I just need to get this off my chest so I hope I can just vent ;;;;

So um this past weekend I went on vacation with my parents, sister, cousin, my cousins mom, and my cousins sister.

And lemme just get this aside, my cousin is gay and she's very open about it. Her family (well our family?) accepts her despite that. Though my dad isn't very fond of her being gay though he doesn't hate her (even tho he jokes about not liking her)

My mom accepts and loves her a whole lot despite that. Hell, my sister came out as pan and I think my parents don't understand it, they (I think mostly mom) accepted her. Meanwhile, I'm labeled as the 'straight cousin/sister'

And really...im not. I can't be open about my sexuality because of that label I've been given. Maybe that's why I'm making this but um yeah, I'm bisexual.

And during the trip, I was talking to my dad while we were waiting for the others to get done shopping and we were talking about what we saw the most. And I said, "There's a lot of pride stuff" and my dad looked at me like what did it mean and I told him that it was practically gay stuff. Then he asked me if I was gay and knowing him I had to say no without explanation. He then told me practically never be gay and just be me. Then we went I to another shop and pointed out more gay stuff and he walked by and said he was disappointed in me.

Even tho I'm bi, he tells me to be me. When I can't. I'm terrified of not being accepted and terrified of being rejected. I'm so scared to actually come out and I know I won't be able to for a long time.

I'm sure knowing dad he was joking but...i really hope he was...i don't want to he rejected by him. I won't have to worry about mom but I will have to worry about dad.

God I have no clue where I was going with this but um yeah

S sorry for ranting--;;;;;

I'm not even sure if I want to post this but maybe eventually