ּ  ִ ۫   ˑ ֗ 𓏲˖ 𑁍 ࣪ ִ ۫ ּ  ִ ۫   ˑ ֗
࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ ✩◿𝓒𝓑◸ 🂱 ࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ
CHAPTER NINETY TWO—
the broken penis and shark vagina.

"Have fun." Zane spoke to his daughter as he dropped her at the LaRuaso house, taking Cedric from her lap. "Wish me luck while I try to get him go accept a hair cut."

She gave her a half grin. "I will."

"Hey." Zane pushed her head. "What's the matter with you today? You didn't even wanna sing to Taylor on the way over here? It was even Taylors Version."

"Nothing." she had to smile at how hard her Dad tried, she wished she'd noticed it. "I'm just tired from being up late with Sam on the hotline."

"It's a good thing what the two of you are doing." he rubbed the back of her head. "Anything else?"

Alaska huffed as she leaned back in the seat with an annoyed look. "I'm sick of people."

"Me too." he agreed. "What people are you sick of?"

"Terry Silver and his stupid kids." she rolled her eyes. "I wanna cut their tongues out so they'll stop spreading so many rumors about me. I literally walked into the store just to get some pineapple juice and these stupid woman were talking about me so loud. Everyone thinks i'm using again."

She didn't tell him that they all were blaming it partly on him, considering the entire Valley truly knew what business Zane was in. But, they were smart. The only reason he hadn't been busted was because no one could prove it.

"Assholes." Zane agreed with her. "I'll do the tongue cutting."

"Yeah." Alaska smiled in agreement as he rubbed the top of her head again. "You gonna pick me up?"

"Eli's not gonna drive you home?" he offered, getting a questionable look. "Eli's not gonna drive you home. Nope, i'll be here."

She leaned over to kiss his cheek and rub Cedric's head. "Good luck at the groomers."

"I'll need it!" he called as she got out, watching her Dad speed down the road again before she headed through the gate.

"Hey." Robby spoke up as he walked behind her, also just showing up. "Was that your Dad?"

"Yeah, did you walk?" she hadn't noticed a car nearby.

"Yeah, I had to go get something from my apartment to take to my Dads." he pushed the gate open for her to walk through first. "Did they tell you that-"

"Yeah." Alaska smiled. "I'm glad you're back in the dojo, Robby. I realized we've never actually been on the same team."

"Maybe that's what's been missing." he shrugged just slightly.

"Maybe." she smiled, feelings eyes burning on her as they were welcomed into the public eye. Sam and Anthony were the closed ones to her, Sam immediately welcoming Robby back while Alaska noticed Anthony had been fidgeting with his thumb. "What happened to your thumb?"

"A paper cut." he shook his head.

"Ouch." she grabbed his wrist and pulled a bandaid from the leggings pocket, wrapping it up from him. Sam and Robby both shared a similar and comical look.

"Alaska!" Eli's voice caught her attention, looking at the other side of the yard as he waved her over. She liked that he'd finally had his hair long enough to get a tiny mohawk going on, though she'd been questioning about how it would look. He said he'd been inspired by her recently cut bangs to finally try to bring it back

"Ah, my lover." she announced in a terrible british accent, heading over. "You look so cute in yellow."

"Yeah?" he looked down at his attire with a little grin. "What'd Robby have to say?"

"Here we go." Demetri braced himself from the other side of Wyatt.

"Nothing, just about the dojo." she shrugged in response. "What were you and the boys talking about? Which one of them you'd date if we weren't together?"

"What?" he gaped at her as Miguel busted out laughed.

"What? That is what guys talk about right? You obviously weren't talking about Robby happening to walk in at the same time as me." she said back dramatically with a harsh shrug. "So? Who is it? Miguel? Demetri? Wy? Maybe even Penis Breath?"

"You know, we had a similar conversation at the vow renewal and Sam was convinced the two of you would have ended up together." Miguel gave an odd look as he nodded. "Is this really what comes to girls minds?"

"I don't know, does it come to your mind who you'd date if you and Sam hadn't gotten together?" she gave a questionable look. "Because Wyatt and I think that you and Eli would have probably got together."

"Oh my god, why is this even becoming a subject topic?" Eli cut in as Wyatt kept laughing. "Change the subject."

"Right, sure." Alaska cleared her throat as she shook her head. "Did you know that even though there's no actual bone in the penis, it's still possible to break them?"

"Holy shit, why is this the new subject?" Demetri yelled as his eyes went wide.

"Is that true?" Eli's face flooded with panic as he grabbed Alaskas shoulders. "Al, is that for real or are you making it up?"

"There's not an actual bone in the penis?" Miguel's face fell. "Where does the word Boner come from then?"

"I think because it feels that way." Wyatt nodded his head with frowned eyebrows. "Same thing when people say rock hard. There's not actually rocks, like a metaphor."

"Never heard that one in english class before." Demetri gave a point of his finger.

"Can it still really break without a bone?" Eli shook Alaskas shoulders to get a final answer from her, she nodded her head and broke the news. "I have a new fear. Why would you tell me that?"

"You're the one that asked to change the conversation." she tossed her hands up. "What did you want me to talk about?"

"I didn't think you'd start spitting facts about the penis, Alaska." Eli gaped at her. "I'll never ask you to change the subject again."

"You just can't handle." she shrugged and grinned as he rolled his eyes. "Wait until you learn about how a vagina and a shark have a lot more in common then you think."

"What!" all four of the boys yelled at once.

Chozen yelled for them all to line up.

"So, where are my Dad and Johnny?" Sam looked, moving over some for Alaska to stand next to her.

"Not here." he said back. "Today, you train with me. Attention!"

They all stood up straighter. Chozen gave them a phrase in Japanese, everyone glanced at each other. He exhaled with a disappointed look. "Bow."

"Cobra Kai gaining ground. We must prepare. Come."

"This is gonna be badass. Check out that throwing knife." Assface whispered to Chris as they all gapped at Chozens choice of weapons.

Sam yawned as Alaska looked over. "Tired still?"

"So tired." she agreed.

"What were you guys doing all night?" Demetri dramatically leaned his head between the two. "Deciding who i'd end up with if Wyatt and I didn't get together."

"No, we agreed you and Robby would have dated way before last night." Sam said back as Alaska tried to silently laugh.

"Now, we learn about Yanbaru Kuina." Chozen explained to the group.

"What is that? Like, some top-secret karate move?" Chris smiled widely. "Like a throat rip?"

"No. It is bird." Chozen corrected him. "In English called Okinawa rail. Endangered. Cannot fly."

"Hence, endangered." Demetri rocked on his heels.

Chozen pulled out a dozen eggs and removed the cloth from them. Alaska held her hand out as he handed her one, then another as she passed one to Eli. Miguel held his in his hand. "So these are the rail eggs?"

"No. Trader Joe. 3.29." Chosen shook his head.

"When?" Alaska spoke up loudly.

"When?" Chozen gave an odd look.

"When did you get the eggs?" she explained in.

"This morning." he told her back.

"Did you happen to see a sale on the avocados?" she gave him a hopeful look with raised eyebrows.

"Alaska, are you really asking about avocados?" Wyatt whispered.

"They over price when not in season." she shrugged.

"Yes, big sale." he smiled again.

Alaska gave Eli a hopeful look as he huffed. "I hate driving to Trader Joe's, crossing over into the highway is insane."

"Yeah, but buying already made guac is terrible." she wrapped her arms around one of his and gave a very dramatic and overly affectionate side hug.

"So, what do we do with them?" Sam brought the conversation back to the eggs.

"Yanbaru Kuina must protect egg." Chozen went on as an explanation. "From Kume Shima habu. Poison snake. Protect egg like Yanbaru Kuina. You must do same."

He turned the hourglass upside down. "Begin your preparation."

"What are we protecting them from?" Robby gave a questionable look.

"Me." Chosen pointed as He waved his set of weapons around with a yell. "Go! Go!"

They all spread out quickly. Alaska put her egg in her sports bra before she resulted into climbing the dojo. She'd done it once before at a sleep over with her and Sam, back when they were still training for the All Valley. She pulled on the top to get herself up, sitting on the edge with a deep breath. She removed the egg from her bra. "Let's see how much shit they wanna talk about being a mom now, am I right?"

She watched Chozen from up high as he took multiple people out, killing their eggs and forcing them to huddle together. Alaska tried not to laugh when her boys were caught and forced to huddle up together. She hid her feet when Chozen walked by and through the dojo, thinking she'd been safe. Alaska screamed loudly when the throwing knife cut through the ceiling and hit the bottom of the egg, spilling yoke all over her.

"Smart." Chozen walked out to look up at her again. "Not smart enough. Can climb, never high enough."

Alaska slung her egg yoke off her and climbed down, walking over to the group with a huff and a puff. Eli rubbed her back. "Don't worry, your egg died a peaceful death."

"Shut it." she threatened him. "I'll break your penis."

Robby headed over before he could answer, nodding to Eli. "How'd he take you out?"

"Shut up. Don't talk to me." he glared back at him. Alaska glanced at him, but she couldn't really blame his attitude. Not after what Robby did, but Eli also got off pretty quickly with everyone else after all he'd done too.

"Dude, if this is about the Mohawk, i'm sorry." Robby exhaled, clearly trying to break the clear hatred between them. "But if anybody knows how Cobra Kai can turn you into an asshole, it's you."

"So i'm an asshole?" Eli laughed at him.

"Yeah, well, let's see." Robby pretended to think. "Uh, you attacked me and Sam at the mall. I can't even began to list all the shit you did to your girlfriend even though she let you off the hook multiple times. You-you broke Demetris arm. You trashed this entire dojo."

"Okay, can we not do this right now?" Alaska cut in. "Time and place, and egg war is not the right time or place."

"He started it!" Eli argued.

"Guys! Enough! Enough! All right?" Demetri cut in fast, standing up. "You're all ex-asshoels now. Great. Can we focus on the issue at hand? There is a madman out there using weapons on us."

"Who's even left?" Chris questioned.

"Sam and Miguel." Alaska knew they hadn't been here, because they'd have shut that shit down faster then Demetri had.

Though, it wasn't long before they were both found and forced into the group again. Chozen crouched down. "You are not good Yanbaru Kuina."

He stood up and looked at the teens. "Snakes will take you down one by one. I tried to tell you what you must do. But you do not listen. You must learn to adapt. Or soon, you will be extinct. Take new eggs. Try again."

Sam grabbed the eggs and allowed everyone to take one. "Sensei Toguchi's real cryptic, like Mr.LaRusso, but aggressive like Sensei Lawrence."

"It's like the hardest part of both styles." Chris agreed with his words.

"Can't wait to get our asses kicked again." Mitch clutched the egg in his palm as they all began to spread out.

"Jesus, everyone take some Lavender before you go." Alaska pulled her essential oil from her pockets and took turns putting a couple drops on everyone's wrist.

"I think I have an idea." Anthony whispered to her when it was his turn. "Take my side if they all hate me for it?"

"You got it." she gave him a subtle wink.

"All right, he said that, uh, the snakes will take us down one by one." Anthony explained with a nod. "Right? It-It-Just like he took us down one by one, but...but what if we weren't a bunch of ones? Like, what if we were..."

"Together." Sam finished for him.

"Yeah, exactly." he agreed. "Like, um, a raiding party in Dungeon Lords."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Demetri caught on fast with a smile. "I mean, even if you're a level 85, you can't mount an attack on the grand realm alone."

"Exactly. He needed a team!" Eli nodded. "Everyone has a special role."

Anthony smiled at Alaska as she rubbed his head. "Didn't even need me to defend you."

"You did in spirit." he agreed dramatically. "Sam, go get that bucket hat Alaska got you for the eggs."

"Why'd you get Sam a bucket hat for?" Eli gave a questionable look, picking a piece of egg off her upper thigh.

"It had her name on it. I couldn't pass it up." she shrugged her shoulders.

It didn't take long to put their eggs together, stacked in a bucket hat. Demetri was skeptical. "So, we're sure we want to put all our eggs in one basket? You're specifically not supposed to do that."

"This is gonna work." Anthony spoke, hope in his tone.

Chozens loud whistle echoed as Mitch looked to Chris . "Oh no, oh no. Oh god!"

"Get it together, penis breath." Eli rolled his eyes as they all locked arms tightly.

"Allow the lavender to relax you, Penis Breath." Alaska spoke to him. "Maybe it's the bug theory. More scared of you then you are him."

"I don't think he's scared of anyone at all." Wyatt braced himself as his arms locked tight with Demetri.

"Has anyone seen him yet?" Sam looked around.

His shadow over took their vision.

"Oh shit." Miguel yelled. "Ready!"

Eli caught the bo first, shoving it away as Robby cut in and kicked it away. Miguel ducking under Chozens bo and shoving it forward. Alaska ducked under Miguel's leg when he kicked, giving her access to try and punch Chozen but he shoved her fist away. She resulted to her feet, because they'd been on her about not relying on her wrist as much. She dropped to the floor and slide through his legs, kicking him in the side enough to get a stumble from the unexpected.

"Get the bo!" Migeul called as the group all did so. Chozen ducked under it, sliding across the deck. Sam grunted as she kicked his way, having her blocked before she tried to swing at him. Miguel went to help her, kicking until Sam caught his arm but was shoved away. Chozen knew Alaskas tactic now, she wouldn't get away with being quick and tricking him. She tried to kick at him, but he blocked her. Sam went back to fighting to distract him as Eli and Miguel grabbed Alaska harshly, lifting her high up as both feet hit Chozen right in the shoulders.Robby and Eli shared a look before kicking him on sync after the faint stumble from the kick. They joined the others in guarding Anthony and the eggs.

Chozen stared as he went to charge again, but they all stayed on sync to keep him guarded. He stood up straight. "Snake, concede."

"Dude, it worked!" Eli lifted Anthony off the ground.

Alaska and Sam cheered as they hugged each other, Robby and Miguel adding in.

"This is what we have that Cobra Kai does not." Chozen confirmed, catching his breath. "Their movement mile wide, but only inch deep. But our movement, inch wide, but mile deep. Now that you have learned to work together, I will teach you how to master your defense."

•

kylie speaks

alaska wouldn't be alaska
without her weird and random
facts and that damn lavender
oil.