I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don't change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you're taught to cry in your pillow
But I survived

"If there's anything, just wake me up, okay?" Kuina said solicitously before turning off the light.

Her room housed a huge double bed that was far bigger and more comfortable than mine. Even without living in one of the exclusive suites, the standard of living in her room was much higher than that on the lower floors.

A calming silence settled over us. Only if you listened very carefully could you hear the distant rumble of bass coming in from the direction of the pool. Only a few days before, I had been among the people partying and dancing, but now it was like a faded memory of another life.

I pulled the blanket a little tighter around my body and tried to find a comfortable sleeping position in this unfamiliar environment where I could finally rest. But it was still difficult to shake off the events of the day and dispel the darkness inside me. My head was flooded with images that repeated themselves in my mind's eye in an agonizing endless loop and manifested themselves there forever.

However, I also felt a paralyzing exhaustion gradually spreading through me. For a brief moment, I struggled against the leaden heaviness of my eyelids, which wanted to pull me inexorably into a deep sleep. My body seemed to force me to rest almost violently, as if it knew that sleep was the only escape from this cruel reality. I soon stopped resisting and let the sedatives work their magic by closing my eyes in surrender. My last thought before I drifted off for good was of the beautiful but emotionless dark eyes and the man they belonged to.

♡

Only the movement of the mattress next to me brought me out of the deep slumber I had fallen into. My limbs ached and felt unusually stiff as I tried to turn around, almost as if I had woken up from a long coma.

Had Ann given me this drug to calm me down or to anesthetic me?

The dose she had given me would probably have knocked out even a full-grown elephant.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Kuina whispered and leaned over to me when she saw me blinking sleepily at her. "How did you sleep?"

"Like the dead," I slipped out before hurriedly biting my lip. It probably wasn't the best time to compare myself to the dead. "I think Ann tried to kill me."

Kuina chuckled softly.

"You can't blame her. She's just more familiar with corpses."

Kuina's comment elicited a tired smile from me despite my pain. Her light-hearted humor brought some brightness to the darkness of yesterday.

"I'm lucky to have just escaped the dissection table," I replied sarcastically.

It always amazed me anew how quickly I could crack jokes again after everything that had happened to me. But maybe it was just a kind of repression mechanism to avoid having to face the bitter reality. The memories of the previous day's game gradually came back to me. Memories that I would have preferred to erase from my mind forever. But I knew that even the medication wouldn't ever be able to make me forget my atrocities.

"I have to admit, you look a little better than yesterday," Kuina remarked in a much more serious voice as she looked at me with a worried expression.

"I don't think it would have been possible to look much worse."

"Seriously, I'm glad you're okay. I think you were in a bit of a shock yesterday."

I just nodded silently. To be honest, I still wasn't sure if I had actually got over it. The fact that I was still alive felt wrong for some reason.

"Take as much time as you need, Izzy-chan. And if you want to talk about it, I'm here, but if not, that's okay too," she assured me with a gentle smile.

Her words touched me.

"Thank you, Kuina. That's really nice of you," I murmured quietly. "I didn't deserve that at all."

"Don't talk nonsense! I may not have known you for long, but I can tell when someone has a good heart," she explained persistently, without taking her eyes off me.

"If you say so..."

"Oh, I do," she returned with conviction, jumping light-footedly from the bed to pull open the curtains in front of the windows. Glaring daylight flooded into the room and I put my hands protectively over my eyes. "I'm going to take a quick shower now. After that, you can go into the bathroom to get ready and then we'll go down to breakfast together, okay?"

The tone she used didn't leave much room for counter-arguments, so I just nodded and then slowly tried to straighten my sluggish upper body. When Kuina had disappeared into the next room, my hands felt for the bandage on my neck. It was still just as tight as Ann had put it on me the day before. I wanted to pull it off my throat because the uncomfortable pressure still reminded me of the tight metal band that had held me captive and almost tortured me to death. But I also knew that the bandage was necessary to allow the wound to heal without becoming infected. Ann had said that there would be scars on the spot. I had been branded: my just punishment for what I had done. Possibly even a harsher punishment than finding redemption in death, because it meant that I would have to live with the consequences of my actions forever.

Still struggling, I heaved my feet over the edge of the mattress and looked around Kuina's rooms for the first time. The window front, through which the bright daylight streamed, gave the room a friendly atmosphere. Apart from the larger bed, there weren't many differences to my room. But one particular detail set Kuina's quarters apart from mine: a balcony.

As I looked out through the window, I noticed that the sky was still shimmering in the soft colors of the sunrise. I quickly got up from the bed and grabbed my yukata to put it on. I realized that I was still a little wobbly on my feet as I approached the balcony door and opened it. The fresh morning air that hit me was liberating and made me inhale the oxygen almost greedily. I stepped over the threshold and gazed up at the sky, which was glowing in a variety of pastel shades. The terrible storm had passed and the air was light as a feather and refreshing again.

A pleasant silence had now settled over the hotel grounds, as if all the residents were still in a deep sleep. Only the occasional screech of seagulls in the sky and the distant sound of the sea could be heard.

Lost in thought, I leaned over the parapet and took in the view for a brief moment as the sun rose steadily over Tokyo. But this idyllic scene also made me think of all the people who would never see another sunrise - and all because of me.

I closed my eyes and blinked away the tears that were beginning to well up. Yesterday, I had wanted to do everything I could to avoid dying in the game, but now I wasn't sure if that had been the right decision.

What was the easier way: life or death?

Was there even an easy way?

Was there a right or wrong decision?

And how did you learn to live with the consequences of your decisions, however difficult they might be?

Frustrated, I buried my hands in my curls and let out an annoyed growl.

"What's wrong? Rough night?"

I winced and my head whipped around frantically.

The unexpected sound of that voice had startled me so much that my heart drummed wildly against my chest.

My eyes widened in disbelief.

Chishiya was standing there, leaning casually over the railing, a coffee cup in his hand and his usual mocking grin on his lips. You could really see that he found my reaction to his sudden appearance very entertaining.

"C-chishiya," I stammered in a slightly shrill voice and then began frantically arranging my hair as I realized that I probably looked like a burst sofa cushion.

His smug grin widened a little more, probably because he could see me blushing now.

"What? Did you really expect to be completely alone up here?"

I grumbled quietly to myself as my expression darkened. If I had known earlier that he lived in the room right next to Kuina, I definitely wouldn't have walked out the door so thoughtlessly.

I rolled my eyes, a little annoyed.

"You're really all over the place, aren't you?" I returned, still a little upset, and crossed my arms defiantly in front of my chest. "What do you want?"

"Mmmh," he said thoughtfully and sipped his coffee cup for a moment, looking off into the distance. "I thought I'd enjoy the unique view on this beautiful morning and the opportunity to bother you with my presence."

"Almost sounds to me like you need a hobby."

Chishiya let out a cynical laugh.

"A hobby? I already have one. It's called showing up in your life when you least expect it," he replied with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

I snorted softly.

"You mean like last night?"

He nodded slowly and then looked at me thoughtfully, almost as if he were looking at an exhibit in a museum. His gaze lingered on my neck. I hastily put my hair over my shoulder to cover the bandage, while my cheeks suddenly became warm.

"I heard it was an 8 of hearts."

The mockery had suddenly disappeared completely from his voice and his arrogant grin was wiped away.

"Yes," I replied hoarsely, trying compulsively to avoid his gaze.

I stared absently into space.

"Life is sometimes like a game of poker," he suddenly began, setting down his cup. The morning sun cast a soft glow on his face and the wind swirled his light hair a little, making it look almost graceful. At that moment, he looked like a painting that completely captivated me. "We all have cards in our hands, sometimes good ones, sometimes bad ones," he continued, letting his gaze wander into the distance again, "And sometimes, if you're unlucky, you get an 8 of hearts. You can try to wish for a better hand, but sometimes life is cruel and won't let us change our cards. And that's when we have to choose how we play our hand. The game we play can make us stronger by making us take risks we would never normally take. Nevertheless, we always have a choice in how we play our cards. But no matter what you decide in the end. You will always have to live with the consequences."

I paused for a long moment to reflect at length on his metaphor of life, which was so sobering and frivolous on the one hand, but also deeply true on the other.

Had I misjudged Chishiya so far?

"And how do you live with your decisions?" I wanted to know from him.

"The best way is to stop thinking about it and accept that you can't undo the past anyway."

"You're acting as if that's the easiest thing in the world?" I grumbled. Nevertheless, I had to admit to myself that he was right. I wasn't getting anywhere with the endless brooding. After all, it didn't bring people back to life.

Chishiya shrugged his shoulders.

"It's pointless to worry about things that can't be changed anyway. Regret is a feeling that you can spare yourself. Instead, you should spend your energy looking forward. Because the future is the only thing you can have influence on."

I paused for a moment to think more deeply about what he had said. Of course, endless brooding rarely led to anything, but showing remorse was something deeply human. Without it, you would just be a dead piece of wood and not a person of flesh and blood.

"That guy... the one who tried to kill me yesterday. Is he really dead now?" I asked hesitantly, because this thought had been buzzing around in my head the whole time.

Chishiya took a long sip from his cup before answering.

"I guess so," he said perfectly calmly.

"Why did you d-?"

"Here you are, Izzy. I was beginning to think you'd gone to breakfast alone."

A little startled, I turned my head towards the voice.

Kuina was suddenly standing next to me, her eyes wandering around curiously, looking for someone.

"Who are you talking to?"

When I looked to the neighboring balcony again, Chishiya had disappeared.

"Um, no one," I lied quickly.

"Well, talking to yourself can be very helpful sometimes, can't it?"

"Yes, that's right," I replied, still a little confused, and took one last look over to where Chishiya had just been standing. Then I followed Kuina back to her room.

♡

"It's always quite busy here lately," Kuina said when we had managed to find two free seats after an endless search. "I'm beginning to understand why there was this ban on recruitment. It's almost as crowded here as a train station concourse."

As I poked listlessly at my rice, I let my gaze wander around the restaurant, unconsciously looking out for the mop of light blonde hair. There was something about him that was hard to let go of. Maybe it was his words that had got me thinking.

When Kuina looked at me, frowning a little, I tried to force my concentration back on the food in front of me.

"Isn't Chishiya coming for breakfast too?" I asked, trying to make my question sound casual.

Kuina snorted.

"Chishiya? He's usually here much earlier. He avoids these crowds wherever he can. But why do you care?"

"Well...yesterday he...I was just wondering," I began incoherently. "I'd just like to know why he did that."

"Chishiya is part of the council. If he has a reasonable suspicion that someone might be a traitor, then he has to act. That's his job," she returned with a shrug, as if it was nothing more to worry about.

"Do you think he really only did it out of a sense of duty?" I asked, still not completely convinced. But maybe I was only asking because I didn't like the answer.

Kuina reached for her cup of tea and sipped a little from the rim.

"Don't worry about him! It's just Chishiya," she said, as if that were a plausible explanation for his behavior. But somehow it also gave the impression that she would rather avoid the subject.

I sighed and tried to enjoy my breakfast, even though my appetite had noticeably diminished.However, Kuina, who was about to bring her chopsticks to her mouth, suddenly paused in her movement for a long time and then slowly lowered them again without taking her eyes off me. She looked as if she had just realized something important.

"He's the ghost," she murmured, stretching.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"The ghost with the beautiful eyes that you mentioned the other day after the party. You were referring to Chishiya, weren't you?"

Her words triggered a hazy memory in me, of that night when Hideki had over-supplied me with alcohol and Kuina had helped me get to my room. I could remember telling her something, but the exact details were lost in the fog of alcohol.

"I um- no. I don't know what you're talking about," I mumbled sheepishly, skillfully avoiding her gaze, but my warm cheeks betrayed me.

She leaned back into the cushion with her arms crossed.

"I can't believe it. You fancy him? Chishiya?" she asked in amazement.

"What? No?" I objected and shook my head vehemently.

Kuina raised her eyebrows suspiciously. She didn't believe a word I said.

"I mean, he is good-looking. And he has beautiful eyes," I whispered with an embarrassed grin and noticeably glowing cheeks.

"You'd better stay away from him, Izzy. I mean it. Chishiya is not someone you should be spending your time with."

"Oh, and what about you? Aren't you the one who's friends with him?"

"We're.... casual acquaintances," she said quickly.

"It didn't seem like it."

"Izzy, please. I've known him a little longer than you have. You could have any guy on the Beach, but not necessarily him."

Upset, I put my chopsticks aside.

"Why not? What aren't you telling me?"

Kuina sighed.

"You're not letting up, are you?"

I shook my head.

"I just don't want you to get your heart broken," she said, looking at me with an unusual seriousness in her eyes. "Chishiya is a loner and not exactly the type for serious relationships."

"Who said I was thinking of something like that?" I growled.

"You don't strike me as the kind of person who's just out for a quick fling. So I'd just like to prevent you from getting your hopes up with him and maybe being disappointed in the end."

She hesitantly slid her hand over to me and placed it soothingly on mine. Even though I knew deep down that Kuina only meant well, I was still a little upset that she wanted to patronize me in this regard. Nevertheless, I didn't want to argue with her any longer. For the sake of peace.

"I'll take care of myself," I assured her. She seemed to be reasonably satisfied with my words, after all, because she finally put the subject of Chishiya to rest.

"Right, so what do we want to do today? We could go for a dip in the pool later if you like?"

"Sounds tempting, but to be honest, I don't exactly feel fit for the pool yet," I said, pointing to the bandage around my neck.

"Ah yes, I'd almost forgotten about that. Let's leave that for another time then. What do you think about a cozy movie night in my room?"

"Sounds like a good idea."

"And before that, we could spend some time playing beach volleyball," she suggested enthusiastically. She couldn't be dissuaded from wanting to spend the day with me.

"Kuina, please don't be angry with me, but .... I think I just need a bit of time to myself first. Yesterday was really a bit overwhelming."

If she was disappointed, she didn't let it show.

"Sure, I understand," she said sympathetically. "Just don't close yourself off too much! You know Ann said that you should stay under supervision."

"I'm doing really well, Kuina. Don't worry about it."

Kuina stood up and reached for her tray.

"Then I'll see you tonight. Around 7 at my place?"

I nodded with a smile.

"Yes, see you then."