https://youtu.be/3htnUhv4lOM

Only Ones Who Know - Arctic Monkeys

Ulrich

Jungkook was going to be my death.

Ever since he barreled into my life, I have counted the days until my expulsion. He had broken every single rule, did everything I asked him not to, and now... After the tornado warning, I was pacing inside my room.

It wasn't safe to even wander in the corridors. There was no network on my phone and I didn't know what to do except run for help. 

I tried to call him again, but couldn't reach him. Damnit!

Why couldn't he stay put? Being gay killed brain cells, Jungkook proved that.

That wasn't right. He has been the brightest student in our class till the present day. Being in love with a man who is straight killed brain cells. Yes.

Breathing courageously with my heart in my throat, I wrapped myself in waterproof clothes and a protective helmet before running out of the dorm. 

The speed of the wind was making it hard to step my foot ahead, especially with the weight of all the layers. I managed to walk to the wall and took support, struggling my way into the fifth-year dormitory elevator.

I shouldn't have used it, but my mind was fried and I pressed the button after getting in. I got stuck. Of course. 

It was worthless to press the help button. I would get in more trouble if I did, so I waited it out while praying to God that I didn't die of claustrophobia. 

Six minutes later, the electricity worked its magic and the door opened just enough for me to jump out.

Standing there, I breathed. I had lied to Jimin sir and that was why I couldn't go to him, but Jungkook and Taehyung sir were again in a spat, and I couldn't go to him either. 

Another powerful rustle of the wind practically pushed me from my place and motivated with fear. I made my decision. 

Jimin

When my door banged, I thought it was Taehyung waking up from sleep. Surprised by the weather, I discerned he must have been wanting to check on me. But I opened the door to an unfamilar and shivering figure.

At first, I couldn't distinguish who it was as most of their face was covered in a hood, but then they pushed it back.

"Ulrich?"

"I am sorry, sir. I didn't know where to go. I am sorry to disturb you at this time."

"What is it?" I asked, holding his padded shoulders immediately. "It's okay you came to me. Is everything alright?" I prompted when he didn't speak.

"Jungkook."

My throat suddenly felt dry hearing his name. "What about him?"

"He isn't back yet and I fear he must have gotten stuck somewhere."

"Back? From where?"

"I don't know. He left without telling me, but he took his travel card with him. My phone's not working right now." With his trembling hands, he tried to fish it out from under his jacket. 

"When did he leave?" I asked. 

"About an hour and a half ago."

I had called him an hour ago. He didn't pick up my call. Quickly I turned back to get my phone while Ulrich stood by the threshold. I dialed his number again, and he picked up. "H-hi, Jungkook." My heart raced up. 

"Hyung..." 

"Where are you?"

"I am at Kimchi-Noodle Bar near Dammtor station. I am stuck. Can you please tell Ulrich not to worry about me? I will come back the moment it gets better outside."

"Too late for that," I looked back to see Ulrich had crossed the threshold and was standing, nervously, trying to listen to our conversation. 

"Are you safe?" I asked. "Are you somewhere inside?"

"I was inside, but I left the restaurant and I am on my way to the station."

My heart began to beat in fear. I thought about what to say to him. He was already at risk and if I were to scold him for his stupidity, it would only affect his capacity to think rationally. "You should go back, Jungkook."

"No. I am almost there. I can make it."

"No trains would be running right now," I heard myself speaking harshly. Willing myself to cool down a bit, I breathed and said. "Get under cover. There's a tornado warning issued. Do you see any place which is covered and solid?"

Ulrich was now standing beside me as I heard the line go blank. "Hello?!" I called a little too loud.

There was a distorted noise before his voice came in broken sounds. "I am... I am... In there. I can see-"

"I can't hear you properly!"

"I am saying that I see a church garage. I can get in there."

"Go there and wait. Don't get out until it clears out. Is your phone charged?"

"Yes."

"Good. Put it on battery saver, just in case."

"Okay, Hyung." He spoke slowly, probably scared. My heart beat fast. Fuck. He had to be scared. 

"I'll come get you. Okay?"

It was either the line going blank again or him not speaking. "Send me your location, Jungkook."

And then the phone disconnected right before I received his live location. 

Fuck this shit. 

I lurked towards my wardrobe and pulled out a few pairs of clothes to get to the jackets I'd need in the terrible weather.

Ulrich watched as I got ready in a matter of seconds. "Go back to the dorm and wait for us there. If we don't come back in two hours and our phones are not working..." I raised a hand to my head, pushing the hair back and then putting on a woolen cap to cover myself before letting the waterproof jacket hood mask it. "Alert the distress team." I concluded while buttoning the flaps to keep the hood in place. 

Ulrich looked torn between wanting to say something and obeying me. I eased him by squeezing his shoulder. "Jungkook is fine. We'll be okay. Don't speak to anyone until two hours. You understand?"

When he gave a painful nod, I let out a smile of security I wasn't feeling and got to the door to grab my knee-length snow boots and an extra pair of jacket for Jungkook. 

**

Driving wasn't something I enjoyed. It was a necessity sometimes, but as I got out of the Uni entrance that we always used to avoid the security guards, I was sure that it was going to be the most hateful trip of my life. 

The control was shaking. I had to put a lot of force on the steering wheel to keep balance. The winds were gushing so loud that I could hear the sensation inside the locked car. The leaves were blocking my view by flying and sticking to the windshield. I kept the wiper working.

Knowing the risk of a bigger object getting caught in it, I was more than scared. 

After navigation for ten minutes, contracting pain began to form in my knuckles and wrists, and it radiated to my whole arms. One way to Jungkook's location would take fifteen minutes in an ideal scenario, but it wasn't ideal. I was putting all my effort to control the car's movements. 

After thirty minutes, I was a little over halfway there. 

But suddenly, the trees surrounding the dark road relaxed a bit, and the force I was exerting on the steering that I felt in my bones also reduced. Taking the opportunity, I floored it.

With not a vehicle in sight, I took the car as fast as I could. But it wasn't long before the force of nature won against me and slowed me down.

Cautiously, I kept pushing myself, not worrying about the pain. I skewed sharp left when a billboard came flying at me from the front, and suddenly something snapped in my head when I maneuvered the car.

I thought whatever was supposed to happen to me tonight would happen, so I pressed the accelerator. 

It took a few minutes but I reached in front of the church and pulled over. 

The moment I opened the car's door, wet and cold air slapped me. My skin turned so cold that it started hurting in a matter of seconds. Wheezing for breath as I clutched the spare jacket, I squinted and looked around to spot the garage. 

I had to walk around into the small alleyway to find a heavy metal door on the right side of the building. Breathing heavily as rain poured down on me, I banged my palm on it as hard as I could. "JUNGKOOK! ARE YOU IN THERE?!"

All around me was a bluster of noises. I wasn't sure if he would be able to hear me. I banged again. "OPEN THE DOOR, JUNGKOOK!"

It took a few seconds, but they felt like long minutes of cold hell before Jungkook opened the gate slightly, and with the push of wind, I barged in and we both pushed the gate to close it again.

"Fucking hell," I breathed shallowly the moment we were contained. "I can't feel my hands."

Jungkook lurked towards me and I finally looked at him. Pale face, hair frizzy and slightly wet, he was shivering. He gripped my palms between his and started rubbing them vigorously while blowing hot breaths.

I let him. 

The comfort I felt in the warmth rendered me motionless. I stood there, watching him fussing over me without moving a muscle. Was this love? Was he doing this because he was in love? Or was he simply scared?

After a few moments passed and as the cold began to leave my body, I gained some rigor back. Pulling away from him, I extended the jacket to Jungkook that I was clutching to my side. "How are you?"

"I am okay," he answered as he gulped, not looking okay at all as he shrugged into the sleeves.

"Wear it properly, Jungkook," I couldn't help but reach out to close his zipper. Once that was done, I also fixed his hair to put the attached hood on top of his head. 

He didn't say anything. Ensuring that he was covered, I looked around to find anything that could help us on our way back. Nothing in there was helpful unless we knew how to kickstart the dead engine, in which case, we could borrow the tools. 

My eye fell on a big tarp and I quickly snatched it up from the ground. In the worst case, if my windshield broke, I could cover us under that. 

Jungkook silently watched my maniac hunt for scraps. "Let's go," I told him, gripping his heavily padded elbow.

He followed me silently to the gate. "Watch out, okay? The wind will push it inside. Don't get yourself hurt."

He nodded.

Before I could reach for the iron door, he gripped my elbow and pulled me back, hard. I stared at him, wide-eyed. "Can you- Can I-"

"What?" 

"Can you please hug me for a moment?"

Fuck. My heart seared. In my pain and overwhelming thoughts, I forgot what he must have been feeling. I lurked towards him and pulled him in. He gripped his hands around me. With jackets between us, I couldn't feel his body.

Surely enough, he also didn't feel me, but perhaps human contact was what he needed. He had no reason to be scared, not if I were with him, and not anymore. 

But he gripped me for a long time.

I didn't push him or pull him. I simply held him like a good support system. He didn't need my fear or my objections to his closeness right now. He also didn't need my judgment, and I understood that.

Relieved filled me to be the one to bring him a sense of security. 

At the same time, this resentment took hold of my heart. What was it about Jungkook that I found myself getting involved in his affairs the more I wanted to run away? And because of that, we had moments like this that only two of us shared. I couldn't talk about them with anyone else, especially my best friend or my partner, and that made me feel heavy guilt like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to do, something wrong, even when I only had the purest of intentions.

What did it entail? 

I was not sure of anything more than I was about my sexuality. I was not gay. And it was enough for me to validate myself that nothing I was doing with Jungkook was wrong.

Maybe it was time I learned not to hate myself for adoring Jungkook. He was a likable, young man who was full of life. Not just me, everyone felt the same way about him. And yet, I couldn't get rid of the feeling of guilt as I thought of what Taehyung might think if he knew about what happened tonight, or at the night of the party, or the night after.

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15 Mar, 2025