Jackson -

It's one in the morning and I've been staring at the ceiling in my dingy hotel room imagining the designs on the white-grey speckled ceiling as Maggie and Nick. So many scenarios flow freely through my mind and I'm unable to stop them.

Maggie and Nick have a heart to heart while downing the last glass of wine. Maggie leans on him for support over a mutual hatred for the kind of dick I can be. They kiss all the while Maggie's eyes never leave mine.

I close my eyes and attempt to rid the delusion but it runs like a video in my mind, much clearer than the ceiling.

Nick hasn't known me forever, but I'm sure he's heard the rumors. TMZ and other news stations make it near impossible not to hear about my life. They shove information down onlookers' throats whether real or fictitious, it doesn't matter as long as it accumulates views.

I've been a pretty shitty person in the past and its no secret that when I came to America as a publisher I took advantage of being a British playboy. Women looked at me differently, it was as if being from a foreign country gave me power over them. I'm not proud of my past and I'm sure Nick knows he could easily poison Maggie against me.

In the ceiling, a scene plays out where Nick whispers in Maggie's ears while his eyes bore into mine.

"Women, booze, bets, publicity, secrets so many secrets" He so effortlessly poisons her mind and smiles viciously in my direction.

Fuck.

I have to get out of here. I quickly grab my leather jacket and slip on a pair of work boots. I'm out of the door so fast, it's seconds before the night chill is cooling my face.

I pause to take a few deep breaths and my hands grip my knees until my knuckles turn white.

All of the paranoia nonsense in my head is suffocating me and I can't catch my breath. She's too good for me and my subconscious knows it. How long before I lose the grip on her that I've so tightly wound.

I try my best to shield her from my chaotic world, the news and TMZ all talking about J. Porters mystery girl. I'm lucky she prefers a good book over television and doesn't care for cable. I'd rather her not learn any more about my past than she's already been burdened with.

"Jack? Are you okay?" A woman's soft voice breaks me from my self-degradation and I look up to a tiny blonde woman whose face I could never mistake even if I wanted to and believe me, I want to.

"Julie." I state simply, knowing tonight couldn't possibly get any worse.

"You look fucked up." She states the obvious. "And you look like you could use a drink."

"Not with you." I groan and lean against the nearest brick wall, crossing my arms.

"Well, it wasn't an invitation." She looks over her shoulder to three scantily dressed women eyeing us, possibly wondering why she's talking to a strange man outside of a cheap hotel.

"You guys go on without me, I'll catch up with you later," Julie calls over her shoulder and I stand up quickly to protest.

"No, absolutely not. You're leaving with your friends now." I refuse as politely as I can manage.

"Jack, I'm not hitting on you but I'm also not leaving you here in the street in the middle of a panic attack. I've seen you stressed before and honestly, you shouldn't even be alone right now. I won't take no for an answer, let's go."

Julie is surprisingly reasonable tonight, unlike any other time. She's usually a stuck up bitch with daddy's money and no care in the world. But despite the fact that I'm surprised, she's not coming up to my room and I'm damn sure that's what she's trying to do.

"You're not coming up." I state simply and there's no mistaking that I won't budge.

"Well my friends just took off, and I'm heading to that dive bar right down the street." She points to a small neon-lit bar down the street, about as run-down as this old hotel. "I know you're with Maggie now, you've both made that abundantly clear, I won't try anything I promise."

This respectful side of Julie is unheard of and I'm not sure if it's just one of her manipulative games or if she's genuinely concerned. Either way, I could use a drink and I'm not going back into that hotel tonight.

The scowl since I laid eyes on her hasn't left my mug but she doesn't seem to falter.

"You try any shady shit and I'm fucking gone." I say as I turn for the bar, leaving her trailing behind me attempting to catch up.

The bar is rusty, dimly lit and just the place I needed. I glance to the ceiling and see nothing but industrial-looking pipes and cobwebs, no visions of Maggie and Nick.

Good.

I grab a stool at the empty bar and Julie takes the seat next to me without an invitation.

"Two highballs of whiskey, I'll take mine on ice and he'll take his neat." Julie swings her stool so she's facing me now but I continue glaring at the colored bottles in front of me. "What is the term you'd always use? Oh, sorted." She mocks my accent with a grin.

"Fuck off." I spit in a callous tone but it doesn't phase her.

"What crawled up your ass and died? Did she finally wise up and dump your ass?" Julie smirks as the amber liquid is positioned in front of us.

"This was a mistake." I down the shot feeling the liquid burn my throat and a warm sensation spread through my chest. I stand and begin to exit but Julie stops me with the palm of her hand on my chest.

"Jack, I'm sorry." She hastily spits out and I see the concern combine with pain in her emerald eyes.

I stop in my tracks, realizing I've never heard her apologize before. She never thinks she's wrong, instead of an apology it always, 'Come on, quit being such a pussy.' The words sound foreign coming from her mouth and I instantly wonder what's gotten into her.

Before I can put much thought into my actions I've sat back down beside her and signaled for another round.

We sit in silence until another shot of amber liquid is placed in front of us and we both down the second glass. My body begins to vibrate with warmth and I recognize the tipsy feeling which has always offered me solace before.

"What's gotten into you?" I find myself asking, although, I'm not certain I give a fuck in the first place.

"I met someone." She whispers into her glass before she takes one of the ice cubes into her mouth.

"I'm sure you've met plenty of men." I growl, already irritated with this conversation.

She was easily the biggest slag I've ever met and that's saying something, considering I've been with my share of eager women and then some. She passed herself along our group sleeping with all the men except Christian, but she always came back to me.

I'm disgusted by the memories that threaten to reappear in my mind. I'd give anything to be thinking of Maggie and Nick right now rather than old memories of Julie.

She seems to notice me cringing and speaks up. "Look I know I'm a mess, but I met someone for real this time. He lives here in Seattle and he's incredible, treats me like a queen even though I don't deserve it."

Who the fuck is this woman next to me? I glance quickly in her direction in disbelief. Certainly, it's not the same woman who tried to get me to fuck her in the stall of a night club the night I met Maggie, only to get rejected and settle with Alex.

"When did you grow a conscience?" My curiosity gets the better of me and I can't help but get sucked into this pointless conversation.

"Since I met Allen." She says as she signals to the bartender for another round. "I attempted to seduce him but it didn't work. When he denied me I tried to push him away like I eventually do all men, but he persisted. He said he wanted to take me on a proper date and I gave in, the rest is history."

Another round is placed before us as she continues. "He's a good man, great even, but he doesn't really know me."

I let out a harsh laugh and down another shot. "So you're afraid when he eventually learns of your whore past he'll realize he made a mistake."

The harsh words slip from my mouth before I can stop them and I see their effect take place immediately. Julie cringes and starts sipping on her whiskey, taking it slow. I'm actually starting to pity her. What the fuck is going on?

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I suppose we're in a similar situation and it's fucking ironic." The alcohol is beginning to fuck with my head and I'm starting to feel like she might not be as bad as I've painted her in my mind.

Julie's eyes don't leave her glass but her lips turn up in a smile before she downs the rest.

HOURS HAVE FLOWN BY and our conversation has turned to small talk. Julie has slowed her drinking but I've had a few more than I originally planned and the conversation surprisingly hasn't grown stale once.

The warm fuzzy sensation has passed and now familiar dizziness has washed over me. I know this feeling well, I'm bloody hammered.

In the past, I've ended many nights searching the bottom of a bottle for comfort. However, since I've been with Maggie I haven't turned to drink once. I've been so concerned with disappointing her that I've steered clear of substances that might muddle my mind.

"Maggie deserves better." I slur.

"Yep." She just agrees.

"Nick is better." I think I mumble, but I can't be sure.

Wait, do I mean that?

"So are you giving up on the idea of Maggie then?" The blonde girl next to me asks. I squint to examine her face and realize it's still Julie.

My mind is muddled and I can't think straight, so when her hand grazes my leg I can't be sure it's actually happened.

"Fuck off, of course not. I'll never give up. Not until she tells me it's over, and even then- maybe-" The room is spinning and I can't finish my sentence.

Fuck.

It's been a while since I've been this battered and I think I've forgotten how to handle my liquor. I feel around my trousers for my phone to call Maggie but come up empty.

Fuck.

My phone is still in the hotel room, I never picked it up after I chucked it at the wall. I'm not even sure it will power on.

"You really think we could live up to their expectations? Why not just give up this silly battle against your evil side and we can just settle for each other. I'd never ask you to change for me."

Thoughts run heavily through my mind as Julie leans deeper into me, pressing her warm lips to mine. I'm caught off guard, but the second our mouths touch I jump backward, causing my barstool to swivel in a circle before I fall to the floor.

"Closing time." The old man bartender states and Julie's hand reaches for me attempting to guide me out.

"Keep your hands to your bloody self." I deny her hand and stumble to the exit. "Are you havin' a laugh?"

"Wow your accent sure comes out thick when you're drunk." She laughs as if she didn't just bloody come on to me.

"Did you mean for this to happen? You saw that I was a bloody mess and thought it would be a good idea to fuck with my head, huh?" We're in the street now with my back to the hotel and I'm piss drunk trying to express my anger but the words are coming out fucked.

Could she really have known what I was going through, enough to create a like-minded story to lull me into thinking she was over me? I thought just maybe someone else was dealing with my same doubt of self-worth.

"You're overreacting." Julie rolls her eyes and places a hand on her hip.

"What's his name?" The words come out more like 'Whas him name?' and she stares at me blankly while I try again.

"What's his name?" This time I'm clear and precise with my words.

"What?" Julie starts to panic and I know I've hit my mark.

"This man you've fallen for, what's his fuck-ing name?" My words are annunciated perfectly and I know there's no mistaking my question.

She hesitates before she timidly responds, "Adam." I know for a fact the name she originally gave me was Allen because I remember thinking, 'What the fuck kind of name is that for a young bloke?'

"You're a bloody mind fuck, you know that? Stay the fuck away from me and Maggie." Disgust lines my face with my final words of goodbye. I march back to the hotel leaving her standing alone, but not before she gets her last few words in.

"You're always going to feel like you're not good enough with her. Remember I said that."

Rage fills my chest and the numbness from the whiskey begins to burn off as I make my way back to my room.