AS THE WEEK passed and Christmas neared, Angelica started to feel worse and worse. She was somewhat dreading the holiday, knowing it wouldn't feel the same without her best friend. She tried to pull herself through, though, because she still had a few days of school to survive and she couldn't let her grades slip. Christmas break was only a few days away, and Angelica tried to convinced herself that the break would be quite nice. Surrounding herself with immediate family and friends who cared would give her a break from her internal struggle, and she was looking forward to that.

A couple of days following Mr. Kauch had assigning new Physics partners, there was a half day of school. It was Friday the twenty first, the start of holiday break. After the short day at school, Angelica and Evan walked to Dorothea's Place to see Willow again and to eat lunch together. Quickly after sitting down, milkshakes were placed in front of each of them, and with them Willow took their order, promising that it would be out shortly. She seemed okay, holding up fine after what happened with Keira - kind of like how Angelica was feeling.

Evan and Angelica were chatting about some math homework they had been assigned over break when Willow came up to their table, setting a steaming bowl of tomato soup and grilled cheese in front of Angelica and a grilled sandwich in front of Evan. She gave a curt smile and started to walk away after telling the pair to enjoy their food, but Angelica called out to stop her.

"Willow," She voiced, causing Willow to turn back around, a confused look on her face, "Uh, how are you holding up? After, you know..."

Willow walked closer to the table as Angelica asked her question as if the answer was a secret that only the duo could hear.

"I'm holding up fine," Willow explained, forcing a small smile, "Life has kept me busy. I mean, Christmas already isn't feeling the same without Keira, but life happens."

Angelica and Evan nodded, but Angelica actually spoke, "I get it."

Willow gave a quick nod in return and walked away, leaving Angelica and Evan to their food. Angelica thought for a moment as she started to eat, noticing that Willow was probably feeling pretty rough. She said that 'life happens', but what it really sounded like was that life happens yet it drags you through it with no mercy whatsoever. Angelica wasn't blaming her for feeling that way - she had lost a cousin, a friend.

Evan and Angelica quickly finished their food and payed for it, walking out into the cold winter air after in silence. Angelica knew Willow was right - Christmas wouldn't feel the same without Keira and that life happened, but she wouldn't let that bring her down even more than she already was. Not on her watch, anyway.

<<<<<<<

Later, when Angelica and Evan had returned to their homes, Angelica was sitting on the couch when Monica came down the narrow stairs with a large box. This caught Angelica's attention, making her look up from her spot on the couch with an overwhelming sense of confusion.

"What is that?" Angelica questioned as her mother looked around the box, checking to make sure she wasn't going to fall.

Monica set the box down and dusted her hands on her pants before responding, "Christmas lights. Do you want to help me put them up?"

"Outside?" Angelica asked, brows furrowed.

It was freezing outside, and it was only getting colder as the start of enter came. It was also really close to Christmas, which was part of why Angelica wanted to say no to her mother - they would have to take the lights down as soon as they put them up.

"Where else would we put them?" Monica replied with a short laugh, reaching down to pick the box back up, "Well, are you helping me, or not?"

"Yeah," Angelica sighed as she rose from her spot on the couch and walked over to her mother, "But let me help you with that."

Monica smiled at her daughter as she took the box from her, "Thank you."

Angelica smiled back, turning around with the large box in her arms and walking down the hallway. She was small, but with the box in her arms, it was almost funny to see how much of her it covered up because she looked like a little kid helping her mom out as she stepped outside. When she set the box on the porch, already near shivering, Monica spoke as she stood in the doorway.

"Why don't you put a coat and some shoes on while I go look for the ladders - how's that sound?" She asked Angelica, seeing how she was beginning to shiver and noting at the temperature outside with her words.

Angelica vigorously nodded as she shoved past her mother and into the warm house, "That sounds great."

As Angelica grabbed her coat from the rack on the wall, her mother disappeared down the hall. The door was still open, letting the mid-December air in as Angelica slipped a pair of boots on. She shoved her hands in her pockets as she shivered slightly, leaning against the wall as she waited for her mother to return from grabbing the ladders.

Moments later, Monica came crashing up the stairs, a small ladder grasped under one arm and a large one in the other. As she rounded the corner, Angelica realized that she was struggling to lug both of the ladders up, and she rushed over to help as her mother hobbled down the hall. In seconds, she was grabbing the larger ladder from her mother's hold and shuffling down the hall beside her.

"Thank you," Monica said, smiling kindly at her daughter in thanks.

The pair shuffled outside, setting the ladders down on the grass and opening the box of lights. As they looked inside, finding a few bundles of rainbow-colored lights, Monica nodded.

"Well, it looks like we'll have to work with what we've got," She commented, looking at Angelica while clapping her hands together, "Let's get started!"

"Alrighty," Angelica sighed, grabbing a bundle of lights, "Let's do this."

With the bundle in hand, she grabbed the taller ladder, leaning it on the front of the house to reach the area just below the gutter.

"Here?" She asked as Monica wrapped a strand around the railing to the stairs.

Monica looked up, seeing her daughter perched on the ladder with her hand holding the lights by the edge of the roof, "Yeah, perfect. Let me come and help you."

As Angelica started to hang the strand of lights with her mother feeding them up as she went, Monica decided to speak up about something she had been meaning to bring up in the past couple of days. She handed her daughter the end of the first strand of lights, and as she went to grab the second strand from the porch, she voiced her thoughts.

"You don't have to put on a brave face, you know."

Angelica stopped hanging lights instantly as she heard Monica say this, turning her attention towards her mother.

"What?" She questioned, her brows furrowing.

"You don't have to cover it up," Monica clarified, and as she went on, Angelica realized exactly what she was talking about, "You can cry, grieve, let it all out - I'll be here for you. I just don't want you to bottle it up or wear a mask; it does more harm than good in the end."

Angelica shrugged, "Eh, it makes me feel a little better. Surrounding myself with family and friends stills the trouble, too."

"Well, everyone grieves in different ways," Monica commented, then paused and sighed, looking up at Angelica, "How are you holding up now, you know, after... everything."

Angelica sighed, many feelings pooling in her chest as she answered her mother, "I'm fine."

Monica knew she was lying, giving her daughter silence in response. She knew that it would eat away at Angelica if she kept quiet long enough, and she was right.

"Actually," Angelica started after a brief moment of silence, stopping in the middle of putting lights up once again, choking up a little as she tried to stop oncoming tears from flowing, "I'm not okay."

"That's alright," Monica reassured her daughter, giving her a half smile, "If you want to talk, I'm always here."

"Thanks," Angelica sniffled, wiping her eyes with her sleeve as she looked ahead with a somber expression, "I just feel like this impending sense of dread that I'm going to forget about her, and of course I don't want to, it's just- what happens when I move on with my life? All I'm going to have are memories, you know? She's not going to be there, I'm going to have to get over that in a sense... it just won't go away..."

"Hey," Monica snapped, getting Angelica's attention, "It'll be okay."

Angelica nodded, "Yeah. Someday, it will."

They continued hanging the lights for a couple of minutes in silence before Angelica spoke once again.

"I was thinking about dying my hair again," She told her mother as they kept working, "Lavender. It was her favorite color."

Monica smiled, "I think that would be cool."

>>>>>>>

Bleach. Wait. Rinse. Dry. Dye. Wait. Rinse. Dry.

Angelica sat through the exhaustingly long process of getting her hair colored, left alone to her thoughts as the hairdresser straightened her already straight hair. She was turned away from the mirror, requesting that she would be unable to see her hair until it was done. As the straightener was pulled through Angelica's hair, she felt the stylist twisting it, giving her a soft curl. After a few moments of this, the stylist stopped, setting the straightener down and unplugging it.

"Done," She told Angelica, spinning her so she'd be able to look at herself in the mirror.

When Angelica saw herself, she internally beamed.

Her hair matched Keira's favorite color, meaning Keira's memory would long live on with a simple glance in the mirror.