I was pretty disappointed I couldn't see Gerard today since he was working. I was beginning to grow quite attached to him, for better or for worse. I sat in my room late that night, daydreaming of him as I looked out the window. The stars were bright in the sky, a beautiful night to sneak out to see him.

"Paco? Are you alright?" someone asked.

I looked over and saw my mom in the doorway of my bedroom.

"Yes, mama," I said.

"You've seemed distracted lately," she said, sitting on the edge of my bed. "What's wrong, pumpkin?"

"Nothing," I said, turning around to fully face her on my window seat.

"Nothing's wrong?" She asked. "You've got that same look on your eyes you used to have as a child when your mind was full of thoughts."

I looked down. I hated keeping things from my mom. She was my best friend and I knew she loved me more than anything.

"Mama..." I trailed off, not sure if I could tell her or not. "Mama, you expect me to one day settle down and start a family of my own, right?"

"Of course, Paco, I would love for you to be able to do that," she said.

"Well, how am I supposed to meet someone to settle down with if I'm never allowed out of the house to meet anyone?" I asked. "And how can I bring someone close to me if I'm not allowed to tell them anything about the family business."

My mom sighed. "Life is complicated with your father's business. As you know, your father and I were in an arranged marriage between two of the mafia families to bring peace among them. We learned to love each other. I had already known about the business."

"How did you guys learn to love each other if you were forced to be together?" I asked.

"It's not true love, your father and I are not soulmates," she said. "But we love each other like family either way. I never told you this but we've been married for twenty-two years now. You're eighteen. You have a fourteen year old brother."

"You two had another child?" I asked. "Who? Where is he? Why isn't he here?"

"He wasn't my child, Paco," she said. "Despite being married, your father and I didn't love each other like a couple. Yes, we had an arrangement in which we mutually agreed to benefit you and the business, but we didn't love each other. Your father had fallen in love with a girl two years before we were to be wed and continued to see her for years after. They had a son together. She never knew of the business or of us two. When you were four he was born, Anthony was his name. Your dad loved this woman very much and became fearful of something happening to her. So, he gave her lots of money and sent her away. Last I heard they were living somewhere in France. They still write letters to each other once a year."

"So, I'm not an only child?" I asked and she shook her head. "Why didn't you ever tell me about this, Mama?"

"It was a secret between your father and I, Paco," she said.

"What does this have to do with me wanting to meet someone?" I asked.

"Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes love doesn't always work out," she said. "And when it does, it's precious and you have to cherish it. Your father had protected his love by sending her away. I do want for you to be happy with someone you love but I don't want you or someone you love to be hurt. Sometimes the best route isn't always the happiest route."

"What about you, Mama, did you ever love anyone?" I asked.

"I did," she said with a small smile. "We were young, teenagers. I was head over heels for him. In fact, I met him around the same time your father met his love. But I wanted to be with him, not your father. We tried to run away. My father--your grandfather--caught notice of our plans. My love was one of his guards. He sent him away on a dangerous heist. He didn't make it."

"I'm sorry, Mama," I mumbled.

"It hurt deeply," she said. "I just don't want you to go through the same pain that I did."

"So you're suggesting I settle for whoever dad arranges me with?" I asked.

"Sometimes the easier route can be the best," she said. "But you know I would want to put your happiness before everything else. I know that you're not happy with the business. I know you don't want to take it over. But this is your life."

"What if I were to fall in love with someone outside of one of the families?" I asked.

"If they are willing, you could potentially try to integrate them into the family with your father's permission," she said. "Why are you so curious of this all of the sudden? Have you met a special girl?"

"No," I said. "But I'm at the age where I should be finding the person to settle down with. Most people in families start having children in their early twenties. Why can't I be let out of the house ever? Why can't I do anything that normal teenagers can do?"

"Because you're not a normal teenager, Paco," she said.

"Why couldn't you have had more children so the whole business didn't have to ride on me?" I asked.

"You know I can't," she said.

"Why couldn't Anthony have been trained like me?" I asked. "Why does he get to be a normal kid and I don't? We have the same father."

"But he was raised by his mother in a completely different world," she said. "I know that life seems unfair, Paco. I was an only child as well. My father was disappointed when my mother could only bear a girl before she passed. It was the old days, they didn't believe a woman could run a family. And with no men born, they thought it would be the end of the line for our family. So they married me off. I was used as a mere pawn."

"I'm sorry, Mama," I said.

"It's okay, Paco, I'm okay with how everything happened because that's how I got you," she said with a smile as she pinched my cheek. "Why the sudden urge to settle down and follow family rules?"

I bit my lip. "I met someone, Mama. When dad took me to show me the laundering business."

"Oh? What's her name?" My mom asked with a curious smile.

"His name is Gerard, Mama," I said.

"His?" She asked and I nodded. "Honey, I'm happy for you."

My eyes watered as I looked down.

"Paco, what's wrong?" She asked.

"I have been so scared for years to tell you that I like boys," I said, the tears threatening to spill. "I feel like I have been lying to you and was so scared of you being angry at me because of my sexuality. I-I'm gay, Mama."

"That's okay, baby," she said, wrapping an arm around me. "I love you no matter what."

I nodded, wiping away my tears.

"How have you been keeping in contact with Gerard?" She asked.

"I have his number," I said. "And don't tell papa but I've been sneaking out at night to see him."

"You know it's very dangerous for you to go out alone, Paco, especially without telling anyone where you're at," she said.

"I know," I said. "But I like him a lot, Mama. I really like being able to spend time with him, I just wish we could do it under better conditions where we didn't have to keep everything so secret."

"Do you love him?" She asked.

"I think it's too soon to say I love you's, mama, but I really like him a lot," I said. "Like a lot a lot."

She smiled, kissing my forehead.

"But I don't want us to stay secret forever like papa and his love, I want to be able to integrate him into the family, too," I said. "I don't want an arranged marriage to keep families happy, I would want to be with him. I want to be with someone I truly love, Mama."

My mom bit her lip as she looked away.

"What?" I asked.

"Your father has been talking with another family," she said. "He is already arranging for your marriage with someone else. The daughter of another family."

I stood up, shaking my head.

"No, I won't," I denied. "I won't marry her."

"I am going to have a talk with your father," she said. "I won't tell him about Gerard but I will let him know that you would be very unhappy in an arranged marriage."

I sobbed, shaking my head.

"I can't get married so soon that means taking over the business after marriage and I don't want to take over the business," I said.

"Take deep breaths, Paco," my mom said softly, standing up to rub my back.

I sniffled, sitting down on the floor.

"Mama, I just wanna be normal," I cried. "I don't want to get married, especially not to some girl I don't know."

"I know, baby, I know," she muttered.

"I'll run away, Mama," I stated. "I will. I'll run away and never come back."

"Oh, don't say that, baby, your mama would miss you too much," she said.

"But what else am I supposed to do if I can't even make my own decisions in life?" I asked.

"I know you're scared but you're still young, everything will sort itself out for you," she said. "You'll understand soon. Sometimes life is about sacrifices. I have made so many sacrifices for you and will continue to make more just as long as you're happy."

I nodded. "And my sacrifice will be that I don't get Gerard?"

"We don't know yet, Paco," she said. "Life isn't fair, I won't lie. Sometimes we don't always get to be happy. But I am going to try my hardest to make sure that you are happy."