"Come on, you need your balance for this one. It's the biggest, strongest and most aggressive bull of the planet!" Benjamin squeezed his legs around the wooden horse, pulled the reigns and narrowed his eyes as he stared at the cow next to him. "Don't worry, I got this."

"Benji.."

"Come on! Come on! Catch him!" Benjamin ignored me, swung his lasso around and caught the cow within one try. He beamed, pulled the rope so the wooden cow couldn't go anywhere and took off his hat, bowing down.

"Benjamin."

"Beniamino Matteo Teddy Malin is the winner-"

"Benjamin!"

"What?" He looked at me, irritated.

I raised my eyebrows, kept looking at him until he looked away. "Watch the attitude. I'm talking to you and I want you to answer."

Sliding off his horse, he loosened the rope, which suffocated the wooden cow. "I said no!" He exasperatedly threw his hands in the air, hanging his cowboy hat on the wooden ear of the horse, so it wouldn't get dirty if it were to lay on the ground. "No is no, Papà."

Yeah. We taught him that. But I was still his father. He was only eleven.

"I think it's better for you and me both, campione." I kept my voice low on purpose, tried to make it seem like an open option, even when I thought it was truly needed.

With his feet placed upon the horse, he stood up, hovering over me as he swung his lasso around. "I don't need play therapy. I can play totally fine, can't you see?"

"That's not what it is." I smiled a little by his innocence, but it was wiped off my face the moment he glared at me. "Benjamin, it's okay to take on a helping hand. It's normal that you can't do it alone-"

"Then why don't you get play therapy. I don't want it. I'm fine."

Children don't want to play with you anymore because of your behaviour. You're losing your best friend Nolan. You sleep so awfully much. The attraction to food is getting obsessive. He wasn't okay. But it felt unfair to confront him with these things. In some ways, I felt the need to protect him from the evil world, still. He was only a child, thus he didn't do those things on purpose. "Amore, I want you to go."

"I said no! You said no is no, no matter what and I'm saying no and you won't listen. Please, Papà, I don't want to do that." He started crying. He always did when he was frustrated. Feeling helpless. It was a frustrating thing. When asked for your opinion, but no one was willing to actually listen.

Perhaps, I hadn't thought the situation through. He was playing, it wasn't the right time to ask him about such thing. My heart felt heavy. I turned around and went back inside, leaving him alone. I felt helpless, wished Aurora was here. Wished Salomé was here.

Salomé wanted to go by train today. It took her back to the days where she was little, travelled with her parents through England. The better days, she would call them. She'd felt the need to experience it again. The sound of the train doors closing. The cracky voice announcing where to next. The people reading, scrolling on their phones, talking to children. Because my mind was still hazy and chaotic, I had agreed and sat down, wondering where she was.

It wasn't until the second stop that she stepped inside. I felt myself becoming warm when I saw her and she smiled at me. I gave her a small smile back as she sat across me. She loosened her scarf and beret. I gazed at the tiny freckle on the tip of her nose. Why did I feel attracted to her?

Was it because of last night? The deep conversations we'd had, even when she hadn't reached the deepest of depth in my life? I hadn't spoken about what had happened between me and Aurora, and no matter how much I liked to keep it that way, it also made me feel trapped inside my own body. Made me feel like I was building a bridge over waters, but was taking too slow and could have, should have been finished weeks ago.

Despite all that, we both had shown emotions and without realising, other parts of ourselves had softly and gently attached to each other. Parts that couldn't be erased, easily. I felt myself becoming timid. It reminded me of the first time I saw Aurora.

I looked down at my hands, hadn't spoken a word. Didn't know what to say. I felt self-aware, and I disliked it. I had grown a lot through the years, but at certain times, the old, but true inner me liked to appear.

"Morning, Zev." Salomé handed me a coffee-to-go cup, wrapping her hands around her own. "Thought you'd like some coffee on a cold morning like this one."

"Thanks." I gave her a soft smile, thankfully took a sip. "This is good." I let out a satisfied breath.

"Thought so." Her lips curled into a smile. We remained silent for a moment, and I wondered if her thoughts were with last night. She must have wondered why I came over to her house. Truth was, I wondered that too. I wasn't sure if I had acted out of emotions or had thought rationally.

My mind was entangled, I loved Aurora. I missed Aurora. And yet, I needed Salomé's presence now that Aurora wasn't here. My smile faded, I stared out of the window as the train drove faster and faster. The nearby flowers and grass became blurry, a great representation of my thoughts and feelings. How could I love Aurora and start feelings for another woman at the same time? Was that even possible, or was I processing my hurt and grief in a wrong way, by seeking comfort in another woman?

"I spoke to my father last night on the phone."

I looked up, feeling hazy. After a brief moment, it all landed. "He contacted you?"

"Yeah." She let out a sigh. "He asked how I was doing and all that. He's planning to visit England soon."

"You excited?"

"Of course." Salomé held the coffee cup to her mouth and blew off the steam. "He's in Uganda now." Salomé looked at me as if she said something I needed to understand right at this moment. I didn't.

"Uganda.. Davu.. Gloria." Salomé smiled a little, tucked her hair behind her ear. "I see a possibility. My dad can find stuff out, if needed."

"Oh!" My voice came out louder than I had wished for it to be. People glanced at me, I gave them an apologetic smile. I cleared my throat. "That's actually a good thing. I wonder if we can get something out of him today."

"Well, at least Daniel is the police officer today."

Right. Daniel.

The rest of the trip remained fairly quiet, with Salomé pointing things out occasionally. The many thoughts I had today led to me swallowing down my tongue- I couldn't speak, didn't know what to say. Salomé didn't seem to notice, or if she did, didn't mention anything about it, and I liked it that way.

When we had arrived at the right station, we got out and walked the remaining part of the route towards the prison, which was about five minutes. We threw our empty coffee cups away in a nearby trashcan, stuffed our hands into the pockets of our coats and arrived in silence.

After the pat down and emptying our pockets in front of one of the officers, he led us into the right room, where Daniel and Davu were already present. Daniel gave me a smile, and no matter how hurt I still was about his comment, I gave him a small smile back.

"Ms. Livingstone, Mr. Malin." Davu's eyes were wide, he watched our every move as we sat down across him. "Have you seen my little girl. How is she doing?"

"She's well, Davu." Salomé answered right away, laid her hand on top of his. "She misses you loads, but she's taken care of very well. Enough warm clothes and warm food, her own place to sleep but among others during the day."

Davu let silent tears fall, he nodded his head slowly. "She's in good hands." He wiped his face, gazed at us. "She deserves that. These hands.. they have not been good. Not to Gloria, never, but to others."

I observed him, wondered what he was trying to say. He wasn't able to formulate his thoughts into words last couple of times, I hoped today would be the day. I felt Daniels gaze on my face, but I avoided looking back. "Davu, the sitting is in a couple of weeks.." I started, stopping to try and collect my thoughts before I could put them into words. "What did you do, or didn't that caused you problems now?"

"When I married my wife Faith, yes?" Davu glanced at Daniel. It seemed like he didn't fully trust him yet, and with his past life and experiences, I could understand. Daniel hadn't uttered a word, just let us be. Which, for now, I appreciated. "We got no much money. We were hungry, oh every day.. there was a market. Sometimes I stole food, yes? To feed me and my wife. I could not get a job. They did not want me. Stealing food, I know it was not good. I am not supposed to take from others without consent. But what could I do."

"Faith got pregnant, little baby was growing in her belly. I stole more food, sometimes money, yes. Because when the baby was born.. Gloria.." Davu's eyes glazed with fresh tears. "She cried, she cried so much. She was hungry. We could not provide her of enough because we didn't have food. I have been bad to my wife. I keep stealing, even when.."

Salomé glanced at me. I reacted to her interaction with a glance back.

"What happened, then?" I asked.

It stayed quiet for a long time. Daniel whispered that there was not much time left. Davu's head hung low, he stared at the table with empty eyes. "Davu.. you know you can trust us, right?" Salomé reached for his hand again, gently laid hers on top of his. Davu held Salomé's hand tightly, looked her into the eyes.

"The God of all nations would have forgiven me, Salomé?"

"Yes, Davu." Salomé's expression turned sorrowful. "Yes, Davu. He has forgiven you. Long before you maybe even realised it."

Daniel reminded us of the time, to which I felt irritated, but kept it to myself knowing nor he or we could do anything about it. That was just the protocol we needed to keep in mind, especially now Daniel had organised this for us. I felt bad, glanced at him when he wasn't looking at me.

"Well.." Davu started crying, loud and desperate sobs leaving his mouth. Another officer opened the door and shot us a look with dark eyes. He didn't seem to trust the situation and I felt scared for Daniel.

"What's going on? Daniel, you know the protocol-"

"I've got it under control, Jackson. Don't worry about it."

"If we find out that you're helping-"

"I said I've got it under control, Jackson." Daniels' voice was loud and clear, but not harsh. I admired that from him.

With a mumbling under his breath, the other officer closed the door, only for it to open again to remind us of the time. Another irritation point for me. We were so close to the truth, yet so far away- something I couldn't get a grip on which was not something I could handle well.

"Davu, please, what happened?" Salomé whispered, looking into his eyes.

Davu squeezed onto Salomé's hands like it was his life. "Little baby who was hungry was Gloria. But other child.. was my first daughter. They took my wife away when I lay sleeping beside her in our little hut, because I had stolen. They abused her, so badly, that my daughter passed away in her stomach."

My heart stopped beating for a long time, with my thoughts falling into my own past, old and deep pain.

Later that day, Teddy had organised a picnic with the church. Salomé had proposed for me to tag along with her, and as Benjamin wanted to play with other children, I had dropped him off first before picking her up.

The weather had cleared a little. The picnic would be held on the grass that surrounded the church building. Dew laid on the grass, still, but with many blankets it went just fine. Tables were set up with loads of food and drinks, from buns to sweets to soup and salads, there was plenty to feed everyone passing by.

With my thoughts still with Davu, I sat down onto one of the blankets, glancing around before allowing my eyes to fall on Salomé, who plopped down beside me. The children would be on the other side of the building, where the Sunday children service teachers would help them bake pizza's in mini pizzarettes and make their own fruit bowls. Benjamin had seemed excited about it, but I didn't know if he truly was. He didn't know I had went back home with the car to pick up Salomé.

Salomé chatted with several women from church, whom I'd known through them stopping by a lot of times after Aurora had passed. Some had the wrong intentions, making clear they wanted to be Benjamin's new mum and my spouse. I had bonjoured them away with the same speed as they'd come to my house.

I ate food and glanced around, not feeling the need to speak to so many people. I stared in the distance, my eyes landing onto the bushes- the fence between the normal life and the cemetery. I was so close to Aurora, and sat here with another woman. My thoughts were a whirlwind, so I excused myself from Salomé and threw myself in the easy life of the children.

Walking around the building, it didn't take long before my eyes landed onto the brown haired and lightly tan skinned child. He was by himself, glancing at the group of children, where Nolan was. I walked up to him, laid my hand in his neck. I startled him.

"Papà, what are you doing here?" He furrowed his eyebrows, whilst my eyes fell onto his plate. It was full of sweets and unhealthy things. I wondered why they fed the children with this all. Normally, I wouldn't have minded- he was a child after all, but since the obsessive behaviour with food became clear to me a couple of weeks ago, and he was gazing at the little cakes and desserts, I pulled him away from the table, over to where the other boys were sitting.

"That's enough, okay?" I pointed at his plate and kissed his cheek.

"Why are you coming here only to interfere with what I'm doing?"

Nice vocabulary. Not a nice tone. "I missed you, was only looking out for you, Campione."

Benjamin mumbled something under his breath and gazed at the group of boys, who were busy laughing and cracking jokes.

"Don't you want to sit with them?"

He didn't answer. I knew this meant he wanted to, but they gave him the impressions they didn't want him there. And with Nolan being free and confident around his friends, I could understand that he wasn't afraid of showing Benjamin he didn't want him there either.

"Can't I sit with you?" Benjamin whispered, his eyes wide, glazing with tears.

This wasn't like Benjamin. The loudest child in the group would be Benjamin- and not in a rude or annoying way- but because of his Italian roots. He'd always had friends- not many, but a few that stuck around through thick and thin, especially after Aurora had passed. "Benji.." Do you see what your behaviour causes? How could I tell him that without hurting him? From being pitied to being ignored. "Come on. You apologised to Nolan- what he does with that apology is up to him. Don't exclude yourself."

Reluctantly, Benjamin sat down near the group. Some boys greeted him, others, including Nolan, ignored him fully. I let out a deep breath, but felt relieved when he cracked a joke with Gloria.

When I returned to my blanket, Salomé was there, talking to Teddy. I sat down, my mind in the clouds as I kept thinking of Davu's story. About Gloria. About everything that had been occupying my mind for months now. I forgot to greet Teddy, and seeing he knew me better than anyone else, his eyes bored right through everything I was holding back.

His arm laid onto my shoulders, to which I looked up. "I think you need an evening out soon."

"Where to?"

"The corner house belonging to the Woods. Cappuccinos and cakes. Tempting?"

I gave him a small smile and let out a deep breath. I felt Salomé's gaze on my face. Hadn't she ever assumed about what could have happened?

Teddy left us two alone a moment after, when he got caught up in a conversation with another man. Salomé didn't bother making contact with anyone else for a while. Simply sat beside me, staring at our bare feet that touched the cold grass. "You care a lot about Gloria, don't you?"

Licking my chapped lips, I reached for a glass of lemonade, bringing it up to my mouth. "I do. I care about all of the children." Mostly, Benjamin. But did I ever show him that enough?

"What is that with Gloria, though?" Salomé wondered genuinely, stuffing a strawberry in her mouth. "I don't know if I see it right but.. Davu's story.."

I looked up at her, tried to swallow away my heavy emotions. "She's the daughter I never got to keep."

A puzzled expression appeared on her face, but I didn't bother elaborating anything.

For the words couldn't leave my mouth, even if I tried to.

•

A whirlwind of happenings, hopefully you liked the chapter :)

What do you think of Benjamins behaviour? Your opinions on him in general?

Salomé?

And what did Zev mean with his words about the daughter?

Love to hear your thoughts!!