For someone, I was just a stranger
Thou considered me one,
I was a dreamer once,
Thee' touch made me feel alive

Doesn't matter anymore,
Because there's only warm flow,
Of that dream, of that aspirin.
Because this time many things got buried at once!

He wasn't just a human,
He was a joy of thy'
Alas! There is only hues
& Cries!

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❝ They think I am a saviour but they didn't know I was a killer of many dreams! ❞

Have you ever felt like something you got, at the same time you didn't? Doesn't matter, if you didn't.

Saviour. . . Yeah! That's what they call me. But I don't know what I actually am?

There's a huge line in the telephone section. Why wouldn't it be? After all, we get a rare chance to talk on our own, the people we love?

Everyone has anticipated that moment. Just one call. Nobody knows how much one call means to a military life. Yeah, that's how our life is supposed to be!

"Hey, Axel! Man, you got ready to deploy?" Jimin asked.

I just shrugged it off. There's nothing to actually prepare for. Every time there's a deployment, we know we just got closer to our end. But then again, if it means to save our nation, I guess we all are okay with it. And that's the oath we have taken when we wear the uniform.

"Jimin, have you talked with her?" I asked.

"Nah, actually. I don't wanna talk with her at the last moment. It just makes me feel more vulnerable. If I come back, then there will be a meeting. Otherwise I guess it would be a forever goodbye, he nonchalantly added. What about you? Have you talked with Hannah?" He asked.

"Yeah, she's just getting ready to see the doctor. It's her first trimester. She wished me luck!" I said.

"You must be happy, right?" Jimin asked.

"I am, it's a great feeling to be honest." I said. But still there's a void of something. I don't know why but it doesn't feel like any other time. I didn't wish to go & tell him about it. So, I have just ignored it for this time.

"Ready to go?" Aye, aye captain!

*******

"This place is cooler than we ought to be, don't you think guys?" said George.

"This place is currently under - 4° Celsius. So, it would definitely be cold," spoke another one.

I didn't want to be a part of their conversation. We just arrived at our destination. As for the source, there might be an attack tonight. But nothing is certain yet. And military life is full of uncertainty. You can't predict but just dodge the shooter.

I have just closed my eyes, thinking back about those times. A few years back, if someone would have asked me, how would I want life to be I wouldn't definitely choose this answer, to be honest.

A simple life, with some chaos but there will be the joy of a little bundle. Yes, that's what I wanted. Everything changed, when there was a sudden demise of my father.

My father was a navy captain! Proud, would just be underestimating. He was the idol of my life. Because of his constant deployment, I couldn't get to see him much. But whenever we got the time together, I have stolen those moments.

Back to the point, after his sudden demise as like any other family, my family was in hassle too. As a teen, maybe somewhere I got deprived of my path too.

A path— where it's actually not to be easy to come back. Nevertheless, long story short when life was knocking me down, I chose this path. Military life! At that time, my life solely needed guidelines. A life where discipline matters. My journey started from there.

"Come on, man! Let's sleep for a while. This was a long tiring day, I don't think my body can take it anymore," Shannon said.

Everyone laughed but agreed instantly. Besides, nobody knew if there would be any attack tonight. So, it's better if we take a rest now.

**********

It is nearly 4 am. Well, that's what the watch is saying. No matter what happens, I keep this watch with me. I feel like, at least I should have a hold of something.

There's the noise of gun-fire. Everyone is instantly alarmed. We have a secret machine to get a hold of each other. It's needed in military life. Because we don't know when we would get lost from each other.

Kenneth is the first one to break the silence, since he's the captain of our tent. Besides, he always remains in a calm posture even though death is roaming around our head.

"It's time to get back together & fight back, grunts! It's to show the opposition, we can give & take lives for our nation."

"Yes, captain." Everyone said at the same time.

We got ready, and started to come out from our tent. It's freezing right here. There's hardly anything visible. We are used to it though'. These kinds of situations always make us tougher.

It's December, the winter season. Due to this, the situation isn't helping either. Nevertheless, we've taken our position.

There's gun-fire everywhere. When there's a sense of presence, we are told to shoot right there. After a half hour, bodies started to pile together. There's a smell of fresh blood.

Can't do anything there, because this is how it's supposed to be! My own uniform got bloody. I guess, the environment kinda got cool down. Because there's no hint of opposition.

I would have enjoyed our another victory moment, if I wouldn't have seen what I saw next. . . .

Jimin is filling his rifle, at that moment there is a target, waiting for him from the right corner. He is preoccupied with his bullets, he is hardly noticing. That's where everything gets wrong.

You should be always keen with your every move! I can't shout from there, since we are at the top, much above. So, there's a lack of air elements too. Each passthrough, it's becoming harder to breathe. We need to go back to our tent ASAP.

Right before I can get a hold, the shooter already aims his bullet & I push him away right there.

Isn't it so nice? If it were in a book, maybe it could be. But friends, we are in the military. It doesn't happen like that.

Maybe Jimin got saved, but the truth was there was fresh blood... maybe not about him. Everything starts to blurry, I can't even comprehend what Jimin is saying. I have just taken my rifle, and aim at the shooter. And there was the last gun-fire of this deployment.

Jimin is saying so many things but I hardly can notice anything. It wasn't the first time I have taken a bullet but I guess it's surely the last time.

How many of you have faced death before dying? I don't know about you. But there were a thousand times, when I have seen it with my eyes.

At this time, I can only focus on one thing. My bloody hands. Yeah, you are right. Yesterday, this hand was coloured with someone else's blood. Today, here's the same scenery. Only the difference is, it's mine.

I can hear the hues, cries of those people perfectly. Maybe because I am at their place right now. People say, we should remember our loved ones, before taking the last breath.

But I can't. Because how can I? I have taken the lives of so many others. I'm the killer of many dreams. Just like today, I have taken so many lives of other people.

People say, it's for the nation. But we forget the one who died, was a dear one too. Maybe their daughter is crying today in the same way, maybe my daughter would when she sees my grave.

Maybe today somewhere there's a wife, who is cursing me out. Because I am the one who snatched all the colors of her life.

Maybe, there's a mother whose arms are empty today. I can see it clearly today. Their whims, unheard cries, a pain that couldn't get described in words.

Thus, I am suffering just like them. They're right, when they say your every action comes back at you. Maybe this is why fate has played a cruel game. Maybe as a martyr, I am dying today. But so unfortunate is that I would never see my daughter. She will never get my love.

Just like them. A martyr or victorious, I don't know. But my tiring eyes are giving up now. I know, there's nothing much left. Just like them, I wanna close my eyes. Hence, I am just a culprit in their eyes.

With that painted red, a white sheet — someone is whispering into my eyes,

If you were a saviour,
then you are a murderer too.
Of that many desires, and many more inspirations.

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The original poem :

and as my god-like hands
draw closer to my soul,
every life that I stole-
come
whispering into my withering ears;

'you no soldier, you are not brave, you are no soldier, you are not brave
you are no soldier you are not brave
a monster in-'

pampered breaths,
roving eyes, broken lungs,
last breath, wind delivers her salve message; opaque reels on the ashen sky: my daughter's drooping eyes over a shrouded tricolour lie-
𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝙸 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏.

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Credit goes to __Carrots__

Elaboration :

Oh, well? How are you doing? Confused? Haha, let me clear the air then. I don't like to give any authors note. Since, I want the readers to get the context themselves, first. Since I don't really like to write anything randomly. So, there is a hidden context in every stories. If you get it, then it's nice. If you don't, it's alright too. :)

Today's case is different. If you're here, I am assuming you have already read  above the story. I don't know what really crossed in your mind while reading it? I would love to know.

I was anticipating to write something new. So, it was a mixture of two context.
(i) This story is based on __Carrots__ poem
(ii) a prompt.

So, I guess last year in December —a community was arranging a writing context. Their prompt was — "Innovative your way with your writing, show the world a villain's story. People only know the stories of heros! But what about our villains?"

For some reason, I couldn't write back at that time. So, yeah I was in a search of that kind of story. It was kinda vague in my mind. Then few days ago, I came across of __Carrots__ poem.

I was instantly intrigued by her poem. I was in awestruck with this poem. There's only one voice in my mind after that ----- I WANT THAT STORY!

Long story short, She gave me permission to write a story based on her poem. I'm grateful to her for that.
I could have shown her poem in the first, but a surprise is always intended to keep for the last, right? ;))

So, back to the story : At first, when you would/were reading, you might have thought this story was a mere trend just like others. Where a soldier gets died while saving his nation . . . .

Oh well, Pearl doesn't go with the usual, right? ;) I wanted a totally different story. Hence, This was a story of Axel who isn't just a soldier but a human too, just like any of us.

So, when he was having his last moments, he got remembered about those lives he had to take, in his military life. He was might be a hero to some, but he was a culprit of those daughters, mothers, wives. Wasn't he?

Because no matter what happens, their own one isn't alive because of him. A WAR! While, we don't realize the depth of it. But it's true, many lives got buried there. Some people died by getting shot, while some are living dead.

Yeah, those who are bound to go they go. But the ones who left, suffer most. Maybe today who's not living, was a son of someone, maybe he was a husband, a brother perhaps - a father too. But how many of us, see their grief?

Kudos to them, who are fighting for our protection. Braver the mother, wives who is giving their endless support to keep them at bay. We can't even acknowledge their tiny bit of stress. So, salute to them!

Thus, my point wasn't to showcase of a bravery of a soldier but give a glimpse of their hidden grief. Maybe in that way, Axel wasn't a hero actually but a mere human. Maybe those dying people was -

So, a war is a war indeed. It's not a war between two/three nations but an endless scheme of dying people.

If you are reading to the end, I am actually thankful to you now. A request, if you can then you may share your thoughts on it as well. 

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