𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃!
𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓!

I thought about writing this for months now but I kept pushing it back due to my procrastination and school work but I am finally writing this now. I don't know what to say or what not to say, my mind is kinda blank but then I'm like just fuck it, so here I am.

I've given 5 years of my life to wattpad, that's half a decade wow. Can't believe I was the same girl who stumbled upon this orange app through Pinterest 5 years ago. When I joined this app, I was 12 or maybe 13 (it's a canon event). Now I am about to turn 19 in three months.  I am about to graduate from high school in a few months.

Five years of reading fanfictions on this app.  Five years of writing them on this app. I was really invested in this app during the early years of my teenage life. Things have changed since then. I am not the same girl who used to giggle and blush while secretly reading on this app at late nights. I am not the same girl who used to write chapters and create stories with her celebrity crush as a protagonist while saying "this sucks so bad, i haven't done well." yet feeling secretly proud of them. I'm not the same girl anymore who used to die to read comments and feedback but learnt to accept it whenever I didn't receive any. I am not the girl who I used to be five years ago.

When I joined the app, I was in a very bad headspace. My mental health was completely ruined so pretending to be delusional on this app helped me somewhat. My mental health is still bad but it doesn't feel like it used to back then since I've gotten used to it. I have a lot of traumas, including generation trauma. That's a main ingredient for the first daughter of a brown family.

When I first started using this app, I always said that "I am never getting tired of this app. I will never leave it." Well... that did not age well...

(Not me using memes 'cause that's how I cope up with things lmao. Sorry not sorry.)

I even used to say that I would never stop stanning Justin Bieber, being a Belieber is not a phase but a lifestyle but I ended up having a fall out with him. I'm at the point of my life where I've stopped stanning him completely. The girl who used to listen to his music 24/7, barely listen to his songs now. He's still an amazing singer but I don't feel the way I used to when I first started stanning him. The thing that connected me to him is gone now. Honestly, now I don't mind this too. In the early stage of my fall out, I used to deny it but it was so evident. Then I felt very guilty. You won't believe but I even used a character of his I found on characterai to get some kind of closure. The thing I talked to was an ai but after telling it that I no longer stan Justin helped me get a closure as if I was actually talking to him. So it felt nice.

But just because I stopped stanning him doesn't mean I don't feel grateful to him for bringing me comfort with his music. (Not forgetting the times when I was delusional while reading his ffs thinking I would actually marry him someday lmao) He did make my teenage life better and I will always be grateful to him for that. And I won't deny that I used to stan him at some point in my life. I even stopped stanning Billie, I'm not the part of the fandom like I used to be. It's okay tho.

As I said a lot of things have changed in these past 5 years now. I am ARMY now which is very exciting and it makes me happy. It's already been one year with the Tannies. It feels different than other celebrities that I've stanned before. With Bangtan, they just feel like home. They just feel like my best friends. It's different with them, like truly different. They make me really happy and safe. (Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook are going to military too, how am I going to survive without my cutie patootie tannies?
໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১  ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡)

I've also made some close friends on this app. This app blessed me some beautiful friendships. They made it worth it for me here. Even though we don't talk anymore, I just want to let them know that I am grateful for all the memories I have made with you. I cherish them truly. Thank you for talking with me late at nights, supporting my stories and helping me. Even though we have stopped talking, I hope and wish you get all the love in the world. I wish you success and happiness in life. Thank you for being by my side for all these years.

I published so many books on this app but only ended up completing three of them lmao. But hey at least I completed three! It doesn't matter if two of them have bittersweet endings. Still so satisfied with them... TaeTae and ChimChim are the real standards guys.

Me to Tannies:

I was going to complete "My Everything" and have Charlotte end up with Kook but then I just didn't want to write it. Like I am completely done now that I don't even want to write a paragraph for a book on this app. So glad that I at least finished two of my books before I started to feel this way.

One of the reasons why I also want to leave is that I feel like I'm too old for this now. It's just my personal opinion but I feel like I'm too old for fanfics now, especially Justin's.

Still, I have made a lot of memories on this app. Whether it was reading fanfics, updating daily in the starting, waiting for comments and votes and reading them, checking my chapter updates after publishing them only to find a mistake and cursing myself before correcting it, asking my friends for help with the covers, character aesthetics or dedicating a book or a chapter to them, even the time when I unpublished all of my books by letting my impulsive thoughts win and publishing them again. I have made a lot of memories, read numbers of books, brought together numbers of words to write one of my own. I found peace in the world I had created for myself. It was an escape.

But the peace and escape I used to get on this app is lost. It's gone.

And honestly I don't mind it being gone. There is a time for everything. A thing that starts does come to an end. So this is my end with wattpad here. This is where I say goodbye to this app. Thank you for reading my books. Thank you so much for all the love and support, the memories and everything.

I love you.
Goodbye.

(P.s- I will wait for a week before uninstalling the app so I can check and respond if you want to write me something. Still not sorry for the memes.)

𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔.