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"Sometimes, not being in control is the best feeling in the world."

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(Talk of Rape)

(Angst)

Eijiro was still in his arms, the stillness in the air only made him more curious about what the redhead was about to discuss with him. Kirishima's past. It was somewhat of a mystery to Katsuki, yet he knew that something was going on with his home life. Not once did the ash-blond ever see the inside of Eiji's childhood home.

Nor did he ever see the kid's mother. Katsuki knew that Eijiro was poor growing up; he never had designer clothes or perfect shoes. Instead, the redhead would wear clothes until they were ripping or too small for his growing body. Eiji often came to school tired, but never lost that smile he wore.

"It started in the 5th grade. Well, honestly, the signs were there earlier, but she never started hitting me until the 5th grade." Kirishima's voice was quiet, pressed into his chest as his body clung to the blond's, seeking comfort that Katsuki promised to provide. Hit him? Who? Instead of speaking, he just ran his hands softly over Eijiro's back and sides, keeping him tucked under the covers where the boy seemed most comfortable.

"At first it was just her yelling at me when I would come home. She would come home late, drunk, and later on, I realized she was also high on all kinds of drugs as well." Eijiro scoffed and his hands dug into the fabric of the shirt Katsuki was wearing. His mother was the one who hurt him? Her own son? Katsuki took a deep breath and stayed silent, letting Ei take this at his own pace.

"She - She would get mad at me for little things. S - Staying out too late, not finishing my homework, getting lower grades than she wanted." Eiji curled his smaller body closer to Katsuki's, slowly pushing his leg up and over the blond's hips, trying to shrink inside the safety that he was providing for the boy.

"She hit me with so many things I lost count." He whispered and Katsuki sucked in a sharp breath, trying to control his own anger at the woman who dared to lay her hands on the perfect boy in his arms. "At f- first it was her fists, then belts, then switches, and later on she got more violent, when the drugs got harder and her withdrawals got more painful, she would throw dishes at me, they would shatter and..." Eiji's voice trailed off as his body began to tremble in Katsuki's arms.

"You're doing so well, pet. Shhh, take your time." Katsuki pressed soft kisses into his hair, rubbing his back the whole timeas his own mind raced with questions. Soon enough, Eiji shook his head and began talking again.

"Luckily nothing scared, it only cut and pricked my skin., hurt like a bitch to clean and disinfect each time." The dark chuckle released by the redhead had the hairs standing up on his own arms. "That was in the 5th grade though. When I got older, things got worse. She started bringing people over, different men almost every night." He laughed again, shaking his head against Katsuki's chest. "I thought she was a fuckin' whore, little did I know that's exactly what she was. A prostitute, whoreing herself out for drug money while her kid was in the other room, listening." Eiji spat and tensed up.

Katsuki couldn't imagine what he went through as a boy, he was so young when all this happened. How did the boy manage to come to school smiling every day, how could he have missed this pain his best friend was enduing alone?

"In high school, I had to work just to pay for groceries. Soon, I had to work to bail my mother out of a death sentence because she was backed up on drug money. You know, I had money saved for college, I was gonna go, right? I was going to make something of my pathetic life, but then one of her little friends came busting into our home and I had to hand over the money before they killed her. They were going to kill her..." Katsuki closed his eyes, willing himself to stay calm as the precious boy in his arms called himself pathetic for things beyond his control. However, he felt the need to speak up.

"Eijiro, you are not pathetic. You never were pathetic, sweetheart." He soothed, placing a kiss on the top of his head again as the redhead tensed up briefly as if he didn't believe a word the ash-blond had just spoken, but that was only, one day he would see how perfect he was. Katsuki stopped talking again and just waited, running his hands softly over Kirishima's tense body over the covers.

"That happened multiple times, every time I would get money saved up I would have to pay up for my mother's mistakes." His voice went quieter than before, hushed in a way that had Katsuki holding his breath. "When I was 19, shortly after we all got out of school that last year, I had lost my job and was trying to find another just so we could keep the power on and food in the fridge." He tensed up in Katsuki's arms again and the blond swore he could feel the grinding of the redhead's teeth as his jaw tensed and moved along his chest.

"It's okay, you're okay." Katsuki reminded him, petting his hair and blinking his eyes a few times, just to see if this was even real. He never imagined anything like this happening to the sunshine boy he knew in high school. 

"We were low on money already, I didn't know that my mother had collected quite the debt to one of her local drug dealers. I had been out looking for jobs, Katsuki..." Eiji's voice broke when he said the blond's name. Katsuki's heart squeezed and he hugged the boy tightly to his chest, keeping one hand petting softly in the red strands of hair while the other wrapped around his wasit, protectively. 

"I came home and - and they were there, in my home. Those m-men had beaten my mother unconscious and were digging through my room for my hidden cash. I had just paid our bills, I didn't have anything else. I didn't h-have anything to give t-them!" Eijiro tensed up as a sob broke past his lips, followed by desperate pants for breath, warm spurts of air puffed along the blond's chest while he just held onto the boy, hoping for him to relax. His own stomach churned at the direction this story was turning.

"He told me to give him the money that they knew I kept. I couldn't give them something I didn't have! T - They forced me into my room and made me tear it inside out for the money while my mother laid in a pool of her own blood, unconscious, but I - I could see her breathing. She was still alive." Eiji whimpered and clung tighter to Katsuki's body, pressing his now damp cheeks to the man's chest.

"Baby, you don't have to tell me this. You don't have to, sweetheart." Katsuki cooed softly, running his thumb under the boy's eyes to catch the falling tears. His own heart eas breaking just from hearing these horrific events.

"N- No, I n-need you to know... You need to know t-that I'm broken." The boy whined low in his throat, a sound of pure pain that had Katsuki pulling him up and tucking his head under the man's chin.

"Okay, Eiji. Okay, you can tell me anything, sweetheart." He felt his chest tighten at the affection he so willingly showed Kirishima all the time. It felt good to care for someone like this. His best friend would always hold a special place in his heart.

"Oh God, Katsuki..." Eiji cried lowly into the blond's neck, he could feel the warm tears dripping onto his skin as Eiji gasped for air against his neck. " T- They forced me against the wall and... and pulled a gun on me. T- They poainted it at my mother, K- Katsuki. They said they would kill her if I didn't do it. I didn't want to do it. I n-never wanted to do it!" Eiji broke down, his desperate pleas to be heard, to be believed, came crying out choppy and in between gasps and sobs.

Katsuki's heart stopped at what the boy implied, his own body shook with anger and fear for the little redhead in his arms. How could someone hurt someone so delicate, so fragile?

"Nngh... They m-made me... take my c-clothes off... ahh..." Eijiro inhaled sharply and moaned out little painfilled sounds, as his mind surely filled with those horrible memories. KAtsuki shook his head, he didn't want to hear these things, but he promised he would listen. He promised, Eiji and he won't be weak when Eiji needs him to be strong.

"K- Katsuki..." Eiji whined pitifully, tears still soaking both of their skin as the redhead buried his face back into the man's chest, letting his shirt dry up the boy's tears, he didn't mind. "T- They held the gun at my mother w-while they.... they r - rape - raped me... T- They raped me, Katsuki. T- They raped me!" Quickly, Katsuki pulled the boy's body into his and turned them so they were lying on their sides, placing one hand on the boy's cheek while the other cradled him close. 

Katsuki's mind was frozen on that one little word that had his body going cold and stiff. Those men raped him in front of his unconscious mother with a gun over his head. Fuckin' hell, no wonder the boy was so jumpy, and that day with his PA with the gun... Oh, God. He wanted to vomit just thinking about how that must have made Eiji feel.

"T-They said that I would be my mother's payments from there on... I begged her to stop taking the drugs. I told her what they did to me, but she couldn't stop. She even tried once, only to relapse and wind up with more debt. T- They came back... for months they came back and... p-passed me around like some cheap whore. I b-begged for them to s-stop, it hurt so fuckin' much." The boy seethed through clenched teeth, I could feel his tense jaw under my hand as I stared at his flushed face.

"I know you did, baby. You were so strong, so strong for sticking it out and being where you are today, pet. Everything is okay and you're safe, you don't have to keep going..." Katsuki tried to soothe him, to let him know that he didn't have to speak anymore, but Eiji insisted, shaking his head and gritting his teeth.

"I need to... Please..." He whimpered and Katsuki held back any sounds of his own sorrow, and just kissed each other Kirishima's wet eyelids, nodding his head for him to continue. Katsuki's heart was sore, his gut was churning, his head began throbbing behind his eyelids, a headache surely coming from all this information.

"It kept happening, they called it 'payment sessions', those sick fuckers. I - I was so scared I would... contract... something from them. T- They never wore condoms and... and they always... inside m- me..." Eiji choked back another desperate cry, his body shook in Katsuki's arms. His red orbs burnt with tears that he tried so hard to hold back, he didn't need the boy seeing him crying. Dashing them away with the back of his hand, Katsuki kept placing kisses on Eiji's sweaty brow.

"W-When my mother finally went into a rehab facility, it was only because she was found passed out on the street somewhere. She was forced to go, and I was left alone in the house where all those men - they knew. They knew where I was at. I couldn't take it any longer, I had to leave." Eiji finally started to calm down, his heart was beating wildly and the tears kept falling, but his voice was evening out.

"I took what little money I had, and ran. I left the town, the city, and moved away somewhere safer. I was living in a motel for a while while I worked to save money, and luckily found Denki working in the same little restaurant that I found a job at. We moved in together and have been friends ever since." Eiji smiled a little when talking about Denki, and that warmed Katsuki's heart some, but the pain was still there, lingering behind Eiji's strawberry eyes.

"I met this guy..." Eiji began and KAtsuki's heart sunk once again. What more could this poor man have had to have gone through? "We dated for a while and things were great, well, as great as a relationship with someone as broken as me could get." Eiji chuckled dryly, shaking his head as a frown pulled at Katsuki's lips. "I couldn't even have sex with my boyfriend of 2 years without clamming up and feeling like it was happening all over again. When things were finally getting better, he began getting r-rough with me - rough in bed." Eiji whispered and shook his head again. Jesus, kid... Katsuki wanted to hurt someone responsible for hurting Eijiro that way.

"He started by just h - holding me down to the bed, but soon he was c-choking me and calling me names... He said that I was w-weak for not being able to 't-take cock' the way he wanted me to. We foungt all the time, but I couldn't bring myself to leave him. I finally belonged somewhere." Eiji exhaled and closed his eyes, tilting his face into Katsuki's shoulder and pulling his body closer into the blond's chest as they lie facing each other on their sides.

"You didn't deserve that, Ei," Katsuki whispered and kissed the top of his head, having no real words that could possibly make the boy feel better, so he opted for showering him with affection and comfort.

"I - I tell myself that... It's just hard to believe after so long... Anyways, he finally left me after 2 and a half years together. I found out he left me for some tramp he found at a bar. He actually told me that I was too much baggage, and wasnt worth the trouble." Kirishima whispered and shook his head. "I believed him, so, you see now, Katsuki?" Eiji opened his beautiful eyes, they were red and puffy, but still held the most beautiful glow.

"See?" Katsuki repeated to himself as his brain tried to work all the information he had been told.

"Yeah..." Ei breathed out and shook his head. "You see that I am only baggage now? There is no way that someone like you would ever want someone as b-broken and pathetic as me. I'm used, Katsuki, and I can't handle anyone touching me. I don't know how the hell you manage to touch me without me freaking ou - Mmph!" Katsuki didn't know what had come over him, but the words the beautiful boy was spewing sounded tainted.

Eijiro wasn't weak or pathetic, not at all. The redheaded boy in his arm was beautiful, strong, and deserved to enjoy his life for once. Nothing that Eiji had shared with him had swayed his opinion of his friend. Eijiro is still perfect in his eyes, and although he may need special handling, he had a feeling that Eijiro knew what he needed in order to heal.

Katsuki captured Eijiro's swollen and salty lips, cupping his flushed and damp face, not caring that this was their first kiss. He needed Eijiro to stop talking bad about himself, he needed to show Eiji that he wasn't going anywhere. Eijiro whimpered at the contact but didn't pull away, and for a second Katsuki stiffened up, afraid that he had done something to upset the boy further.

However, his mind was laid to rest when Kirishima's arms wound around the blond's neck as the boy pulled his body closer to Katsuki's, kissing back and parting his lips delicately, timidly, as Katsuki easily dominated the kiss. The ash-blond wound his arms around Eiji's hips, holding him close and letting their lips run together slowly, testing the waters and making sure to keep it simple enough not to frighten the boy. 

The warmth from Eiji's mouth sent the blond dominant on fire, never before had he thought he'd be kissing Kirishima's soft lips and holding him so tenderly, yet here he is, wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and security with the redhead in his arms. His lips brushed the bruised ones of the smaller male, his tongue gently coming out to trail along Eiji's bottom lip before sucking it between his teeth and releasing it gently.

He wanted so much more to dive into Eiji's mouth and explore each warm and wet cavern of his lovely little mouth, but he refrained, pulling back enough to disconnect their lips, his eyes opening just in time to see Eijiro move his face closer, his slightly puckered lips searching for Katsuki's kiss. A soft chuckle left Katsuki at the adorable and heartwarming sight.

Placing a gentle kiss to the corner of Kirishima's mouth, Katsuki pulled away and brushed his fingers along Eiji's cheek until his eyes fluttered open, half-lidded and dazed.

"How do you feel?" Katsuki asked lowly, smiling softly as Eiji blinked once, twice, and then let a smile stretch along his features.

"I feel... better now, thank you." Eiji exhaled through parted lips that begged Katsuki to capture in another tender kiss, and by the gods, he couldn't resist. Placing a gentle kiss to Eiji's sore lips once more, he pulled back as Eiji sighed blissfully, his eyes still closed as Katsuki ran soothing hands along his sides and back.

"You are beautiful, strong, smart, kind, and unique. My opinion of you hasn't changed, actually scratch that, it has." Eiji's eyes widened as fear coated his features. "I think you are stronger than I originally thought. You are resilient and absolutely beautiful; no one could cast a shadow on you, sweetheart." Katsuki smiled when a faint flush began to coat Eiji's features. Katsuki needed the boy to know the truth.

"I am proud of you, Ei. Thank you for sharing that story with me, I know it must have been hard for you. I hope you know that I would never force you to do something you didn't want to do, sweetheart. I want to take care of you, help you, and watch you grow, baby. I think you could do that with the right guidance, don't you?" Katsuki asked, stroking his thumb over Ei's warm cheek. He smiled when Eijiro nodded his head in agreement.

"Good, because like I said earlier, you're still going to be mine, no matter what." Katuki pressed his lips back to Eiji's once more, needing to convey his sincerity and passion. His heart soared when Eiji's lips kissed back instantly, search for more, needing reassurance, and that is exactly what Katsuki gave to him, slowly, and with tender kisses, until Kirishima had fallen asleep, a peaceful expression on his once-troubled face.