locking his car. Wooyoung smiles at him weakly, and San could tell that he was doing his best to be strong. Wooyoung laces their fingers together, glancing at the front of the home again, taking a deep breath and walking forward, feeling San follow him closely.

"Woo!" Mingi says excitedly as he opens the front door, smiling at the pair when they trudge closer. Wooyoung smiles back, masking his emotions perfectly, letting go of San's hand briefly to reach his arms upwards to engulf his friend in a hug. Mingi doesn't try to fight the hug this time, Wooyoung notes, thinking back to how he struggled against the younger the last time they were here.

"Hi Mingi'ah." Wooyoung hums, leaning away with a smile curved on his lips. "Where's Yunho?"

"He's with Hongjoong and Seonghwa by the pool. Everyone seems a bit antsy to get in the pool, I guess." Mingi huffs with a slight laugh, and Wooyoung nods, giggling quietly.

"Well, it's warmer out here than back at home, so I can imagine why." Wooyoung steps to the side to let San into the home, listening to him close the door behind them.

"I just wanna warn you," Mingi points behind him, half towards the kitchen. "There is a bunch of alcohol in the fridge. There's no food in there. So if you want to avoid looking at it, don't open the fridge."

"Thank you for warning me." Wooyoung pats Mingi's shoulder, strolling further inside after kicking his shoes off. Mingi watches him walk away before turning around to mumble something towards San. Wooyoung continues to stride further inside, eyes glancing around the familiar home, noticing that barely anything has changed.

His gaze rakes over familiar pictures and rugs, recognizing certain decorations and pillows before his eyes cross over a familiar beige couch. His breath catches in his throat, steps pausing, hesitating in the middle of the home. He can faintly hear San and Mingi talking behind him, but all of his thoughts travel towards the memory of what happened near the back of the couch with his palms leaned against it, breaths heavy and eyes lidded, barely coherent enough to remember his name. But he swallows, taking a breath, walking closer to the couch as his hand reaches to touch the fabric of the sofa, feeling the soft material glide under his fingertips.

He reaches the spot on the couch, standing still, eyes looking over the material of the furniture, taking a moment to feel whatever demanded to be felt. He was angry, sad, anxious and somehow relieved. There was a sense of peace in being here, most likely from trying to heal from haunting memories that seemingly still had a hold of him intrusively.

Two careful arms wrap around his waist timidly and Wooyoung's breath hitches.

"I'm here." San murmurs softly, giving Wooyoung the chance to pull away from his hold if he wanted to, but Wooyoung leans back into him, pressing closer. Wooyoung's gaze was glued to the couch, hand still placed upon the back ledge of it, fingers grazing over the material in a transfixed fashion. Wooyoung doesn't feel the need to cry, nor does he want to, but he feels something sink within his stomach.

"She's not allowed to have this power over me anymore." Wooyoung mumbles, fingers curling into the couch.

"You're right. She's not." San responds quietly, pressing two kisses into Wooyoung's hair.

"I'm never gonna see her again, right?"

"Right." San affirms, reaching his hand up to grab onto Wooyoung's, pulling it away from the couch. "Do you think you need to hold onto the memory still? Or are you ready to let it go?"

"I want to let it go." Wooyoung sighs, leaning further into San's hold on him. "It might take some more time while we're here, but. . . I'm ready to move on from it."

"That's okay. You don't have to rush healing from a memory like that." San says quietly, arms holding him a little tighter.

"It'll go away." Wooyoung says almost matter-of-factly, hands grabbing onto San's. "It has to."

"With time, jagi." San reminds gently, leaning down to kiss the skin on Wooyoung's neck.

Wooyoung knew it might take longer than the few days that they were at the beach house, but even just standing here and confronting the space head-on felt better; he felt lighter. He might not ever fully get over it, but he knew he could minimize the impact of that night, letting what felt like a surging storm simmer down into a gentle drizzle, allowing him the time to let it evaporate from his mind completely. Wooyoung finds himself thankful for San again, eyes blinking away from the couch as he pulls away from San's hold carefully, giving the sofa one last glance before turning around. San watches curiously, but says nothing.

"I wanna go swimming." Wooyoung says, watching San's eyes light up excitedly.

"Feel okay enough to do that?"

"Yeah." Wooyoung smiles at him, just barely, but enough to convince himself of an assurance he so desperately needed. "I wanna make new memories here."

San grabs his hand and motions for the bedrooms with his free hand. "Let's go change then."

Barely five minutes later, Wooyoung and San head outside, towels in hand.

"Coming in?" Seonghwa asks, turning around in waist-deep water, hair slightly wet with Hongjoong lingering behind him.

"Yeah." Wooyoung replies, finding the next open chair and tossing his towel down. He was just in his swimming shorts, leaving his shirt behind within his bedroom as he moved towards the pool steps. San tosses his towel down too, moving to sit on the edge of the pool, feet dangling in the chlorinated water. The water was warmer than Wooyoung anticipated, so he walked right in, settling into the temperature easily, sinking down to his torso as the water threatened to cover his shoulders.

"Heard from Yeosang yet?" Hongjoong asks Wooyoung quietly, and Wooyoung shakes his head.

"No. Have any of you?"

"No." Seonghwa sighs. "I'm kind of worried that they're not coming now."

"Don't think like that." Hongjoong assures, wrapping his arms around Seonghwa's middle.

"He texted Mingi awhile ago, I think." Yunho interrupts from his chair, sitting just behind San. Wooyoung's head swivels to face Yunho, blinking twice before allowing the sting of his supposed best friend avoid him for what felt like the second time.

"Mingi!" Wooyoung turns around again, spotting the elder about to head back inside. Mingi pauses, looking directly at the group settled in and around the pool, eyebrow raised. "What did Yeosang text you about?"

"Just said that he'd be here in an hour." Mingi opens the door and walks inside without another word, leaving Wooyoung to groan.

"Why does he always leave a conversation before it's over?" Wooyoung turns around again, facing Yunho and San.

"He's Mingi." San laughs quietly. "Do you really need another answer?"

"You're right." Wooyoung wades over to San, hands finding the elder's knees as he looks up at him. "You should come in the pool now."

"Should I?" San teases lightly, and Wooyoung nods his head almost immediately. "Fine, fine."

Wooyoung takes a few steps backwards, watching as San lowers himself into the water without a wince. Wooyoung basically attaches himself to San like a koala, slinging his arms around the elder's neck and his legs wrapped around his lower back, face pressed to the crook of his neck with muffled giggles. San rolls his eyes playfully, hands grasping the underside of Wooyoung's thighs as he sinks down into the water a little deeper, only in an attempt to keep Wooyoung from getting cold from the slight breeze.

San continues to hold Wooyoung on his lap as he kneels down into the water, watching as the younger leans away, head turning towards Seonghwa to laugh at something the elder had said. San simply admires him, smiling, finding relief in the fact that Wooyoung seemed to be okay. He would do anything to take his pain and his memories of that night away, hoping that Wooyoung would be able to revisit the good things about that night rather than the bad. Wooyoung was always the type to think about something for days on end, and San really wished he could take Wooyoung's anxiety away. He was truly a bundle of anxiety, always worrying about his next bill, what was for dinner, and if San was going to pack up and leave. San reassured for months on end that he would never dream of it, and even though Wooyoung seemed to understand, he knew that the male let the thought linger in the back of his mind.

So he holds him a little tighter, listening as Seonghwa and Hongjoong start laughing about something else with Yunho. Wooyoung's head tilts back to face San, smiling, nose slightly scrunched with a faded hum. San didn't care if his friends were around, not that they'd particularly mind anyway, but he just wanted to pretend that there was no one else around right now. Wooyoung was looking at him so sweetly, so full of love and life and San just wanted to squeeze him with some sort of love-aggression. He really, truly loved him with every fiber of his being. He wasn't sure if love was a strong enough word when he felt like this.

Wooyoung was going through a lot, and it seemed like the universe had it out for him, but even still, Wooyoung chose to try and be happy for San. Wooyoung was stronger than he'd ever admit, and San would do his best to remind him every minute he could, kissing away his doubts and breathing in his air, leaving no room for the male to feel unloved.

So, he presses a kiss to Wooyoung's lips and attempts to pull away, but Wooyoung chases after his lips, deepening the kiss without hesitance. San's hand leaves one of Wooyoung's thighs, reaching up to just barely grasp the underside of the male's jaw, letting Wooyoung lick into his mouth with a content sigh melting between them. San could hear Hongjoong and Seonghwa talking about something, but he really couldn't care anymore. Right now, all he cared about was Wooyoung. His best friend, his boyfriend, the most important being in his life, and most importantly, his soulmate.

Wooyoung smiles against his lips, hips slightly shifting as he feels San take a few steps backwards, colliding with the edge of the pool.

"Woosan." Seonghwa warns. "Take it easy and do not fuck in the pool, please."

"Leave 'em be." Hongjoong laughs, taking Seonghwa's hands and pulling him away towards the opposite edge with a smirk glued to his lips.

"You guys are making me feel so grossly single, right now." Yunho groans, taking a sip out of his open bottle of beer that had been resting next to him.

Wooyoung giggles against San, seemingly unbothered by the conversation happening around them, breaking the kiss to latch onto San's bottom lip and sucking on it. San's head tilts back slightly, swallowing the groan lingering on the edge of his tongue as he lunges forward carefully, pulling Wooyoung back into another kiss, nearly insatiable and unable to pull away from the younger. Wooyoung leans away, hand curling into San's hair, lips moving to place gentle kisses along San's cheek and jaw, smiling against his skin when he feels San grip onto his thigh.

"Guys!" Mingi comes racing back outside, beer in hand, door still slid open behind him. Wooyoung breaks away from San, turning his attention towards Mingi as the male faces towards the back door. "I brought someone with me!"

Wooyoung glances at San for a moment, curiosity and worry lingering behind his gaze as he faces towards Mingi, watching as Yeosang walks outside in a black tee and swimming shorts, phone in hand.

"Yeosang!" Seonghwa exclaims happily, leaning away from Hongjoong.

Wooyoung turns to glance at San again, watching the elder meet his gaze easily. Wooyoung isn't sure why he's so nervous, especially when it was one of his best friends that had just arrived. He should be happy, should be more than elated to have Yeosang here, but all he feels is a wave of timid nerves.

"It's okay." San mumbles, seeing right through Wooyoung without hesitance. Wooyoung takes a breath, fingers toying with San's hair. San leans forward, pressing gentle kisses to Wooyoung's cheeks and jaw, then to his chin and corners of his lips, doing his best to reassure the male when he sees a flash of sadness cross over his expression.

"I've gotta talk to him about it. Don't I?" Wooyoung murmurs, and San leans away just to nod.

"It's best if you do. But you don't have to right now." San pulls Wooyoung's hips closer, nearly flush to his own, jaw tilting upwards to graze his lips across Wooyoung's. "Besides. I'd rather keep kissing you right now."

Wooyoung smiles at him, pressing a soft kiss to the male's upper lip. "That's fine. I'm okay with that."

San hums happily, connecting their lips again, listening as Seonghwa and Hongjoong start talking with Yeosang and Mingi about something they both could barely make out. Wooyoung keeps kissing into San, allowing the tension to melt beneath his skin, feeling relief flood his veins in a wash of peace. It was so easy to let all of his emotions drift away with San, especially when the elder was holding him and kissing him like this, leaving no room for thoughts or tantalizing memories. But, at the very faint mention of Wooyoung's name, Wooyoung pulls away from San, head turning towards the group, making very brief eye contact with Yeosang. San continues to kiss his jaw and neck very gently, but Wooyoung feels his heart thump against his chest.

As much as he didn't want to have this conversation right now as he dealt with his own traumatizing memories, he knew he couldn't fully relax without getting rid of the elephant from the room. So, he turns towards San again, kissing him once, then twice.

"I'm gonna go handle it." Wooyoung says sadly, but San just smiles at him softly.

"Okay. I'll be right here when you get back."

"I'll make it fast," Wooyoung smiles back, sliding out of San's lap, arms leaving the elder's shoulders. "Because I'm not done with you yet."

San watches as Wooyoung begins to turn around, but he reaches for the male's wrist, fingers wrapping around him gently. "Hey."

Wooyoung turns to face him, feeling San tug him closer again, skin flushing at the rush of it.

"I love you." San says quietly and Wooyoung preens.

"I love you most." Wooyoung replies, hand reaching up to grab San's chin and jaw, melting into one more kiss before walking away. San leans back down into the water with a sigh, letting go of whatever nerves pulled at his heart. He knew that Wooyoung would be alright, but with all of his memories flooding back like they were, he couldn't help but worry.

Wooyoung walks towards the pool steps, close to where Seonghwa and Hongjoong were resting within the pool, hand reaching for the railing as he looks up at Yeosang and Mingi.

"Yeosang-" Wooyoung takes a breath, suddenly interrupting whatever conversation the four had been having. "Can we go talk?"