and then on certain days you're like a paradox, you're alive yet you're dead somewhere. Don't forget to vote and comment babies, you're feedback and comments make me smile like crazy darn ilyall sm :')❤️

~
when we collide
21| paradox

"Are you sure you want me to drop you here?" Margaret asks as she stares nervously at the empty street. "Yes." Crystal whispers, unbuckling her seat belt. "But Crystal, it's one in the morning. We can't leave you alone here." Jacob adds from the back seat.

Crystal sighs as she stares ahead on the empty road. "See, I'm not alone. Just a friend's place. I can't go back to his house right now."
"So tell me which house I'll drop you there, not on this street." she bargains.

Crystal plays with her fingers and then her hand flies up to brush her hair back. "I'm not telling you the house, you'll tell him where I am." that makes Margaret sigh.

"I'm equally pissed at him Crystal. Trust me on this, I won't tell him-" she chuckles, making Margaret stop. "Not like he'll wonder." sighing Margaret takes out her phone showing the lock screen to Crystal with thirty missed calls from Zayn.

Sighing she looks straight. "Just drive straight." Margaret smiles, foot pressing on the acceleration.
After a drive for half an hour and buying donuts from some local bakery they decide to drive until Crystal realises a place she can crash at. Even after Margaret's thousand plea for her to stay with her and her boyfriend she declined. She didn't need people she met through Zayn, his friends, she wanted hers.

"Thank you guys, for dropping me here." she smiles at then and unbuckles her belt again. "Who's place is this?" Jacob asks.
"My ex boyfriend."

"Okay? Nice?" sighing she turns to look at them, uncertainty in their eyes. "We might have split but I'm not that disgraceful. He's just a friend for me."
"Be careful." she breathes.
Nodding she leaves the car, waving for the last time as they accelerate past her and walks to the main door, absolutely freezing in her dress with no shoes on.

no ring on.

Pressing the bell she waits. When no one answers, obviously seeing the time, she rings again. This time a guy opens the door much to her confusion.
"Woah, wasn't expecting an angel at my doorstep this early but how may I help you?" rolling her eyes playfully she glances at the guy, he was buff, his golden locks falling on his forehead and those peircing blue eyes makes her awe.

"Matt. I wanted to talk to him."
"Weird, girls talk to that áss?" he smiles, making Crystal break into a smile. "Hold up." he screams his name and a 'who's there' comes back.

"SOME GIRL WANTS TO MEET YOU." he screams again and turns to smile at Crystal who's biting her lip to stop the smile, this guy's aura was so positive.
"WHO? A GIRL?"

"Ah jeez, forgot to ask your name angel." he asks, pleasantly smiling at her. "Crystal."
He nods slowly, a smile still playing. "Explainable."

"SOME CRYSTAL!" he yells. Hardly three seconds later the door whips, a wide eyed Matt standing in front of her. "Crisi? W-what are you doing here?"

"If you want me gone-"
"NO NO! I didn't mean that." he smiles and then face palms himself. "Jesus come in, it's freezing."

"I didn't catch your name." she asks the guy who opened the door for her. "Adam, name's Adam but everyone calls me Mickey," he smiles cheekily. "Also, there's nothing Minnie about me."

Crystal brushes her face, and stares at Adam for a moment as a smile breaks on her face. "That was awful."
"Kiss me if I'm wrong, but you're smiling which means it worked."
A chuckle leaves her mouth.
"Stop creeping her out you jackáss." Matt yells, punching his back hard making him growl in pain. "She's taken."

"I'm not." Matt stiffens in his position whilst he keeps the glass with water on the table. "WHAT?" a smile breaks out on his face making Adam giggle. He awkwardly tries hiding it but fails miserably while he drowns in his embarrassment. "What happened?"

Sighing Crystal sips the water in one take, shaking her head. "Long story. Let's not."
"Broke up with your boyfriend?" Adam asks, hands stuffed in his sweatpant's pocket. "Engagement." a silence lingers for a moment, no one knowing what to say. "Since we promote breakups, this calls for a celebration! Let's play monopoly!" Adam utters, excitedly.

"Adam can you-"
"HELL YEAH!" Matt's face whips in her direction, making Crystal shrug. "Fúck let's do this then."

"So what happened?" Matt asks, passing Crystal a hoodie and pj as she sat on his bed. "I don't know if it's even valid to say knowing he never really liked me but . . . he messed up."

"Oh, you mean cheated?" Crystal sighs at Matt lack of filter as she holds the hoodie feeling the warm material. "Don't."
"It's all really messed up." she whispers noticing Matt pull the bean bag closer to where she sits and sitting on it.

"Does it hurt?"
"Uh. . . yeah, and I think it'll always, at least a little."
Matt stares at her, eyes furrowed in confusion. "But you said you didn't love him?"

"I didn't." she whispers. "For a second he had my heart in his hands. He cared so much that when it stopped it crushed me. I kept on giving him but he never returned a-and He chose someone else when he had pieces of me. . . But trust me, just a little time and I'll be fine to a phase where it'll only come on bad days." she passes him a smile. "And from today, no bad days."

Matt smiles at her, clutching her hand tightly. "You're strong and you know that. I know you'll get through it. Zayn will realise what he lost."

Smiling he stands up. "You know whenever you need a friend where to crash," Crystal smiles at him as he walks out to let her change. This is one hell of a day.

"I'm bringing some wine and dorritos." he yells, making her smile. "Atleast that was how you dealt with shít earlier."

It was three in the morning as she stares at the ceiling of the room accepting that she's not getting any ounce of sleep. Her phone's notification sound plays exactly at three ten and she's even scared when she sees it's a message from Zayn.

From Zayn
✔✔ read 3:10 a.m.

where r u

She stares at the text weirdly because one, she owes him no explanation. Two, he doesn't deserve a reply. Three, she wants to go sit on that rooftop with him again. Life is messed up. No matter what was circling her mind, a sigh escapes he mouth when she leaves it on read. She keeps her phone on the side board and lies down again.

But the notification sound echoes again making her sit up faster than she lied down.

From Zayn,
✔✔ read 3:15 a.m.
atleast tell me u r safe

switching off her phone she lies down again, drowning in her own misery and thoughts. The scary part of it all was she didn't even know if all of it was a lie? The promises, the outings, the kiss? The gazing stars in some illegal property, sitting on rooftops, cycling in the morning?

And what was even sadder than that was she'll probably never know.

Zayn jumps up almost immediately when he hears the door lock click. He sits up from the sofa noticing the time was five in the morning. His shirt unbottoned to the third button and the jacket lying on the floor.

Crystal slips in, locking the door behind her. "Where were you, Crys?" turning she stares at Zayn who looks like he hasn't slept at all after the party. "At a friend's place." she replies, walking to the kitchen then. Zayn immediately follows her to the kitchen noticing her searching in the fridge. "Crys? You realise it's freaking five in the morning? I know you're hurt but at least you could've replied? I was worried sick for you,"

She bites on the apple she finds right after washing it. "I'm talking to you." sighing she turns to see him standing by the door, hands crossed as he stares at her.

"It's none of your business, Zayn."
"It is!"
"Yeah, exactly why?"
"Because we're enga-" he stops abruptly, noticing Crystal smiling at him. "Yes. That." she passes Zayn from the door, her shoulder brushing his chest as she swiftly moves past him.

"Crystal, you know I care about you. No matter where we stand." Zayn whispers, making Crystal stop on the staircase. "You know I'm sorry for hurting you."

"You didn't hurt me, Zayn." there were so many things she wanted to say as she stares in his eyes that stare back at her sadly and remorseful. How they could've worked, how she could've been better and she could've been the one he wanted if he'd let her try.

But alas, what's the use in trying to reassure a person to do something they don't want? Or don't believe in. How could she make him see or change his ideas about her? Or make him believe when he didn't want to.

"Crys?" there was nothing in the world that could've made him stay and no possible word in the dictionary that could change his mind. She notices the ashtray behind him and a ghost of a smile appears on her face.

"Smoking?" Zayn confusedly stares at her changing her sentence so abruptly.
". . . Yeah?"

She smiles to herself and then looks up and weirdly everything comes crashing down on her that she feels her face warming and eyes watering. "You know, Zayn. I feel just like those cigarettes out there." Zayn stares at her sadly.

"Just like a cigarette you used me on cold nights when you were cold and alone or in pain and when you were bored you walked all over me, burning my light out." Zayn continues to stare at her sadly as she laughs dryly. "But you're also the one who set me alight, burned my soul, made me feel alive." she shrugs.

"You won't ever get me, right?" Zayn mumbles under his breath.
"Get what? That you cheated?" Zayn sighs. "I didn't, Crys. It happened. I didn't initiate it and I'd never want to-"

"Leave it, Zayn." she whispers.
"What did you expect?" he asks. What did she expect? Certainly not this, definitely not this. Not for them to end so soon?

"I used to dream of the day I'd meet the one," she takes in a deep breath before continuing. "I thought my dream was becoming true the day you and me were sitting on some illegal property, trespassing to watch the stars."

She shrugs, looking up to realise Zayn's still staring at her with the same look on his face. "Guess dreams don't come true and you're not the one."

And I'm standing with a crushed heart and broken dreams.

"I'm not the one," he replies.
"If I caused you so much pain, I'm definitely not the one."
She glances at her feet, it being almost unbearable for her to look up in his eyes.

"C-crys?"
"Zayn see." she answers. "I'm not hurt that you chose her. She's prettier than me, smarter than me and her smile is like those million dollar ones and her eyes are this hazy brown which are hypnotic and her voice is beautiful and so melodic and-" her voice cracks making her take a deep breath in and it almost breaks Zayn's heart. The low sound of her voice.

"That woman is your favourite book and I might just be a page somewhere in the middle. She's obviously the choice." she laughs as the tears stream down and it weakens Zayn's knees to an extent that it becomes physically difficult for him to see her like that anymore.

"I didn't-"
"No seriously, Zayn." she chuckles again keeping her hand in the air signalling him to stop speaking. "I see the way she smiles at you, the way you hold her. I'm-I'm happy for you."

She takes in a deep breath, stepping down the stairs standing some inches away from him. "You know what hurts? That we almost made it. We were almost there, you almost held me like that and I was almost smiling at you the way she does and-" she sighs.

"Do you regret it?" she hears him ask. "What?"
"Whatever we had." he whispers under his breath, almost scared to say it out loud.

"No." she answers, and no matter how much he tries to hide it, the monosyllabic answer leaves Zayn hanging. She starts climbing the stairs.

"Crys?"
She stops immediately but doesn't turn as the tears rush down her face. She bites her lip to hold in a sob. "Can you say my name?"

"W-why?"
"Please." he whispers.
"Zayn." she says and walks up, vanishing from Zayn sight. He closes his eyes right the second the hopeless four letter name escapes her mouth.

The hurt, no happy memories or joy in her voice. That's when Zayn knew it was never going to be the same.

"Mr. Malik, please sign in your entrance time!" Lacy yells as Zayn enters the building and walks pass the reception without marking is present. "MR. MALIK!" Zayn stops and turns, rolling his eyes as he walks to the desk and presses his thumb on the attender.

"Sir you do realise you're forty five minutes late, right?" turning to her he smiles sarcastically. "Oh shít really? Notice my mood, do you think I care?" she presses her lips together awkwardly and tries passing a smile to him.

"Uh-uh I'm sorry." Zayn straightens the jacket on his shoulders and walks to the lift. As the lift opens he stalls again for his destination. Slamming the door open, Margaret and all of the board members turn.

"I need to talk to you." he demands, making Margaret turn to the board members and then back at him. "I'm sort of in the middle of something?"

He sighs. "It's an order. Gentlemen, kindly spare us fifteen minutes and when done kindly send me the drafts." nodding everyone picks up laptops and walk out of the room. "So you're really going to use the director shít on me?"

"You didn't leave me an option." he hisses. "I thought I can confide in you. All you could do was tell me where she was, whether she was safe."

Rolling her eyes she crosses her arms. "You don't deserve any explanation from her."
"Yeah? But you. You're my best friend. Best friends tell each other everything."

Passing a sarcastic smile Margaret utters, "Acquaintance."
Zayn's eyes turn to slits as he stares at her. "I owe you nothing, Zayn. You're an àsshole, you're selfish, mean and so cocky. Not to hurt you, but yeah."

Pressing his lips together, Zayn throws daggers through his eyes unknowingly. "For a girl you barely met a week back you'll diss me?" Margaret stares disgustingly at him. "She's not just a girl for me anymore. She's a friend who's been nothing but sweet to me."

Zayn chuckles darkly that it almost intimidates Margaret for the first time. "Yeah? What about me? Have you ever thought how I feel right now? No. So cut the friendship crap," pushing the hair that falls on his head back with his hand, he continues, "For you she's just a girl, you barely know her." sighing he shakes his head and walks to exit.

"What do you mean?" turning back he looks at Margaret, a smile playing on his lips. "You know Marg, I had like seven friends in my entire life till now. For you it may sound weird. But that's how it is." he leans to the door for support. "Not a lot of people understand me and I don't give them a chance too. I just don't. You were one of them eight that I thought understood me but guess I was right." he stares at her intensely making her look down to break it. "You're indeed just an acquaintance,"

"If you understood me, you'd realise what a hell hole I'm going through as I broke my bestfriend's heart and the girl I was obsessed with wants me back whilst I wait for the week to end and Crystal tells her parents what happened and my parents yet again disown me like I was never a part." he whispers.

"And it súcks that you and Crystal, both of my only friends beleive I'm such a lowlife that I'll leave her to go back to Lara. No matter how weak she makes me feel I'm not like that." he whispers. "But you know what? Do heck with everyone, I might have lost my best friends, the girl I was obsessed with, my parents and the left over dignity I had for myself only because I didn't want to keep Crystal for selfish reasons, it's okay."

He takes a deep breath in when he feels his face warming. "Someone once told me, if it hurts you, chuck it in the fúck it bin." smiling he brushes the arm of his not ironed jacket to clear the tears that were collecting.
"It was nice being friends with you, until it lasted." he exits the conference room without looking back, brushing his hair back as tries to get his shít together.

It was so difficult, so dámn difficult. He couldn't hurt the girl he so genuinely cared about, but he couldn't let this girl get away again. He wish he didn't have to pick anybody. He wants to pick himself.

The lift opens and he's not back on his floor. He opens the terrace door and closes it behind, going to the extreme end and carefully standing near the corner. Slowly sitting down he leaves his feet dangling on a height of five floors, the air whipping his hair and making his eyes turn to slits.

He lights a cigarette and breathes it in, looking around. The cars drive past each other, people walking around in front of the building. It was wild. How this is what people see right before they kill themselves. When they lose it.

All they were dying to hear was someone to say, that they didn't need to try so hard to be perfect, that they were enough and it was okay before they jumped. Just like Zayn. Was he ever enough for someone?

Someone wanted him back after years of traumatising him, someone wanted him without him ever feeling any emotion, someone wanted him to care for others more than he cares for himself. He finishes one and lights another, placing it between his lips as his phone rings.

"Yeah, Watson?" he asks, blowing out the toxic smoke.
"Sir, the draft for the magazine, Mr. Malder wanted you to check it." his brows furrow together.
"Isn't that Abano's part?"
"He's on leave for a week." now that was definitely confusing.

"Terrace." he whispers, the smoke coming out from his nose. Hanging up he closes his eyes as he inhales, holding the smoke for a longer while and then breathing it out. Till the time Watson appears he lights up a third stick.

"Morning, Sir." Watson awkwardly greets, looking at Zayn torturing his own body, unknown to the fact that it was the third stick of the hour.
"Come sit." he says, patting the space beside him.

"Uhm- it's okay, sir." he stutters. How dangerous is that?! Zayn nods, leaning his hand in the air. Watson passes him the draft and he keeps it on the space. He notices Zayn taking in a deep drag.

"Are you okay, sir?" he hesitantly asks, making Zayn laugh. "You can't always be okay, Watson. That's what sucks." he whispers, flipping through the pages of the draft slowly. "But it's okay, till you mask it well."

Looking up he passes a smile to him. "Glad you could break through mine." staring at him for a while Watson walks closer to him and sits on the end, his heart flipping in directions as he looks down. "oh my god."
"Calm down, nothing is going to happen till you have your back." Zayn whispers, the cigarette dangling from his corner as he flips another page reading through the sheets.

"I heard people talking about your engagement." he hesitantly says, staring at Zayn's every move. He flips another page, taking a drag from the cigarette simultaneously. "Yeah. It broke off." he pierces his lips together in anticipation. "Oh."

"It's fúcking twisted, you know." Zayn says, catching Watson off guard because was he seriously having a heart to heart with his boss? Who he's utterly scared of?
"What?"

"This love thing," he smiles.
"These shitheads said that you fall in love, who would've thought that they meant it literally. It feels like jumping down the fifth floor straight into concrete. You feel each and every bone of yours breaking and cracking but you're just not able to concentrate on that pain bec they're around you. Probably holding your hand or kissing your forehead."

"Sucks?" Watson replies.
"Naah. It sucks when they leave and you feel all of that bottled pain together. You're clutching her shawl or cardigan sitting in your bathroom around four because you know that place doesn't smell like her and you wear that clothing like it'll join your bones but a paper can't join broken rocks. Nothing heals that pain."

Watson breathes in, staring at his knees as he takes in whatever Zayn said. "I lost my grandmother a week back, if that helps."

Zayn chuckles at his innocence but turns to look at him, brushing his hair back which starts flying again. "Sorry for your loss."

"It's alright I guess."
"You had memories with her?"
"Yes, a lot." Zayn smiles at him sadly and moves back to the draft, skimming through the paras as he discards the cigarette. "You don't have memories?" Watson asks.

"I don't have people." Watson glances at Zayn as a small smile plays on his lips. Who would've thought such a talented, intimidating and successful guy had no one? "Why did it break off? The engagement." Zayn glances up at Watson, staring at him. He notices that he's intimidated and already scared and regretting that he asked him that. But he was the only person who really cared until now.

Who would've thought he'll be having a heart to heart with a junior of his that's always on his nerves?

"Just realised that you can't possibly say you feel for someone new when the first one still makes you feel stuff." Watson pierces his lips together, playing with his thumbs as he calculates whether he should say what he wants to or no?

"But then how can you say you still feel anything for the first one if someone new makes you feel something?" Zayn stops flipping the page as he looks up in the air.

That was weirdly true?

"I mean if you look at it from this perspective." he continues, shrugging his shoulders. Zayn gulps the lump that forms in his throat. "You can go now." Watson nods, abruptly standing up and fixing his pants. Zayn looks back at the file and flips, stumbling on the page with the cake. The left page had a huge picture of the cake, the next page had a picture of Crystal and Jason with some officials near it. He reads through the text and how the editors have described the cake and the bakery ratings.

She always cleared up his mess, and now she's one because of him. How ironic. He closes his eyes feeling the air on his face and the picture of them sitting on the roof strikes his mind.

"shall i stay will it be a sin?" she sings. Opening his eyes, a sigh escapes his mouth. His phone starts ringing and he stares at it for second when he notices it's Crystal. Hesitantly picking up he pierces his lips together.

"Yeah?"
"You won't mind if I get some of my friends here? I mean considering it's your house, I'll ask." your house. He sighs deeply. "You don't have to act like that, Crystal."

"What? I literally asked, you're the one who was acting," she chuckles. Even though she laughed it off the sarcasm was plain simple. "Anyway, so I'm allowed to get them?"

"Yeah, Crys." he takes in a deep breath pinching the bridge of his nose. "How are yo-" she hangs up. He pierces his lips again, sighing lightly. What is this mess?

He stares down from the terrace, people walking around.
"I am a paradox." Zayn whispers, brushing his hand on the picture of the cake. "Neither am I happy, nor am I sad,"

"I smile at pretty things and laugh on funny ones. But right now I'm a mess of emotions and thoughts," he breathes. Lighting yet another cigarette as he closes his eyes to comprehend his paradox.

"I wish I could just disappear."

~

Yall since the last chapter:

Before i write anything in the a/n can y'all quickly go read the new description of this book and tell whether you like it more than the last one or was the last one better?

Thoughts on the chapter?

What side are you on? What do you feel will happen now?

I see y'all sneeky ones wanna be on the safer side by getting them married so the marriage is officially, "soon" *gotta zayn*

Also, i want to thank all the readers who are still here with me. A lot of readers stopped reading my book and no matter how demotivating that is i shall continue strong for the ones who stick w me and if you're reading this you're one and ily. ♡♡

Character questions? (inline here)

LAST CHAPTER CHARACTER QUESTIONS-

ZAYN
Q. You obviously know how it's like to be hurt by someone you love so why'd you do it to Crystal?
But the thing is if you're past love still makes you feel shit, that means someone new, wtvr you're feeling with them, isn't true.

Q. You know Crystal loves you, why'd you say those things to her?
So you wanted me to lie to her to make her feel better? Count all the girls in the world and Crystal is the last one I'll lead on.

Q. Will you ever learn Zayn?? Lara is so toxic for you and you still go back to give her a chance??
Why is everyone assuming that im choosing someone? I'm not choosing anyone, i choose myself. Isn't that a worthy ship? #zaynzayn

Q. Although i completely hate what you did to Crystal ik you're hurt too so take care and get some sense so you realise what a big mistake you did.
Thank you to the only person who was considerate towards me. Buy yourself a chocolate cake. Just not at Crys', i dont think she'll appreciate your softness towards me. *sarcastic smile*

Q. Would you like to go back to Lara? Like obviously she cheated on you and all, but would you WANT TO?
right now I'll like to buy a ship to mediterranean sea so that these questions don't reach me. I'm happy snuggling w polar bears and drinking icy water than THIS.

CRYSTAL
Q. stay strong bbg, you're the most beautiful masterpiece ever created. (besides zayn, i think we both can agree on that?)
Are you talking about the guy who's selfish, rude plain mean and now a cheater? mhm he is good looking yes mhm hmm.

Until next time babies xoxo❤️