Percy Jackson

Grover finally called the morning after I talked to Annabeth, waking me up at the bright and early hour of 11AM.

"Percy?" Hearing my boyfriend voice for the first time in a month was enough to wake me up almost instantly, though it did confuse me. "Are you awake?"

"Hm...?" I hummed, sitting up and rubbing my eyes before realizing that it was an IM and not my boyfriend actually being in my room. Not that he's the type to sneak in, but still.

I smiled, because for as worried as I've been, I also missed him.

"Oh, hey, Grover." I said, noticing his anxiety even without the dumb empathy link. "Sorry, I just woke up. As you can probably tell. What time is it for you?"

"It's uh— well I don't know the exact time, but I picked up a coffee and a small breakfast around 5:30 and I went for a few hours before finding a good cleaning to rest for a little bit before I figure out brunch and my afternoon route. I'm in Southern California right now, so I'm... Four hours? Yeah, four hours behind you. I didn't mean to wake you up, sorry, but... At least you woke up."

That statement rubbed me wrong.

"I did wake up." I responded short, because I thought that he just wouldn't say anything based on the fact that I was alive and not in a hospital or visibly hurt or anything. "Is there a reason why I wouldn't? You seem a little surprised."

"Well..." But of course, he wouldn't say it, because nobody wants to say it out loud. "You... Know. You never know. We don't have the empathy link anymore, so it's hard for me to know those things now that it's been a whole month."

I shrugged.

"You could ask." I suggested, because it was that simple. "You could respond to my letters or send an IM when you say you're going to. Then you would know— or at least, have a better idea. Hermes doesn't even charge us for letters."

And sure, I felt bad being so hostile towards my boyfriend almost immediately after not being able to speak with him for a month, but...

But now that I can see him, it's not even a relief— it's just validating my feelings right now.

Or, more accurately, my frustrations.

"Are you... Upset?" Grover asked, sounding confused.

"Yes!" I crossed my arms, taking a large breath. "Because it's been a month since we've spoken, Grover, and you said you would call in two weeks, and that IM never came. I know that it's harder to know things without the empathy link, Grover, but that's why I want you to respond to my letter or call when you say you will. I know you're busy and on the go, but... If you say you'll call in two weeks, I expect an IM something during that week. Not a month later. Because we agreed that you should make the calls so I don't put you in danger on accident. But if things came up, and I get that they do, you could've sent me a letter. Hell, it could've been a note on a napkin for all I care, I just..."

I lost my voice.

"I miss you." I concluded. "And I've been so worried that you haven't called because you were mad with me about the link not being there anymore, but I don't want to make you waste drachmas, and we agreed that you'd call, so I don't call to make sure that things are fine and I'm... Anxious and a little upset, yeah."

Grover looked down.

"So it... Hasn't helped? To get rid of the link?"

"Wh— that's not what I said."

"You said you were anxious, though."

"Yeah, because I don't know if things are okay with us." I clarified, crossing my arms. "Not... Not because of my clinical anxiety that shows up randomly. This is for a reason. Getting rid of the empathy link has helped— or, at least, it's stopped things from getting worse. I'm still going to be anxious and depressed, Grover— I have a disease. I had it before the link, and I still have it after. Has it helped you?"

My boyfriend shrugged.

"Not really." Without the link, I could stop tell it was at least a half lie. "I guess I was able to make more progress each day since I was stopping less to recharge, but..." The satyr closed his mouth. "I don't know if I'd take an extra mile or two a day when I was just constantly worrying that my next call would be Mr. D or Chiron or even Gabe telling me that you were in the hospital again or like... You know. I was worried, too."

I glanced at the photo I had of Grover and I from the vow renewal. The only photo we've been able to take together since last summer.

Finding the words I needed, I looked back up at my boyfriend.

"Then why didn't you call?" I challenged his statements. "Or send something back? You got my letter, didn't you?"

"About the meeting and Rachel and stuff? Yeah, I— I got it. I still have it."

"So why didn't you respond?"

He shrugged, not meeting my expression.

"I don't know."

It was a shitty answer to hear. Mostly because I couldn't concern how true it was. I could tell that he felt guilty— at least a little, but I couldn't tell if it was because he was lying or if it's because he just felt bad about the situation.

Maybe it's both.

I don't really want it to be both— I don't want my boyfriend to lie to me, but...

Here we are, I guess.

"Grover, if it's because you were upset or angry, that's fine— you can say that," I reminded him. "But if that's why, I don't want you just avoid or ignore me every time something happens or every time we disagree about something. I know that what I did was kind of rash— I'm sorry that I brought it up and acted on it so suddenly, but..." My voice died in my throat. "I was desperate for anything that would help, Leaf, and the link was one thing that I knew I could control to try and make things better. If you were or you're still upset about it, I get it, but we can't move on from this if you don't talk to me. We can't be much of anything if we don't talk to each other— especially because we're so far apart right now. Physically and like... Emotionally, I think."

Considering this, Grover crossed his arms, resting his chin on his knees as he pulled them in.

"I just... I knew that, eventually, the link would go away." My boyfriend admitted. "But I assumed we had another year before then, you know? If we ever got rid of it— I... Made my peace with what would happen if we didn't. I just wanted to make what little time we have left count, you know? It's not like we'll get to grow old together or anything, so the link was like... It felt like our way of making up for that. Now that it's gone... It feels like you're gone already. Even though we were supposed to have another year and a half together. Before that happened."

And like last time, he didn't need to say it word for word for me to get the message:

Grover already thinks of me as a dead man.

Or, at the very least, a ticking time bomb. Something so temporary that, in his mind, there's already an end date. An expiration date for my life. And with that, our relationship.

After all, nature spirits don't go to the underworld when they die, so we won't be together there.

Because of this stupid fucking prophecy, Grover's only question seems to be when I'll die. If it's next week or next year. Because of that question, he's already started to check out of our relationship.

That's not the question— that's not the way of thinking that I feel in love with.

"And what happens if I live, Grover?"

The wall between us that I unknowingly unveiled when removing the empathy link completely blocked that idea, though.

He looked at me like I was foolish.

"It's a prophecy, Percy. Not... It's not something we should tempt the Fates on. I— I wish we could, but... It's fate."

My expression fell.

"Fate." I repeated back to him. "Right."

There was a pause as I felt my anxiety settle. My frustration subside, replaced by a content sadness.

A peaceful sadness. A sadness I... Expected. Shitty as it is.

"I don't think we can do this anymore,"

Grover frowned.

"Do what?"

I sighed.

"Grover..." My voice died. "We haven't talked in a month, but even before then... We barely talked when you were in Maine. Even through or with the link, it was... Maybe once a week? Maybe? And I spend—" I stuttered. "I spend so much of my time and energy constantly trying to find reasons to live that I can't..."

Looking down, I don't know why, but I wasn't crying. My eyes weren't misty.

It felt like they should've been, but they weren't.

"I can't be with somebody who looks at me like I already have one foot in my grave." I told him in the nicest way I could figure out. "And, even if I do, acts like there's no way for me to get that foot out. I'm... I'm so happy for you, Grover, that you're chasing your dreams. You deserve your license. To be able to look for and find Pan, but..."

I hugged myself.

"But I don't think that I can be your boyfriend while you do that."

"You... Don't?"

I frowned.

"Grover, you're so sweet and I know you mean well— I miss you." I reminded him. "But I need somebody who I can see more than two or three times a year. Somebody who I can talk to more than once a month. If I even need somebody— maybe I need to be single for a while, I don't know. But I can't keep doing this long distance if we don't talk, and I can't, in good faith, stay with you if all you wonder is how soon I'll die when I'm trying so hard right now to stay alive. I'm... I'm sorry."

It was silent for a moment as Grover, who just got demoted to ex boyfriend, processed the news.

I couldn't tell how it made him feel.

"Yeah," he said in a flat tone. "I guess so. I should... Should probably go then. Lots of ground to cover. Go have fun being single or whatever you need that I can't give you. Tell Travis I say hi."

And just like that, he ended the call.

Just like that, I was alone with my thoughts again.

•••
Travis Stoll

You don't realize how good you have it until you lose it.

In my case, I didn't realize how miserable camp would be without Mr. D, so I was taking every chance I could to escape into the city. He's replaces Mr. D with this dude named Quintus who is just like... Kind of insane.

He's a demigod himself, which seems cool until he is borderline torturing us with his training methods, so. Now most of us are too tired by campfire or by the time we have a council meeting to even think about complaining to Chiron about anything that isn't how hard Quintus is pushing us.

I mean, we've only met once since Quintus has joined the camp, but... Still. It was not productive at all.

That being said, I try to leave at least once a week now, so does Connor. We usually leave on different days, as to not leave our siblings stranded, but this morning our mom wanted to meet with us for breakfast before she had a flight to take, so we both took it as a chance to take a break. Julia offered to watch the cabin, and I trust her, so we had all day.

After breakfast with our mom, Connor and I stopped at Luke's apartment, since Silena had something for us to give to him.

"Travis, Connor, hey!" Luke greeted us at the door, stepping out of the doorway. "Come on in. What's up? Everything going okay, or...?"

"Yeah! We just met our mom for breakfast and Julia said she'd watch the cabin for today, so we figured we'd swing by here before we go off to do our own things for the day." I told my brother as Connor handed him the envelope.

"Oh, nice— what's this?"

"It's from Silena." Connor explained, shrugging. "Not sure what it is. Spy stuff, probably. The dude who is filling in for Mr. D sucks ass, by the way. Is there a plan in place yet for what we're going to do about Chiron? Because I can't take another month of this Quintus guy."

"He sucks." I agreed. "I can't believe I'd ever say it, but I miss Mr. D."

Connor raised an eyebrow at me.

"Is that why you're hoping to marry into his marry?"

"Wh..." I paused. "What? I'm... I'm single, Connor. And have no interest in the twins."

My younger brother rolled his eyes.

"Not the twins, dumbass." He jabbed me with his elbow. "Percy. You go to his place all the time."

Honestly, I didn't even know how to respond to that call out.

"I— we... We broke up, Connor." I reminded him. "Like... A year and a half ago. At the end of summer. And this last summer we were going to go on a date, and then... It never happened. He's dating somebody else now. He's dating Grover, you know that."

Connor rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but you still like him."

"I... What?"

"Dude, it's obvious." My little brother broke the news to me as Luke nodded in assent. "So obvious that it's why Katie never went on a second date with you, remember? You're down so insanely bad for him, Travis."

"It's kind of obvious." Luke agreed with Connor as Thalia walked into the apartment with a few grocery bags. "Not that it would be obvious to him— Percy will assume and write it up to anything besides that because his self esteem is... In Tartarus, basically, but it's kind of obvious. It's not bad, though."

"It's not..." And sure, fine, they're right, but that doesn't change the reality. "But we... Broke up. Twice, technically. I don't... We're on good terms for once. I don't want to risk ruining it again. Plus, he's dating Grover."

"Percy?" Thalia asked, joining the conversation as he set down the groceries in the kitchen. We all nodded in response. "Oh, no, he isn't..."

They lost their voice for a moment.

"Grover finally called him the other day." Thalia led with what was good news, because when I was at the Jackson's place last week, Percy was getting worried about Grover because he hadn't called in three weeks. "And I don't know the details because it was Sally that told me about it— I swung by the candy shop on my way home. But Percy and Grover like... Broke up."

"They did?" The three of us all asked in unison, because as of last week...

I mean, yeah, Percy had his concerns. He doesn't talk about Grover a lot around me because we used to be together so it can be weird, in his mind, for him to tell me about his boyfriend and relationship problems.

But as of last week, despite the worries he had about Grover not calling or writing, he was still... He still wanted to be with Grover.

As hard as the distance is for them, he told Rachel (who told me) that he didn't want to break up with the satyr, even if there was an argument or if Grover was still super upset about the empathy link.

He wanted to figure it out.

"Wh... Sorry, I know you said you don't know many details." I prefaced. "Who... Broke up with who?"

Thalia shrugged.

"I don't know, sorry."

So, with that knowledge, I detoured on my way to the Jackson's after leaving Luke's to build him a little break-up basket— some snacks, a new set of skateboard wheels (to hopefully get him out of his room since the snow is basically gone more), a little sketchbook with a couple pens from the brand he likes, and a gift card to an arcade not far from his place (the only thing I paid for besides the wheels).

Getting to the apartment, I've never dealt with a locked door in my life (thanks to my dad), so it was easy to get into the building.

I did knock on the apartment door out of respect. But after a minute with nobody coming to the door, I let myself in because if Percy was home, he might've been in the shower or taking a  nap or something. The least I could do is make sure he's alive and drop off the care package before finding another way to waste my day away.

"Percy?" I called out, slipping my shoes off and walking in to the apartment. I couldn't hear any running water, so he wasn't showering or in the bathroom, more than likely. "Are you home?"

Something fell from one of the bedrooms.

"Percy?" I asked again, walking through the living room and into the hallway. "Sorry to swing by unannounced, but I thought you might—"

Turning to his bedroom, I found the person I was looking for.

Sitting at his desk with crumpled up papers, Percy was nearly silent as he sobbed; holding an open bottle of painkillers on one hand, his other hand over Riptides handle.

The blade was covered in blood.

The papers touching the sword had blood splotches on them.

His arms were bloody.

"Percy?" I whispered before realizing what was going on, dropping the care basket and rushing to the son of Poseidon. "Percy! Oh my gods, what's..." I took the pill bottle away from him, hoping it was still as full as it was before he grabbed it. Turning his chair to face me, I also pushed Riptide a little further away on the desk so it wasn't under his hand anymore. "Percy, hey, it's just me, it's just Travis. What's happening? What's going on?"

But it was too late.

Not to save him. Not to keep him alive. But to calm him down or talk to him sensibly...

The only thing I understood out of his lips over the next ten minutes was the word sorry. His sobs made everything else indiscernible.

And every time he apologized, it killed me a little more.

Until eventually, he stilled. Fell silent.

Here physically, but gone mentally.

"Percy?" I whispered, barely able to earn his attention. His eyes flickered to me, but quickly returned to Riptide, as he just... Looked. "Hey, I'm going to try and bandage you up, okay? Since I know you don't like taking ambrosia or nectar."

He pulled his arm away.

"Percy, please, you're bleeding." It was the first time I'd seen him so blatantly refuse assistance. "Even if it's not lethal, it's going to get all over your room. Your clothes."

The son of Poseidon uttered a response I couldn't manage.

"Hm?" I hummed in return.

"It doesn't matter." He said in a voice just hardly above a whisper. "I'm already two feet in the grave, right? It's fine."

I frowned, not just because of how blatantly he dismissed the situation at hand, but because I had no idea where this idea of having both feet in a grave came from.

"Percy, you're bleeding." I decided to take the most objective thing to lead with. "I don't know how it happened, okay, I wasn't here, but if you're bleeding you're not fine physically. So can I please help bandage you up so that way you don't get infected?"

Thinking for a moment, Percy looked at his arm, then at Riptide.

Mentally, I prepared myself to race to grab the magical sword because I could see the idea sitting in the back of his mind.

But then he looked in my direction and down before letting me see his arm, conceding defeat to life.

"Thank you." I said before very carefully taking his right arm and grabbing the gauze and bandage that is kept in the bottom drawer of his desk, in a regular first aid kit for instances like this.

He still flinched when I touched him. He was trembling— weak from blood loss and depleted energy levels.

The light behind his eyes was gone.

"See?" I said as I finished up his left arm. "It's not so bad. You did good—thank you for letting me bandage you. Do you need something to keep your hands busy so you don't try to scratch at your arms?"

He nodded.

Handing him his stuffed sea turtle, Percy took a big breath from the back of it's plush shell.

"Do you need to go to the hospital?" I asked. "Did you take any pills before I got here?"

This time, the son of Poseidon shook his head.

"Hey, that's good." I insisted, carefully placing a hand on his outer arm to try and comfort him. "I'm glad that you were able to restrain yourself, even if you were thinking about it. Can I ask if something happened to trigger this? You've been doing so good this last month, Percy. What's going on in that brain of yours?"

He shrugged.

"Grover finally called," he told me in a quiet, shaky voice. "And we... We argued and then we broke up and— because he..."

The son of Poseidon lost his voice.

"I'm already a walking corpse in almost everyone's eyes, so I don't get why... Why they won't just let me..." His chest caved. "I'm basically already dead to them, so why..."

"You— no, Percy, you're more alive than ever." I reminded the slightly younger demigod, running my hand along his arm. "A lot of people worry about you killing yourself, sure, because you have depression and you've had a really hard year. But you're still alive. You're still here, and you'll be here for as long as the Fates want you here."

He scoffed.

"Yeah, another year and a half. They basically made me a ticking time bomb."

"Hey," I interjected, because I've known about the prophecy for quite a while now. Standing, my movement was able to get him to look up at me. "Nobody knows that for sure, Percy. We can speculate all we want, and maybe it doesn't hurt that any of us have our wills written with our average life expectancy, but if I've learned anything growing up at Camp, it's that we shouldn't assume the words of Delphi. The line linking it to your sixteenth birthday— it it's even yours and not like, Jason or Nico's— is not the same line as the one saying that a hero soul will be reaped. And," I added on. "It doesn't say anywhere that the sixteen year old child of the Big Three is the hero. Right?"

The black haired boy nodded.

"You are still more alive than ever, Percy." I promised him, wishing that I'd be able to give him a kiss, but knowing it was one of the worst things I could probably do right now. "And you are going to live for as long as the Fates see fit— which, based on your last few quests and attempts, is a long time because they wouldn't let you die yet."

The idea scared him, though. He was skeptical.

"It's not your time, Percy." I said with finality. "I know you're struggling. I know your depression is kicking your ass, and I know that break ups suck. But it's not your time. If it was your time, I wouldn't have anybody to beat me in Uno or show me cool movies or allow me to escape the insanity of camp right now. You're not replaceable, you know."

The son of Poseidon shrugged.

"You and Rachel could hang out."

"And do what? Be sad that you're not there? We need you, Percy." And I knew how suspicious it sounded. How risky it was to say out loud.

But it was important because he is important. To me, at least. And I don't know if I've made that clear enough.

After all, I've been afraid of him realizing that I still liked him— that I never stopped liking him. Because of how bad our falling out was... I didn't want to scare him.

I wanted him to know that I've changed since that argument. That I feel awful about the things I said— not just by telling him (which I have), but by showing him that I don't think of him as this walking eventuality of suicide anymore.

He's so much more than that, and I've learned that. And he knew that, when we broke up.

But now I'm worried that he's forgotten.

"I need you." I confessed. "Okay? You're my closest friend, Percy. I don't know what I would do if you died in any capacity— whether it be a monster attack or suicide or getting killed in battle... I would be lost. Sure, I might meet other people, but they're not you."

Percy's expression as he looked up at me was mystified, but I think it was having a effect, so I kept talking.

"You are so much more than the inevitable." I reminded him. "Okay? We're all going to die eventually. And I know that I've said shitty fucking things in the past, and I know that I've apologized for them, but I'm still so sorry that I was so scared of losing you that I resorted to trying to keep you at camp for one of the shittiest ways I could've done— you are so much more than this," I gingerly placed a hand on top of his bandages. "And you always have been, and you always will be. You're an amazing skater, you're a really good artist, you can make a mean chocolate chip cookie, and you always have the perfect show or movie for me to watch to make up for all the time I've been at camp. You have a bleeding heart of gold, and in a few months, you're going to be the best big brother there is. You're already an amazing friend, after all, and that's half of the job of being a brother. The other half is being mortal enemies, of course."

He smiled, and I restrained myself from pointing out how much I liked his smile.

"Careful, Travis, or you're going to make it sound like you like me."

And yeah, it's embarrassing to admit. It made me worry about what would happen with our friendship, because right now, that's what was important to me. That I can him in my life in literally any friendly capacity.

But for his self esteem and for his mental health, I think he needed to know.

So it scared me, but I said it anyways.

"Would that be so bad?" I questioned, earning his full attention again. "If I never stopped? You make it awfully hard not to like you, after all. Not that..."

I let out a breath.

"I'm okay with just being friends." I insisted, hoping he believed me. "We had a bad falling out, and I know that I said some really shitty things and I've apologized because I am sorry and I feel awful, and I... I hope that you can see that I don't think of you like that anymore— like this eventuality that is coming sooner than later, because you are so much more than that, and I can't state that enough, but... You needed a friend this winter, and I knew that that's all it was, and I'm okay with it. Eventually my feelings will go from this weird mix of romantic and platonic to just platonic. Probably. I'm just glad that you don't hate me, honestly. That we can still hang out because you're important to me and I'm okay with meeting you wherever you're comfortable being as friends or... Whatever."

"But..." Percy seemed to consider his words as he held my heart in his hands, and I think he knew that this time. "But all I've done is prove you right, Travis."

I frowned, confused.

"Travis, since we've broken up, I've tried to kill myself no less than half a dozen times." He explained— a statistic I hated to hear. "You're right, I am more than a walking manifestation of depression and anxiety. Barely, and sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but I am. But your concern was also... Valid."

He paused.

"I wish you wouldn't have tried to use it to keep me at camp." The son of Poseidon insisted, which was totally fair. "But had it been a reason to make sure I'd send you an IM sometime during the week or to mail you a postcard, I probably wouldn't have blown up like I did. I just..."

Percy looked down at his arms.

"I'm tired of everyone treating me like I already have one foot in the grave." He admitted. "And I know that I don't give them a good reason not to— I have a horrible track record. But I'm... I'm alive. And to see my dad or Mr. D look at me like they're already mourning losing me, or like..."

The son of Poseidon sighed.

"I broke up with Grover because he was already starting to check out of our relationship because, in his eyes, I'll be dead in a year and a half." And because of how distraught he'd been, I was a little surprised to hear that Percy ended things. "He said that what we had was temporary. That we had at most a year and a half, and I reminded him that we didn't know that. That the prophecy doesn't have to mean that, and he... Thinks it does. I couldn't change his mind, so..." He shrugged. "I don't want to be with somebody who thinks I'm already dead when I spend most of my time trying to convince myself to stay alive, so I told him that I couldn't be his boyfriend anymore. Which sucks, because I know he means well, but..."

One last time, he shrugged.

"I need somebody who can be here physically, and who doesn't think I'm already half way into my grave." It was promising, but I didn't let myself hope for anything. "If I even need somebody right now— I mean, friends. But... You know what I mean."

"You need time to move on." I agreed, Percy nodding. "Be single. Hang out with your friends."

He smiled.

"Yeah." He said, then nudged me. "But maybe this summer, if I'm in a headspace where my therapist wouldn't give me a disappointed look if I tell her about it, we can go out on a date."

This news, of course, had my attention.

"Percy..." I began with a small smile. "That's so sweet, but you don't have to say that for my sake."

"No, I... I know." He insisted, uncurling himself a little from the ball he'd been in. Relaxing. "But that doesn't change the fact that you're still the like, sweetest guy I know. Oh, and you're cute, and I would ask you out right now, but..." Percy exhaled. "I think I need to be single for a little bit first. To just... Take it slow. If that's okay."

I smiled, squeezing his upper arm.

"I'll meet you wherever you need me to." I repeated my earlier statement. "I have something for you."

Suspicious, Percy raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Walking back to his doorframe, I grabbed the care package that I had dropped when I'd walked in and realized that I had to talk him off of a mental cliff.

I handed the little bag to him.

"I uh... Heard about the breakup." I told the son of Poseidon, who's expression melted when he saw the bag. "From Thalia, before I came over. And I mean, I was planning on stopping by anyways since I was in the city, but... I thought that you could use a pick me up, so I stopped at a few stores on my way."

Looking through the items, Percy slowly broke out into a smile that I was happy to see, because I could tell it was genuine.

"I'm not sure if you use hard or jelly wheels, so sorry if they're not the right ones, but—"

He pulled me into a hug.

"They're the right kind," Percy reassured me, burying his head into my shoulder. "Thank you."

Smiling, I returned the hug.

"Anytime, Percy."

•••
🫣 y'all still trust me right?